Book 2, Chapter 12, If there's something strange in your neighborhood.

From what I learned later from my father, he pushed for Fudge to act as fast and strong as possible to "help protect" the school and it's students.

Cornelius Fudge, as the Minister of Magic, was under a lot pressure from the wizarding community to do something about the attacks that happened in Hogwarts.

It seemed the public associated accusations from V to the truth.

At least partially, seeing that his first accusation against Lockhart ended up with a lifelong vacation on a beautiful island in the middle of the North sea, in the company of a truly dedicated entertainment group, hell-bent on his residents welfare.

The public didn't take well the fact that Lockhart was able to go unpunished for so many years without anyone getting wind of his crimes.

With the ministry having no contact at all with the whistle blower, they had to put on a strong front to try appearing competent.

It lead to Fudge coming to Hogwarts to make an arrest. While presenting it to the public and letting HER talk about it in the Daily Prophet.

I wonder who they subpoenaed for that...

Yes. The same person that brushed them as incompetents.

They tried to cuddle her by bribing her with inside information but well, it's Rita...

Ouch !

Hagrid can really shout loud when he's angry.

There goes my father, a perfect asshole Malfoy, insulting his home. 

Merlin's pants, he really think himself a great genius !... Nobility, riches, rank, tickets, all of that make you so proud ! What did you ever do to own so mush ? You let yourself be born in the world, and nothing more : for the rest a mere ordinary man.

There goes Fudge acting sorry as he "had" to do something to not appear incompetent. (Why don't you do your job ?)

A real masterpiece of investigation, take the bloke you accused without proof the last time. Don't make your case. Don't bother using something like the veritaserum. Just bring the guy down to the worst British prison ever.

Hagrid had to calm down a little first to allow himself to be "captured".

It was a tremendous effort on Dawlish part. Five years old are more unwilling in kindergarten.

Ron, even if he was hidden under the cape like the others, didn't escape his part of the ruling.

A sentence for a full trip deep in Hogwarts' spider infested forest.

There you go, red hair, white as sheet face who then turned green.

Was there a flag with this colours ?

Google won't work here.

Dawlish and Hagrid went in Hogsmead's direction, then apparated.

The Azkaban prison couldn't be reached directly, but instantaneous travel sure shortened the necessary travel time.

The trio stayed behind, most likely to take of their cloak before going back to the castle.

I used the fact that professor Dumbledore waited for Hagrid to disappear from his sight to take the lead without being seen.

A short while later, I didn't took of my cape behind a bush (no spoilers) and made it look like I was just walking back from the lake.

Something about my father's attitude wasn't right and I dreaded what he had in mind.

The way he acted there, it was completely different from canon and how I noted it should go.

I saw them come toward the castle, quickly joining my table in the great hall.

Try no to be noticeable Draco, be inconspicuous. Just read the newspaper.

Oh, there was a cauldron yard sale next Sunday in Wiltshire. Very interesting.

 

- What exactly did you want with me that needed us to be here, Lucius? said Dumbledore. He spoke politely, even if his eyes and the fire in them spoke differently.

- Dreadful thing, Dumbledore,’ said my father smugly, taking out a long roll of parchment from his pocket. He was taking pleasure of the wait and attention of the whole staff and student population.

- But the governors feel it’s time for you to step aside. This is an Order of Suspension – you’ll find all twelve signatures on it. I’m afraid we feel you’re losing your touch. How many attacks have there been now ? One more yesterday, wasn’t it ? At this rate, there’ll be no Muggle-borns or sympathizers left at Hogwarts, and we all know what an awful loss that would be to the school.

I think only someone on the trolls level would not ear the sarcasm in his words here.

Perfect, really perfect father. What do you want for my reputation next ? Using unforgivable curses ?

Fudge was stumbling on his words on the side, clearly fazed and surprised by the turn of the events.

That's my father for you. He didn't care to inform his friends and allies the people beneath him of his plans.

The parchment was clearly visible on the table where my father randomly let it fall.

Leonid Selwin's signature, that old hag at my father beck and call, was the first at the top of the list. Shouldn't have been hard to get his. Pure blood supremacist, muggle hater, you name it all.

You could see my father's shenanigans at work.

I hope for you that your plan will turn all right.

For myself, I still have the butterflies.

More and more students were voicing their complaints against the decision made without their input, but professor Dumbledore shushed them with a simple wave of his hand.

- If the governors want my removal, Lucius, I shall of course step aside.’
- But, stuttered Fudge.

I really wouldn't trade my place with my father at this moment. Professor Dumbledore's calm and nice demeanour was completely forgotten. In it's place was a cold gaze that would freeze you to the core.

- However, said the headmaster, speaking very slowly and clearly, so that none among us could miss a word, ‘you will find that I will only truly have left this school when none here are loyal to me. You will also find that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.

His gaze went from the Slytherin's table to the Griffindor's one, encasing the whole part of the great hall in front of him.

Surely a coincidence, doing so allowed him to look in my direction for a split second, while lingering in the trio's one at the end for a while longer. 

Way to give instructions to the two groups without appearing to be doing it.

- Admirable sentiments, mocked my father. Before escorting the director to his office, in order for him to vacate it.

---

In front of this infamous action the trio was left with only one option for the next few minutes.

Follow the worst course of action according to everyone's except Hagrid's guidance.

What's a small walk in the wood if not good for everybody's health.

Yep, they went back outside immediately.

According to my shadow protocol, I had to do it too.

I'm so going to lock the three of you in a cabin with Skeeter, Lockhart and Dudley for a month after that.

I had to rush to the quidditch pitch, arriving breathless and sweaty.

I hate that.

Need to learn the Accio's spell fast.

Flying low so to not touch the ground, but not high enough that my "cloak" would catch the wind, I followed the trio.

Apparently, Hermione was smart enough to notice spiders crawling out of Hagrid's hut toward the forest. 

No problem, let's go chat with their big-sisters. Not the small kind, the really frightening ones in the deepest part of the forest.

They were talking about my father's shitty attitude, professor's Dumbledore absence. Hogwarts without protectors.

Please don't mind professor Snape and me, not like we've got to save your sorry arses every other day.

What are you talking about ? You left your cape in Hagrid's hut ? Won't need it in the forest ? Yep, perfectly right. Just a mosquitoes' repellent slightly mustard flavoured. Don't mind the taste, it's not for you.

The only thing you didn't do worst than in canon was going there during daylight. That's literally the only thing. Not like you brought them a larger snack...

A good thing I brought a box that will be useful. I will just have to put the blame on the twins.

What the hell was that noise ?

Like a rumbling.

The trio must have heard it too, they directly went in the other direction.

While I checked what it was, the trio kept advancing, trying and failing to be stealthy.

But even for them the loud scream that teared the silence mustn't have been on purpose.

Nope, not Hermione.

That was Ron.

And I couldn't record it. Damn it.

The blackmail material kept being lost.

I'm the bully remember ?

It was really easy for me to approach the unsuspecting car as it didn't see me.

I knew the trio would have a hard time with the acromantulas. They aren't labeled as extremely dangerous for nothing. Especially on their home turf. The very colony they founded. 

Clic.

Vrrrrrrrr.

Yes. I was able to open the trunk, put the box I needed inside with my broom and climb in too, without the car starting and going wild to nowhere.

What ?

No, I don't intent to die in here starving, being dehydrated or eaten.

Why did I have only one try ?

I only guessed where it was thanks to the tire marks in the mud.

It didn't felt the same as opening the driver's door on an invisible Aston Martin in the snow.

Mr Weasley could only afford a Ford Anglia.

Wait for the twins to be rich. They will be able to upgrade later.

By the hole I created by flipping down the back of the car seat, I was able to climb to the driver's position, letting the box in the trunk for later.

Ok, it's just like a bicycle, can't forget how to drive/ride it. Not like I just got my licence when I died, or that five lives minimum will depend on my driving skills.

Just have to wait for the right moment.

My preparation included a Muffliato spell on the engine. I will cancel it in a short moment.

What ? You really want to know the tricks ?

Buzzkills.

Ok, professor Dumbledore's disillusionment spell was so strong it still lasted to this moment. I don't think it will stop soon. So invisible car.

My Muffliato spell concealed the noise from the engine, making the whole car stealthy.

And I can't be seen by people because well.

I'm wearing a cape.

But not in form of a cape.

A few things you have to remember.

1 - The incredibles and Edna Mode's famous : "No Cape". I won't go over it again, she clearly explained why.

2 - The Assassin's Creed clothes are badass.

3 - Demiguise's hair strand are used to make invisibility cloak/capes and can be used to sew your's.

4 - the hardest part wasn't the clothes but the shoes. Thanks modern world for baskets. I don't ever want to try sewing on leather shoes... Go ahead, proove me wrong.

5 - I may have asked the professional seamstress to make it. And she checked all I asked her for.

Here it goes, the acromantulas are closing in on the three of them. I couldn't hear what they tried to argue about but it didn't seem like their arguments were heard.

Let's change the venue pals.

As someone once said.

If there's something strange

In your neighborhood

Who you gonna call ?

An UBER !

If there's something weird

And it don't look good

Who you gonna call

Your UBER !

I ain't 'fraid of no spiders

I ain't 'fraid of no spiders

If you're seeing things

Crawling above your head

Who can you call ?

Your UBER 

An invisible man

Hiding in the driving seat

Ow, who you gonna call ?

Your UBER !

Don't get 'fraid of no spiders

No need to get 'fraid of no spiders.

 

Don't need insects repellent when you've got family.

What I would give to switch cars with that guy...

Let's go full grand theft auto !

And not the nice version with Leonard and Sheldon.

Bam crash !

And two of them down. Let's rock and roll.

Bam, crash, crash, slam, bam, bam, Bam !

I kept crushing and maiming them again and again. Either with the front bumper, or drifting the car to make use of the rear bumper.

Where the hell are they going ?

The other way you moRon !

Damn, I steared the wheels hard, crashing side way in a group of spiders, pressing them against a tree trunk.

Ew, spider goo...

And no carwash for the near two hundred miles.

Flooring the gaz pedal, I launched the car after the trio, overtaking them and screeching the tires to halt in front of them.

I opened the driver and passenger doors and dove in the trunk.

That's it, thanks the car for it came to your help on its own. Yeah.

You're welcome.

Ron floored the accelerator, trying to slalom among the monsters. It was time for me to use my ace.

Slamming the trunk lid open, I dumped my special gift for the spiders.

Lifting my right arm, I extended it to deploy my wand, and shoot some sparks on the box.

Twenty pound of Dr Filibuster Fabulous-Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks.

Way to go for a spectacular show.

Firecrackers, fireworks and others started all at the same time in every direction.

It startled all spiders of the colony. Some tried to haul Aragog's habitation out of the way. Some others climbed onto each others to literally create a spider-wall to protect their leader.

I shot close the trunk and waited for the car to zigzag back to the castle.

All along accompanied by Ron's screams of : "We're all going to die". Thank you for your voice.

Ron, even in his frightened state was able to drive back to the stairs of the castle.

As soon as the cars tires hit the stairs. The car's doors burst open, projecting the trio on the ground. I made it look like the trunk burst open at the same time and climbed out.

You know what guys.

I hate you all.

The poor and mangled ford Anglia maimed and scratched on all sides roared to life.

Bursting full ahead and back in the forest.

I would like to say I sat on the stairs like a gentleman, but the truth was that I literally crumbled.

Meanwhile, the trio kept bickering among them.

On one side, Hermione, on the other Ron. 

Harry picked Ron.

Wonder why I didn't see that many fanfic with this two as lovers...

I didn't understand why they didn't simply go and ask Moaning Myrtle about her death. And then it occurred to me.

They didn't know.

Some butterfly effect between the canon and our story made it that Aragog never revealed that someone died. They didn't made the link.

And now Ron simply wanted to punch a confession out of me, while Hermione prefer the potion she started.