Eventually, my somehow endless optimism won over my depression, and I decided things could’ve been waay worse. I could’ve been in Puella Magi Madoka Magica or, dramatic shudder, Worm. So, as it stood, I had gotten the long end of the stick. Either way, though, I was now free from the infirmary and could walk around freely.
They had found me some actual clothes, so that I didn’t have to go walking around in the hospital gown. Especially since the ones they found me in were torn and bloodied up. It was a short dress, which reached my knees and was slightly bigger than me. The shoes and socks they had were too big for me to wear and, despite them offering to shrink them, I decided to go without and walk around barefoot; it was a novel experience for me. Despite there being underwear available, it was uncomfortable for me to wear with my tail, so I decided to go without for now. Madam Pomphrey placed some sort of charm onto the dress that made it impossible to see up it, thankfully.
ANYWAY! I was bored. And that boredom led me to stand upon a cliff overlooking the black lake below. I moved away from the edge a few paces, and then started running. Just as I hit the edge of the cliff, I jumped with all my might, and practically launched myself past the cliff and into the open air. Gravity took hold of my body and I slammed into the dark waters feet first. The velocity at which I was traveling above the water caused me to sink deeply into the lake, nearing the floor.
I opened my eyes and I gasped, water bubbles spilling from my mouth. It was beautiful. Sunlight filtered through the water and cast flickering light dancing upon the waving seaweed and the seabed. I started swimming with the help of my tail, as it came instinctively to me. As I swam, I passed ruined buildings and structures, and even a statue at one point. A dark shadow loomed above me, and I looked up to see a singular eye gazing down at me.
I let out a squeak before it spoke, “Greetings, Princess.”
A sigh of several bubble rose from my mouth. “Hi, giant squid; will I ever be able to get you to stop?”
“No, princess.”
“I’m still not a princess, though?”
The eye shifted, and soon I could see its whole body, it was a squid. A massive one at that. “But you are, Princess.”
I rolled my eyes. “And how would you know, hm?” I replied, placing my hands upon my hips.
“All sea-creatures know. It is instinctual to know who the water’s royalty is, Princess.”
“Well, I don’t know, how about that? I woke up only knowing my name is Gawr Gura! Other than that, I have no idea!”
A low note rung through the water. “Be as it may, you are still a Princess.”
“Yeah, but I ain’t gonna get in none of that!”
“As you wish, Princess.”
“Can I at least get you to stop calling me Princess?”
“No, Princess.”
“Darn. Anyway, I’m lost again; this lake’s huge.”
“Do you wish for me to guide you to land, Princess?”
“Sure. You’d probably know this place like the back of your tentacle.”
“Very well. Follow me, Princess.” It swam off, leaving me to follow behind.
We reached the edge of the lake where the water slowly rose to land, creating a sort of beach. “Thanks, Mister Giant Squid!” I said as he left. “Now, time for my grand entrance.” I swam back a bit, before I sped towards the surface of the lake, launching myself into the air, screaming, “Hoooooochaaaa!” I landed upon the dirt, sinking down to my ankles, with my arms spread out and crouching. I straightened up and spread my arms wide to my audience.
There was nobody there.
“Well, fiiiinee, if nobody’s gonna comment on it,” I grumbled, pulling my feet out of the dirt. I marched my way down to the gate to Hogsmeade station, where Hagrid was standing. “Hiii~ Hagrid!” I called.
The massive bushy-haired man turned to me, smiling when he saw me. “‘Ello, Gura.” He patted me on the head when I got close.
“One of the peoples told me that you were going out to Diagon todah. Can I go? I promise I’ll be on my best behavior!”
“Er,” Hagrid paused hesitantly, “I suppose. Though, we’re making a stop to pick up a student first.”
“Let’s gooo!” I cheered. “What’re we waiting for? Let’s head out!”
Hagrid chuckled and took the lead. With a wave of his umbrella, a purple-blue bus banged into existence in the road. Hagrid, not wasting any time, told the conductor their location and paid him. I followed Hagrid aboard, and with another bang, that had me holding onto a railing tightly, we were off. Several stops later we arrived at our destination. It was raining and thundering when we arrived, soaking Hagrid as soon as he stepped off the bus. I, being me, stayed completely dry.
I grinned and followed the hulking form of the soaked Hagrid as he lumbered towards our destination. A lone house upon a rock island. “Race you there!” I yelled at Hagrid, and immediately jumped into the water. When I reached the rock island, I jumped out of the water and landed onto the rock. “Owie,” I muttered to myself, rubbing the bottom of my feet. The rock was hard. Which was like saying water was wet, but I didn’t really care.
Hagrid, after a few minutes, made it over to the rock himself and knocked on the front door, causing the building to shudder with each hit. I started doubting the stability of the building when the door fell over. “Sorry about that!” I said, following Hagrid in, who also apologized.
The inside was despairingly bare. There was only a sad couch and a weird-looking fireplace. To our right, there was a staircase which a fat man and a thin woman with a long neck blocked. On the couch was a similarly fat child, and on the ground next to the couch was a rug. Under the rug was a thin kid, who was staring at us with a face of astonishment. As Hagrid started addressing the fat man and thin woman, I approached the kid staring at me.
“What? You’ve never seen a girl before?” I asked, leaning down to look him face-to-face.
“I- er- uh- I,” he stuttered, barely making words.
“Hah! I’m just messing with ya. Name’s Gura. Gawr Gura. And you are?” I held out my hand for him to shake.
“I’m Harry, Harry Potter,” he said, taking my hand. I pulled him off the ground, making him stand. We were roughly the same height.
“Nice to meet ya, Harry! I’m here with Hagrid,” I pointed at the massive man, who was in the process of tying up the fat man’s double barrel shotgun into a bow, “to help him get a student for the school they’re going to.”
“Who is it?” Harry asked.
I shrugged at his question. “I dunno, I’m just here for the ride.”
Hagrid sat down on the couch, which creaked wearily as a massive weight bore down on it. “We’re here for yerself, Harry.”
“Me?” Harry asked incredulously, pointing at himself.
“Yup! Ah! I almost forgot, happy birthday, Harry.” He pulled out a squashed box. “I mighta sat on it at some point, but it’ll taste alright.”
“It’s your birthday?” I exclaimed, looking back at Harry, who was now opening the box. “Happy birthday! I didn’t get you anything, since I didn’t know, but if had known, I would’ve!” I glared briefly at Hagrid during my speech, before turning back to Harry. I peeked over his shoulder to look at the cake, which had pink icing covering it, with green icing spelling out, Happy Birthday, Harry. “You made this yourself, Hagrid? I didn’t know you could cook!”
Hagrid chuckled. “I’m not very good at it, so I had help from the House Elves.”
“Even still, it looks really good!”
Harry spoke up then, “T-thank you. Who are you?” The words were so fast I barely made sense of them.
“Haven’t introduced myself, true. Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts.”
“Like I said earlier, I’m Gawr Gura! First name Gura. I’m the local Atlantean who’s just around for some fun!” I struck a pose. Harry stared. I giggled at the look on his face and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Ah, don’t mind it, Harry. If you’re goin’ to Hogwarts, then you’ve got some magic in ya!”
“M-magic?” Harry asked, “Hogwarts? I’m sorry, but I have no idea what a Hogwarts is.”
“Yeh don’t know about Hogwarts?” Hagrid thundered.
“Sorry.”
“It’s not yeh who should be sorry!” Hagrid turned his massive bulk towards the fat men and thin woman. “It’s them who should be sorry!” My arm was still around Harry’s shoulders, which I gave him a little squeeze. “I knew yeh weren’t getting yer letters, but I never thought yeh’d never know about Hogwarts! Did yeh never wonder where yer parents learned it all?”
“All what?” Harry was looking lost.
“Magic,” I supplied.
“Magic?” The kid looked to me, a confused expression on his face.
“Magic,” I confirmed with a nod.
Hagrid, meanwhile, had gotten up from the couch and was looming over the people menacingly, still ranting. “-About ANYTHING?” he roared, making the people in the corner cower even further.
“I know some things. Like maths and stuff,” Harry supplied.
I wrinkled my nose. “Ew, math.”
“I meant about our world. Your world. My world. Yer parents’ world.”
“What world?”
“Wizarding World! It’s the place where magicians hide from the normies.”
“Normies?”
“Regular folk like those people over there. The others call em Muggles, but I like calling them normies.”
Harry looked completely out of his depth, and that was showing on his face. Hagrid was still ranting. Unlike myself, who likes to tune unimportant things like Hagrid ranting and those people out, Harry had apparently kept his eye upon both conversations. “What? My- my mom and dad weren’t famous, were they?”
Hagrid was staring at Harry now, as if his whole world was turned upside-down by Harry admitting that. He was muttering to himself, until he finally asked, “Yeh don’ now what yeh are?”
The fat man finally gained a semblance of speech, but I ignored him to tell Harry with the utmost serious face I could manage, “You’re a Human, Harry.” Harry gave me a look that roughly translated to, “I knew that, why are you telling me?” I simply grinned at him.
Hagrid turned back towards us, apparently finishing his lay down with the people. Hagrid, then spoke four words that sealed Harry’s fate forever, “Harry- yer a wizard.”
Harry replied with three and half words that confirmed that fate, “I’m a what?”
“Wizard! A human who has the ability to do magic!” I said, finally releasing Harry and turning around to face him.
“And a thumpin’ good one, too, once yer trained up a bit. I reckon it’s abou’ time yeh read yer letter.” Hagrid pulled out a crumpled envelope which he handed over to Harry.
Harry looked it over before opening it. I watched as Harry’s eyes flickered over the page, taking it in. He opened his mouth several times without saying something, before he spat out, “What does it mean, await my owl?”
Hagrid smacked his forehead, as if he just remembered something he was supposed to do. I explained to Harry, “Owls are used as the main source of letter sending, since they don’t have anything like phones yet. It’s kinda depressing, but oh well.” I looked over at what Hagrid was writing, “Don’t forget to say that I’m here, too. They’re probably worrying their minds out or something.”
“Why would they do that?” Harry asked.
“I’m technically not supposed to go outside of Hogwarts grounds due to some injuries I sustained a few weeks ago. Another part of the reason is because of this.” I held up my tail to where Harry could see it. He stared. “Yeah, that’s a typical response. People having tails isn’t exactly normal. Good thing I’m not a people and am instead Gawr Gura, Shark!”
“A what?”
“Shark! Keep up, Harry!” I slapped my hand into my other hand’s palm several times.
“I’m sorry, this is all new to me,” he apologized.
I reached up and patted his head. “Don’t worry yourself, I’m just messing wichya.” The sound of the storm became louder as Hagrid opened the door and threw a rather disheveled owl outside. Both me and Harry stared. “Poor owl,” I muttered.
The fat man said something, then. He looked angry. “I’d like ter see a great muggle like yerself stop him,” Hagrid said in reply.
The fat man continued, unabated. He was ranting. Was that a bit of foam coming out of his mouth? No, no; that’s just some spittle. Harry said in response to the fat man, “You knew? You knew I’m a- a wizard?”
The woman shrieked, causing me to wince. Oh, wait that was just her talking, is her voice just that pointy and hurty? Oh, they were shouting now. I backed up next to the fireplace, a good spot to stay out of the crossfire. Eventually, Hagrid started muttering about him not being able to say a certain name. “Oh! I know it! His name’s Voldemort!” I supplied. Hagrid shuddered. “He was supposedly a big deal or something. Name’s stupid, though. Sounds like some sort of off-brand shampoo.” Everyone was caught off-guard by my comments. “What?” I asked, looking around.
Hagrid chuckled, “Never change, Gura. Never change.”
“Wasn’t planning on it.” I was the one caught off-guard now. Might have been because I wasn’t paying attention to the conversation. Hagrid then turned back to Harry and started telling him a story. Eventually, slid down to sit next to the fire and fell into a half-sleep. A foghorn bellowed then, causing me to jump up in fright. “AAAH! I wasn’t sleeping I swear!” I paused halfway up to standing at attention- some sort of leftover muscle memory- when I realized where I was. “I. Uh. Sorry. Continue.”
Hagrid put away the handkerchief that he blew his nose in. “Thanks, Gura.”
“You’re welcome?” I said, not knowing what I was being thanked for. Hagrid continued his story, where he explained how Harry got some sort of scar on his forehead and how he became famous because of surviving some curse or another. The fat man spoke up after Hagrid said that he brought him to these people. Oh, were they Harry’s family? Harry doesn’t look related at all. The fat man continued, unabated. He only stopped and started cowering when Hagrid brought out his umbrella and pointed it at him. The fat man reattached himself to the wall again, staring at the tip of the umbrella.
“What- what happened to Voldemort?” Harry asked.
Hagrid shuddered. “Please don’t say that name.”
“Sorry,” Harry apologized.
“Say it all you want, he’s dead. He can’t do anything,” I countered.
“Disappeared,” Hagrid corrected. “Vanished. The same night he tried ter kill yeh, Harry. He was growing more and more powerful by the day, and he just up an’ disappeared. Some say he died.” Hagrid looked at me meaningfully. I gave him a bright smile. “Codswallop in my opinion. Dunno if he had enough human left in him to die.”
“Well, he’s gone now, so there’s no need to shudder at an off-brand shampoo.” I was standing up, leaning forward with my fists on my hips, looking at Hagrid.
“Yeah, I reckon yer right,” Hagrid acquiesced.
“Voldemort.” Hagrid shuddered. “Voldemort.” Hagrid tried suppressing the shudder this time. I took a deep breath. “VoldemortVoldemortVoldemortVoldemortVoldemortVoldemortVoldemortVoldemortVolde-”
“Al’right, Al’right, yeh can stop now,” Hagrid said, waving his hand.
I crossed my arms and nodded. “I will only stop when you stop shuddering when you hear the name Voldemort. But I will stop for now.”
“Hagrid,” Harry spoke up then. “I don’t think I can be a wizard.”
“Whatchu mean you can’t be a wizard?” I asked, looking at Harry. “You got a Hogwarts letter, yeah?”
“Have yeh ever made strange things happen when sad or angry?” Hagrid asked. Harry turned pensive, before a smile grew on his face. “See?” Hagrid said, beaming. “Yeh’ll be a great wizard, just yeh wait.”
“He’s not going! He’s going to Stonewall High, and he’ll be grateful for it!” the fat man spoke up, regaining his courage for a third time. Or was it fourth? Eh, whatever. “I’ve read those letters and he needs all sorts of rubbish- spell books and wands and-”
“If he wants ter go, a great Muggle like you won’t stop him,” Hagrid said, rising from the couch once more. “Stop Lily an’ James Potter’s son goin’ ter Hogwarts! Yer mad. His name’s been down ever since he was born. He’s off ter the finest school of witchcraft and wizardry in the world. Seven Years there and he won’t know himself. He’ll be with youngsters of his own sort, fer a change, an’ he’ll be under the greatest headmaster Hogwarts ever had Albus Dumbled-” Hagrid spoke with increasing intensity.
Feeling danger in the air, I quickly hid behind the fireplace, and peeked an eye out, watching the byplay. Harry glanced at me but stayed where he was.
“I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!” the fat man yelled, reaching a breaking point.
Hagrid went deathly silent. I grabbed Harry’s arm and pulled him behind the fireplace with me. The reason why I did it became apparent quite soon. “NEVER! INSULT! ALBUS! DUMBLEDORE! IN! FRONT! OF! ME!” Hagrid thundered. He seized his umbrella and waved it down at the fat kid, who started squealing and jumping around, hands clasped around his bottom. The family screamed and the fat man pulled the kid and woman upstairs. A door slammed shut.
Hagrid now looked a bit sheepish as he rubbed his beard. “Shouldn’ta lost my temper. Tried to turn him into a pig, but it didn’t work.”
I mentally compared the kid and a pig. “Yeah, I can see why it didn’t. He already looked like a pig. Probably tastes worse, too.”
“Please don’ mention that do anyone at Hogwarts. Not strictly supposed to do magic. Was allowed to do a bit of it to get here- one of the reasons I was so keen ter take the job.”
Harry and I had moved out from behind the fireplace now that the danger had passed. “Why aren’t you allowed to do Magic?” Harry asked.
“I was a student at Hogwarts meself, but I- er- got expelled, to tell the truth. In me third year, too. Snapped my wand in half. Dumbledore let me stay on as a gamekeeper. Great man, Dumbledore.”
“He also let me stay on campus, too!” I added in. “After I was found on grounds, naked and half-dead, he brought me in, got me healed up with the nurse there, and let me stay on campus. Got this dress, too.” I grabbed the hem of my dress and waved it around. “Want to get me some more clothes, too, while we’re at Diagon Alley.”
“Diagon Alley?”
“The main shopping district for the wizarding world, at least in Britain,” I explained.
“We’re gonna go there tomorrow, getting a bit late now. Here, you two can take a kip under that.” Hagrid tossed his massive jacket on top of both Harry and me, causing us to topple over. “There migh’ be a couple o’ dormice in the pockets, so it might wriggle a bit.”
“Ooh, a late-night snack!” Harry gave me a weird look. “I’m joking. Mice taste terrible when not cooked correctly. Not to mention there’s not a lot of meat on them to begin with, so it won’t satiate me.” Harry continued looking at me. “Humans taste terrible, so no, I won’t eat you if that’s what you’re worried about.” Harry continued staring. I threw the jacket over him and said, “Whatever, let’s just go to sleep now.”
We both took my advice and huddled under the massive jacket, in which we slowly fell asleep. Well, I fell asleep really fast- I have no idea how slow or fast Harry fell asleep.
Well I've read up to modern times on AO3 and damn it's a fun fic. Didn't expect that it's silly af and entertaing. I love it can't wait for updates.