"Dong! Dong! Dong!"
I awoke to the ringing of bells and sent my ESP through the night searching for the reason. Outside the city walls and climbing over them were vampires. An entire army of them. That said they didn't seem very organized. Vampiric Spawn and Vampires climbed, flew, or misted over the walls as well as surrounding buildings. Pulling my staff to me with my psychokinesis I made my way out of the inn and onto the streets filled with panicking humans, halflings, dwarves, and elves.
Turning my gaze to the walls I flew up with my psychokinesis. Floating in the sky in front of the vampire army I create a miniature sun of holy fire, its light healed the living and cured them while burning the undead. While the burning vampires scrambled for cover I created vampire-seeking arrows of holy fire and fired them at the vampire army. This incinerated many of them but also caught some of the buildings on fire a little. Using matter manipulation I gathered the clouds above into a small rainstorm, my mini holy sun hanging below it. My assault on the vampires continued for a good five minutes until I saw a vampire lord sound for retreat and watched him disperse into a large group of bats who flew toward the distance. I stopped the rain and created an army of owls that I sent after all the fleeing vampire bats. Finally, after the last vampire minion was dead I landed in front of the last vampire bat struggling under an owl's talons. Once I landed the vampire bat turned himself into a greatly wounded vampire.
Vampire Lord, "What the fuck are you??!! Please tell me the gods have not descended from the heavens?!"
Javier Still Disguised as Old Wizard John, "No, but soon."
With that, I brought my iron staff down on his skull shattering it, and spoke one word, "Incinerate." Burning his body to ashes in two seconds. Turning to look at the battlefield that made its way into the city, I sighed. There were dead bats and burnt vampire corpses everywhere, yes the corpses were charcoal or ash but I was more concerned with the bats.
Javier, "I really hope they don't get ebola." An ebola plague would be a nightmare to manage in a medieval world where nobody believes in hygiene or knows what causes diseases. It'd be like the bubonic plague all over again where people were either quarantined or their villages were burned to the ground. I looked up at the mini holy sun I made and realized that with the purifying light of the holy sun, it should kill any germs including ebola it touches. Hence I let the mini holy sun sit there in the sky for a good four hours while I burnt the dead bats and made sure everyone was exposed to the mini holy sun's rays. After that, I snuffed it out. As for my army of owls, I teleported them in pairs to wilderness locations throughout the world. There'd likely be a lot less rodents in the near future.
I sure hope those in power noticed this, I should be invited into their ranks any day now. That or they'll try to assassinate me. Only time will tell.
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I was on my way to Manhattan to deliver an extra large pepperoni deep-dish pizza when I looked up from my phone. Right in the middle of rush hour traffic, a freaking portal opens up, and weird dudes with animal ears and fluffy tails come rushing out. I'm so shocked I just freeze. I'm telling myself, 'Move your ass, Johny!!' However, my body just won't listen. Then I see a humanoid lion with a sword walk out on a gryphon that then shortly flies into the fucking sky! Like, come on man that can't be legal. But I guess bipedal lions don't have to worry about that thing. Meanwhile, another bipedal lion walks out, but this one's white and he yells, "For the glory of the Beast Empire!!!" At this point, a red-haired bunny girl walks out and wraps herself around his arm, while his sword is raised in the air. Making this look like an old-school poster of stellar wars fluffy edition.
It was at this point that a big bearded blonde buff dude with lion ears and a lion tail knocks on my window. I immediately shrink in my seat and pretend I didn't see him. Which in hindsight I should've known wouldn't work but hey I was out of options. I mean it's not like I carry a gun, though after all this I wish I had. Lion-eared dude then decides to break my window and drag me out. Again I freeze and the next thing I know I'm on my knees in front of the white lion guy and his girlfriend, who I just realized has golden shackles on her. Fuck I hope slavery isn't a thing wherever they come from. Who am I kidding of course it is.
Lion-Eared Dude, "My lord, this human was hiding in one of the metal carriages."
Lord White Lion Guy, "Put him over there we'll transport him through the portal once we've caught more slaves."
Lion-Eared Dude, "Yes my lord."
Suddenly I hear sirens and gunshots coming from behind me. Lion Eared Dude turns around only to get shot in the head. Meanwhile, the white lion guy throws his girlfriend; slave? Through the portal behind him and charges at a cop who came out from behind a car with a shotgun. The cop fires his shotgun and the white lion guy's head goes flying. I breathe I sigh of relief, before a woman with fox ears and nine fox tails steps through the portal. She blasts the cop with purple fire that quickly consumes his entire body.
Finally, as if my body finally realized the danger I was in, I bolted. I ran as fast as I could utilizing all the techniques I knew to increase my speed. I swung my arms as fast as possible with my hands flat and fingers together, while running on the balls of my feet. I took short shallow breaths as I made it to an alley and kept running.
This was a shitshow and I was out of here, fuck New York. I'm moving to Wisconsin, nothing ever happens in Wisconsin.
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"Mr. President the Governor of New York is on the phone. He says their being invaded by furries."
President Ramirez "Furries? OH! Okay, ya put him on line 1."
Governor Tyrone Carter, "Ramirez, why the fuck are my people telling me that a portal opened in the middle of Brooklyn during Rush Hour, and a bunch of fucking furries came through killing my people!"
President Ramirez, "Calm down Tyrone, I need you to tell me what's happening, so I can decide if I need to send in the army."
Governor Tyrone Carter, "The Army? No, we don't need the army, all the furries are dead. Although one fox lady with nine tails gave us some trouble before one of the NYPD's snipers put her down. Right through the eyebrows, bitch had some kind of purple fire she was throwing around."
President Ramirez, "Casualties?"
Governor Tyrone Carter, "52. For Christ's sake Ramirez you're way too calm about this! If my people are in danger I need you to tell me about it, before something happens like this again! I'm not stupid Ramirez, I've heard the whispers. Heck, just last month that little green man came out of a portal now this! I need you to be honest with me."
President Ramirez, "Who told you about that?"
Governor Tyrone Carter, "For Christ's sake Ramirez, it happened in broad daylight. People were taking videos of it and putting it on youtube. Not to mention it happened in New York and I had the NYPD on the scene. They were there way before the FBI showed up."
President Ramirez, "I'll let you know if there's anything to worry about."
Governor Tyrone Carter sighs and says, "You better, Ramirez, You better. Don't forget who helped fund your campaign."
