It was strange how much things were snapping back into place as I felt better. How casual it was becoming, as if nothing had even happened. Maybe I was trying for that, I don't know. But I was focused hard now, my tongue slightly out of my mouth. Tetsu had his feet on the bed as he sat in his chair. I was laid there, my hand propped up my chin. In my other hand was a nail polish brush. I was painting Tetsu's toenails a matte dark blue color. He'd found the nail polish in my purse, and got excited about the color. How could I not paint him? So, here we were.

He was staring at me, just as focused. I just got finished with one foot, and blew on his nails to dry them. He'd giggled at his, because it tickled. I giggled with him, so full of pure joy. 

"Hmm," he said, his voice adorable. I looked up at his face. His bangs were making a beautiful wave on his forehead, parted in the middle. I could tell he'd just swept them back, and they'd settled back on his forehead. I was fascinated. He was smiling a little, clearly in thought.

"Hmm?" I asked, pausing in my work. 

"Hmm," he repeated. "How do I phrase it?"

I dipped the brush back into the nail polish bottle. He had my full attention. I sat up, my legs folded under me. He smiled so prettily at this. A distinctly feminine smile. I felt a blush go up in my face. I could tell my painting his nails was bringing out Aurelia in him. It filled my heart with gladness.

"You're so not like the other men I've dated. None of them would ever have dreamed of painting my nails. If I'd have asked, they'd have asked why in the world would I want to do that? They didn't like that my femininity extended beyond my stage persona, except for one guy who I'd rather not talk about. Ugh." He made an exaggerated shudder at this thought. "But, you understand it. I keep having to realize it over and over. You get it. You just...do. There's no big explanation to do. There's no big show of it. You just casually asked, 'can I paint your nails?' and that in itself is incredible."

I made a curious noise. He put his hands on the sides of his face, smiling more and looking to the side, his eyes so big in this. 

"Of course I want to paint your nails. You liked the nail polish color." I stared at him, understanding what he meant, but not understanding those men. "Why would I ever not want to paint your nails? You've painted mine, without me having to ask."

"I know. We just get each other. It's so strange. This connection we have. It's so easy, that I don't even think about it most of the time. But, I was thinking about it now as I watched you. How strange it is, but in a good way."

I knew what he meant. We did fit together like puzzle pieces in that regard. We were very the same. To me, it was so natural that I didn't really think about it ever. 

He continued on, still looking to the side, in thought, but not smiling now. "When I think about the difference. Take the last guy I dated, for example. The one who'd hit me."

I flinched. If that guy and I ever met, I'd probably be in jail. 

He went on. "If I ever even thought about coming home with painted toes, there'd be such consequences. I remember, one time, I forgot to take my makeup off after a show. I was so tired. My band members were so used to seeing me in makeup that they didn't tell me. I entered our apartment, and he saw me, and slammed me against the door and slapped me in the face, and I held my hands to my face like this-" He covered his face gently with his fingers, "-and I slid down the door, couldn't believe he'd done that. So, I cleaned my face off in the kitchen and he wouldn't be intimate with me as punishment." 

"Oh, sweetheart," I said, my eyebrows peaked in the middle, my heart was breaking at what he was saying. How could that happen? Who would treat him like that? "I would never. If you came home with your makeup on, it would be a dream come true for me. I'd meet you at the door with the biggest kiss you ever had."

He was smiling again. Were his eyes a little misty? I wanted to blow that mist away. "See, that's where you're different. I can't believe I endured all that, thinking that was love. I really wish you'd talked to me earlier." He stopped speaking, his eyes going big. He smiled to himself, still in thought. "I can't wish that."

"I wish I had, too. But I was so nervous. I didn't think you'd be interested in me."

He nodded. "And I think back then, I was in such a different place mentally, that I sadly don't think I would have. So, it's best that you messaged me when you did. Oh, I don't mean-" He waved his hand in front of his face, to stop me from speaking, but I was just listening. "I don't mean I wouldn't have been interested in you as a person. I just mean, mentally, I wouldn't have been ready for you. To be treated like you treat me."

We never really got to talk like this. He rarely opened up like this. He had my full attention. Did he feel vulnerable right now? What had done it? I wanted him to talk to me like this more. I wanted to grab on to this moment. 

He went on. "My self worth was really suffering. That last guy, he made me feel like I had to keep things from my family, because he made me feel ashamed. I was really actually ashamed of how he was treating me, and that I let him, but it took me years to realize that. But with you. You make me feel like I can breathe. I can show you off, and I'm so proud. You're like clean air."

"Oh, Tetsu." I sighed. 

He shook his head slowly, that feminine smile. He looked a bit shy. His smile really was so different now. Almost coy. "Call me Aurelia. Just for right now. Okay? I feel...closer to her right now. I don't know how to explain it. I know we're not two different people. But, I feel like... I don't know."

"My Aurelia." I was smiling now, hopeful. I was the one in thought now. "Hmm. You know, it's been so long since you've had the opportunity to dress up. I've been thinking about that. How you're not out with your family, so you can't dress."

He nodded, and he looked down at his lap, shy. "I know you've noticed. All of the gifts you gave me on Valentine's Day. This watch." He raised his wrist and put it down again, the face of the watch shining in the daylight coming in from the window. "That's why I've been thinking about it more. How you treat me. I can't believe I wasted all that time. Endured all that. When you've been here all along, following my story. I just wish we'd met earlier! But, it's so hard, because I know I wouldn't have been ready."

"To be honest, I don't think I would have been ready, either. There's definitely things I haven't told you." I looked down at my hands. 

"Like what?" He asked, curious. Even the way he was speaking, the way he was putting together his sentences, were different. It was a distinctly female way. Made my heart pinch, awakening and stirring parts of my sexuality that usually remained locked. I pressed my lips together at this. He looked in thought again, then looked at me. I was staring at his eyes. They were so lovely. I was definitely noticing his more feminine movements. 

"My past relationships."

His eyes went wide. "You haven't told me about those yet. I was waiting." So gentle. 

"You're not going to like it." Something in me was remembering. Things I didn't want to remember. For him to know would be a bombshell. Did I really want to tell him? I'd kept it hidden for a reason. I felt myself getting uncomfortable. 

I think maybe it showed on my face, because suddenly he was getting on the bed with me. 

His hands went to my face, cupping my face. He stared at me, leaned to me a little to be at my same height. Maybe I looked sadder than I meant to. My eyes descended between us. I couldn't look at him. 

"Ne," he said. Oh, his voice right now. So feminine. So light. So airy. "What's wrong? What happened?"

I felt my lip poke out. 

"Did someone hurt you?" He asked. "Do I need to beat someone up?"

I shook my head. I sighed. "There's a reason why Yami is so overprotective of me when it comes to relationships. It's not you."

"Huh?" He asked softly. Not expecting this. 

I usually made no indication that anything like this had ever happened to me. I covered it up pretty well. So, what I was about to say was going to blow up. I knew it. But, it had happened. I knew I couldn't keep it covered forever. I'd have to tell him eventually. But was this the right time? I wasn't ashamed. It wasn't anything like that. But...it was huge. It could change things. This is why I never told anyone. I didn't want them to treat me differently. 

"Don't treat me differently." 

He made a curious noise of concern. His hands were still on my cheeks. Holding me like that. His eyebrows peaked. "Why would I treat you differently?" The tone in the room had changed. I was filled with almost a dread. But why? I wasn't ashamed. But it was so heavy. I'd been painting his nails, and now...

He was staring at me with those lovely eyes. And I was about to tell him my worst fear. Which, I was sure, was now his worst fear. I saw it in his eyes every time I got sick. 

I made a long sigh. His eyebrows increased their peaks. I looked down, and then at his face.

"The last person I loved. She... She died." 

His mouth dropped open. His eyes were large. He froze. 

"In a...a traffic accident. A few years ago. So that's why..." I looked down at the space between us. "I know what it's like to lose someone I love. So, I keep saying, 'I'm the one who's doing all this horrible stuff to you', because I know what it's like to feel like you're losing somebody. I know exactly what I'm doing to you. How you might feel...a-...after... I know what it's like." 

Warmness. All around me. Tightness. I looked up, and realized he was hugging me. So tight. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, so quiet now. "I wouldn't have judged you. Why would I? That's- Oh, Sana... You're not..." He swallowed hard. "You're not doing 'horrible stuff' to me. Don't ever think that. How could you be horrible? Is that what you think?"

I nodded into his shoulder. 

"You're the most wonderful person in the world. And I bet your girlfriend was, too."

I just nodded again. My eyes were hot. Tears were filling them, I realized. An old hurt. 

He rubbed his cheek on mine. My heart sighed. "Please tell me about her. I want to know all about her. Please." 

"You're not jealous?" I asked, so quiet. 

"No. No-o, baby. I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous?" He looked at me face to face now. 

He was incredible. I didn't know what to say.

"What was her name?" He went on. "What was she like? If you don't want to tell me right now, that's okay. I just... I don't want you to ever feel like you can't tell me. I'm not jealous. I promise."

I looked downwards. "Yami was...jealous."

He closed his eyes, pressed them closed. I could tell it was an annoyed gesture. "Yami. The more I hear about him, the worse he gets." 

I nodded. I didn't know what to say about that. He hugged me again. So tight. "Will you tell me about her when you're ready? I really do want to know. Why did you wait so long to tell me? Is that why you wouldn't tell me about your past relationships? I've been curious."

I nodded into his shoulder, my lips pressed together in my mixed emotions. I was a little in shock that I'd said it out loud. 

"You've been so mysterious about that part of your life. Your love life. To know now that it was because of... Oh, Sana..." He sighed. 

I nodded, so in my shock that I could think of nothing else to say, except...

"Her name..." I said, so quiet I wasn't sure he'd heard it, "...was Annie."