Chapter 12: Rita Skeeter
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A/N: Here's the new Chapter! Which also means the next four chapters are up on my Patreon for early access as well as the chance to vote on the direction of the story!
In which Harry tries to get on Rita Skeeter's good side. Really, he does.
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“Harry James Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived and the mysterious Fourth Triwizard Champion! Let’s start the Champions’ Interviews with you, shall we? Come, come!”
As she reaches him, a sickeningly sweet smile on her face that poorly hides her true venom as she grabs hold of his wrist and begins tugging him towards a familiar broom closet. There are moments in Harry’s life that he remembers with startling clarity. Moments that he could never forget, not in a million years. This, his first meeting with the deplorable Rita Skeeter, was definitely one of them.
And yet, Harry lets her pull him in, glancing around the room to see everyone looking pitying but also grateful that they’re not having to deal with Rita first. Even though he’s very much stealing their spotlight, they can automatically tell what sort of vulture Rita Skeeter is, and it keeps them from being even the slightest bit jealous of him.
The door to the broom closet is flung open and then a moment later slams shut with them inside.
“Lumos!”
Rita casts a quick light charm from her wand, letting it float above their heads to give them some ability to see as she happily sits across from him on a small box, her approximation of a pleasant smile on her lips.
“Well now, Harry… I can call you Harry, can’t I? Oh, you might not know who I am, though I’m sure you’ve heard my name before. I’m Rita Skeeter, with the Daily Prophet. Let’s talk about the Triwizard Tournament and your place in it, shall we? Oh and don’t mind the quill, it’s just to help with notetaking.”
Harry watches as Rita’s signature Quick-Quotes Quill flits into the air in front of him, a floating notepad right along with it. The quill almost seems to look at him for a moment… before jotting things down despite the fact that he hasn’t even spoken yet. No doubt to due with his appearance, general demeanor, and current attitude in the tense atmosphere.
The first time he’d been in this closet, Harry had been completely caught off guard. Rita had played him like a fool, but then to be fair he was nothing but a boy back then. He never should have been left alone with the bitch in the first place. In fact, Harry would go so far as to say that in a perfect world, someone like Rita Skeeter wouldn’t even exist. Or at the very least, her particular brand of ‘journalism’ would not be so highly sought after or coveted.
The fact that she had readers still baffled Harry to this day. Fuck, even the likes of Molly Weasley was inclined to get taken in by Rita’s sensationalist articles. That all said, this wasn’t a perfect world. Not by a long shot. Harry knew just how dark this world was, and he also knew that there were worse evils in it then Rita Skeeter… though it was still close.
With that in mind, he offers Rita his best smile and nod.
“I know who you are, Ms. Skeeter. I’ve read quite a few of your articles. Oh, and that biography on Headmaster Dippet. Master or Moron, wasn’t it?”
He was pretty sure he was right about that, though admittedly he hadn’t actually read ‘Armando Dippet: Master or Moron?’. Nor had he read The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore. Or his own biography. Or Snape’s, for that matter. He’d heard enough about all of those books to know they were more of Rita’s usual fare… that is, tasteless garbage that the unwashed masses still insisted on gobbling up all the same.
In the end, Snape’s biography was the last book Rita had ever written. The apocalypse had put a stop to her particular brand of insanity. Too bad it had also put a stop to everything else, in the end.
Rita’s eyes widen in surprise as she looks taken aback… and downright flattered for a moment.
“Oh… oh my! Well now, I didn’t expect the Boy-Who-Lived to be a fan!”
Scratch-scratch-scratch! Harry’s eyes dart to the Quick-Quotes Quill before moving back to Rita, who he gives another smile.
“Oh, but of course. You’re out there on the frontlines, Ms. Skeeter. Trying to separate fact from… fiction. That said… do you think we could be candid with one another? There are certain things going on at Hogwarts, both this year and in my last few… that I would love to tell you about. But… I would hope you would be understanding of the sensitive nature of some of what I have to say.”
If he could turn Rita into his own personal attack dog, and without revealing that he knew about her animagus form, then maybe she could be useful to him. He would certainly prefer it if she could be turned into a weapon against his enemies, but he was very aware of her poisonous nature.
For a long moment, Rita is quiet as she takes in his words. There’s a calculating glint in her eye, before finally she offers him a grin.
“I’m impressed, Mr. Potter. You certainly know how to intrigue a woman, don’t you? Please… do go on.”
Scritch-scratch-scritch. Except, even as she leans forward, which just so happens to give him a view down the front of her top if he chose to go for it… the Quick-Quotes Quill is still going strong. She doesn’t bother to put it away, and sure Harry hadn’t directly asked her to, but it felt like it was implied. Pushing out with his magic, he heightens his awareness to get an idea of what the quill is currently writing about him.
… It’s all the same. Not quite the same from the original outline, none of the tragic boy-who-cries bullshit, but it’s still sensationalist garbage. And sure, Rita might not use it right this moment if Harry gave her a juicer bone to chew on… but she would use it one day, wouldn’t she? For her biography of him if nothing else.
In that moment, Harry decides he can’t do this. He can’t manage Rita as an attack dog without a proper collar and leash. The bitch is liable to go off and bite someone important if he doesn’t have her under proper control. It irritates him… but then, everything about Rita Skeeter is irritating, isn’t it? She knows it too, and she’s weaponized that, turning it into her whole brand.
With a sigh, Harry drops the act. He drops the smile and flicks his hand out, calling upon some wandless magic to capture the Quick-Quotes Quill and its notepad in an invisible grasp. Then, he squeezes.
Rita’s eyes widen as her trusty quill gives a little shriek before bursting. The magic contains the ink in a small bubble instead of letting it spill everywhere. He’s certainly tempted to let it spray all over Rita’s face, but instead he just has it spill all over her notepad, ruining the entire thing and destroying what notes she’s already taken.
As the blonde reporter stares in disbelief, Harry tilts his head to the side.
“You know, Rita… I’ve never had much issue with most types of bugs.”
The emphasis he puts on the word ‘bugs’ forces her gaze to snap towards him. She stares at him wordlessly, incredulity beginning to spread across her face. Behind that incredulity is poorly concealed glee as she no doubt suspects she can still turn this into a spectacular article, even without her Quick-Quotes Quill’s notes. Obviously, Harry isn’t about to let that happen.
“Beetles in particular are a bug that seems fairly harmless. One that I’m perfectly willing to let live. Until they decide to make themselves a nuisance, of course. A beetle who doesn’t know how to stay out of my way? Well, that’s a beetle not long for this world, isn’t it?”
Now Rita has gone absolutely still. Any poorly concealed glee has vanished, replaced by the blonde reporter staring at Harry in abject shock and disbelief. He just smiles at her. Smiles and nods.
“It’s not as though I’m the beetle’s enemy or anything. But I like my immediate surroundings to feel… clean. And if I caught a beetle crawling around where it shouldn’t… I might be willing to let it go the first time. Not the second though. There would be no third.”
There’s no doubt that he knows at this point. Harry can see the question in Rita’s eyes though, so he just smiles and nods, giving her the confirmation she seeks. Honestly, there’s no denying how good it feels to have her tense up in response. Rita is scum. Maybe not Death Eater scum, but she’s adjacent, certainly. The only reason Rita Skeeter didn’t sign on with Voldemort during his Second Rise in the original timeline was because he and his Death Eaters wouldn’t have let her get away with writing shit about them.
Rita lived and breathed on Freedom of the Press, something that didn’t exist in a world where the Dark Lord won. Though at the same time, she was also a living and breathing example against Freedom of the Press, Harry couldn’t help wryly thinking. Even still…
“… What do you want?”
Rita’s quiet defeated tone is music to his ears. Not that Harry thinks for even a second that he’s actually managed to cow her. This is also an act… something that she’s putting on until she can get the upper hand again. Oh sure, he could take a page out of Hermione’s book and blackmail Rita with the knowledge of her Animagus Form. He could even get a few decent articles out of her, ones that would help him build up a proper reputation among the Wizarding World’s unwashed masses.
But Hermione’s blackmail hadn’t lasted forever in the original timeline. It hadn’t stopped Rita from being Rita. No… Harry needed a more permanent solution. He needed to bind her to him, to use his ritual to make her his as he had Bella and Aurora before her.
The only problem was it needed to be willing. Rita needed to be willing. Without consent, the ritual wouldn’t work. And so… Harry needed to convince her to sign on with him. He needed to convince her that submitting herself to him was actually in her best interests.
“What do I want, Rita? I want to coexist with the beetle, of course. But that’s long term. In the short term… I want you to come see me on the left corridor of the seventh floor, at the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy attempting to teach trolls ballet, later tonight. Can you do that for me? Do you know which tapestry I’m talking about?”
Looking positively hunted, Rita clutches at her skirt for a brief moment before nodding.
“I know it. But… I might not be allowed on the campus later this evening. I have yet to manage to secure long term lodgings at Hogwarts for the duration of the Tournament, even though I put in a request.”
Harry just smiles at that. Really? What did Rita expect from telling him that? For him to tell her he’d put in a good word for her with Dumbledore? For him to let her off the hook? Either way, Harry shakes his head and chuckles.
“… I think we both know that won’t be a problem for you, Rita. You’ll be there tonight. I don’t think something as pedestrian as permission is going to stop you, is it?”
Rita doesn’t get a chance to answer him before the door is thrown open and they’re interrupted by a panicky-looking Ludo Bagman.
“T-Time for the Wand Weighing Ceremony! No more questions, no more questions!”
Harry lets himself be ushered out of the broom closet, and so does Rita. Leaving behind an utterly busted up and mangled Quick-Quotes Quill and a notepad entirely soaked through with ink.
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The rest of the Wand Weighing Ceremony goes pretty much as Harry remembers it. Ollivander looks over each of their wands, makes his comments, and certifies that they’re all in tip top shape and working just fine. With that, the ceremony comes to a close after a few pictures, with a much more subdued Rita Skeeter doing her level best to get out of there as soon as possible.
Harry watched her go in amusement, not overly concerned that she would try to pull a runner. He hadn’t done anything to her directly quite yet… no, that would be for later that evening.
Of course, before he knew it, he found himself waiting in front of the hidden entrance to the Room of Requirement, standing across from Barnabas’ tapestry and waiting to see if Rita would actually show up or not. They both knew he had her by the throat, but there was always a possibility that she wouldn’t come, that she might talk herself out of it or something.
… But no, after only a few minutes of waiting, Harry catches sight of a distinctive beetle lazily flying down the corridor. He watches as Rita Skeeter in her animagus form lands in front of Barnabas’ tapestry… and then carefully looks around. Only then does Harry reveal himself, staring right down at her with a smile.
“Hello Rita.”
The beetle does the equivalent of jumping out of its carapace, before freezing in place for a moment. Then, slowly, she transforms back into her human self, becoming Rita Skeeter once more. The blonde witch looks concerned for a moment, glancing about with a frown.
“… Alright, Harry. I’m here. What do you want from me?”
Rather than answer her immediately, Harry begins to stroll.
“Let’s walk and talk.”
Rita blinks owlishly, before hurrying after him… only to watch in confusion as he turns around at the end of the corridor and begins walking back.
“Wha- what are you doing?! What is this, exactly?”
“This, Rita… is opportunity. Yes, I know about your illegal animagus form. Yes, I’m more than willing to go to the Ministry and get you arrested if you piss me off.”
Rita stiffens, even as she continues following him up and down the corridor. But even with the threat laid bare, she latches onto the first bit.
“Opportunity?”
Coming to a stop across from Barnabas’ tapestry, Harry smiles… and reaches back, opening the door that hadn’t been there mere moments before.
“Please, Ms. Skeeter. Step into my office.”
Rita narrows her eyes and follows him in, the door shutting behind them as she finds herself in a cozy-looking study. Her eyes dart around in confusion, making it clear that the reporter had never uncovered this particular Hogwarts Secret when she’d been a student here. Harry, for his part, wastes no time.
“Let’s set aside our first arrangement, shall we? You don’t write your sensationalist drivel about me or put any words in my mouth, and I won’t reveal your nature as an Animagus to the Ministry of Magic. That’s our first deal and it’s locked in stone, alright?”
Rita hesitates… but slowly nods, knowing he has her across a barrel on that bit.
“Wonderful. Time for another deal then. I’ve got plenty of information for you, Rita. I’ve got all of the information you could ever want to write a dozen stories that would gain you all the notoriety you could ever desire… all without having to assassinate my character in the Daily Prophet.”
There’s a brief pause, and then the suddenly hungry-looking reporter leans forward.
“… And what do you want for those stories, Mister Potter?”
Harry just smiles, knowing he very much has her attention.
“I want you, Rita. I’m a growing young lad, aren’t I? And you’re a beautiful woman. It’s really quite simple. I want to have sex with you in exchange for what I know.”
Rita’s eyes widen at that, damn near bulging out of her head. It’s clear she didn’t expect that from him, not in a million years. But then to be fair, Harry hasn’t exactly given off the horndog vibe until now, has he? He didn’t even look down her shirt when she all but flashed him in the broom closet earlier.
And truth be told… Harry DOES have ulterior motives here. But Rita doesn’t need to know that.
In the end, it’s time to find out exactly where Rita’s limits lie. Time to see just how dirty she’s willing to get for a good story…
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The Patreon Vote:
[ ] Rita decides to cut her losses and get out while she can - 7%
[X] Rita can't help herself, she's willing to do ANYTHING for a story. - 93%
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If you'd like to read more of my work not seen on this website, check out Hentai-Foundry.com and QuestionableQuesting.com where I have over a thousand stories! I'm known as 'Cambrian' on those websites.
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Thanks for reading!
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Those Patreon polls are kinda mischievous arent they? The first option could very well have been "Rita does a backflip, turns into a dragon and flies away spitting flames" and I bet the result would've been the same.
Ah~! You know us so well~!