Book 2, Chapter 10, Taking out the fifth, erh, sith, no, filth.

November 6th

Daily Prophet.

Rita's Chronicle.

My dear and faithful readers.

It's under the most fearful circumstances that I must report to you today that a lunatic, under the pseudonym "V" has launched a denunciation campaign against the most prominent members of or community.

Basking in the vile and pettiness conferred by his anonymity, that miscreant spited and vomited such a hateful speech against Gilderoy Lockhart, the famous novelist and hero, that many of the witches and wizards that were unlucky enough to ear his speech had to be rushed toward the St Mungo's Hospital for urgent care, having suffered from fainting to strokes, some having wound following their falls.

According to a medical spokesman, only the urgent and fast care dispensed by the most qualified healers and head of offices prevented casualties and after-effects. 

How much longer will we experience calm before the storm when V launch yet another attack ? How long should we wait to strike at this menace and it's accomplices ?

Already, the ministry of magic and the department of magical law enforcement had launched an investigation under the lead of it's most skilled investigators. 

Inquiries and interrogations have been made about the wizards and witches listed by "V". Examinations by the St Mungo's Hospital and the officers from the department of magical law enforcement revealed that each of them had their memory modified or erased at some point in time.

But shouldn't we ask ourself this questions :

- Were they the so called victims of a secret series of attacks made by a well known do-gooder ?

- Or is the truth that these people were really attacked by "V" himself in order to pass his numerous heinous crimes under someone else name ?

- or worst, could they have volunteered to be this new fake hero "V" puppets and followers and run the biggest scam of the last twenty years ? For what purpose ? To what nefarious and gory end ?

We all know that the crimes listed by this infamous broadcast could never have been possible.

Let's be honest and realists here, who have in the sanest mind ever heard about someone stealing people's stories ? Such an act would be more in line with a bad script of the Adventure of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle. Of which I already told you about it's author bad habits and acquaintances. Or worse, some lunatic's story straight out of the Quibbler.

Spokesman from the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry told us that Gilderoy Lockhart was shocked and offended by this outstanding allegations. He added that he was receiving support from the whole school staff and that as proof of his good deeds and to reassure the public, professor Lockhart was of course ready to collaborate with the DMLE whenever and wherever they wanted, so to better and faster clear his good name.

Students from Hogwarts told us that they were also shocked by this claims but that their teacher was in no way the dark wizard described by the rumourmonger V. 

- He's the best DADA teacher we've ever had. Said a young blushing witch under the guise of anonymity. I can't let you disclose my name, the other numerous females students of his fanclub will think I want to outdo them and end up jealous.

Many young students are baffled by "V" atrocious claims.

Young Harry Potter, also known as "The Boy who Lived" is known to have been mentored and tutored in his studies, but also in relation to his fame. Something no one else did for him before, revealed the young man's best friend. We're really thankfully to professor Lockhart for his support toward Harry. Living with this fame he didn't want, without having the support and backing of a real family, is gruelling and sometimes dreadful. He's really thankful and appreciative of his sessions with his mentor, and shocked by the allegations against him.

Harry Potter as the boy who lived and Draco Malfoy, the young entrepreneur about to become one of the most targeted bachelors as soon as he will leave the school, both pupils of Gilderoy Lockhart, are each the subject of unconditional adoration form their respective fanclubs. A situation Gilderoy Lockhart was more than happy to help them with.

Obviously this claims will pass without being able to stain professor Lockhart's reputation.

This poor victim of V's shenanigans will be waiting for the results of the DMLE's investigations. 

Professor Lockhart, I know you will read my words, keep faith and stay strong during these times. 

The Daily Prophet will of course let it's readers know all and every news about this incredible story that flamed their interest. 

Yours truly, 

Rita.

 

After carefully reading her article, I still have no idea who could have leaked Harry's involvement with professor Lockhart to her.

Promise. Fingers crossed.

What ?

Censorship ?

No idea what you're talking about.

Gripsec, pay her her damn money so we can be done with it, please.

---

Bloomsbury Publishing Company, Official Statement.

Afternoon of November the Fifth.

It's with great concern that our publishing company have heard about the outrageous claims that shocked the magical community today. We, at Bloomsbury, maintain our faith and trust in our friend and colleague Gilderoy Lockhart. We remain at the disposal of the department of magical law enforcement for their needed work. We hope that in this dark times the truth may come out as soon as possible. We urge our readers and the witches and wizards of the magical community not to listen to hearsay and badmouthing. Our dear friend's accomplishments are publicly known. Should anyone doubt it, we urge this person to purchase any or all of Gilderoy Lockhart's published books, available by owl post from our company or in any well stocked bookstore. 

End of statement.

---

November the 8th, the higher they go the harder they fall. Especially if you put stones' pikes on the ground. A.K.A Garbage day.

Ministry of Magic, Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

November 8th.

Note N° 1992/862C

Report on the conduct of Gilderoy Lockhart and the allegations made of it.

- Following an announcement held and made public by way of an anonymous wireless broadcast.

- Following the reception by the department of one thousand, two hundreds fifty-six letters sent by three hundreds forty seven witches.

- Following orders for an inquiry made by Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge on November the 6th.

- Following notifications from St Mungo's Hospital staff, department chiefs and chief healer after the careful examinations of eight wizards and witches all linked to the case and presenting after checkups signs and after-effects of memory erasure, memory modification and memory tempering. 

The department by hereby announce it's findings :

- Of all eight witches and wizards examined, four were able to be cured immediately either partially or totally of the Obliviate curse. The other four are still under the care of the St Mungo's Hospital's staff. This four persons appeared to be the oldest victims of this case. Further treatment and care should be provided to the recovering wizard and witch who got partially cured.

- Further inquiries made with the people of their entourage further prove they were the original actors of the stories written in Gilderoy Lockhart's books.

- Following his arrest, examination of Gilderoy Lockhart's wand with the Prior Incantato spell revealed the Obliviate spell was used more than a hundred times in the last ten years.

- Upon arrest the wizard Gilderoy Lockhart expressed confusion on the possibility of his arrest, seemingly believing he could not be brought to justice. 

- The wizard Gilderoy Lockhart is so by the present note sent to be detained at the Azkaban prison until the date of his trial.

---

Don't forget to flush.

Two hours earlier.

- I won't believe it, that's not possible. I'm telling you it's a huge and unforgettable mistake on your part and the ministry. Do you who I am ? Do you know who I know? I'm a five times winner of the most charming smile of Witch-Weakly ! You're doing such a great mistake. Check my books. You can't do this to me and my fans. It's a conspiracy. The publisher made me do it. I'm a patsy !

 

 

Sometimes I wonder if Mary Poppins was a witch. And which house she would end up in ?

Do you remember the first movie ?

I so loved that actor that played two roles. First Bert, the chimney sweeper and second the old bloke from the bank. Totally blew my mind as a kid when I saw the name revelation at the end of the movie.

 

 

(What follow are just the lyrics, for the music 🎶 part, please go listen to the movie Mary Poppins, Bert's song, slightly adjusted. All rights should be divided between the Mouse's brand and me)

 

Scheme scheming me

Scheme shame on you

Scheme scheme for all of us. 

Some dark plans are coming

To fruition tonight

 

Scheme scheming me

Scheme shame on you

Scheming for so long for you

I put a call for your cell

They got it ready for you

I put a call for your cell

They got it ready for you

 

 

Scheme scheming me

Scheme shame on you

Scheming shame for more than two

I put a call for your cell

It's no limited to you

I put a call for your cells

It will all be ready for you ! 

 

 

What ? I did tell you he was but only the first on my list.

The least dangerous and easiest to remove too. You can pretty much guess the names of the others.

So.

A good thing when you know the publicist and the journalist ? You can push them to make mistakes to further your plans. 

Yes, I'm the one who discreetly pushed the editor in this direction.

 

What do you think would happen to an editor's house caught red-handed defending a proven crook ?

Don't worry. I'm mentored by the Count of Montecristo.

I don't hurt bystanders.

So, here is "their" my answer to his arrest and proofs of his guilt.

Bloomsbury Publishing Company, Official Statement.

Afternoon of November the Tenth.

It's with deep regret that we must inform our readers, clients and associates that we were swindled by the most despicable crook, Gilderoy Lockhart. Using our company, that man, now arrested and charged with his ignominious and numerous crimes, professed his so claimed heroic acts. He used us in an attempt, alas successful, to attain fame and glory, leaving nothing but a list of poor innocent victims in his wake. As a token of our admission of our guilt, we will now issue a recall of all the books we published under his name.

As an tentative of apology, we contacted all and everyone of Gilderoy Lockhart's victims, asking them for their permission to publish their stories, to help the truth come out. 

All fees from this sales will go toward the victims, their families and with their blessing toward a charitable fund created for this occasion.

This fund and charity, named : "Unknown Heroes". Will promote the heroic acts of the other unknown heroes out there, among us. 

---

One more thing,

I must tell you before I forget.

I would be a huge blunder on my part not to as it was oh so funny when it happened.

When Gilderoy Lockhart was walked by force along the great hall, in the middle of the central tables, the owls made their entry, delivering the mail. 

Among all the other owls, including the Malfoy's family eagle owl, some beautiful bar owl swept and flew, diving head first on it's target.

What was noticeable about them wasn't their size, their colour or even the bright red letter they carried. 

No, the most noticeable feature was that they flew in a perfect flight formation.

You could have given each of this owls names like Iceman, Maverick, Athena, Starbuck, Leslie Nielsen and Obitwo, but it would have needed many more call signs as it was dozens of them that flew, in that day.

It was as if the whole of Hogwarts' owlery came to the great hall.

 

After a dive and a vertical take off, every wing of owls bombed it's target one after the others. 

You could see here the many hours and days of training it took to fly them like that.

Something that usually was done to deliver love letters, birthday, Christmas, Valentine's day cards and congratulations gifts and cards.

This owls dove, flew over and back toward the sky and their owners, disbanding in a complex form as chaotic as it was orderly, having accomplished their mission.

They weren't the least concerned by the letters' content. Or by their unique colour, which made quite an impact on delivery.

The moment this pieces of red infamy landed on him and in front of him, it kind of stopped time for all officers, teachers, students and culprit present.

The normal course of action for the recipient of an howler would be to open it and run away as fast as possible. 

No so easy to do under magical restraints and two officers holding each one of your arms.

This unfortunate course of events lead to the final countdown to overrun it's due.

- Gilderoy Lockhart, how dare you, you filthy piece of slime ! You lied to me, you lied to all of us. How ? How could you do that to all this poor people you monstrous asshole. Do you have any idea how you look ? How you made me look ? How you made your whole fanclub look ? How my friends see me right now ? I'm going to personally rip your throat and your guts open for what you did. You filthy piece of mut...

I won't be able to relay what was screamed after that for two reasons : 

- the other howlers exploded.

- I put on my personal earmuffs and gave theirs to the girls. I couldn't let them go deaf.

The screams and shouts were so loud and powerful it shook the walls and the ceiling, making a rain of dust fall on all of us. 

I think letting Gladys Gudgeon, a witch working for Bloomsbury, whose most important posts in her own eyes was, the Gilderoy Lockhart's Fanclub President and Founder positions, and her reading club active member and vice president's positions (the president was the founder who's over a hundred years old right now. None of the current members wanted to push her out as she was a lovely nice witch), know about the current state of her crush and his crimes wasn't a bad idea. 

We should still check the structural integrity of the castle. Just to be sure.

Ah yes, a special note from the wizengamot made it known that no former members of Gilderoy Lockhart's Fanclub and said reading club should be permitted in the court room without surrendering her wand and having been checked for poisons or other harmful potions or artefacts.

The way and speed some people switch from adoration to infernal hate is astonishing.

 

Oh, it wasn't really visible during the sound attack but some witnesses swear they saw what must have been Filch mop being tossed one way then another by the chain of explosions.

It finally landed on the red table for the utter shame of one of the owner's children.