I heard something beeping. Somehow, I found it more obnoxious than my own alarm. I tried to move my arm to slam it, only to be stuck in what must be sleep paralysis. I didn’t panic as I opened my eyes slowly. I nearly panicked when I saw I wasn’t in my bed. Or my home. Instead, I was huddled in a small ball shaped pod, with a window…

At least the view was nice… even if I seemed to be heading on a crash course with a planet. Death was likely. I leaned back deciding to just to roll with my incoming demise. I close my eyes and memories start slowly funneling in. The memories play out like a lucid dream.

Every detail crisp and fresh. Carving their way into my body and soul as they play out. My name was Rettas, A Saiyan. The thought rang a distant memory from my childhood. Not this body’s childhood, but a previous one where I watched it every Saturday night. Followed by the almost unending number of fanfictions and such that spawned from it. She was relatively normal looking, not very tall, not especially special. She had that fitting Saiyan scowl that looked more like an A-grade resting bitch face.

I was cool with it all. None of it really felt real either. A dream? Something more, less? I wasn’t sure.

Attire was simple, typical body armor, boots were a little different being thigh high boots, but hey… it works.

The only oddity was that I wasn’t a male. Female Saiyan were supposed to be extinct, for some reason. I never really understood how that was, but I suppose word of god trumps all else. Regardless, I seemed to be on an objective to purge away some pests that were growing a little too fast for some clients somewhere.

According to my memories I had managed to survive my first conquest and many others, this mission was my last chance to prove myself. If I remember Frieza or whatever his/her? name was, they had an issue with Saiyan’s which meant my little attack pod was likely a liability. Not that I can travel in space without it, yet.

I open my eyes to confirm once more that this wasn’t all an elaborate dream. Only for me to still be in the pod. My limbs tingled as I felt strength coming back to them. I sighed and looked out the window again as I waited for landfall. The pods systems were all on lockdown until I landed. It looked like it was finding a suitable landing spot on the large rocky planet.

It could still be an elaborate dream. I didn’t know.

If I remember the mission right the pests were underground dwellers. They travelled between planets with primitive technology… Was I considering doing this? Exterminating a species? I tapped away at my arm as the ground grew closer and closer.

I could give it a go and decide later. If they turn out reasonable enough, I may be able to get a free ride off the planet. The further from my ball the better if my memories from my new body and old body are true. I considered my new parents for a moment… No love lost there. That’s fine. I was pretty much raised in a jungle; I mean what sentient species sends young children to death worlds to train?

Well, Saiyan’s apparently do. Weirder still was with just how fine I was with all of this. Not that my previous life was anything to write home about. Just your average convenience store worker. Maybe the occasional date that went as awful as you’d expect.

It might even be fun to be a totally overpowered Saiyan for a little while. From what I heard the Dragon ball world was insane enough. Doubt I’d ever run out of opponents to fight. If I decided to go down that path, I mean. I might just be happy sitting on some beach somewhere… Just a thought.

The pod shudders as we impact the ground. I idly flip through the settings and check the monocle, er, half visor, no wait… Scouter! Yes, that fancy McGuffin that tells me power levels. Out of curiosity I check my own power level… Yea, nope. I make sure to disable that function as I open the pod. The piece of shit said I was some mook level bastard. It’s probably on the fritz, just like the rest of my pod.

The coordinates seem correct, but the pod just keeps flashing. Apparently, it’s not connected with the overall Saiyan network. And despite my attempts at fixing it, which didn’t help. It became apparent the pod wasn’t where it was supposed to be, which meant I was unlikely to be where I was supposed to be either.

It was probably a fluke. Thankfully the whole pods made as idiot proof as possible. Shockingly nice when you realize just how stupid Saiyan’s can be. Outside my pod was a distinct view. It almost made me think of those pictures of the Grand Canyon. Large Stone islands lifted into the sky, the ground below was rocky and sandy.

With a little effort I managed to fly myself up to the top of one of the many stone islands jutting from the ground. Many of the stone islands hid green grottos filled with life. Nothing fantastic according to my scouter, which was on the fritz. Finding food and water was easy enough. Lakes were in the center of these Stone islands almost like an oasis in the desert. Filled with fish and wildlife all around.

There weren’t any real carnivores about, which was strange. With my stomach growling I went for a weird deer thing with an extra pair of legs. I managed to somehow cook it with my ki without burning it to a crisp. After having christen my planetfall with a hearty meal I have my pod settle on the edge of the stone island, inside a small cave.

Further exploration shows a deep network of caves that go well into the earth. My own pods cave was blocked just a bit further in. I considered spelunking, except I should really practice my skills. Food was abundant and I barely had a grasp on all my skills. I also had in my head all those flashy moves used in Dragon ball Z…I could make it work.

Moving my ki, even feeling it was almost too easy. What frustrated me more was how my body’s previous owner had never even tried to feel it. Instead, they just used it like a caveman with a club, no that’s insulting to cavemen. It was far worse than that. It was like jamming a triangle into a circle, but you always succeeded by breaking the board.

For the first time I was putting the shapes into the proper spaces, and it showed. My ki flowed with ease as it flowed through my body and my body soaked it in like a parched desert. I took a moment just letting the ki flow throughout me, letting it slowly soak into every muscle bone and pore as I breathed in steadily.

When my eyes finally opened the sky above was pitch black. When I stood every muscle and bone popped with newfound energy. I stretched and unleashed a staccato of cricks and cracks as my muscles and bones moved. I felt reborn on some fundamental level. I had the sudden urge to shoot laser beams in the surrounding area… Without shame I did.

Like from memory I chucked energy balls as I laughed. The heat and force from the explosions were a world apart from my own memories. My own body exalted at the new strength filling me. I breathed heavily as I finally stopped. I felt sweat all over my body and it only made me feel better. I didn’t feel the need to rush for a bath or jump into the still lake in the center of the now decimated grotto. But I was considering it.

It was a good thing I hadn’t jumped straight inside the lake. I hadn’t even taken a step when I saw something that sent screaming alarms through my whole body. A single pale tentacle broke the surface, it almost seemed to shimmer in the moonless night. I held my breath as I watched it slowly move around the decimated grotto. The tentacle came within feet of me before slithering back into the depths of the lake.

I was shaking, but it wasn’t fear. It was an excitement that burned my blood. The very idea of fighting that thing almost sent me into a frenzy, but a colder more pragmatic part of me beat it down. I wasn’t there, not yet… I went back to my pod and slept in it over the night. Dreaming of beating the shit out of a giant squid. Tearing it limb from limb as I blast it to oblivion and back and eating it after cooking it over a slow cooked fire.

I awoke in the morning with an excitement that gnawed me to the bone. I doused it and went to another grotto for food and very carefully got water from the lake in the center. Everything checked for drinkability and so my food and water supplies were confirmed for a time.

I almost wanted to dive straight into the caves below like an idiot in a horror movie, but I was smarter than that. I spent the following weeks getting a better handle over my energy. I also became more aware of the battle lust I had. It pulsed in a way, but it didn’t dominate me. Instead, it was like the steady ramping of an engine. Like somebody slowly putting the pedal down as the engine’s RPM increases little by little.

It demanded blood! IT DEMANDED WAR! Or so it goes. It was easy to thrust it aside when I was making such clear gains replicating skills from my previous life. I also, unfortunately had a bad habit of reading Chinese martial arts novels and such, most of which were total garbage when you can throw around giant light bombs, but hey. Some of the concepts matched what I already knew.

Flooding myself with ki and smashing stuff helped a lot. Rapidly launching beams and trying to recreate what I could, not that I had the energy for half of those skills, but it did a hell of a lot to keep me calm as a week turned into two then three. Despite this, I reiterate that this was in spite of my blood feeling like it was simmering like a volcano. I made sure to travel far from my pod so I wouldn’t accidentally blow it up when I launch blasts.

I also made sure to be careful not to hit the stone islands with vegetation. The giant squid thing didn’t like that, and I had a feeling continually blowing those up may end badly. Hammering the planet? Well, that was just fine. And I didn’t have any pesky environmentalists to complain about it.

All in all, these training sessions, which were more an excuse for me to blow shit up and hit things very, very hard went well. This went on until the full moon came. I woke up in a massive crater. The entire area around me completely decimated like somebody had been dropping high yield nukes for the hell of it. My head hurt like I had gone on a full-on bar crawl, then got hit by a smelly fish only to wake up in the middle of nowhere.

I ate out a whole grotto and spent the day just lazing around my pod as I stared into the sky. For some reason, going around blowing shit up really resonated with me. The thought of me being the apex being on the planet sent tingles down my spine. The idea of planet hopping as I make planets kneel under my feet was almost like a wet dream. It was all kinds of strange…

I had the feeling that I couldn’t improve anymore by just training up my skills, not anymore. Instead, I felt the call to fight something worthwhile. The squid was in the category still, but that felt like overkill so far. Well for me, I would die for sure. Which meant it was time for spelunking.

First, I would spend just one night staring at the star filled sky. Dreaming of conquering the stars. I lifted my hand and imagined crushing them one by one.

“I swear.”

I started. Thinking back to all the stories I had read for something suitable.

“I will be unparalleled in all the heavens. Gods and devils will kneel in my presence. Saints and demons will flee from the mere mention of my name. creation will quake at my name! RETTAS!”

I felt something inside me click at that declaration. Ki flooded my body like a warm bath. I felt myself lulled to sleep as the sensation soaked into me and slowly faded. Leaving me with the faint sensation of comfort and ease, like how a snake sheds its skin.

I awoke the next day more excited than ever for my spelunking trip. I gathered my things… scratch that. I had everything I already had on me. I then delved into the deep dark tunnels. Which may have been a problem if it weren’t for my very convenient glowing ki ball. It cost near nothing and made for good ambient lighting as I went deeper.

The walk deeper was boring and honestly, I could feel the air growing, muggier and heavier as I went. It felt nice honestly, almost like coming home. If home wasn’t essentially a massive tomb. While I walked, I recounted my training and just how bullshit Saiyan’s were.

Anything that dealt with fighting I mastered like a true savant. For the heck of it I fashioned spears from trees and threw them at a target. Well within a day I was throwing perfect throws that let me catch flying reptiles and hunt with casual ease. I was just seeing if I could and at the moment I mastered it, I dropped it faster than a burning coal. I was just done with it and had no intention of mastering a weapon, even if I could.

I could go for a Conan blade. Yes. Not a Guts blade, too big. More for style than actual use. I highly doubt that any metal I could find would be stronger than my own fists would eventually become. I was the weapon! Or whatever cool shit martial artists say. I could use my head to hammer nails in at this point, so why let common sense slow me down?

Maybe I’d be like chuck Norris one day and swim through land? Naw… that’s too much. Chuck Norris is in a whole other league.

My musings were cut short when the boring bland tunnels that stretched deeper and deeper finally plateaued. I stepped into a large open cavern. I dimmed my ki orb to take in the beauty of the site.

Crystal clear water gurgled and flowed from a small waterfall. Glowing green glass and flowers that glowed like the rainbow. Crystals that lit the cavern up high like the stars in the sky. Crystalline animals idly grazed. I wish I could take a picture…

Wait. My scouter has a video and photo function, right!? A quick confirmation proved correct. So, like an over enthusiastic tourist and blogger I took photos and videos. Soon enough my harmless photos and videos evolved into the nightmare tourist territory.

“Rettas here! Look at this adorable cutie!”

I held a small crystal deer that was stock still due to fright.

“I’m totally scarring it for life. And look at the water and the crystals! THE LIGHTS! This would make for a great nightclub scene!”

I attempted to beatbox and failed. Then continued to tour around while looking at everything like a dumb tourist. Then a new sight entered the clearing. It was primitive.

“CRIKEY!”

I hide and watch it from the grass as I stalk behind it. Doing my best to hide my presence as I stalk the primitive creature. It had a squid face. It held a small spear and had a strange crystalline clothing covering it. Following it was two or three more. My captive crystal deer stayed stock still as I trudged through the dirt with it.

They seemed to be mumbling something to each other in their strange burble language. My scouter translation function unable to translate their primitive language. They stiffened and promptly went on guard as they went further into the clearing. I feel the fear and uncertainty rolling off them.

“Bro! We shouldn’t be here; this place gives me bad vibes!”

One says, I assume. I was making it up as I went.

“Our village needs food; we must not return empty handed.”

The leader of the group looks to be saying as it gestures.

“But Bro!”

“Shush!”

They go silent. And stalk still.

“I feel like we are being watched.”

Says the third one, their beady eyes looking over the clearing.

“We should leave bro! Bro!?”

The second must say with a sense of urgency with all his burble glurbles. The leader takes one last look before agreeing and they leave the clearing. With them gone I stand up making sure to double check my video and pictures for posterity. That was fun. I set the deer down carefully as I decided to walk down another path.

*Tink…

I pause. I turn slowly. The trio came back. The middle one seems disarmed. Or rather, its spear seems to be laying on the ground next to me. I pick it up with a strained smile as my heartbeat in my ears.

“I think you dropped this…”

“Oh, shit, bro…”

“Let me return this!”

I chuck it at the leader spearing him through.

“BRO!!!”

The third bolts as the second runs to the leader’s body. I feel my blood pumping and crackling as I stomp forward. The leaders’ eyes widen slightly as I step closer and closer before they go slack. The second makes odd keening noises as I step ever closer until I’m towering over the duo. The second stares at me as their eyes widen and go slack. I found myself grinning, my breath hot as I pointed my palm forward.

“Let me help.”

I say, my voice sickly sweet. I blast my qi out into a short-range vaporizing blast. Just letting it dig into the area before me, carving away the stone and leaving no remains. I can only smell the scent of fried squid.

“NNnnn… wow…”

I moan as I feel a shiver down my spine. When the sensation fades, I find myself staring at the vaporized wall. Oh, shit…