The professor explained the lessons in a presentation, pointing to some points and examples in front of the class. In front of me was Emily, writing down things with her pen. I paid attention to the professor, occasionally moving slightly because I needed to look past Emily. 

Emily then rose from her seat and stretched her limbs. With a smile, she walked past me and toward someone else. She was about to raise her voice when she noticed me concentrating on my lessons. She glanced at me. I pretended not to notice and continued concentrating. She started talking in a low voice with her friends, trying her best to not bother me. Some of her words still pass, but since she wasn’t talking to me, I thought of them as no more than background noise. 

It was Saturday. For Emily, today was the last day of her midterms. For me, this day was supposed to be a day off, had there been no replacement classes. The class on Tuesday morning had been canceled because of some issues, and had been moved to Saturday morning. I felt slightly annoyed, but there wasn’t anything I could do, so I rolled with it. 

Luckily, it was just a two-hour class, and after we finished, I immediately turned for home. On the way, I stopped on the empty field where the Torii gate once stood. It was empty, like always. 

"I'm going out with my friends, do you mind?" 

Emily's voice came from behind me. I looked her way and nodded. 

"Have fun." 

"Thanks." 

She smiled and walked away, while I turned my motorcycle on and went back to my apartment. I didn’t really have anything to do for the day, so I decided to do some cleanup. Things had been busy, so I hardly had the chance to clean my place up. As I was tidying up my belongings, I received a notification from Yohan. Now that I thought about it, I think I heard someone calling my name when I left my class, but it was just a faint voice. I thought I was hearing things, or maybe it was Emily, but because it wasn’t clear, I just left. 

I checked my Fine, seeing what he was talking about. As it turned out, he asked me to go and accompany him on a shopping trip at the mall across from my apartment. I had been denying most invitations to go out ever since I got stuck with Emily. Since I didn’t have much else to do, I considered the invitation. I switched and messaged Emily about my plans. Emily didn’t check her phone, as she was talking with her friends, discussing one of their professors who was late to class because of a broken car. She stopped and looked at something. I used that chance to tap on her shoulders. 

She looked behind, slightly surprised. I didn’t do these often, so I guess she would assume it was someone else. 

“Fine.”

I told her about my intention. She quickly reached into her bag and pulled out her phone. 

“Why are you even asking me?”

“Wouldn’t it bother you if we both talk at the same time?”

“Not like we ever tried it.”

I guess we couldn’t continuously dodge our friends' invitations forever, and especially with my film major that required me to be in meetings with lots of people, I couldn’t keep dodging others like these. I guess at the end of the day, we need to assume the worst case scenario of us being inseparable from each other, and learn to deal with it. 

“Thanks.”

“Not sure I did anything worth thanking for, but no problem.”

“Ah, just a friend. Come on, I want to look at those.”

Emily pointed toward something else, but she winked at me and walked off. I then switched my message back to Fine and contacted Yohan, confirming that I would soon be there. 

 

“Not gonna lie, I thought you would just reject it again.”

“Why invite me in the first place, then?”

“You won’t know if you don’t try.”

Yohan said with a shrug as he went around the bookstore, which became our first destination.

“What are you even looking for?”

I asked as I followed him. The bookstore had two main aisles that split not far off the main entrance. Between those two aisles, at the deep part of the store, was the manga section, where a lot of translated Japanese comics were stacked on top of each other. Various different titles were neatly placed on the shelves, many of those I never heard. 

“You’re buying manga?”

“Yes. I’m forced to, in a way.”

Forced to?

Seeing my confused expression, Yohan kneeled down and picked one up. He showed the cover toward me. This one was actually one that I had read about, and quite liked. 

“I don’t normally buy romances like these, but I liked the art style, so I think it would be useful for reference.”

“Ah, so that’s why…”

Drawing classes. For those without drawing experience, it was hell. Since we did our drawings in class, where our teacher could look at us, tracing would be impossible. Three hours a week wasn’t enough to get good at it, either, so outside material would be useful. 

“You’re going for animation?”

Our major divides us into two different categories. In our third semester, we would choose whether we wanted to study animation or live-action film. I had decided that I would be going for live-action, but I had yet to hear Yohan’s choice. Hearing my question, Yohan shrugged his shoulders. 

“If I can get good enough by the end of the second semester, why not.”

He said as he put it into a temporary bag. As I was speaking with him, Emily nonchalantly turned and passed in front of me, directly through Yohan. She did it while still talking with her friends, or should I say, debating. 

“I think you never taste Aunt’s Martas, then.”

“No way, strawberries are definitely better!”

“Should we test it now?”

I was distracted for a moment, my mind forming the conversation topic based on the pieces of dialogue that Emily said. 

“Simon, you’re alright?”

Yohan asked while flapping his hands before me, bringing my attention back toward him. 

“Ah, yeah, I’m fine. Spaced out for a bit.”

As I said that, Emily suddenly stopped. She glanced my way, our eyes intersected with each other’s gaze. We both averted our gaze, pretending to be doing something else and continued on, trying our best to not act suspicious in front of our friends. Yohan looked at me with curiosity, before giving up and returning to whatever he was doing before. He scoured the lines of manga, looking for another one with a different art style. He then made his way around the store, this time picking up a local comic. The more art style you study with, the better you become, or so I assumed. 

He dropped them into his bag and brought them all to the cashier. As he paid, I waited in the section beside the cashier, looking at the books on display, all while hearing Emily had her girls talk. Normally, I didn’t care much about them. We were already holding ourselves back, trying to keep what little privacy we still have, so I thought that it would be disrespectful if I paid attention to what she said, but…

I just couldn’t.

Every word, the way she uttered them, I found myself paying attention to their discussion. Even when they talked about clothes, things I didn’t normally bother with, I found myself interested. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting, let’s go.”

Yohan tapped on my shoulders, catching me by surprise. I wavered a bit, scratched my head, and turned toward him. 

“Let’s go.”

“Simon, are you really alright? Are you not feeling well?”

“Ah, it’s nothing, really.”

I said while flailing my arms. He looked concerned, and not just him, but Emily as well. I noticed if I kept acting this way, things would be hard for the both of them, so I gave Yohan a smile and pushed myself forward, prompting him to follow me, and for Emily to return her attention toward her friends. We walked separate ways, but the distance between us remained. From my eyes, I was dragging her back, although from hers, I was the one being dragged. It was truly an off-putting phenomenon. 

We forced ourselves to live with it, but truly, how long would it take before we got completely used to it? Apparently, two months wasn’t enough. However, the reason I was here today was to forget about my thoughts, well, that and to get used to ignoring each other, in a way. I pushed all of my thoughts to the back of my mind and concentrated on getting through this day. 

“Where to next?”

I asked Yohan. I knew Emily heard me, but she tried her best to ignore me, proven by the way she raised her voice. I too needed to ignore her, and we both tried hard to stop paying attention to each other’s words. 

 

As time went on, it became apparent just how hard we had been trying to exclude ourselves from conversations with our respective peers. This was the hardest in our two months together. Before, if one of us wanted, or rather, needed to go outside with friends, the other would stay at home. While the sound was definitely annoying, we could handle it, because we didn’t need to speak at the same time. 

“Spinach or broccoli?”

“I think Professor Anton is definitely too harsh.”

On one side was Yohan, asking me for my opinion about which vegetable to cook for dinner. On the other hand was Emily discussing one of her professors with her friends. It became incredibly hard for me to concentrate on my conversations with Yohan. To make matters worse, there were times when Emily would ask a general question, something not specific to her and her friend group. Once I heard that, I would react, misunderstanding her question as a question directed at me. 

It became increasingly hard for me to come up with excuses in front of Yohan. 

“Spinach.”

I answered, yet my eyes headed toward Emily instead. She didn’t notice, as at the time, she faced away from me. I forced my eyes to tear themselves away from Emily and instead did my best to concentrate on Yohan. I watched as he picked up the spinach and tossed them into the shopping cart. 

“What are you-”

“Pizza-”

This time, both of us were distracted by each other's words, but we did our best to continue our respective sentences. 

“-Making with them?”

“-Maybe?”

I finished my question, almost at the same time as Emily’s. 

“Soup, probably.”  

Yohan answered, all while gazing at me with a mixed expression. It seemed that he noticed my hesitation. 

Spinach pizza…

In the heat of the moment, my mind decided to merge the spinach with Emily’s pizza, despite me not knowing what the context behind her words were. An image appeared in my mind, but I quickly shoo it away. Having a debate with Italians wasn’t something I wanted to do right now, so I vanished that thought deep into the chasms of my mind. 

… Would it taste good, though?

Realizing that my mind, for some reason, decided to take the spinach pizza idea seriously, I quickly made my way away from the vegetable section. I decided that parting ways with Yohan for the moment would be the best course of action, so I told him that I went to grab some snacks and left. 

I stepped briskly above the white tiling of the supermarket’s floor, heading toward the snacks section. I picked up what I wanted, only to remember that I didn’t have a shopping basket with me. I jogged back toward the entrance, all while hearing about Emily’s heated discussion about pineapple pizza. I found myself curious about her, and despite not caring so far, I found myself interested in her words. 

I tried to pull my mind away from her, just like how we used to be, where we did our best to keep ourselves separate. But, at that moment, as I picked up the basket, I commented in my heart about her choices. I reminded myself that she wasn’t here with me, and to not say anything. 

“Yeah, but there’s something unique about the combination.”

I really don’t think the taste mash together well.

“Try it, like, just once, for real.”

Is it really that good? To the point you’re asking them to do that?

“No, of course not!”

Hmm? I wonder what response resulted to that?

I suddenly noticed a person on my right, in the shadow of my vision. 

“Ah, sorry.”

The person said after nearly hitting me. 

“Ah, no, I’m sorry.”

I replied and stepped away. I was so concentrated on Emily’s conversation that I found myself pulled away from my own surroundings. I then felt a tap on my right shoulder, which caused me to jump a bit. It was Yohan. I stopped at my place. 

“Seat for three, please.”

“You’re okay? You seem really off today.”

I separated Emily’s sentence from Yohan's. I nearly made a mistake, however, accidentally classifying Emily’s request for seating as Yohan’s question. I nearly replied to that one, only to remember that I wasn’t in a restaurant. 

“Sorry.”

“If you don’t feel well, you really should go back.”

“You think how many of the class would pass? I mean, I heard from the seniors that Professor Anton is that strict.”

“Simon?”

I tried my best to separate Emily’s words from Yohan, but even if their voices were different, I still struggled. Feeling awfully exhausted, I decided that it was enough.

“... Okay…”

I realized that forcing myself any further wouldn’t help much. I also realized that my words had caught Emily’s attention, who was now seated down right behind me. She looked up at me with concern. I glanced at her and back at Yohan. 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s alright. Here, give me the basket, I’ll return it for you. Or do you still want to buy them? I can deliver them to you.”

“No need, I don’t really need them. Sorry for the trouble.”

I handed the basket over to Yohan, who took it and put it inside his cart. 

“Do you need me escorting you back?”

“Don’t worry. I feel better now. See ya.”

“Okay. Message me once you get back, alright?”

“Sure. See you later.”

I then waved, and left.

 

“Sorry about that.”

Night fell around me. The skies went dark, a single star twinkled far in the endless sky. I looked up at it, Emily’s words coming from behind me. 

“It’s fine.”

I said as I turned around, leaning my back on the glass window. I pulled myself up and headed for the bed, sitting down beside Emily. Emily watched me as I sat down. 

“Who would have thought both of us going out at the same time would be this hard?”

Normally, when one of us was talking, the other would be silent, thus we didn’t have conflicting conversations. 

“Yeah… did your friends notice you acting weird?”

“They’re asking me if I’m alright. I assume the same happened to you.”

“Yeah…”

Concentrating on our own worlds while the other stood right next to us had just become harder. We couldn’t stay in our shells forever. If this continues, people might suspect that there was something wrong with us. I wouldn’t want my friends to think I was crazy just because of this, although admittedly, I wouldn’t be surprised to see myself actually going insane. 

“I wonder if your parents went through this hell as well.”

“Hell…?”

She muttered those words, but quickly continued.

“Should we ask them?”

I shook my head. 

“I’ll only be a bother.”

“Pretty sure not.”

“Regardless, just knowing whether they went through the same thing or not wouldn’t help-”

Emily pulled something out and held it above her legs, which dangled freely from the bed’s side. I soon noticed that it was her phone, evident by the way her left hand danced above its screen. 

“Sent.”

“Are you sure it’s fine?”

“Of course. We may learn a thing or…”

Emily’s eyes were on the screen, going down what I assumed to be a line of text. 

“Nope, never mind.”

“Nothing helpful?”

“The details do not matter.”

She said as she stuffed her phone back into her pants. 

“You’re only making me curious, you know that?”

She ignored me and turned around. I didn’t know what the view was like from her place, but from my eyes, it looked like she was staring at the wall.  

“So, what if I wanted to make you feel curious?”

Emily glanced toward me, a small smile on her face. I let out a sigh and didn’t react further. I felt incredibly exhausted that day, far more than usual, so I took a second look at her before lying down on my bed. She moved a bit, to allow me to get into position. 

“I still have something to do, so I’ll stay up for a while more.”

“Alright. Don’t do anything funny, okay?”

Hearing me, Emily approached me and poked on my nose. 

“What if I do?”

“Just… don’t wake me up.”

Emily let out a chuckle and got off the bed.

“Good night.”

“Night.”

I closed my eyes, letting the darkness behind my eyelids engulf me.