I didn't want to wake up. I tried to stay within that dream I had last night, where Conor and I had our own apartment and spent all of our wake minutes together—where no one was thinking about the fact that I had to drive him to the airport tomorrow. That he has to get into that plane and fly for six hours to the other side of the fucking continent. But a repeated buzzing sound kept me from drifting back into that state of sleep where everything still seemed good. I knew it was one of our phones, but I couldn't determine if it was mine or Conor's. I sometimes hate reality.

I blinked my eyes open.

The sun shone through the windows onto Conor's arm wrapped around my waist. Okay, this part of my life I don't hate.And the thought of what we did last night pushed an unwanted smile on my face that probably would freak out anyone who saw it.

Another buzz right next to my head. Ugh, stop it, outside world.

More buzzes pushed my phone to the edge of my nightstand, almost as if it was forced to jump off the cliff if no one was soon to be looking at the incoming messages. Thanks to whoever thought calling and texting me was a good idea. I carefully reached my arm toward it, but Conor fastened his grip to keep me with him.

"Just another minute," he whispered. And he was right. Fuck reality. Fuck the outside world.

So I nudged the phone a bit back before slipping my arm under the comforter around his chest to bask in Conor's warmth. His hair was flattened, hanging over his forehead. But his skin looked so soft. His nose almost seemed tiny. Is it normal that I feel the urge to bite into it? He blinked his left eye open, watching me goggle at him.

"Take a picture. It'll last longer," he whispered.

He didn't have to tell me twice. I didn't go for it on Monday, but I will now. I pushed myself up, grabbed my phone, and opened the camera app with a swipe.

"No. Don't! I look terrible."

"I'll be the judge of that."

He covered his face with the comforter, only to pull it a bit down again to peek at me.

I hid my phone in the sheets, hoping that this would make him show me his entire face.

"You are the most beautiful man in the world," I said.

"Cool. Your mom doesn't need to buy cheese anymore. Because nothing will ever be cheesier than your last sentence."

With a laugh, he threw the comforter over his face as if this would save him from my incoming tickle attack. My hands searched for his body, and he wasn't hard to find in my small bed. But Conor decided not to go down without a fight. I used his wiggling to crawl under the comforter, too, tickling him everywhere I could reach. He screamed in laughter but immediately held his hand in front of his mouth so that we wouldn't draw too much attention from the other family members to us.

"Stop it!"

"Or what?"

He flipped me around (only because I let him, of course) and jumped onto me, pinning me down.

"Or I'll get my revenge."

"Yeah? I'm dying to see that."

Well, his revenge was stealing a kiss, followed by some heavy snuggling, with Conor lying on my chest so I could rub his back.

Another buzz tried to interrupt us again. Only this time, it came from further away.

"I guess that was mine," Conor said, not moving at all.

"Should we have a look at what's so important?"

"Nothing is more important than this."

But after even more buzzing, we both sighed and sat up. I searched the bed for where my phone had landed. (At the edge again, but Conor sitting on it saved it from falling.)

The clock on the home screen showed 9:52 and four messages plus a missed call from Milo.

hey, are you awake?

how about we all go to DC?

Leo and Will are up for it!

pick you guys up at noon?

I held my phone toward Conor, and he squinted his eyes, trying to read it, but I could see he had trouble.

"Need your glasses?"

Conor clenched his face as if this made him uncomfortable. I shoved my phone into his hands and turned toward my nightstand, searching for the glasses. But they weren't there. I lifted my head to widen the search and spotted them on the coffee table next to his phone. I jumped out of bed, marched over, and returned them to Conor. He wanted to grab them, but I pushed his hand down.

"Let me do my boyfriend's duty," I said, carefully positioning the frame over his ears and nose. His face turned slightly red, and… fuck, this made me weak.

"Careful, or you have to do this every day."

"I would love to do it every day. But for that, I would have to move to California, and I doubt my parents would love that idea."

"Or I would have to move in here," Conor said.

The sadness of this being the last full day we would spend together for a couple of months came over me again for a moment. No, fuck reality. Let's not ruin the day before it even starts.

"Well, one can dream," I replied and then held my phone in front of his face again. "What do you think about this?"

Conor squinted at the screen and then grabbed the phone to read the message. Before I knew it, he was typing something. I tried to snatch it out of his grip, but my attempt fell victim to his speed, followed by the sound of a message being sent.

Conor stuck out his tongue and handed me the phone to read what he had typed.

Sounds awesome. But only if I can bring my boyfriend.

Conor innocently smiled at me. The phone buzzed again with an answer from Milo.

You don't have to rub it in my face.

—

"So this will be like a long-distance thing?" Leo asked, followed by a couple of sighs and frowns from Milo and Will.

I pushed my view to the top of the Washington Monument. I just stared there, thinking we were also supposed to go up there soon—looking at the city, enjoying our time together. Not thinking about that question Leo had just asked and I had been dreading the whole time. Or about the fact that there weren't even twenty-four hours left.

"Don't ask stuff like this," Milo countered. His protectiveness of Conor had somehow swapped over and now included me and our relationship. Strangely, the guy who had avoided me for so long was now acting like my bodyguard.

"For now, yes," Conor answered, still smiling but also with a bit of sadness. "But one never knows what the future will bring."

I rubbed my eyes as if something was in there to hide that I felt like crying. Damn, I hate crying. I hate these stupid emotions. Why can't I just enjoy the moment?

"Can we please not focus on the fact that Conor will leave tomorrow?" Will interjected.

"I'm sorry. It's not like I enjoy them having to be long-distance." Leo defended himself.

"Yeah. But now we are here—all of us together. We should celebrate that," Will said.

"I second that," Conor replied. And for a moment, all of us nodded without saying anything.

The sun was already heating up the place well, but with today's wind, it was bearable. So it was not surprising that the meadow we sat in next to the monument was surprisingly crowded.

"So when are we going up there?" Leo asked and pointed to the monument.

Milo looked at the silver wristwatch his Dad got him for his last birthday. (How do I know? Well, after several more photo appointments with Tristan last night, we found time to chat again. And we talked about everything, even the watch. Milo wears it because he thinks the watch fits his style, but he hates that when he got it, his father said to him that he hopes he will be on time for his classes from now on.)

"It's still twenty-eight minutes."

"I think I'll go for one of those food trucks then." Leo jumped to his feet.

"You'll only get sick again," Milo said and pulled him back down. "I don't wanna see you puke again and be all miserable up there and on the way down."

"But I'm hungry."

"You will still be in half an hour! End of discussion."

Will and Conor couldn't hold back and burst out laughing.

"What?" Leo and Milo asked in unison.

"You behave like an old couple," said Will.

"With this dude? Never!" Leo yelled while Milo shouted simultaneously, "I'm gay, not desperate!"

While Leo and Milo got into a discussion about why they would never end up in a relationship (the number one argument was that Milo was not woman enough for Leo, while Leo wasn't man enough for Milo), Conor's phone rang. After a quick glance at the screen, he sat up and held it toward me. I could see the word 'Mom' above a picture of her and Conor on the Walk of Fame.

"Hi there," he answered the call and walked away far enough, so we couldn't hear what they were talking about but close enough for us to watch him walk around while talking.

"But for real, though," Leo said toward me, "if this long-distance thing ever makes you feel like it's killing you, talk to us." He and Will looked at me with reassuring faces. "We want this to work out for you two."

"We're rooting for you," Will added.

"Thank you, guys. That means a lot. It's still a year and a half until the end of high school. But maybe, once we graduate, we will have the chance to live in the same city again. And I mean, all of us."

"That would be awesome," said Will, and Leo nodded. "Do you have any plans on what to do after high school? Any of you?"

We all stared at each other, no one knowing who should answer first.

"Milo wants to become a pro boxer," Leo answered. "I'm sure about that."

"If only my father would stop having different plans for me. But yeah."

"I'd like to become a teacher," Will said.

"So you want to be hated by children?" Milo laughed.

But Leo didn't have it. He frowned at Milo's reaction.

"No. I want to be a teacher that inspires kids to be themselves," Will answered. Milo threw his arm behind his head and touched his shoulder as he realized his comment wasn't appropriate.

"I bet you would be an awesome teacher," Leo said. And Milo nodded.

"What about you, Ash?" Will asked.

I gazed at the grass, the sky, the Washington Monument, and Conor walking up and down the meadow while talking on the phone, but I still couldn't think of an answer.

"I don't know yet," I replied, glancing at Will. "I can't be a teacher. I'd get way too angry at the little brats if they got stuff wrong." I looked at Milo. "I thought about football, but… I don't know. I love it, and I want to keep playing. But as a job?" I shook my head. "I think… I'd just like to have a fun life. Honestly, I don't care about a job. I would do anything as long as it means I can be with… the people I like."

Will smiled, and Leo and Milo stared at me, not really knowing what to reply to that. I shrugged, and just at that moment, Conor returned to us.

"Hey, Conor, what do you want to become once you finish High School?" Will asked.

"Trophy Wife," Conor glanced at me before he burst out into laughter. "No, but for real. Something artistic, maybe? Acting is actually so much fun, even when it's so difficult to make a living with it." He sat down on the meadow next to me. "It honestly doesn't matter that much as long as I can be closer to you guys, so we don't have to wait for the holidays to visit each other."

A warm, soft wave overcame my body, knowing that I basically said the exact same thing before he came back.

"So Leo, what about you?" Milo asked.

"I want to be fat. So can I please get some food now?"

Milo almost jumped onto Leo to keep him from running to the food trucks. Everything about these guys felt so easy and light now.

This was what I wanted—being with all of them again. This was heaven. Almost.

I rubbed my eyes again as if I had an allergic reaction to the pollen flying around. Still, while the others were deep-talking about the pros and cons of eating something now, Conor noticed that I was hiding what was going on inside of me.

"What is it?"

I didn't want to say it, but I also didn't want it to slowly eat me up from the inside.

"If only you didn't have to leave tomorrow."