This great witch is the best!
Who doesn't agree?
*overwhelming silence*
Thought so.
This great witch is so great, in fact, that she has managed to complete her assignment by the Heavenly Host ahead of schedule!
Now, let's talk about the assignment - actually, let me introduce you to my new chandelier: it's a rare antique of around 20 BC that I imported from Jerusalem. I'd attach a photo, but it would definitely be against the terms of service of the platforms on which I post this blog.
What do you mean, it's strange how it wiggles and writhes and makes painful noises? It's the appeal of this thing!
What do you mean, it bleeds over the carpet? The carpet likes it! It hasn't had a good meal in ages!
Yes, it isn't bleeding blood! Yes, the carpet will be fine! Yes! It's normal for the carpet to emit toxic smoke!
Goodne- I mean, Wickedness! You and your hypothetical questions!
Sigh, yes, it doesn't shine! Well, it does, especially in the field of Alchemy, but it doesn't physically emit light when I run an alternating current through it. Or does it?
...
A test I conducted just now shows that it doesn't! Well, who needs a chandelier for lighting of all things? I see in the dark just fine!
Anyway, the assignment. Any more questions? Thank you.
The Heavenly Host, blessed be their name, rules over a myriad of worlds and creates new ones all the time.
And some of these worlds are more important than others.
And some of the important worlds tend to regularly break, and when they do, sometimes they break in ways that require a delicate witchy clay hand to fix, not just the traditional "have you tried turning it off and on again" approach.
Anyway, there was a dispute between not two, not three, but fourty eight different subsidiary management companies over an important world, and this dispute had to be resolved by someone.
The biggest contender was, of course, Hell, but there were many others with rather reasonable claims.
Because this dispute had to be solved in a fast and fastidious manner, this great witch had to be involved along an entire host of other certified arbitrators.
There was an entire congress hosted over there where various creatures who could be roughly interpreted as witches were arguing over who this world and all the souls of its inhabitants belonged to.
Papers were flying, cats were flung, arguments were turned into blue glowing stakes that pierced the opponents, some crazy chick ran a filibuster speech for nine whole days (on that planet, which rotates against its Sun with a different frequency. Translating to Earth time, it was approximately 46 days) until she was literally skewered through the heart with counter arguments by annoyed witches and distributed as a snack amongst the audience.
This was probably the most fun I'd had in a hundred years!
At the end, as expected, Hell got the world - but other organisations got some stakes. I'm sure this isn't the last time I'd visited that place.
All of it was resolved in mere 4 years (Earthen time).
What disappointed me, however, was that the time difference between Earth and there was so serious that the reports I got from my Sabrina and garbage-chan were so thinly spread out that I barely even tasted anything if their pain.
Besides, they omitted so many things! When I ate Wilhelm for its memories, I found out so many juicy details!
Like how garbage-chan broke down at her home and wailed and cried for ten minutes straight!
Those "crying, I trusted you, crying" were delectable!
Or how Sabrina (who hasn't learned to ward her home against poltergeists equiped by Great Witches like yours truly) looked so upset and guilty when she found out garbage-chan knew she was going to be Devil dinner! I was completely enamoured with her forlorn expression!
Or how betrayed she looked when a chandelier by the name Adara told her this great witch was going to turn it all to nothing at the end!
Argh, I'm still so angry at Adara that she spoiled this particular surprise!
And I'm also angry at Sabrina for not figuring out I'd do it!
She's a big girl, she should know better!
Now Sabrina is going to reconcile with garbage-chan since she couldn't find the loophole I employed (as if she could).
What about the tragedy? Where's my favourite drama?
I hate sappy endings!
Be a sore loser. Punish now, and ask questions later.