Chapter 4: “Sarah”

 

 

            “Samuel… is that really you?”  Sarah asked.  “They told me, your dad and brother, but… wow.”

“Yeah, its me.” Sam nodded, still unsure of where things were heading.

Sarah looked around before gesturing towards the staircase.  “Mind if we talk upstairs?  I think we could use some privacy, and I want to set this down.”  She finished by lifting the bag off her shoulders that had gone unnoticed to emphasize.

“Uhh, sure yeah, lead the way and I’ll follow you up.  Ahem, do you want anything?  Water maybe?”

Sarah smiled warmly, “No, thank you.”

 

 

 

Sam closed the door to her room behind them with a click, taking a small breath to calm her heart before turning back to face Sarah, and watched as she sat the bag down next to her on the bed with a plop.  It wasn’t very big, maybe the size of a school bag.  But it looked laden with implications. 

Is she returning the various gifts I’ve given her over the years?  It wasn’t a completely unfounded thought, as sometimes one or both partners would return presents or gifts during a breakup.  Sam never figured out the reasoning behind it herself, but she felt extremely vigilant about the signs under the current circumstances.

 

Sam and Sarah stared at each other from across the room, Sarah’s eyes held a mixture of curiosity and sadness that she wore with a bittersweet smile.

 

Sam’s right ear began to twitch from a stray hair that had worked its way in, but she fought to ignore it.  “How are you?” Sam asked, to seize the initiative, not really knowing what she was hoping to delay, only feeling the need to keep it at arm’s length as long as possible.

Sarah laughed lightly at the cute sight before responding, “That’s my question to ask right now actually, not yours.”  Patting the bed next to her and pulling out a hairbrush from her bag she continued on, “But I am okay.  Now come here, let me brush your hair, and you tell me how you feel.”

 

Sam didn’t even know where to begin, the gender change?  Having a tail?  Periods?  Her fears about their future together?  Sam wanted to say something, but the words just wouldn’t come out.  They felt stuck.  Instead, Sam nodded and joined her on the bed.  In her heart she knew it was already over, Sarah was warm and kind, but she hadn’t even offered to hug Sam, and that said enough.

As if reading her mind, Sarah reached out and pulled Sam across her lap, to which she offered no resistance.  She then wrapped her arms around Sam's smaller form, pressing her head to Sarah’s chest with her firm embrace.  Sara leaned down and nuzzled her face against Sam's ears.

They held onto each other for a while as Sarah gently rocked them both.  Sam wasn’t sure when it started but she began to weep, silently at first but as she felt Sarah’s own tears wetting her ears, she began to lose it.  Its fucking over, I knew it.  Fuck!  

 

After they calmed down, Sam felt Sara’s arms relax as she moved to wipe away her own tears.  Sam felt drained, uncaring to do anything except blink away the remnants of her own sadness as Sarah’s hand gently turned her head upwards to look her in the face.

“Oh Samuel…”  She murmured, using her thumb to brush against Sam’s tear-stained cheek, catching the last escapee and wiping it away.  She leaned in, using her hand to guide Sam's face to her own as they came together for a kiss.

 

Sam poured all of her love and frustration into their lip-lock, and Sarah seemed to do the same as their soft lips clashed.  But this wasn’t their usual passion, this didn’t feel like the kiss of lovers reuniting.  It hurt. 

Their lips conveyed their emotions better than they could form words.  They expressed their love and gratitude for each other in the gentle and slow moments where their kisses deepened before they separated for breath.  They would pant for a moment as their need twisted inside their hearts like a knife, a reminder of what they had, now lost - before clashing again, their fevor like a salve to a wound that wouldn’t close, reprieve at last.  But it was short lived.   But even if it wasn’t, it somehow wasn’t enough.  Sam could feel it, among all the powerful emotions they shared, there was one key thing lacking between either of them.  Lust.

 

Sam tried to roll away from Sarah, unsure of when they fell in their passion, but Sarah held fast, pulling her back to her chest in a spooning position with Sams tail wedged between them.  Sarah gently stroked Sams hair with one hand.  What’s up with everyone and petting me??

 

“I loved you, Samuel, truly.  I still do… but its not the same.  I don’t think it is for you either.”  She waited, giving Sam enough time to correct her, but Sam didn’t - although it hurt her heart to admit it, she did somewhat feel the same.  There was no more attraction between them.  I guess my orientation is changing...  Sarah cleared her throat and continued.  “Our love… the time we shared, its not lost… and it wasn’t for nothing.  I’ll always be here for you.  I’ll always cherish the love you gave me, and it’s because of you that I know what a good man is.”

Sam didn’t interrupt, but rolled over to face her as she spoke.

“I’ve always wished I had a little sister, but I never would have asked for something like this.”  She reached out to brush a hair away from Sam’s face.

“Is that what you want?  For me to be like your little sister?”  Sam asked somewhat incredulously.

 

Sarah frowned slightly before swapping it out for a bittersweet smile.  “No.  I want you to be my Samuel again.  But that’s not possible anymore.  Short of that though, instead of grieving our loss or hating each other… why don’t you let me be big sis?  You didn’t exactly have a mom around to teach you how to wear a dress or walk in heels…”  She giggled shyly “Let me play with your hair and dress you up.”

She was right.  Sam didn’t have anyone to rely on to learn about being a woman, and although it might be strange at first Sarah was always a large part of his life and motivations, instead of carving that out of herself, it might in fact be better to do as she suggested and reshape that bond into a different kind of relationship.  Instead of holding on tight, she had to let go, if only enough for something new to grow.

 

Sam took a deep breath, choosing her words with care before speaking them.  “Losing the future we had together, it feels like a large part of what I was growing and striving for just wilted and died.  Knowing we won’t have children together…”  Sam trailed off as emotions threatened to overwhelm her again, needing a moment to suck in a few calming breaths before being able to continue.  “Knowing you won’t ever carry my child.  And not even by any choice we made, just a random stroke of fate.  I’ve been thinking about that since I woke up.  Sarah, I loved you too, truly.  You’re right, its hard to just put those emotions away, and I don’t want to smother them with pain or grief any more than you do.  If you think the best way to move forward from here, is as my big sister, then I’ll try.”  Sam smiled honestly at Sarah for the first time since she let her into the house.  “At least it’s a way forward through this pain.”

Sarah nodded, her hand had stopped petting her during Sam’s monologue, but it resumed again.  “For you it’s only been a couple days, but for us we’ve had an entire month to come to terms with things.  I spent a lot of time thinking about us, about how you might feel about things, and I think this is the best idea I could come up with that let us be a part of each other’s lives.  Still love one another.  Just in a different way than before.”

 

 

“I brought some things I thought might help you out.”  Sarah said and began to pull items out of her bag.  After they had their fill of cuddling, they switched to a sitting position and had her things strewn between them.  There weren’t many, and so Sarah took great pleasure in presenting the first one with exaggerated fanfare. 

“Tadaaaa!  Okay, so they’re only some bras, I asked John but he said he didn’t know what size you were but that figures I suppose.  He said you were smaller than me though, so I went out and bought a couple of different sizes.”  Without waiting for consent Sarah began tugging off Sam’s sweater and top, “whait-haee!”

Sam blushed in embarrassment and reflexively brought a hand to cover her exposed tits, looking up to see Sarah’s wry smile.  “Modest, aren’t we? C’mon, I gotta see them in order to size you, so lower your arm.”  Sarah took Sam by the wrist and gently moved her hand away.  She smacked her lips appreciatively as she appraised Sam’s perky new assets, they were a large c-cup, still smaller than Sarah’s own but due to Sam’s small frame and slim shoulders they seemed larger than they were.  Atop her twin peaks sat Sam’s little pink nipples, slowly getting hard from exposure to the bedroom air.  They’re the same shade of pink as my clit.  Huh. 

 

“You’re a very beautiful girl, Sammie” Sarah said while watching her struggle to affix the clasp behind her back.  Sam noticed the change in moniker but shrugged it off.  It’d be weird if she kept calling me by such a masculine name.

“You are too, Sarah.  I wish I’d told you that more while we were together.”

 

A sudden knock broke Sam’s concentration making her fumble her grip on the bra strap as it rebounded up off her tits and onto her chest.  She’d been so concentrated she hadn’t even noticed his footsteps this time.

“Sam, are you in there?  You okay?” As Michael finished his question he opened the door without waiting for a reply, and stood in shock at the scene before him.

 

“ohhmygawd” Sam muttered to herself as she quickly covered her face and tits, but Sarah was even faster on her feet, having grown up with younger brothers herself.

“OUT. Outoutoutout!  Don’t you know better than to just waltz into your sisters’ room?”  Sarah strode towards him armed with Sam’s pillow -when did she get that? – and began administering the most intense beatdown Sam had ever seen.  If a pillow could die, it would have died several times over.

 

Michael raised his hands in mock defense, his face a mixture of playfulness and shock/shame, and began to back out towards the doorway.  Under her intense barrage however, the defense became all too real, almost tripping on his way out.

“Sarah! Ow. Ah. S-Stop I’m going!”

As soon as his foot crossed the threshold, Sarah promptly closed the door between them, sealing him out.  “An’ ye better not come back without cookies to make up for it!” She shouted through the door before turning back to face Sam, who’s face felt like it was on fire but was struggling to hold back her laughter.

Finally giving in she let out a light chortle.  “Thanks Sarah, I needed a laugh.”

 

Sarah scrunched up her face, coming back over to finish clasping Sam’s bra.  “What’s so funny? I had to beat him, you– did you not see how ‘long’ it took for him to pick his jaw up off the floor?  Your brother is a perv.  Or lonely.  Or both.”  Sam laughed again, for the first time not internally cringing at how feminine it sounded.  Is this what accepting the self feels like?  Baby steps, I guess.

“I think he’s just a virgin, Sarah.  No need to read into things beyond that.”  Sam smiled.  “Hmph.  We’ll see when he comes back with those cookies then I suppose.”  Sarah said before she directed their attention to the remaining pile of items after helping Sam back into her top.

 

“Well… The rest of these aren’t as fun but I got you a box of tampons and pads, some panties, and some chap-stick for the winter.  There are also some really soft socks in here I thought you should try on.  I think you know though that the biggest gift I came here to give was our new bond.  If you ever need anything, I’m here for you.”  Sarah smiled at Sam.  They sat back on the bed, and Sarah began to brush Sam's hair skillfully, settling out all her snares in moments.

“Too late for the pads, I’m covered on the tampon front.  I’m actually having my period right now, but I think the worst of the cramps probably happened while I was still unconscious since I haven’t really felt any since I got home.  But it sucks.”

 

Sarah reached out to pet Sam, something she’s grown to accept somewhat.  “I never thought I’d be sympathizing with my Samuel about period pains.” She giggled.  “That might be the case, or it could be that you’re a little like me and you just cramp in the mornings.”

Sam sighed, “I guess tomorrow I’ll find out.  Speaking of – I was going to drag Micael out to go clothes shopping but maybe you can help me instead?  After that we can stop at our favorite bakery for some bagels and cream cheese?”

Sarah beamed, “I would love to!  I’m going to make you the prettiest girl in all of Storm Rock, just you wait and see.”  This almost made Sam regret asking, almost.

Sam held up a hand, “I don’t want to be the prettiest girl, I just want to wear some comfortable clothing.”

 

Sarah laughed like Sam said something dumb.  “What?” but Sarah only rolled her eyes.  “Well, you already agreed: I get to dress you up, sucks to suck.”  But in a rare moment of brazenness for her Sarah leaned in to whisper in Sam’s ear: “It actually doesn’t, I’m sure you’ll love it too.”  Before leaning back with a wink and carrying on like nothing happened.  “Also you’re already very beautiful, Sammie.  Unless you stopped taking care of yourself entirely I think it would be hard to hide your charm, even with your frumpy-dude-fashion sense.”

 

But Sarah had done it somehow, she dredged up the memory of her hand reaching out to grasp his engorged member, licking it from base to tip before engulfing it in her wet mouth.  Suddenly she imagined their position’s flipped, a veiny prick barely fitting in her own grasp as she swallowed in anticipation, parting her mouth before running her tongue along his length breathing in this man’s scent as she worked her way up his shaft.  Pausing to blow her hot breath over his cock-head before she-.

“Sammie, helloww” *snap snap* “You there?”

Sam blushed furiously, nodding her head.  She was confused about the tingling warmth emanating from her abdomen and groin before she realized the ridged, hard, veiny truth.  I’m turned on thinking about sucking dick?  Holy shit.  I think I’ll unpack that one later. 

 

“Thought I lost you there, you kinda just zoned out and started blushing with a weird smile.  Where were you just then…?”  Sarah asked with a knowing smile on her face.

Sam opened her mouth, but she couldn’t think of anything to say and just closed it instead, looking down and blushing more.  “Heheh.” Sarah teased with her laugh.

 

The sound of footsteps drew Sam’s attention, causing her ears to swivel before she turned her head.  “Ohh, what is it girl?  Is someone’ coming?”  Sarah asked in a voice one used for their dogs, earning a glare from Sam in return.

 

The sound of knocking permeated the room, followed by Michael’s voice.  “Can I come in now?  I brought cookies like you guys asked.”  Sarah smiled triumphantly and crossed over to the door, pulling it open but holding her hand out to bar his entry.

 

“No you can’t, I’m leaving soon so you’ll be able to hog Ms. fluffy-ears all you like after I leave.  Thank you for knocking like a good boy though.”  Sarah teased.

“Wh-Well then why did I make these?” He said, holding up the cookies indignantly.

“Ah, well, these” she said, relinquishing him of his burden, “are for Sammie.  She’s on her period and sweets help a lot.”  She turned and passed the plate over to Sam after extracting her middleman fee, who promptly set the plate on her bedstand. 

“Besides its not like you didn’t have any, I can see the chocolate on your face still,” Sarah snickered.

 

Sam smiled, remembering Michael’s sweet-tooth and decided to egg on, “Be honest, just how many cookies died before this plate came together?”

Michael’s eyes widened and then glossed over in a look of remembrance.  His voice came out hollow, empty. 

“Too many.”

 

Sam and Sarah shared a laugh at his acting before they shooed him away, leaving the door open.  Sarah turned towards Sam and pulled her off her bed and into a short embrace.  After parting, they made their way downstairs with Sarah’s bag now empty save for the discarded bras.

 

At the entryway they paused one more time to hug, exchanging their final farewells for the evening.

“I love you, lil sis.”  Sam swallowed down the emotions that threatened to bubble up again.  Being relegated to the position of sisters after all they had been through was still going to take some adjusting.

“I love you too, big sis.”  Sam said softly.

 

Sam watched Sarah walk off into the night, her eyes following her until she turned a corner, and the building blocked her sight.  She closed the door with a sigh and locked it.  It wasn’t the resolution she hoped they would have, but it was far, far better than what she had feared.

 

All things considered, Sam was looking forward to tomorrow.