Never in her life did Hua Mei feel so embarrassed about anything other than the situation she was in right now.
Cradling the baby diagonally in her arms, her whole body was overwhelmed with tingly feelings as goosebumps arose all over her.
Let alone this life, even in her previous life, both of her babies had little to no use. They were just there to inconvenience her in her daily life.
In her thirty years, Hua Mei never dated and didn’t even have her first kiss, let alone have a child. So, when the subject of breastfeeding was introduced by the nurse, of course, she would be embarrassed to death.
~15 minutes earlier~
She put the baby back in the cradle, but for some reason, it did not release her finger. Feeling somewhat emotional, Hua Mei forcefully removed her finger and soon slumped back into the bed.
Having resolved her will, she really needed to plan her next step.
Ever since she came into this world, everything has been so strange. Very attentive doctors, a deluxe room, exquisite meals, and so much more, but the most strange thing was that nobody was visiting her.
This body was a woman who had just given birth and looking at the doctor’s behavior, this was her first baby.
That means she should be having this body’s own family or in-laws visiting…
But most importantly…
Her husband!
‘Stop, a woman is not required to have a baby only after marrying somebody. Moreover, the staff seems used to seeing this body alone. Nobody questioned her about her family or husband. Maybe she got pregnant due to her boyfriend, but he didn’t want to take responsibility and abandoned her? Or is it a one-night stand and she couldn’t give up the baby so she hid from her family? Wait! Am I in a dog blood drama?!’
Hua Mei immediately struck herself on her head and stopped her wild imagination. Doing nothing but reading all those novels day and night must have done something to her head.
She should have listened to her sister-in-law when she scolded her to stop reading those.
‘Oh well, my head always starts hurting when I think too deeply anyway. I think about the next step later on..’
Hua Mei could definitely see her sister-in-law's blood pressure going up with how she’s being lazy even now.
As a big yawn escaped her mouth, she laid back down on the bed and began to close her heavy eyes.
Just when she was drifting into another nap, the door was knocked and opened.
“Ms. Hua, since you fainted soon after giving birth and later you were mostly asleep, we haven’t breastfed the baby and only gave donated milk. But, it’s advised to breastfeed as it’s the most nutritious food a newborn baby can get. I am here to help you in case and please don’t be embarrassed as this is normal.”
The nurse was the one who was with the doctor when she always visited. She never spoke before, so Hua Mei was very surprised to see her rattling off without a break.
‘No wonder, like the doctor, like nurse..’
After being forced awake by the nurse who spoke as if she had done it a million times, Hua Mei listened to the nurse absentmindedly when she suddenly realized a key detail.
‘Breastfeed…?’
“Wait, wait, wait… Did you just say breastfeed?” Hua Mei stammered, her eyes wide with disbelief.
The nurse wore an empathetic smile and gently reassured her. “Yes, Miss. Don’t be scared or embarrassed, it’s all normal stuff. I’m here for you, you can ask me for help in case anything is comfortable or not right.”
“This whole thing is not right.” She exclaimed
“Sorry, what?” The nurse blinked in confusion, trying to make sense of her words.
“Are you telling me to breastfeed?” Hua Mei couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“First, I get woken up to find that I am in an unfamiliar place and then you guys say I gave birth. Second, I just gaslighted myself into thinking I can manage everything when you come in and say I need to breastfeed. Are you taking me for a joke?! Why the f*ck is everything just happening all at the same time? Cut me some slack and leave me alone!!!”
Hua Mei knew she was being unreasonable. Breastfeeding is naturally a mother's responsibility to do, but everything was already overwhelming. No matter how many times she calmed herself down after a breakdown, it didn’t change the fact she was alone without reliable support. One thing after another, she was done.
The nurse who was called Sister Bai immediately understood that the mother might be experiencing baby blues and she was having difficulty accepting her new reality. Thinking of all the things the woman did after waking up, everything seemed to be leaning towards this. As she considered ways to provide comfort and support, a sudden burst of cry pierced the room.
“Wahhhhhhhhh!!”
Both women were startled by the sudden cry, and their attention was immediately drawn to the baby.
Sister Bai felt a surge of concern. She had seen many situations where overwhelmed mothers, in the grip of disorientation and hallucinations, posed a risk to themselves and their infants. Driven by this fear, she instinctively moved toward the cradle, intending to take the baby into her care.
Hua Mei was surprised by the speed of the nurse and a sudden rush of anger burst out seeing the way she handled the baby.
“What are you doing?! Don’t think you know better as a nurse that you will hurt the baby if you pick it up like that?!” Hua Mei’s voice teetered on the edge of a scream, but she forced herself to calm down
Having nobody but this baby for her, Hua Mei’s suppressed emotions hit the roof as the sudden instinct to protect her baby flared up.
Maybe it's the body's maternal instincts, or maybe it’s herself, but she demanded the nurse to give her baby back.
Sister Bai felt conflicted. She didn’t know whether giving her the baby was a good decision, but she definitely knew that she inadvertently agitated the mother even more. Her experience told her that ensuring the safety of both mother and child was of utmost importance, but she also understood the importance of respecting the mother's wishes and emotions.
She took a deep breath before speaking gently, “Ms. Hua, I am here to help you and I am really sorry if my actions hurt you. But, to make you and your baby comfortable, Let’s work together, okay?”
Hua Mei let out a shaky breath and held her head in her hands. She took deep breaths as she calmed down her agitated emotions.
‘I need to calm down. I am being too extreme and taking out my emotions on a stranger.’
“I am sorry, It’s just…” Hua Mei looked back up and tried to find the right words to apologize to the nurse.
“No mam, it’s okay. Every new mom will find it uncomfortable in their life to be intruded on by a little being. Your life needs to accommodate another person, isn’t it? That too a really hungry and needy one that will torture your upcoming days and nights.” Sister Bai’s humor lightened the tense atmosphere.
Hua Mei’s lips twitched and she soon burst into laughter.
“Haha~ Sorry, I’ve just been under too much stress and I took it on you,” Hua Mei apologized in remorse. “Once again, I am really sorry.”
“It’s okay mam!” Sister Bai concluded cheerfully. “Now we need to feed this hungry fella don’t we?”
“Um... Yeah, I am just a little embarrassed,” Hua Mei hung her head with the tips of her ears tinted red.
“No worries! Just start by holding the baby,” Sister Bai instructed as she gave the baby to Hua Mei, “You can get a feel for it and then I will turn so as to not embarrass you.”
“Thank you.”
Hua Mei could still feel the hesitation as she got the baby from the nurse’s hands.
‘Ah, now I made myself a person who needs a therapist…’
The baby was bundled up in a soft blanket and the ugly face became even uglier with all those crying.
Feeling annoyed by the constant crying and being embarrassed by the upcoming challenge of her life, Hua Mei positioned the baby and made the preparations.
“...Can you… um please turn?” Hua Mei asked in shame.
“Yep! Make sure to ask me for help!” Sister Bai said as she stifled her laughter.
Hua Mei knew she had to go through with this or else she could not raise this baby. All these are basic things that a mom needs to know and if she was going to be the mother of this child, she needs to improve her mindset.
As the baby started to drink the milk, only then did she know how sore and painful her breasts were. Suddenly, goosebumps erupted all over and Hua Mei felt tingly all over.
No matter how prepared she was, the sensation was not to be described. Her hair stood on its ends as she slowly looked at the child drinking the milk desperately.
Its hands were tightly fisted and the baby’s whole body was strongly curled, satisfying its hunger as it drank.
Never did she see a being with such raw longing for something.
Suddenly, a sense of fulfillment engulfed her as she relaxed her stiff back and leaned back on the pillow.
Unbeknownst to her, a subtle shift occurred in Hua Mei's gaze, one that only a mother could recognize - a glimpse of growing affection.
The superficial affection she had for the baby, mixed with her initial detachment from this world, dissolved as Hua Mei truly felt a purpose in this new life.
‘I need to raise this baby with no difficulties, make him happy, and be a figure he can be proud of.’
That’s the only way she can be true to this baby who came into this world just like her.
Hua Mei made some small talk with the nurse during that time and learned that her name was Bai Qian and everybody calls her Sister Bai. She also found out about this body’s behavior during pregnancy.
“You were always very detached in all your appointments. Always silent and only came in regularly to ask if the baby was growing well. Initially, we all thought you were just scared for the baby, but you always used to laugh weirdly that we though-” Sister Bai stopped talking, feeling weird about gossiping about the person to the person itself.
But, for some reason, she felt some incongruity with the woman. The woman acted like she wasn’t the mother, and talked about herself as if she was someone else.
‘It seems to have started since she woke up after fainting yesterday.’
She suddenly felt awkward and didn’t know what to say.
“Why did you stop? Go on.” Hua Mei felt confused as to why she stopped and urged her.
But, she felt the gaze of Sister Bai and looked up. While she didn’t notice that Sister Bai actually turned, Hua Mei still understood what was wrong.
Hua Mei felt panicked and didn’t know what to say to cover up and so she blurted out the most cliche plot line one could ever think of.
“I forgot! Uh, I mean, I do not have any memories prior to the childbirth…” Hua Mei’s voice went quiet as she talked.
Seeing Sister Bai’s face being stunned and out of words, Hua Mei felt so dumb. Her dumbass mind couldn’t think of anything good, so she couldn’t do anything but follow those novel plotlines.
“Oh…”
Hua Mei wanted to bury her face in the ground just like an ostrich.
“Um, I mean, I never heard of a woman losing all her memories after childbirth, but…” Sister Bai was out of words and went blank for a moment. “I think this is a big deal though.”
Sister Bai immediately scrambled out of her seat and tried to go and fetch the doctor when Hua Mei shouted at her.
“Sister Bai! Please don’t go out now and help me first.” Hua Mei pointed at her baby, trying to keep Sister Bai from making a big deal.
Sister Bai looked at the baby to see that it had fallen asleep. Its fists were unclenched and the whole body was relaxed.
She felt conflicted but decided to go help Hua Mei first. After tidying up both the child and the mother, she tried to go get the doctor but she was stopped again.
“Ms. Hua! You know this is a big deal, so we need to consult the doctor!” Sister Bai felt frustrated and reprimanded Hua Mei.
“Sister, I know. I do have some memories, it's just some memories of my family missing. That’s why please tell me about anything related to my spouse or family.” Hua Mei took the opportunity to ask about the most important thing.
“Well, as far as I know, you were always alone during your check-ups and also during labor. There was nobody with you anytime.” Sister Bai told her. “Ah! I do remember that you used to have regular check-ups, but at some point, you started seeing our VIP doctor and were admitted into this ward. That’s also when I started attending to you. I think I have seen someone in elite attire, but I am not sure.”
After saying that, Sister Bai immediately left.
Hua Mei was dazed and felt confused all over again.
‘Did my theories actually come true? Was this body with a rich person but then got dumped due to pregnancy? Then he only paid for her labor..? Nah, that doesn’t make sense, why would he pay for something he doesn’t want?’
“I think I need to pause,” Hua Mei stopped thinking and grabbed the bottle to have a sip of water.
“At this point, I literally know nothing about this woman. I don’t think she is a rich person and that she had some ulterior thoughts about this baby based on Sister Bai’s claims.” She started laying out the things she knew.
“Well, whatever, I will deal with it when it comes. I feel sleepy all of a sudden, must be that feeding.”
Hua Mei comfortably laid down to sleep when she suddenly had an intelligent thought that made her feel like a genius.
“F*cking shit! This person must have had a phone, isn’t it?!” Hua Mei immediately jumped from the bed and started rummaging through the cabinets in the room.
Hua Mei soon found a slick phone that seemed new and turned it on. The wallpaper had an unfamiliar man on it who seemed like the usual cold male lead boss in novels and thought that elite person must be this guy.
She went through the contacts, messages, and other things and came to one conclusion.
“This person seems to be a psycho.”
Because in no way in hell is she seeing such blatant pursuing and stalking from this person to the elite guy. There were also no contacts and messages other than to this elite and some other group of people who she seems to be in cahoots with.
Hua Mei also found that this person’s name was the same as hers and that she was obsessed with this one guy who seemed to be in a relationship already.
“There’s also one another chat with a girl who seems to be the one dating the elite guy,” Hua Mei exclaimed, “Man, even I’ve never cursed this dirty.”
The chat with the girl was filled with curses and threats to break up or else I’ll do something shit.
She also did not see any traces of family or friends. Well, nobody would associate with this kind of person, so looking for morally good friends in this bunch was a little difficult.
“Oh god, at the very least, you should have given me a decent body, shouldn’t you?” Hua Mei looked at the pale ceiling blankly as she thought how she would be the one who would have to face the retributions of this woman’s actions.
But, for some reason, Hua Mei kept finding the elite guy familiar, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. It felt really important, but her mind became foggy when she tried to recall it.
“But, how on earth did this woman get pregnant when she’s so in “love” with this guy?” Hua Mei sighed as she felt the frustration of not being able to grasp the mind of psychos.
“Oh wait, if I understand psycho mentality, then I have a problem. So, yeah, it’s good I don’t.”
Hua Mei went back to the bed and laid down. She feels like a genius one moment and then only finds evidence that just leaves her feeling even more confused.
She just wanted to go back to the difficult but carefree days with her family…
Suddenly, Hua Mei looked at the baby sleeping in the cradle. She couldn’t see the screaming banshee just an hour ago with how peacefully he slept.
Thinking that this little needy one was her family from now on, she felt a headache coming, but an indescribable joy also burst through.
‘Yeah, I am not alone. So, little guy, it’s just you and me, it seems.’
These few hours have been a rollercoaster and she really needs a break. It’s still the afternoon, so she can just sleep a little and then feed the baby and eat dinner.
‘Yes, perfect plan.’
“I just hope I don’t get an instant husband out of nowhere.”
thnx fr the chapter and plzz dont drop this
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