“Mama! Mama!” Interrupting the thoughts flowing through my mind, I look to the other side of the room, and see Sora running with a piece of paper in her hand. She waves it up and down over and over again as she makes her way to me, evading all the obstacles in her way with surprising agility. I look at her with a concerned face, fearing she will stumble somehow and hit her head on one of the long tables that fill the room.

It has been about thirty minutes since we left the lobby in our small group of people. After a long and boring speech about this place’s dedication to our kids’ well-being and whatnot, Ms. Principal assigned a different teacher to all groups to serve as guides, and saw us all off to the different rooms of the place. Ms. Alice was assigned to be the guide for our group today, now that she had finished her duties at the entrance, and thus is now roaming around the room, interacting with the kids now and there as they work on the first activity—drawing.

“Look! Look!” Sora jumps up and down excitedly as I crouch down to grab her paper. Turning it around, and the first thing I notice, in the very center of the page, are two stickmen holding hands with smiles on their faces. I raise my eyes a bit, and a small rectangular yellow house comes to view, with light blue windows, and a red roof in the form of a triangle. 

"How pretty! What did you draw?"

"This is Maaaaaama… and this is Sooooora, and this is home!" My girl starts pointing all over her piece of paper as she explains with sparkling eyes.  

"I love it! Can I keep it?"

"Ehehehe! Nn! Nn!" She nods without hesitation, and so I stand up and hug the paper close to my chest. 

…I'll make it into a family heirloom! For generations to come, the people of this household shall look at this work of art with awe and devotion! 

…Okay, no, but I do want to treasure it somehow. Maybe I'll frame it and hang it on the entrance wall to see every time we get home. I think that’d be nice. We don't have many visitors, so it'd be just for us, but that's fine. Just looking at it now, I just know that seeing it every morning will give me the strength to push through the day. Some might think I'm exaggerating, but… in my life, it has always been the smallest things that have brought me the most joy. And also…well, I would’ve liked it if my Mom had done that with any of the things I gave her since I was little. 

Urgh… toughen up, Sakura. This isn’t the time to be having mommy issues. Right now, you should just be praising Sora and thanking her for the gift. Seeing her expectant eyes, I gently pat her head for a few seconds before seeing her off. There she goes… I wonder what she's going to draw next.

"Hahaha! You must be very happy, Sakura!" Achilles, who has been besides me all this time, teases me with an entertained expression on his face. Did he maybe notice me grinning from ear to ear? 

"Can I see it?" he says as he turns his eyes toward the paper in my hand. Hmph! Who the hell do you think you are?! You dare think you deserve looking at my baby girl's drawing, huh?! You have a daughter yourself, why don't you go ask to see hers, huh?!

…Alright, jokes aside, he's probably just curious about it. Maybe. It could also be that he wants to compare it with Lily's when she finishes her own drawing. Like those people who are super good at a videogame, and invite you over to play it just to humiliate you. Could it be that Achilles has such a motive? …No, I shouldn't think like that; it's no good to be overly cynical. 

"Sure, you can see it. If you pay up." 

"Hahaha! So you want to keep it for yourself? Hahaha! Don't worry! I get it!" 

…I meant it as a joke. Although, well, it is true that I'd prefer to keep it to myself, rather than to go around showing it to everyone. So in that sense, it seems my naturally stiff face actually helped me for once.

"Daddy~!" Dashing through the chairs and tables, Lily approaches us at an incredible speed, coming to a stop only when crashing into her father's legs. …I really can't understand how Achilles can deal with such a lively child. I would probably be at my wits end by now if Sora was even half as energetic as Lily. Achilles, I feel I respect you a bit more now.

"Do you need something, daughter dearest?" 

...…Is there a need to be so dramatic? Like, look at Lily, dude! She's tilting her head to the side in confusion! Hm? Now she's looking at me with an expression that seems to ask me 'What's going on?' Sorry, kiddo, I have no idea, and to be honest, I'm done with trying to understand what your father's thinking. He's so unpredictable that it really scares the hell out of me.

"Erm… Daddy! Look, I made a drawing!" With a face of, 'Okay, whatever!' Lily shakes her head to the sides before handing over her drawing to her father. Achilles, excited and with his eyes sparking as if he was a kid in a theme park, receives the drawing and holds it high in the air.

"Woah! It's amazing! You're so talented!" …Okay, I get it. You want to show off, that's fine. Just… can't you keep it in moderation?  Like, isn't it a bit too much to start spinning like a ballerina? It must be, right? 'Cause Ms. Alice sure is looking in our direction as if she was seeing the most bizarre thing in the world.

"I really liked how you drew me! It looks so much like me! You must be destined to become an artist when you grow up!"

"Daddy…that's...a dog…"

"..."

"..."

"..." 

…P-P-P-Pffffffffft! D-D-Don't laugh, Sakura! Sure, he just made a fool out of himself, but that doesn't give me the right to laugh at him! It's the least I can do for how friendly he's been with someone like me up till now! Yup, yup. That's right! Let's be respectful…and escape to the other side of the room while I still can!

"W-Well, I'll go see how Sora's doing. I'll see you guys in a bit." With that, and after receiving an awkward nod from Achilles's end and a 'Bye, Sora's Mom!' from Lily, I moved away toward the center of the room.

There are four long tables filling the center of the room. Sora's on the one that's the furthest away from where I was standing, 'cause she said she wanted to surprise me with her drawing, and thus didn't want me to see it until it was finished.

I said I'd go see how she's doing, but… I don't want to bother her. Even from here, I can see that she is very concentrated on what she's doing, and I'd hate distracting her, even more so when she specifically told me to only see her drawings once she was done with them. But then… What should I do now? I can't go back to Achilles and Lily right now. Most other parents are laughing happily as they chat with one another, and I'd hate ruining their mood. Hmmm… how troubling.

"Ms. Saeki, may I have a minute of your time?" As if she was precisely waiting for this opportunity, Ms. Alice approaches me from the side with a conflicting expression. She's smiling, but she's averting her eyes from mine, and she's holding her hands together while her fingers fidget nervously.

...Why, though? 

"Ah, of course." Well…I'll probably find out what this is all about in a bit, and she also came at a pretty convenient time, so I lose nothing by talking to her. Ms. Alice moves toward the corner of the room opposite from where the parents are standing, and I follow behind her, standing at her left when we finally arrive. We look over the children as she seemingly finds the courage to start talking.

"Ms. Saeki, I…wanted to apologize for what happened at the entrance." 

"For what happened at the entrance…?"

"That's right. Both my behavior and my…reaction were severely disrespectful, and I am deeply sorry for that." 

…How…nice? I guess? I didn't really think she was offending me in some way; I mean, it was just the usual, and she was way more respectful than that old hag I saw at the lobby. So, I didn't really need her apology. It doesn't make me any happier to receive it, nor does it change the fact that it won't be the last time someone looks at me the way she did. And so that being the case, why bother apologizing to me?

Is it for her own peace of mind? To be on 'good terms' with me?

You temporarily lower your head to someone else in hopes that they forget your mistakes…honestly…at times like this, isn't it more selfish than anything to apologize? I'm not saying you shouldn't apologize when you do something wrong, it's just……haaaah. Forget it. I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore. I know, I'm pathetic.

Not even my thoughts are straight.

"No, no, please don't bow, Ms. Alice. I assure you, I didn't feel offended in any way, so there's no need for you to apologize for anything." I stop Ms. Alice's bow by moving my hands around in a dismissive manner. I feel nothing from her bowing, anyway. Rather, being treated with such respect makes me kind of uncomfortable.

"No, no. I would like to apologize regardless. Even if you didn't feel offended, Ms. Saeki, that doesn't forgive the fact that I acted inappropriately." Well…at least it looks like she's sincere. I guess that's something…right?

"Well, in that case, I'll accept your apology."

"Thank you, I really appreciate it." She breathes a sigh of relief as she straightens her back. I flash a friendly smile at her before turning my attention back to Sora. 

"..."

"..." 

...What an awkward silence.

"...May I ask you a question, Ms. Saeki?" 

...Urgh, I did say it was awkward, but that doesn't mean I wanted you to break it, y'know?

"...To be honest, I don’t think I’d feel very comfortable with you doing so." I don't take my eyes off of Sora as I speak, but I notice Ms. Alice is staring at me from my right.

"...I see."

"You know, Ms. Alice, I originally came here only to drop off my daughter. That was it. But then, when we parents were invited to come in, my goal changed to watching her on her first day of formal schooling: to watch her make friends, to run around, to learn things… overall, just to see her have fun in an environment that's different than usual." As I speak, Sora notices me looking at her from a distance. She seems a bit confused at first, but after a few seconds, she smiles and waves at me nonetheless. I wave back at her only with my fingers, bending them up and down as if I was wearing gloves.

"It was never—and still isn't—in my plans, Ms. Alice, to allow strangers to delve into my personal life for the sake of their curiosity." I didn't have a problem with people asking me about my life four years ago. Rather, I was eager to have people ask me about myself; to have them ask me about my hobbies, or my tastes, or what I do in my daily life… having people ask me such things made me feel like…I was important to someone. It was a stupid notion that the naive me had back then.

But I've learned something in these past four years of my life: that most people won’t look at you unless you don’t tingle the curiosity of their cold, selfish, and arrogant human heart. Being plain and boring, growing up I wasn't what you'd call the ‘popular’ girl, or the 'cool' girl, or the 'school beauty' that everybody was jealous of. 

I was…well, me. 

The girl who sat in the corner all day, and said nothing to no one. The girl who's only past-time was doing homework, or reading books in silence. The girl who was only valued when someone needed a favor. And so, being me, nobody paid any real attention to me. It was a quiet life back then… and… I kind of miss it, if I’m completely honest. Sure, there weren't many people interested in me, but at least, those who were weren't of the type who approach me now: assholes who most of the time just want to satisfy their curiosity when they see me with a kid. Friends of my late mother that recognize me on the street, old acquaintances that I coincidentally find at the supermarket, strangers that only want to turn me into a laughing stock… all they see when they look at me is something weird—a thing that tingles the curiosity of the human heart.  

"And so, I would greatly appreciate it if you could respect my privacy." 

"...I…understand, Ms. Saeki. I'm sorry, I overstepped my boundaries and made you uncomfortable." C’mon, why is it that whenever I want to draw a quite reasonable line with people, they always end up looking at me as if I was some sort of villain? They all lower their heads and turn away with seemingly tearing eyes, which is kind of pathetic, if you ask me.

"Don't worry about it, Ms. Alice. I'm sorry if I came across as disrespectful; I can assure you that wasn't my intention."

"No, not at all. I completely understand where you're coming from." That’s good, I think as I notice Sora standing up from her seat once again, running in my direction with a paper in hand. This is it, she is the reason why I don’t snap at all these nosy idiots. Sora has no idea just how much she has changed the life of this plain boring girl who was an expert at staying silent. And I’m actually pretty surprised at how much someone can change from a single event. I wouldn’t even be here right now if it wasn’t for her, and when I think of it like that…I don’t think it was that bad to be the socially awkward and naive girl I was back then. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change even a single thing of my past…

“Mamaaaa~!” I smile as her voice reaches my ear.

…‘cause every single one of the stupid, idiotic, and ignorant things I’ve ever done are… what have led me to being your mother.

Afterword:

Sooooo, yeah. Short chapter, but I liked quite a lot how it turned out. I’m sorry for not uploading last week. I didn’t have much time to write, because a stupid idea got into my head, and I just couldn’t get it out. It got so bad that I actually carried on with it for once! Look!

Yup! 

I, with little to no experience in drawing and illustration, decided to take a shot at drawing Sakura! I know it could be much better, but I don’t think it’s too bad for my first illustration ever, what do you think? It’s certainly missing some things, like the details in the clothes and the bedsheets, but overall, I personally think I did a pretty decent job… Well, at least that’s what I need to tell myself so I don’t think that the hours invested on it last week were for nothing (yup, I’m a weak-hearted idiot). 

Doing it took quite a lot of time, I’ll let you know, because it wasn’t just the time drawing and the coloring, there was also all the time it took to search for tutorials on anatomy, hair, and shading (and oh boy, do I hate shading with all my heart ♡), and to practice for each one. Anyway, that’s the reason why I didn’t upload the chapter last week. I'm not trying to make an excuse, I just hope that you can forgive me. 

For the next time I draw (if I ever gain the courage to do it again) I would like to have an illustration of Sora by herself. Maybe I’ll try to plan a bit ahead of the chapters so that it can be related to the chapter content in some way, like how real light novels work. Then again, that’s only if I ever resolve myself again to having my hand hurt like hell thanks to holding the pen for hours  (because yeah, I had to get a tablet to do it). And of course, only if you liked this illustration, because I don’t think there’s any need to waste my time if nobody likes my work.

Anyway, this was the last chapter of this mini arc that was starting to strip me off all my ideas. I’m kind of glad it’s finally done. I wonder what to do next…I kind of have an idea of what I want to do, but I still need to think of the specifics…well, I guess I’ll think about that throughout the week, wish me luck.

To conclude, as always, I want to thank you very much for reading, and I hope to see you again in the next chapter. 

Tot ziens!

P.S. Here’s the progress of how I made the drawing, in case anybody’s interested.

Now for real, bye!