Chapter Theme Music: Peacefulness ~ Rita Raga

<05/01/2020 - 14:44 | 1010 Link Street, Marietta, GA, USA>

Ever since I was old enough to think for myself, I've always known about my differences with other people. The more time that goes by, the more aware I become of these internal traits. Long ago, I used to believe that introversion was the only oddity about me, but as I learned more about the world and about other people, I discovered how complex our souls and personalities really are. They can be grouped and categorized, but never fully understood individually, since every person is so unique within the spectrums.

Anyone who has taken the Myers & Briggs personality test will understand that they best fit one or two of the sixteen total types of personality spectrums, and while this can say a lot about a person, these can gradually shift and change over time. Recently, I took such a test, and learned that I happen to be part of the INFJ personality.

Apparently, INFJs only make up less than one percent of the entire world population, compared to all the other personalities. When Lumina said I was unique, I didn't think she meant so literally. The INFJ personality stands for Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging, otherwise known as "The Advocate." While the results of the test are not 100% accurate to describe the kind of person I am, it's closer than I was expecting. I won't go deeper into what an INFJ personality is really like; there's plenty of easily accessible online material covering the definitions. All I can really say is, I'm trying to be less introverted and more extroverted, not that such a task is easy.

That said, I'm fairly proud of who I am as a person. I used to aspire to nothing, to wish I were somebody else, though all of that slowly changed as I realized how much I meant to Lumina, and how much we've both helped each other. No other human in the entire world could have done that. Insignificant as I may be, this was something only I could be part of.

Of course today, I just learned that the rabbit hole can go much deeper. While this isn't exactly connected to the 16 personalities, there is a specialty trait that few people have. It isn't that rare, but I'm recently hearing about a new concept psychologists alike are talking about on the net. It's an additional trait spectrum known to few as HSP; Highly Sensitive Person.

Explaining the aspects of HSPs is not easy, even for me, just as it is difficult to discern exactly what it is. Being classified as an HSP does not equate to one specific trait, but rather a combination of traits within such a spectrum; this means, there are many different types of qualifying HSPs.

I don't know if I would call it a super power, but it isn't a bad thing. After learning enough, I've realized that I most certainly qualify as an HSP. To summarize initially, Highly Sensitive People does not mean exactly what the name implies. When I first heard the moniker, I imagined a snowflake who breaks down and cries over the tiniest little thing even as a fully functional adult. While someone of the sort could technically be considered an HSP, it isn't representative of what this trait spectrum actually means.

I'll give a personal example of what I think most HSPs really feel, especially when combined with the INFJ traits. There was a time not too long ago when I went to Tennessee to visit some relatives. Nothing too special happened on this trip, and I managed to keep myself occupied. I still managed to have lots of fun later, as my aunt really knows how to have a good time with the family. However, just three days after that, even though I only had a few days before returning home, I remember desperately wanting to go back to my own home so badly. Sure, a small part of this was homesickness, but not all of it. There's a strange aspect about me, that whenever I go out and about, for anything good and bad, I need the time afterwards to process it all. Sometimes, I think people look at me and get the wrong idea that, even if I was enjoying myself, my desire to return home and get away from everyone is a sign that I hated everything about the day; which couldn't be further from the truth.

I've heard other similar stories of this as well, about a wife who got home from a football game and wanted nothing more afterwards to rest and relax at home, while her husband wanted to go out again, (to where I don't recall). They got into a tiny argument, as the husband could not understand his wife's feelings about needing time alone after time outside experience, to process everything and have the time she needed to herself. I actually think this happens often, and we just don't acknowledge it enough as a society. Heck, some people do this without noticing it within themselves.

Which brings me back to the beginning of this. Being an HSP is something a person can qualify for without ever realizing it. In more specific terms, having HSP qualities typically means the mind is more receptive to surrounding stimuli; we pick up more detail about the world around us than other non-HSP people do, and so there is a lot more for us to process in the background. This can be literal information or emotional/social information. It means, people are highly sensitive to the world around them, in a variety of different combinations. One HSP is not going to be exactly like the other.

The only reason I mention this at all, besides claiming myself to be an HSP, is to note that I've been putting more interesting pieces of myself together as a result of this knowledge. For example, did you know that I have a higher hearing sensitivity than everyone else? It's true. Ever since I've been alive, loud noises, even so much as a vacuum cleaner bother my ears so much. I actually wear headphones designed for firearms whenever I need to vacuum a floor at home, and have recently started using noise filtering ear buds for my crappy yet ultra-loud job. It's not exactly that I can hear at better ranges than other people; it's more to the fact that every sound I hear, I do so in great detail, and so I can interpret more about it. When loud noises get involved, this is a very bad thing for me, because it bothers me enough to blindly slip into rage. {Ehem; neighbor blasting that loud bass at two in the morning, I'm looking at you, savage! Nobody thinks it's cool; it's entirely pathetic.}

That's just one of many physical examples though. There are cognitive traits to being an HSP as well, part of going right back into a stronger level of awareness. Remember not that long ago, when I mentioned my personal experiments with biomeditation? How exactly did you think I became aware of my altered state of consciousness in the first place? My memory of each moment wasn't made properly, and yet I gradually figured out what it took for me to actually undergo the process. Some of it was in help due to my error-checking background subconscious thoughts helping me keep track of thought processes that other people would normally overlook, but this wasn't always an ADD-driven ability.

What of my own observation skills of others? I never get it right every time, but there were moments especially in my past where I gave some advice to people, people I barely knew at all, but could correctly judge in character based on other tiny details many people overlook. It turns out I'm receptive to those tiny details, because of my HSP abilities.

There's an emotional aspect to this too. Any one HSP person can have some of these traits without the others, a high possible combination permutation to be exact. I know for sure I have it in me to experience such powerful emotion, though, this part about me is very difficult for other people to notice. It's mainly because of my medicine and the effect UAD can have on my emotions; that is, they can sometimes become dull if not muted entirely. It doesn't mean I'm not capable of it though.

In many aspects, I am a Highly Sensitive Person, and I'm not the only human out there like that. In fact, if I really think about it, I get the feeling the Altiri, all of them, are also HSPs. That statement is harder to stick since it could simply be that they are highly aware of everything by default, which in their perspective would be normal.

Anyway, it isn't anything to be ashamed of. Thinking back on my life with this new perspective, a lot of details that didn't always make total sense before make a lot more sense now. Maybe me being an HSP gives me the capacity for certain things that not everyone could have. Perhaps my ability to slightly sense other worlds around me is also part of being an HSP.

What exactly do I mean when I say that? It's something I've been on the fence for a long time. I always thought I was just imagining things in the past, but I'm not so sure it was raw imagination anymore. I get the feeling imagination itself is not always something controlled by us, but rather influenced by outside sources, sources from within the ethereal plane. I remember once, Reba Sound told me I have such a capacity, and I also remember certain boundless dreams I had which were extraordinarily strange, yet felt so hyper-realistic. I won't get deep into this data network stuff right now, because there's a lot to talk about for another day, and still many things I'm trying to understand, like, how even though it should not be possible, for a split second months back, I felt something reach out for me, from the furthest depths of a place much higher in ascension to this physical world, even higher than the astral plane.

HSPs can sense a lot more detail about the world around them, and as such are usually highly perceptive. As a result, they need more downtime to process everything they intake, though this is something easy to get used to. Of all the things I've ever experienced in life, I know none of it was something I merely imagined. Our universe is far bigger and more infinite than anyone can ever imagine. So, it isn't hard to believe there are many HSP people out there in the world. I most certainly am not the only one, and HSP people are not any rarer than INFJ people. Look it up if you don't believe me. The complexities within all of us are so advanced and amazing!

There is something incredible beyond our little world, something I cannot describe in words... I can sense it; I can feel this infinite presence, ever so slightly; a place of infinity; a place without time. One day soon, I think I'll understand what this extra-dimensional existence is.