I once had a dream.

A dream so far away that I thought I would never reach it. Even now, it remained so distant that not even my fingertips could brush against its elusive surface.

I stifled a sigh upon seeing what was written on the piece of parchment that Instructor Delia had handed to me. Listed on it were my exam rankings, and they certainly weren’t anywhere close to what I wanted.

Arithmetic, second place. Crest Bestowal, second place. Culinary appreciation, second place. Dancing, second place. Etiquette, second place. History, second place. Politics, second place. Socializing, second place. And so on.

My eyes kept running down the list, but the only thing I could see was the number “2.” It was beyond frustrating and it took all my willpower to refrain from slamming my fist against my desk in rage. While coming second might not have been a source of shame for another noblewoman, it certainly was for me.

My dream was not so simple that I could settle for merely coming second. No, my dream was grand and illustrious, for I strove not to emulate mediocrity, but rather to become a noblewoman just like Lady Scarlet Avimorne who was hailed as the most prominent noblewoman of my generation.

To come second while still holding that dream in my heart was nothing more than an insult to Lady Scarlet, and I certainly would not content myself with such a lackluster result. Honestly, my very existence itself was an insult to nobility. Every noble had taken first place in something at least once in their life, but not me.

I had only ever come second, but I wouldn’t let that stop me.

I’d resolved to become someone like Lady Scarlet no matter what.

“Lady Jocelyn!” A bright, cheery voice came from beside me. I had no idea why this absolute buffoon kept talking to me, but she somehow managed to seem even stupider than my knight which was honestly impressive. “How did you do on your exams?”

Normally, such a question would have put me on guard given the fact that my results were placed plainly on my desk for all who passed by to see. Any noblewoman asking a question like that despite being able to easily obtain the answer for themselves with nothing more than a simple cursory glance was obviously attempting to set up for a verbal barb.

However, the one who addressed me would do no such thing because she had absolutely no capacity to do so. In fact, I doubted if she could even read.

“I failed,” I replied simply. “What about you, Lady Mina? I trust you’ve been asked to attend remedial lessons?”

Mina gasped, her eyes widening in genuine surprise. “H-How did you know!?”

I honestly never even imagined someone could be that stupid. Instead of voicing that thought though, I simply gesture at the piece of parchment that Mina held in her hand. “I saw your ranking. At least you didn’t come dead last in all of your subjects, though.”

“O-Oh! Ahaha, that’s so silly! I forgot I was even holding on to this thing!”

...What? How can you forget something you’re literally holding onto? I shook my head in an attempt to avoid the headache that was slowly beginning to settle in. “Right. Well, perhaps if you studied harder, you would’ve done better.”

“But I did study! It’s just really hard to follow Instructor Delia’s lessons, and I never have any time to take notes since I’m a slow writer...”

...How is that my problem? Stop looking at me with those eyes. I turned away from Mina, heaving a sigh. “And what am I supposed to do about that, Lady Mina?”

“W-Well... I was thinking that m-maybe you could teach me...? I mean, whenever you expla—”

“Pardon me for interrupting, Lady Mina. Lady Jocelyn.” A singsong voice came from behind me, and I turned to watch my archnemesis rear her disgustingly beautiful head.

Fuck. I couldn’t help but sneer slightly as Lady Rosaline curtsied. Her form was so obnoxiously perfect that it felt like she was trying to challenge Lady Scarlet’s superiority, and her refined and elegant demeanor just made it impossible for me to say anything rude to her.

Not only that, but even though we were of the same social standing, she wielded incredible power and influence amongst our peers to the point where not even the ducal heirs and heiresses commanded as much respect as her. To make matters worse, she also possessed an incredibly powerful Crest that recently won her an impressive slew of victories with her new knight Leticia.

In other words, she was everything I dreamed of being. She had stolen my place as the most beautiful, elegant, and accomplished noblewoman in the academy merely by existing. And yet, here she was smiling at me like we were friends.

Bah! I’d rather eat my own dress than be friends with someone like her.

“Lady Rosaline,” I stood from my seat and returned her curtsy reluctantly. “As you’re carrying your exam rankings with you, I trust you wish to compare our results?”

Lady Rosaline shook her head. “Oh, no. I’m already well aware of where we both stand this month, but I do wish you luck in the next.”

My left eye twitched. What the hell was that? Was she trying to tell me to stay in my own lane? Get fucking bent, bitch.

“After all, it’s not as if I didn’t notice your hard work throughout the month. Not only have you dedicated most of your time to studying and socializing, but you’ve also participated quite heavily in matches with your new knight. Honestly, I’m impressed.”

What...? First she insults me and now she’s trying to butter me up? Lady Rosaline’s motives absolutely escaped my understanding, but it seemed like Mina’s attention had shifted to her now, so that was at least something favorable.

“Why do you look so upset, Lady Jocelyn?” Lady Rosaline asked as she regarded me with a seemingly curious gaze. Now I seriously couldn’t tell if she was just trying to make fun of me or not.

“...I’m not upset, Lady Rosaline. Why would you think that?”

“Ah. My apologies for assuming. then. It is just that you bore such a strained countenance, I could not stop myself from worrying about you.”

“...I see. I thank you for your concern, Lady Rosaline, but it is unneces—”

“W-Whoaaa! Lady Jocelyn, you liar!” Mina exclaimed.

I glared at her, my voice venomous as I addressed her rude interruption. “What? Since when have I ever lied, Lady Mina? I would advise that you not throw around baseless accusations like these.”

“You did! You totally lied!” Mina pouted. “You said you failed, but you placed second in every category! That’s so amazing, Lady Jocelyn! Almost as amazing as Lady Rosaline who placed first in everything!”

I flinched. Almost as amazing as Lady Rosaline. That’s right. As long as Lady Rosaline was here, I would never be as amazing as her. I would only ever be almost as amazing.

History, arithmetic, etiquette, dancing, and everything else. Lady Rosaline could do it all, and she could do it perfectly too. Hell, she could even play six different instruments and she actually knew how to ride a horse. If I was being realistic, she was far closer to my dream of emulating Lady Scarlet than I ever would be.

...I can’t accept it. I don’t want to accept it. Not now, not fucking ever.

I stood up abruptly as I struggled to contain the mixture of shame, fury, and disappointment that was quickly welling up within me. “My apologies, Lady Rosaline. Lady Mina. It seems I’ve just remembered that I had a prior appointment. Please excuse me.”

Without even waiting for a response, I performed a quick curtsy and made for the classroom’s exit. Mina and Lady Rosaline both seemed genuinely confused and even a little upset, but that wasn’t my problem.

However, I would not even be permitted to keep the last vestige of pride I still possessed. As I made to stride through the doorway, a sharp voice pulled me back as if it were a noose around my neck.

“Lady Jocelyn! Where are you going?”

I grit my teeth and turned. “My apologies, Instructor Delia. I thought class was dismissed.”

“Indeed it is, but have you already forgotten that I had requested to speak to you after class today? Or did you mean to ignore my summons?”

“...No, Instructor Delia. Of course not.” I apologized profusely. Truth be told, I somewhat recall Instructor Delia saying something to me immediately after handing me my exam rankings, but I’d been in a daze at the time and had just automatically nodded as I wallowed in my own misery upon seeing that I’d ranked second in every subject.

Instructor Delia eyed me with some measure of skepticism, but chose not to pursue the matter any further. Instead, she beckoned me toward an empty corner of the classroom and gestured for me to sit.

“Lady Jocelyn, I trust you are aware that we will be holding remedial lessons after classes for the next two weeks, yes?”

I nodded. “Yes, Instructor Delia, though I’m not sure what that has to do with me.”

“I would like for you to act as my assistant instructor for those remedial lessons. It seems that there are quite a few more students taking them this month and while none of them have said it to my face, I have unfortunately overheard that my lessons can be hard to follow. Perhaps you could help supplement their learning thanks to your exemplary exam results.”

I frowned. This didn’t make any sense. “...My apologies, Instructor Delia, but I’m not sure I understand you. If you are looking for a student with exemplary results who can aid your students, why are you asking me instead of Lady Rosaline?”

“Sure, I could ask Lady Rosaline,” Instructor Delia shrugged. “But I want you to do it.”

I was stunned for a second. Perhaps even touched.

Instructor Delia wanted me instead of Lady Rosaline? Well, that was news to me. During the etiquette examination, she’d rated Lady Rosaline’s performance much higher than mine. Even during class, she called upon Lady Rosaline far more than she called on me, not to mention that this was the first time she’d ever called my results exemplary.

Normally, she’d only announce that Lady Rosaline took the top spot in every category and that we should all be more like her. There was never any mention or appreciation of anyone else.

No... There’s something more to this. I thought as I noticed a certain evasiveness in Instructor Delia’s tone. There was something that she wasn’t telling me.

“...Are you asking me because Lady Rosaline has already made her own appointments?”

“H-Huh!? How did you—N-No, of course not! This is a job that only you can do, Lady Jocelyn!”

I narrowed my eyes, barely managing to mask the fury behind them. It was so obvious that Instructor Delia was lying, and I certainly didn’t appreciate it. I was a fool to think for a second that I was someone’s first choice. 

As always, I was second.

“I’m afraid I also have prior engagements that I must tend to, Instructor Delia. Good day,” I replied, controlling my emotions as best I could. Before waiting for the instructor’s reply, I quickly spun on my heel and left.

The click-clack of my heels echoed loudly in the empty hallways of Avalyne Academy. Though the nobles had been dismissed earlier today, most of them chose to remain in their classrooms and socialize amongst one another. As for the knights, they were still busy in the outdoor training grounds.

Normally, I would’ve made a beeline to my friends’ classroom in order to gain some modicum of comfort and confidence back, but I simply felt like being alone. I wasn’t exactly depressed, but I felt like indulging a bit of self-pity, but of course, I would always be denied what I wanted.

The sound of steel-soled boots thundered through the hallway, accompanied by what was possibly the most moronic laugh in the world. There was only one person who could possess such a brain-destroying laugh.

“Jocieeeeeee~!”

“...Melindra. How many times have I told you not to call me that? And do not shout in the hallways. It is uncouth and unbefitting of a knight.”

“Hehe~! Fancy runnin’ into you here, Jocie!” Melindra grinned, her beautiful lavender locks bouncing as she bounded toward me and embraced me.

“O-Oof!” I winced as she rammed right into me and squeezed me tightly. “W-What do you think you’re doing, Melindra!?”

“Aw, c’mon! I’m your knight, aren’t I? Isn’t it good to have some skinship from time to time and develop our bond!?”

Indeed, this idiot was my knight. We’d met near the beginning of the academic year at the academy’s front gate. Apparently, she’d been so lost that she had shown up three hours prior to the acceptance ceremony just so she could find her way to the auditorium building.

However, she never managed to do so even within those three hours. Had it not been for me, she probably would’ve ended up missing it. I suppose we somewhat kept in touch after that, but given that she was a knight and I was a noble, we seldom had any chance to socialize.

So then, why did I make her my knight? Well... I saw it. That incredibly vivid match where Lady Viviane and Dame Medrauta managed to defeat Lord Bastiche and Dame Ritya. More importantly, I bore witness to the oath that Dame Medrauta swore to Lady Viviane following their victory.

I hadn’t given much thought toward love before, but that sight certainly made my heart skip a beat. I couldn’t help but recall how I always wanted a beautiful and graceful lady knight that could complement my elegance when I was a child. Of course, my parents enabled me as a kid and told me that I would be able to choose whomever I pleased, but they quickly hammered in the reality of societal expectations once I came of age.

Yet right there before my eyes, Dame Medrauta had sworn her everlasting loyalty to Lady Viviane... I couldn’t help but wish for the same. Coincidentally, Melindra was quite close to Dame Medrauta and had been inspired by her actions. As it turned out, both Melindra and I had dissolved our oaths on the same day and had been looking for a new lady and knight respectively.

That’s why I didn’t understand why Melindra was acting like this. After all, this was a union of convenience, nothing like what I’d originally dreamt of. We’d managed to win a fair share of matches throughout the past few weeks, but that was wholly due to Melindra’s skill.

After finally succeeding at pushing her off me, I placed my hands on my hips and glared at Melindra. “Do not do that again, and stop calling me ‘Jocie.’ You will refer to me as Jocelyn and that is final.”

“Okie dokie, Jocie~!”

“Y-You...! Are you mocking me!?” I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her violently. “How dare you!”

“Wahaha! Of course I’m not mocking you!” Melindra laughed. “But you feel better now, right?”

“...What?”

“You looked suuuuper pissed when I saw you from afar, y’know? Medrauta says when you’re angry, it’s best to let it all out, so c’mon! Shake me some more!”

I sighed, releasing her. There was no point in arguing with her when it was obvious that nothing was going on in her head, but... Embarrassingly enough, she was right. I didn’t feel upset at all anymore. In fact, I’d totally forgotten about why I’d stormed out of the classroom until now.

“...Thank you, Melindra.”

“Aww, shucks! Does Jocie wanna hug again?”

“No! Do not touch me!”

“Aw...” Melindra pouted. I glowered at her for a few seconds before dropping my gaze. It was obvious that a knight like her wouldn’t be intimidated by a noble like me. After all, she’d come first in jousting, riding, carriage driving whereas I’d come first in absolutely nothing.

“...Are you sad again, Jocie? What’s wrong?”

I turned away from her. “Nothing. Anyway, what are you even doing here? Aren’t the knights all at the training grounds right now?”

“Hm... Yeah?”

I stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate. Instead of doing so, she simply returned my gaze with a goofy grin. “And?” I prompted.

“And.... I’m not?”

What the hell...? Does she have no knowledge of how basic conversation works? My brow furrowed in annoyance as I pressed the question. As dumb as she was, there was no way she was this stupid. There was something that she was hiding, and I would be sure to extract it.

“Alright, Melindra. Why are you not at the training grounds? I need a valid reason, otherwise I’m dragging you back there now. I don’t want a knight-instructor thinking that I helped you cut class.”

“...I’m not cutting class, but I can’t tell you why I’m not at the training grounds.” Melindra crossed her arms stubbornly.

“...Why?”

My knight didn’t respond. Instead, she just lowered her gaze and shrunk back as if she were afraid of me.

“I asked you a question, Melindra.”

This time, Melindra actually took a step backward. Her foot was half-turned as if she were preparing to make a break for it. I definitely wasn’t going to let that happen.

“...If you answer me, I’ll let you hug me whenever you want.”

“R-Really!?” Melindra’s face lit up. “Ah... But... If I answer you... You’ll be sad...”

“...Did you get kicked out of class or something? I won’t be upset with you if you did.”

“Um... No. Quite the opposite, really. Today’s class is designed to help everyone brush up on their riding skills, but Dame Eirlys said that I was already up to speed and would just be a distraction for the rest of the class, so I was excused. U-Um! I even have a permit to prove I’m not lying!”

I frowned. “...What? Why the hell would I be upset? Rather, I’m proud that my knight is so accomplished. You’re even in the same class as Dame Medrauta, if I remember correctly. The fact that you’re better than the strongest knight at something is already impressive.”

“Well... Because... I thought... Um... You know?” Melindra fumbled with her words for a few more seconds before she finally uttered something coherent. “Today’s when the exam rankings for the nobles come out, right? Well, I saw you were super mad, so... I kinda just put two and two together and I remembered that you really hated coming second, a-and... Y-Yeah...”

I blinked in surprise. For someone who normally acted so ditzy, Melindra was surprisingly insightful at times. “...Melindra. Can I tell you something embarrassing?”

“...Sure?”

“You’re familiar with House Avimorne, aren’t you?”

Melindra nodded in response. “Kinda, yeah. My father serves a noble from their house.”

“...Do you know of Lady Scarlet?”

“I’ve seen her a few times, but I don’t think she’s ever taken notice of me? Plus, she goes to the Imperial Academy, doesn’t she?” Melindra tilted her head in confusion. “I’m not sure why you’re asking all these questions, though.”

I gulped and drew breath, gathering my courage. “Ever since I met her at my social debut, my dream has always been to become a lady just like her. She’s always first in everything she does and tries, and she’s known as a pillar of our generation’s nobility. I... I want to be someone who can shine that brightly too. I want to be just like Lady Scarlet.”

Melindra didn’t say anything. She just stared at me.

“...Sorry. It’s stupid, right?” I laughed. “That’s why I’m always so upset despite coming in second. I think I might’ve even hurt Lady Rosaline’s feelings a few times because of it. I... I should probably apologize.”

“Yeah, it’s stupid.” Melindra said, her blunt statement and tone catching me completely off guard. Her hands shot out, grabbing me by the shoulders. “It’s really stupid. I know I’m dumb. I’ve never really been the sharpest sword in the armory, and I’m super behind in my tactics classes. Esme, Medrauta, and Brig always try their hardest to tutor me. Sometimes even Lady Viviane joins in, but I can’t help thinking that maybe I’m a waste of space. That maybe I’m just useless and a lost cause.”

I was stunned. Melindra didn’t really talk about how she was doing in her other classes besides the ones that I asked about or that she excelled at, so I never really knew how much trouble she was having with everything else.

“But that dream of yours is even worse, Jocie. I don’t think it has any place in this world. Even if it did, I’d do everything in my power to shatter it.”

“...W-Why...?” Despite learning of Melindra’s struggles, I was on the verge of tears. I didn’t know why she was being so harsh with me and my dream despite its foolishness. I didn’t even know where she was going with all of this or if she just wanted to insult me and point out my naivety.

“‘Cause I hate it, Jocie. I hate that you wanna be someone else... You’re Jocie. I’m Melindra. No matter how stupid I am, my friends won’t abandon me. They’ll always be there for me to help me through my idiocy. But you’re not stupid at all. You’re so smart and talented and beautiful... I honestly don’t even know why you accepted someone like me as your knight. Yet here you are, telling me that you wanna be Lady Scarlet instead of Jocie...”

H-Huh...? Is she... Is she really crying!?

Sure enough, the tears that fell from Melindra’s eyes right now were real. “...I hate it so much. During these past few weeks, you were always working so hard and trying your best... I thought you were upset because you wanted to be number one for your own sake, not because you wanted to become someone else! That’s so, so, so unfair!”

“C-Calm down, Melindra! I-It was just a silly dream I had! There’s no need to get so emotional!”

“N-No! I won’t calm down! There is a need to get so emotional! Did you know, Jocie? When you asked me to be your knight, it was a dream come true! I know you’ve never really noticed me, but I’ve always made an effort to walk past your classroom so I could drop by and visit you, but you never looked at me once! I always wanted to thank you for helping me find my way to the auditorium that day! I wanted to get to know you, and to be your friend! I mean... W-Without you, I wouldn’t even be attending the academy right now!”

“O-Okay! I get it, Melindra! Now can you please calm down!?”

“...To me, there’s no one who shines brighter than you. You’re my guiding light. Not Medrauta, not Brig, not Esme. Not Lady Scarlet. Just you, Jocie.”

I couldn’t even say anything in response. All this time, I’d thought I was destined to be second in everything, but right here in front of me, my knight was telling me otherwise.

“...All I could do was watch you from afar. All I could do was be happy when you laughed and be sad when you cried. I couldn’t share anything with you... But now that I finally have the chance to do so, you’re telling me you wanted to be someone else all this time...? How can I not get emotional...?”

All this time, there had been someone watching me even though the only thing that I’d wanted was to become someone I admired? What a joke. Why the hell would someone want to look at forever-second Jocelyn?

But the knight in front of me was totally serious. She looked not at the Jocelyn who wanted to emulate Lady Scarlet, but at the real Jocelyn. The Jocelyn I’d hidden behind so many layers of false superiority and noble airs in an attempt to cast away my insignificant self who never managed to achieve anything of note despite working my hardest.

In truth, I’d given up. I’d given up on being the Jocelyn who tried her best only to achieve second place. I was tired of giving it my all just to always be outshone and outdone. That’s why I wanted to be like Lady Scarlet who no one could outshine or outdo. No matter where she went, she was always the center of attention and possessed an endlessly bountiful charisma.

For once, I just wanted to matter. For once, I just wanted to be able to call myself the “best” at something even if it was just for a fleeting moment. I just... I just wanted my hard work to matter.

“...I don’t want some stupid perfect noblewoman,” Melindra murmured through her sniffles. “I just want you, Lady Jocelyn.”

“...Are you really okay with me? I get frustrated easily, overly fixated on my desires, and I’m not at all refined or elegant despite the pretense that I keep up. Is that... Is that really the noble who you wish to serve?”

“...Of course it is, Lady Jocelyn.”

“...I see. Very well, then. But just be warned that I won’t be taking it easy on you,” I smiled as I produced my handkerchief and wiped away Melindra’s tears. “For starters, why did you stop calling me ‘Jocie’? I’ll have you know that I was just pretending to hate it. I actually think it’s rather cute... Mel.”

Melindra gasped, and then a positively glowing smile blossomed on her face.

“I-If you’ll allow me, Jocie!”

I returned her smile, looping my arm through hers. Despite how flawed I was, there was still someone who was willing to accept me for who I am. Rather, they preferred the imperfect me over a perfect lady. 

...What a fool I was. I’d spent so much time trying to become someone else that I forgot how to be myself...

For the first time in my life, I felt like I could finally leave that idiotic dream of mine in the past and look forward to the future.

My future.