I move beneath the roar of thunder and fall of rain. Among monsters do I bleed, broken and torn. I come from the night…

Negan raised his head weakly, and with blurry eyes he made out the silhouette that emerged from the shadows.

The man didn’t want to believe it, but there she was. A storm raged in his heart as he couldn’t believe what his eyes were seeing, but he could not look away from the truth.

She wore a leather jacket, and adorned across her neck was a scarf the color of blood. Her eyes gleamed against the raging fire; the dancing flames reflected within as she looked only to him.

A trail of blood and gore was left in her wake as she dragged a bloodied baseball bat, the sound of it echoing hauntingly across the factory floor. Negan wheezed out a short laugh as she approached, the image of her an imposing one – if not haunting.

The shadows danced across her fair skin splattered and stained crimson with blood, illuminating the color of her eyes all the more. In the bleak fall of winter, eyes blacker than coal met emerald green. The woman stopped just short of Negan, towering over the man who was tied and bound to a wooden chair. 

Battered and bruised, a trail of blood ran down Negan’s unkept hair and onto his haggard face. Drops of blood trickled from the corner of his mouth and nose and onto his frayed beard, matting it a stark red against the greying white. Negan didn’t care for the pain, for how shitty he must have looked in that moment. For any of it, really. None of it mattered when soon enough he’d feel nothing at all.

So why. Why is she just standing there?

She only looked to him, never speaking once to Negan. Time seemed to stretch on for an eternity as she held his gaze, forced him to never break away.

It was the encroaching silence that broke him. The way she looked at him with those eyes of hers that tore him apart and bared him naked for her to see. To scrutinize until there was nothing left for the man to hide. It terrified Negan to no end, and he hated himself all the more for it. For feeling so vulnerable in front of her and being unable to hide it.

This was the moment he should have kept up appearances. Indifferent maybe, strong perhaps, but never this. Never should she have seen the broken man for what he truly was. 

Tears broke free against his will, and the man couldn’t stand the silence a second longer.

‘’Well what are you waiting for?’’ he asked brokenly. ‘’Do it.’’ Negan pleaded in a hushed tone, all but begged for it – but she didn’t move, didn’t say a damned thing in return.

She only continued to look at him with those eyes of hers, like she could see him for all that he was. For all the pain he endured. The darkness that stained him and all the broken pieces ravaged and shattered, the brittle parts that refused to give in. 

It was too much. Those eyes of hers that captivated him became a dagger that pierced and cut away until his heart was bare for her to see. It was simply too much, and Negan could hold her gaze no longer because of it.

Don’t look at me!

He broke free from her colored eyes and lowered his head. The fear of her seeing the truth of him turned to anger. A bitter hatred for how everything turned out.

She wasn’t supposed to know! She wasn’t supposed to be awake…

The man snarled and tugged against the rusted chains that held him, felt pleasure in the pain of them cutting against his flesh. It was an age-old method, to use pain to drown out all else. He’d rather feel the pain than the remorse, the crushing weight.  

‘’Do it! Fucking kill me!’’ He screamed and roared, closed his eyes shut and waited for her to swing at him. Negan tensed in anticipation, couldn’t hold the madness of his racing heart and the cold grip that squeezed his lungs and made him gasp for life.  

Negan waited and waited, but death never came. Her vengeance, her justice, it never arrived.  

A cold hand fiercely gripped his jaw and forced him to look up, to open his eyes and look into those colored emerald green.

Negan couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but when did he ever truly understand the woman before him? What she wanted, what she needed. Her dreams and desires, what she felt. Negan didn’t know.

He never did, but the woman before him demanded all that he had, and he gave it. From the start of this twisted beginning to the very end…

‘’I gave you all I had, Maggie. I did…’’ There was a tiredness to his voice that he could no longer hide. The tension of his body eased, and Negan’s eyes glazed over as he held Maggie’s gaze.

The image he had of her and Judith smiling and waving, it burned to ash in his mind. The man had hoped to see his promise to Maggie through, to see Judith one last time before going home, but he knew better. He always knew…

These things…none of it for me…

 

---

 

Three hours before.

 

Oppressive. That’s the first thing that came to mind when Maggie saw the tall grey tower that was Sanctuary. Seeing it even from the distance like she did made her heart tremble, and she could barely begin to breathe.

The young woman had all but avoided the place during her years of staying at Alexandria, never once stepping a foot near even after the war with the Saviors had come to its pyrrhic conclusion.

It didn’t make sense to be so nervous now that she was with Negan, but in her heart it represented everything she wanted to move on from.  

More than that however, Maggie was afraid the former home to the Saviors would prove to be a temptation to the man beside her.

I know how I felt when the Hilltop was overrun, when Alexandria was destroyed. Negan, he never saw Sanctuary again after that day at the hill. I trust him to do right by me. I believe in his promise to me, but what if –

‘’I ever tell you how absolutely drop-dead gorgeous you look wearing my clothes, Maggie? I mean I thought I looked sexy with my leather jacket and signature scarf, but hot damn do you take first place,’’ said Negan playfully as he began to caress her, held her hand tightly in his own.

Maggie could hear the tinge of worry in his playful tone. Over the course of the month that they had been travelling together towards Sanctuary, she had learned to read Negan for the most part. At least able to discern when something affected him, or when that head of his was churning with thoughts. The way his face would visibly darken with seriousness at times or how his whole body seemed to tense when things got too quiet for his liking.

He picked up on learnin’ me too, maybe better than I know myself.

Maggie knew that Negan saw how visibly affected she was at learning where they were headed, how troubled she appeared as it stared her in the face. It was a comforting thought to know that the man knew how and what she felt, and that he did everything in his power to ease her mind.

It was why Maggie both loved and hated his playful banter, even if it was wholly one-sided. No matter how bad things seemed to get, once Negan started talking in that husky voice of his– or even joking with her to the point where she wanted to smack him– the worst to come didn’t seem all that bad anymore.

Negan makes it not so bad. If anything, I’ve been…content. At peace…

It wasn’t always so, but she was beginning to. It might have been a scary thought for the woman of the past, but nothing remained the same.

She wasn’t, and neither was he.

How things change. I wanted nothing more than for him to be dead and gone, and now I’m afraid for him to leave me.

Negan had shut off the engine some time ago when the gas ran out, putting the gear to neutral and pushing the car the rest of the way and out of sight from the main road. He had got back in to make sure she’d be alright, covering her with what he could to keep her warm in the car as the heat slowly died down.

And as for him…

‘’I won’t be long, Maggie. Got to make sure the ol’ place is clean and tidy before inviting a girl over. First impression and all, you understand right?’’

The man winked at her, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Maggie how he checked on his knife when he was behind the car, made sure the gun at his waist was locked and loaded and raring for a fight.  

Negan’s hand reached out to cusp her cheek, and he smiled at her. Maggie almost reached out herself to put her hand on his face when she saw that gentle smile of his. Just the way he looked at her with such tenderness…Maggie felt the need to touch him, to ease the fear that grew within at seeing him prepare for the worst to come should there be a storm ahead.

‘’I told you before Maggie, and I’ll say it again,’’ spoke the man softly, yet firmly. ‘’Whatever happens, I’ll handle it. I won’t fail you.’’

I know. I know you won’t, Negan.

Maggie played with the impulse in her heart to speak, to just end the pretending so that she could accompany him, but Negan didn’t give her any time to think about it further – not with what he did next.

Negan’s other hand buried itself into her hair, fixing her in place. Eyes blacker than coal met emerald green, his gaze never leaving hers as he grew closer, searching in her for something – anything that would ward him away.

Maggie gave him none, only softened in his grasp as his mouth descended unto hers.

In the beginning it is deceptively gentle, Negan’s kiss. The softest of touches of his lips to her own. Still enough to send Maggie reeling back, to make her gasp at the wave of pleasure that travels from her lips throughout her entire body.

Negan showed his true self then, that wolfish hunger the moment Maggie moaned and seized the opportunity to push past the seams of her mouth with his tongue. Maggie trembled slightly at the ferocity of Negan’s affection.

The young woman found herself helpless against the onslaught; his lips devouring hers with the hunger and thirst of a man too long without, unable to think of anything but the violent thrust of his tongue inside her mouth and the scrape of his teeth in his need for the taste of her.

She could no longer think of anything but him and the yearning in herself to just give in to what she wanted.

What I need…

Just as she was about to follow with her own rampant hunger and desire for the man, Negan abruptly pulled away. With the both of them breathing hard and gasping for the cold air that filled their lungs, Negan wolfishly grinned at her. His eyes roamed her body with naked desire, and she could see the struggle within him as he spoke.  

‘’I heard a story once a long time ago. Soldiers who get a kiss before they depart always make it back home. I guess I’m your soldier, Maggie.’’ His roguish grin softened into a gentle smile. ‘’Does that make you my home?’’

Home is where the heart is, is that what you’re tryin’ to say to me?

The man held a finger to her lips, swiping away at the saliva that coated them as his other hand reluctantly freed itself from her locks of hair. The smile from his face faded as he breathed out a faint sigh.

‘’I’ll be seeing you real soon – but if for any reason I’m not here by sundown, take the car and get out of here. I’m leaving everything here save for what’s on me. It’s not enough for two people, but if it’s just you…’’

Maggie couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose at his words, and Negan laughed at seeing her expression knowing it meant she was displeased at his poor joke.

‘’So you do hear me. That’s a bit embarrassing, but does that mean you’re actually listening? Maybe you just don’t like the sound of my voice.’’

He smiled a bit then, but unlike the ones before that came naturally to the man, Maggie could see that this one was forced.

‘’The place you’re headed…it’s far beyond this, right? You’ll be fine. You’ll get back on your feet and start walking again…before you know it.’’ Negan seemed to be looking at her when he said this, but Maggie could see that he wasn’t with her when he spoke.

Before she could ponder on his words, Negan moved a wisp of hair behind her ear before moving to kiss the palm of her hand. 

‘’This soldier will come home. I’ll return to you always, Maggie.’’

And then he was gone. Maggie had seen the back of him depart before, but this time felt different. It physically hurt to see him walk away into the distance, towards that place called Sanctuary.

As she watched his figure melt into the harsh winds of the coming winter storm, Maggie thought back to his vague words. There was a look of acceptance in his eyes, and a sadness.

Maggie was afraid to see him leave, was it the same for him too?

Negan…No…there’s no fear in your eyes. You’ve long accepted that I’ll walk away, be it with your corpse at my back or to let you leave. But I’ve chosen neither. You won’t walk away from me. I won’t let you…

Maggie had changed, and she felt it near unbearable to stay still a moment longer with the silence of her thoughts and the loss of his touch.

Damn him.

‘’You better come back to me, Negan. I’ll kick your ass if you don’t,’’ she whispered hoarsely. Her voice was unused, and it strained her to hear it again after so long.  

Maggie licked her lips, felt the lingering heat and taste of him as she became lost in the dull ache that resounded within her breast. She breathed in the leather and rain from Negan’s scarf and felt herself gradually ease into a state of calmness.

It had become a habit of hers ever since he gave the scarf to her, one she found she couldn’t do without when he often left her sight. When she had troubling thoughts or felt agitated, she’d simply burrow her nose into the dark-red cloth and take deep breaths.

Leather and rain. The scent of him…

The scarlet cloth that wrapped around her neck enveloped Maggie in his scent and the leather jacket that he gave provided her with a sense of security and warmth. These things she knew were important to the man, and for him to give them to her…

Just what am I to him? Who am I to Negan?

An entire month had passed since the fall of Alexandria. It felt like a lifetime in his arms, alone with Negan on the road to Sanctuary. Every day she learned something of the man, and every night she knew a little less.

The urge to understand, to know the man named Negan grew a little more with each passing day. The scars on his body too numerous to count, the ink that he would touch forlornly in the midst of night, the thoughts that swirled in his head when the silence crept.

There’s a story to be told behind it all. A pain hidden away behind those eyes of his when he looks up to the night sky.   

A particular night came to mind. A night where Negan sat her on his lap beneath clear skies. A sea of stars hung above like nothing Maggie had ever seen, and together they watched many of them fall across the distance.

It was that very night that set everything in stone for the woman. The weeks prior she struggled with the growing changes within, of how her perception of the man was becoming something else entirely. One she should have been disgusted with, abhorred wholly.

Maggie warred with herself every waking second, the woman she once was engaged bitterly with the woman she was slowly becoming.

And then there was that night. Beneath the sea of stars, everything changed for good. I can’t go back. I can’t give up what he gave me that night. I can’t let him go. Not anymore…

Beneath the sea of falling stars Negan danced with Maggie. In a clearing surrounding by the silent sway of trees and the gentle grace of moonlight, he held her firmly in his arms. They swayed with the wind, and with her head on Negan’s chest, Maggie grew to love the sound of his heart.

She felt her own beat in tandem, and for a while they swayed gently to the rhythmic beat of their hearts.  

And then it began. The end to the woman she once was, and the true beginning to who she was becoming.

Her downfall – the crumbling of the last wall that rejected what she was feeling for the man named Negan – it began in earnest with a whistle.

He whistled and hummed a tune she had never heard. One that lulled her to close her eyes until the moment he sang.  

‘’I’ll stay with you, by your side. I will hold you, and protect you. So let love warm you, till the moonlight takes you. I’ll stay…with you…by your side…so close your tired eyes…’’

His voice brought out the pain and the sorrow Maggie buried deep within her heart. She would rather bury it than feel, but the words to the lullaby he sang – his voice. His damned voice. The way he held her firmly to his chest, how he would motion back and forth against the small of her back with his hand, all that he did unearthed that which she held for too long.

‘’And I’ll wait, and soon I’ll see your smile in my dreams. So let love warm you…’’ Negan finished the lullaby, but he was far from finished with Maggie. He learned her well, and he knew what she needed. Negan knew more than anyone, better than most on what burying those emotions did to a person.

‘’Maggie. Don’t worry. It’s okay. I’ll always be with you. Until I see that smile. Until the moonlight takes you. And so I’ll stay. I will hold you just as I am now, and I will protect you. So let it out…Let it all out.’’

And Maggie did. The accumulated emotions in her heart instantly turned into a flood. She bawled her eyes out and cried, let out a silent scream for all the pain and suffering she endured. The people she lost, the memories gone and faded.

Negan, he never stopped holding her. Never stopped until she had bled all she could of that which poisoned her, and all that was left was to heal.

Maggie looked to the man then when Negan thought her asleep, peeked through her eyelashes at his tall figure standing alone in the middle of the clearing. The moon was at an angle, shadowing the majority of his face, but she caught the gleam of a teardrop fall from the corner of his eye.  

Since that night beneath the fall of stars she couldn’t take her mind off of him. In his arms Maggie felt no pain, no guilt or sorrow for the past.

Maggie only felt peace. A peace she hadn’t felt since she was a little girl laying on her back amidst the tall fields of wheat. A peace of soul and mind she hadn’t felt since before everything went wrong.

And it was because of Negan. He brought her the greatest of pain once many years ago, but what he gave her then – what she has now – is a gift like no other.

Maggie put a hand to the scarf around her neck, ran her fingers through the soft fabric as she breathed in the scent of him. Of leather and rain.

Beneath the falling rain he gave me these things, and I felt loved then for it. Beneath the falling stars it was Negan himself, being enveloped in everything that he was – his arms and warmth to the very sound of his heart – that made me feel at peace. At home.

But it means nothing if he’s gone. With him I’m healing, but when he leaves like he is now, all I feel is his absence, the crushing weight of all that I’ve endured.

Maggie walked the darkness not knowing what was ahead, but that night she found her path. She found the light, and it was with him.

I need him, and he needs me too.

 

---

 

 

‘’Soldiers who get a kiss before they go to war always make it back home.’’ Horvát chuckled as he wiped away the blood and grime that caked his face.

‘’Always a hero comes home, eh Negan? It is why I kissed my beautiful Mia before she departed with the rest of the mothers and the children. A tradition ages old, my brother. A kiss of one beloved. No other will suffice but the one who holds your heart, gives you the strength to move mountains and part the seas.’’    

Horvát looked to the ruined city outside of the abandoned building they holed up in for the night. The thunderous sound of artillery rained endlessly throughout the night, intermixed with the distant echoes of gunfire.

‘’Sarajevo,’’ whispered the man forlornly. ‘’A city of beauty no longer…Mark my words, buráz. One day things will change. It will be their turn. We will take the fight to them for all that they have done to us. Their land…their people…their blood…’’

Horvát began to cough as the bandages around his chest began to soak through with blood. The man stifled a groan as an artillery shell exploded not that far away, the shockwaves shattering the windows and shaking the building.

It was only when the dust settled that Horvát spoke again, a bitterness to his tone along with helplessness. ‘‘Petar, Rajko, Jasenko, Goran, Vitomir…none of the Saviors who volunteered made it out. Rajko tended to you while we fought to break the encirclement, but the enemy…Petar was the first to fall. A sniper killed him as he was moving to ensure we were not being flanked as we made our way past the Latinska Bridge.

‘’Jasenko did not know. None of us did as the sniper’s shot was hidden by the thunderous rain of artillery. Jasenko thought Petar simply fell, broke his foot perhaps. That was when we knew. Jasenko turned him over and saw the hole in Petar’s head, and he too died after warning of the sniper.’’

Horvát played with the lighter in his hand as he thought back to earlier that day. He would flick it on and off, thinking of the life and death of every man lost with each flame that flickered to life before being snuffed out.

‘’They all thought you dead, buraz, but I pushed for it. To find you and bring you back. This army began with you. The Saviors…If not for you all of us would have been dead and rotten months ago. You are the heart of us. So long as you live, the Saviors can never die.’’ 

The man looked to the still body masked in the shadows, the light of the fire barely reaching him. If not for the subtle rise and fall of Negan’s chest, Horvát would have mistaken him to be another corpse.

Horvát pushed on with the details of what occurred. He knew Negan would want to know how these men who put their lives on the line for him died.

‘’Goran…he killed Vitomir and Rajko. Buráz…I was ahead of them, carrying you on my back as they guarded our rear. A mortar shell landed, separating us from them on the bridge, but there was no explosion. Colored smoke seeped out, quickly becoming a cloud that enshrouded the three. The reports were true, Negan. I saw how Goran changed, thought Vitomir and Rajko to be the enemy. The way he screamed…bled from the eyes. Goran killed himself moments after…’’

Horvát had never felt such fear in all his life. He had become numb to the thought of death, but to see what he saw…The Saviors had gotten reports sighting ‘’strange smoke’’ where artillery shells had landed, but it wasn’t until now that Horvát understood what it was.

The skin began to melt like wax to a flame as blood seeped from every pore. Chemical warfare, but this was too advanced from what they knew and endured throughout the war.

Shortly after Negan intervened and overturned the tide on the assaulting siege of Sarajevo, mustard and nerve gas began to make an appearance on the frontlines in the form of crude cannisters as retaliation.

The sighting of the strange smoke coming from artillery shells was only recent. As a former scientist, Horvát quickly understood that what was used earlier in the day couldn’t have been manufactured by the enemy force. Such a powerful chemical agent was far too complex compared to the crude methods beforehand.

This could only mean one thing. A terrible truth. Only a first world country could have the means to create such a powerful chemical agent. For it to be in the hands of the enemy…

But who?! Which nation supplied them?

‘’Our efforts have made them desperate. What should have been a swift victory over Sarajevo has now been overturned into a year long battle of attrition thanks to the Saviors. Thanks to you, buráz.’’

Horvát put away his lighter and gingerly stood up from where he sat against the dilapidated wall. The former scientist now turned soldier approached the body ravaged by war, barely held together through sheer will.

Negan’s eyes were open, but unfocused due to the pain. The man opened his mouth, but he could not speak. Signs of necrosis, dozens of lacerations, bullet wounds, broken bones and torn flesh…       

‘’I am sorry, buráz.’’ Horvát sighed wearily. A wave of anguish washed over him at seeing the man he regarded as his brother become reduced to such a state. The wounds were too many, the damage beyond what could be repaired with what they had available.

The Croat didn’t know whether what he was doing was right. Other men who couldn’t fight on could only be left to die, as trying to save them would only mean the death of good men for broken soldiers.

What’s done is done, and Negan… Horvát could see the unwillingness to die in his brother’s eyes. Though pained and tortured they may be, the will to live was stronger. If not for the man’s gruesome appearance, the Croat might have even smiled and joked.   

One might think it contradictory to their name – the Saviors – but those they fought to save were not the men. Not themselves, but the woman and the children. Within them all was the grim determination to protect the ones they loved and held dearly in their hearts.

It was this very reason men with no prior experience of being soldiers so easily took up their weapons and put down their lives without hesitation.

But this made Horvát puzzled on the man he regarded as his brother. He knew Negan had no such reason to fight on these foreign lands, to rally them as one and fight under his leadership. He had no such ties holding him here where everyone else departed.

The other Americans had all left after being recalled, but he alone chose to remain. And he suffered for it. For a people he knew nothing of and a land that was not his home.

‘’Negan Smith. This should not be your fate. You should have returned to your lands with a hero’s welcome, not stay here to fight and be executed for a cause not yours. My people will never forget what you have done for us, buráz, but…’’

Horvat paused for a moment and chose his next words carefully. ‘’This cause is one worth dying for, but it should not have been yours to fight, nor yours to die upon. No one should have to suffer like you did, but you can make it. I know you can. You always survive…’’

The memory of that time faded to the depths of Negan’s mind; the last sentence spoken by Horvát echoing in his heart before falling silent.

Remembering those words, he couldn’t help but think of Maggie.

No one should have to suffer like you did…

Negan couldn’t hope to know the whole story, but he knew better than anyone what suffering looked like, how constant pain changes a person. Negan could tell he wasn’t the first to make her suffer, but the man resolved himself to be the last.

Of course, he knew he wouldn’t be able to protect her forever. All that he did, it was a means to an end. To see Maggie healed, and after that…

After that…

There was a pain in Negan’s eyes that couldn’t be hidden. Though he didn’t contemplate further on that particular line of thought, he knew already that regardless there was no good ending for himself.

Negan closed his eyes for a moment and stood still at the tree line just before Sanctuary. The winter winds were howling, and in them the man heard his name being called upon. The storm that approached was finally here.  

You were wrong, brother. I deserve to suffer for all that I’ve done, but there’s a woman. Oh, there’s a woman. She’s got the most beautiful eyes, and she’s a canny one. Fierce and unrelenting like no other, but there’s an innocence to her eyes that refuses to die despite the cruelty. I can see it now even still, and it’s beautiful. I’ve seen it flicker and dull, grow so faint you’d think it gone, but it’s persistent. Stubborn as all hell too. It’s grown to be a raging storm, and I know it now for what it is. Hope…it’s hope…   

There’s a woman, brother…that I love…and her name...her name is Maggie. If you were here now, I’d tell you – if there were ever a cause worth dying for, then she would be mine.  

Negan opened his eyes filled with determination and went forward into the outer perimeter of Sanctuary ready to weather the storm. He didn’t have much time at all. He couldn’t afford to play it slow and steady.

The snow was falling heavier, and already it was hard to see in the distance. Once the sun fell completely, it would be difficult for any living human to live long enough to see it rise again.

You know what you have to do. What needs to be done. Do it quick and do it cleanly. Eliminate and secure the area, retrieve Maggie before nightfall. Shelter and fire, food and water.  

There was a lot to be done, and little time to do it. If there was a group already occupying Sanctuary…Negan shook his head. He didn’t trust anyone. Things of course were different if it were Maggie’s people, but the man doubted they’d fall back to Sanctuary of all places. The Whisperers would overrun the factory with the walking dead as the defenses had long been broken and left unrepaired.

No…only the desperate would come to Sanctuary.

Negan crouched low and moved from one area to another. The heavy fall of snow ensured he’d be hard to see should there be sentries, and his knowledge of Sanctuary was second to none. He knew the blind spots to keep himself undetected along with where best to infiltrate.  

These things – the familiar manner in which he moved and thought – it reminded him of the past. Skills earned through combat and the harsh trainings he went through to be considered among the best, but damn if his lower back didn’t hurt replicating his methods back when he was an operative.

I’m too old for this shit.  

Negan felt his knees wanting to collapse just from crouching, but he kept on regardless as he unholstered the pistol and knife at his waist. He kept the gun in one hand and held the knife with the other.

Negan frowned when he saw the east exit door leading into the ground floor of the factory busted open.

Scorch marks. An explosion did this.

He searched his memories to see if this was old news, but he couldn’t remember the little details of what happened to Sanctuary all those years ago.  

I can’t tell if this is old. The snow’s covered everything, and with there being no traces this must have been done before the snow fell. Only question is how long ago. Yesterday? Seven years ago? Five?

Negan had hoped to find a clue before having to go in, but looking at the darkening skies the man knew he had no choice but to find out the hard way. A gun and a knife were all he had, and to it five bullets.

He could have taken the bullets from Maggie’s gun, but Negan never considered the option. What if danger came her way while he was gone? Regardless of whether or not she’d move of her own accord should that happen; Negan couldn’t find it in himself to take the bullets. Even if nothing happened on her end and his situation ended up being all the dire, it was the what-if that made the man refuse.

Bullets or no bullets I’ll still get the job done. Five is good enough.

Negan took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. He looked to the dark entrance that led into the factory and silently recited within his heart:

I move beneath the roar of thunder and fall of rain. Among monsters do I bleed, broken and torn. I come from the night…

Negan entered the darkness, his figure disappearing into the factory complex known as Sanctuary.

I come from the night…

 

---

 

Kyle looked to the abandoned factory around him. The young man had heard the stories of this place, of the man who led the group known only as the Saviors.

They say it took the strength of several communities banding together to stop him, and even then it was a close call. The Saviors. It seemed like a story you’d tell children who misbehaved, like the big bad wolf and the three little pigs.

Only the Saviors were real. Gregor was one of them, though their esteemed leader says he left the group long before it fell. What was true and what wasn’t, no one dared to try and find out. Nothing was more important than surviving, and without him they wouldn’t have made it this far.   

Kyle glanced to his sister who sat closest to the fire, her trembling hands stretched out for warmth. She stuck out her tongue at him when she caught him staring, and he playfully gave her the finger from across the fire.

It had been a hard journey for Diane, and as her older brother he always felt guilty at not having protected her better. Ever since their parents passed away, the two had been on their own. From one community to another, they never seemed to find their place, but then they had heard news of a place called Alexandria from another survivor.

Kyle felt like cursing just thinking about it. Ever since they left Pittsburgh things only got worse. The community there was nice, and just as they were settling in those people who called themselves the Reapers came along and attacked.

With nowhere to go in mind after the raid, Kyle had suddenly remembered Alexandria. They had come across a former member of the community some months back, who after they helped after a skirmish trusted them enough to tell them of the place.

I can’t believe I listened to that guy. What the hell was I thinking?

They followed the marker the man left on their map, and they found Alexandria all right. What was left of it at least. Found the walls of the place torn down and a herd of the undead filling every corner.

What a nightmare this has all been.

The Reapers were one thing, but then they came across those freaks wearing the faces of the undead. The Whisperers. All their supplies had to be left behind as they ran for their lives, and in the process they came across Gregor and his group.

It’s been a while since him and Diane tagged along, and the journey from the ruins of Alexandria to this place called Sanctuary was nothing short of hell. Though looking at the bereft factory with hardly anything at all to its name, Kyle failed to see why it was still called that.    

Before Kyle could get any more depressed just thinking about it all, he felt his cheek get pinched.

‘’Knock it off, Amira.’’ Kyle swatted the hand that pinched him, but he couldn’t help but blush just looking at the woman who sat next to him by the fire.

The gorgeous woman smiled and pinched him again before rubbing her hands together and blowing hot air onto them.

‘’Girls don’t like moody boys, Kyle. Keep frowning like that and you’ll scare them all away,’’ replied Amira in her sultry voice.

Kyle frowned even more when his sister Diane giggled and the others who heard Amira began to smile. The young man clicked his tongue. ‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about. Quit saying nonsense.’’

Amira sighed and played with a curl of her auburn hair. ‘’You’re no fun at all. At least the lover birds over there know how to have fun. Jackie and Logan have been at it like rabbits ever since we got here.’’

Kyle blushed even more, and Amira laughed when she saw his shy look. She licked her bottom lip slowly and winked at him, much to his chagrin and the whooping of others once she loudly blew a kiss his way.

‘’Tease him again and Kyle might just get a heart attack!’’ called out Roy, one of the men on the second floor who guffawed.

Another wave of laughter rang out at Kyle’s expense, but he was used to it by now. Well, at least when Amira wasn’t in the picture he could handle it.

I can’t believe I told them I was a virgin. Stupid alcohol.   

Kyle smiled a bit despite himself, however. He guessed it wasn’t all bad. Though Gregor and the rest seemed shady as hell when they first met, they never did anything extreme unless it was necessary for the survival of the group.

He’d seen people look gentle and kind only to be cannibals, cutting bodies to pieces with that same smile on their face. Just thinking about the past horrors made him shiver, but to the others it was passed off as being cold from the freezing weather.

‘’So, what do you think of the place?’’ Amira nudged him with her elbow before gesturing to the factory around them.

Kyle shrugged. ‘’What do I think of the place?’’ He looked unsure as he looked around. Cobwebs and dust, and it reeked of the undead who lingered until they cleaned up the main floor to the second. As for the last – the third floor – they hadn’t gotten around to it yet on account of prioritizing scavenging for food and water.

‘’It’s as good a place as any for shelter I guess, but it’s pretty secluded from everywhere else.’’ Kyle kept it short, as he was hesitant to voice his true thoughts.

In truth he didn’t think they should be here at all. They had been here for some time now and there was nothing worthwhile, nothing that warranted the hell they went through just to get here.   

‘’And what about you, Diane?’’ asked Amira softly. ‘’This will be our home for a while, at least until the worst of the winter dies down.’’

Diane thought about Amira’s question for a moment before frowning. ‘’This place…Sanctuary, no one will come here, right?’’ asked Diane in a small voice tinged with fear. ‘’The Saviors won’t come looking for revenge for us breaking into their home?’’

The man above, Roy, chuckled as he blew out a long puff from his cigar. ‘’You won’t have to worry about them, sweetheart,’’ said the man in a gruff voice.

Roy flicked the hanging ash before starting again. ‘’Them Saviors are all but dead, and last I heard their leader was captured and killed by some woman after the war. Margaret or something of the like after the man killed her husband.’’

‘’Where’d you learn this,’’ asked Amira with interest as she looked up. She was also a newcomer to these parts, though she had heard a lot about the Saviors from Gregor on the way. That man named Negan was practically a monster what with the way Gregor described him.

Gregor was never phased despite what came their way, but when he spoke of that man…

‘’Toot that ass up here and give me a kiss, and maybe – just maybe – I might tell you,’’ said Roy lecherously as he blew out a ring of smoke.

Amira rolled her eyes. ‘’Good one Roy, but you’ll have better chances with one of the Growlers out back. Now tell me what I want to know before I do go up there, only it won’t be a kiss you’ll be getting from me.’’ 

The older man snorted. ‘’I never got involved with the war between the Saviors and the other communities. I don’t like them large groups. Always too many mouths to feed, and none of them ever last for long. For one reason or another they all come falling down. Small groups like ours on the other hand…’’

Amira leaned close to Kyle before whispering in his ear, ‘’The bastard always does this. The old fart takes an hour before he finally gets to the question asked. Remember Kyle, girls don’t like men who can’t get to the point. Well, just don’t finish too quickly.’’    

Kyle raised a brow, the innuendo going right over his head.

Most girls I knew took forever to get to the point, complained Kyle in his heart. You ask a question about their day, and it takes at least another day for them to finally stop answering. Can’t they just say their day was good like guys do?

‘’…So yeah,’’ answered Roy. ‘’I was trading the fish I caught with a group of their runners in exchange for some supplies, and thereafter they told me the news of what happened. Eye for an eye they said. Made him suffer until he was all but begging for the end. Cut off his balls and his cock, damn! Now that there is one hell of a woman.’’ Roy sighed like he lost out on the love of his life.  

Kyle wanted to ask again after having missed the majority of what Roy had said beforehand, but then thought against it.

Well at least we won’t have to worry about anyone coming here. The Saviors and their leader are no more, and aside from them, I doubt any group would be as crazy as ours to even consider coming to this empty ruin.

 

---

 

The darkness clung to Negan, welcoming him back into the fold.

The memories that surfaced, the glaring reminders of the cruelty he inflicted. The mark of the Saviors was in all things where Sanctuary stood. Echoes of another life, interlinked through one man just like the ones that came before.

The silent son of ages past too weak to make a difference. Too late to become a man for the one who needed him most.  

A young man with a heart of hatred, too stupid to stop and turn away from what he was becoming. Too bitter and blind to the horror that would consume him on the path of blood he walked, the wars that would destroy him entirely.

The broken soldier stained with the blood of the fallen. A dark heart growing ever crueler with a soul blighted beyond salvation. Killing for what he knew not, but the young man couldn’t stop. It was all he knew. All that he was.  

He the empty. The man without a soul. Death let the man go, but not all of him. Death kept the piece that made him human as the price to be paid. The part that made him feel. A darker fate, a cruelty he wouldn’t inflict on even the worst of his enemies. Nothing could compare to that…

Worse than dead…

Then there came the war hero who finally returned home. A new man from the one that departed all those years ago, a stranger anew yet one that bore the same face…Only to come home to a nation that had little care for heroes. Another war to be fought, a new mission to be completed.

No rest for the wicked…A violent ending for a violent life.

The darkness clung to the man, but this wasn’t the darkness of the shadows that he walked upon as he moved further into the heart of Sanctuary, but rather the darkness that festered deep in the recess of his heart.

The moment he heard the voices of people inside Sanctuary, the darkness within him withered and starved came back to life. Like a slumbering beast awakened by the smell of blood.

Negan almost wanted to laugh. He couldn’t even resist. Without Maggie by his side, everything he left behind found him. Aside from her safety, it was also why he came here alone.

What he was about to do – the darkness that bared its fangs – Negan didn’t want Maggie to see it. The same as back then when the Whisperers were hot on their trail. He led them away so that she wouldn’t have to see, be reminded of who exactly it was that held her so, cared for her every need.

Part of him was afraid of what she would see. He could get carried away so easily, see red and come to only when the damage was done and the enemy was dead. That part of him, the very worst of him, it scared the living hell out of even him when he couldn’t control it.

Conflict…

It brings out the worst, and he was no exception. A sick part of him yearned for it ever since he got a taste for killing, how good it felt to just let go and destroy. To give in and let out all the rage that coiled up inside him.

Being a monster was easier than being human, and for the man who had bartered his soul for revenge, trying to be human was the hardest thing.

To be a good man…

More than anything, Negan wished for Sanctuary to be empty. He didn’t want to fight and kill, because it brought him one step closer to being the man he left behind. And he wasn’t speaking of the man that he was after the world fell, but the man that he was before.

Before her…before Lucille…before Maggie…

The Savior had a heart at the very least. Cruel and sadistic though he may be, there was a bottom line that couldn’t be crossed. But that man…that man wasn’t human.

I wanted to live. I wanted to kill them all for what they did to me! I gave everything in exchange for that chance, and it costed me my humanity. Revenge wasn’t worth paying that price. Nothing warrants paying that price…  

Like a disease, it came from the heart and flowed through the veins. Killing was the ultimate sin. A poison that intoxicates, one that threatened to drown him now if he wasn’t careful. One that did long ago. The darkness in him knew what the man was about to do, and it flourished because of it.

The inaudible voices gradually became clearer as the man approached silently, held himself close to the walls until he peered around the corner to see a group of men and women huddled around a burning fire.

‘’You think Gregor made the right call leading us here?’’

‘’Lower your voice! What if he hears you, Kyle?’’ Another voice, this one feminine, replied in a hushed and panicky tone.

‘’I’m just saying! I mean what are we even doing here, Amira?’’ The man’s voice grew softer. ‘’We’ve been here a week and all we’ve found to eat is what we’ve had to hunt ourselves. Now that there’s a snowstorm outside…’’  The worry in his voice was palpable.

Negan counted six around the fire, another two up on the second level whispering to themselves and enjoying a smoke against the metal railing.

And another two on the sofa sleeping. Ten in total then.

The darkness in him was roaring now where it was once a whisper in his ear, and the man felt an inexplicable chill in his heart colder than the winds that howled outside of Sanctuary.

Negan felt a presence behind him then, and so he turned sharply with his finger deftly on the trigger. His eyes widened in shock from what he saw.

There in the darkness from where he just came from stood a man he knew. A man he could never forget. Blood…he bled from the throat and the mouth, the nose and eyes. Broken bones and torn flesh, blood that seeped from every pore. Skin blackened from necrosis with wounds too many to count.

His face was unrecognizable from what they did, but Negan could never mistake those wrathful eyes. Pure unadulterated darkness was held within where not even the light could reach. Eyes blacker than coal wept bloody tears, mouthing words that couldn’t be spoken due to the hole in his throat.

I move beneath the roar of thunder and fall of rain. Among monsters do I bleed, broken and torn. I come from the night…

And to the night I will return, replied Negan harrowingly in his heart.

A sudden dizziness overcame the man. The world around Negan began to blur and spin, and he had to hold a hand to the wall to stop himself from falling.

Negan felt something wet roll off his cheek, and with a trembling finger he reached to touch it. What he saw at the tip of his fingers made his heart lurch.

This is…why am I…

The taste of copper filled his mouth as he stared unblinkingly at the blood that stained his fingertips.    

The younger version of Negan smiled emptily, showing teeth stained with blood before retreating into the darkness of the hallway. The last thing to disappear were those dark eyes that bled crimson tears, reminding the man of everything he wished to forget.   

With the Whistler gone, the world gradually righted itself in Negan’s eyes once more. It felt like a dream, but the blood on his hand was real. The pain and coldness of death that he felt, it wasn’t an illusion.

Negan coughed out when the bitterness in his mouth became too much, saw the blood splatter onto the palm of his hand. Unlike the red on his fingertips, the blood splattered on his palm was black.

It doesn’t matter. None of this means a thing. Only my promise to her. That’s all that matters…

The thought of Maggie drove away all else. He’d promised her, and Negan intended to keep his word.

And so, despite being outnumbered – despite the scarce ammo to his gun and a single knife – Negan stepped forward undauntingly.

A cause worth dying for, thought Negan as he holstered his gun and bit down on the handle of the knife with his teeth, lowering himself prone to the floor before crawling slowly to the sofa nearest to him where the man and woman slept.

When he crawled close enough, Negan eased himself up onto his feet and placed the knife in his hand. The man paused a moment when he saw the head of the woman move to rest on the man’s shoulder, and for a brief second Negan hesitated.

These people he didn’t recognize, and Negan didn’t care to know. They might have been former Alexandrians for all he knew, or people of Oceanside or the Kingdom. Talking and making peace was never an option the man entertained, and for good reason.

If his stashes were still in place, the food and supplies would be plenty enough to last him and Maggie until the worst of winter tided over, but it wasn’t enough for more than that.

These men and women, though he didn’t see any guns on them, who knew what they might do if Negan talked to them and everything seemed to work out for the seemingly best. Forget about the supplies, they might do what he himself was moments away from doing.

All I can do is play the cards I’ve been dealt. I’m sorry, I truly am.

Negan didn’t hesitate a moment longer. Towering in the shadows, he held the mouths of the man and woman he presumed to be a couple shut as he slit their throats. Negan flinched slightly at the sound of air trying to escape past the sea of blood that fell.

The way their eyes staggered wide open, the flailing of their arms as they put up their first and final struggle in their throes of death, the faint sounds they made before the silence – it was almost too much for the man who suffered a similar fate. Be it the one decades past or the one not all that long ago, Negan couldn’t help but swallow hard from the echo of pain that followed.  

He let out a long but silent breath to calm his frayed nerves. Negan looked to his knife soaked in blood, the heads of the two he just killed hanging limply to the side.

I’ll get come what’s coming to me, but until then…until then…

The nine that remained were none the wiser as Negan looked to his hands stained darkly with blood.

Wicked hands…all that I have…

 

---

 

Maggie winced as she clambered out of the vehicle and into the freezing cold. The harsh winds lapped at what little skin was exposed, and if it weren’t for her full bladder, she wouldn’t even think to go out like she was now.

Putting her weight tentatively onto the soles of her feet, Maggie had to hold onto the side of the car for stability.

I’m like a newborn calf out the womb barely learnin’ to walk.

Every attempted step to go forward ended with her swaying either to the left or to the right, and by the time she got to a nearby tree she was panting hard with rivulets of cold sweat clinging to her forehead.

What made it worse was the piling snow, making her have to work even harder to move with every step she took.  

Damn it. Damn him. And damn my sensitive bladder for actin’ up outta nowhere! Maggie sighed with frustration. She was just glad she didn’t piss herself, because if she did it’s not like she’d be able to change herself without the man knowing.

And then I’d have to consider whether to sit with my embarrassment for him to see and clean up or change myself and have him know I could have been moving on my own for a while now.

She sighed again, only this time from exhaustion. Maggie quickly unbuckled her belt, pulling her jeans down just a bit before squatting down to relieve herself.

Before she could, however, her eyes widened with shock when she fell on her ass instead. The snow that came into contact with her bare skin made her yelp and scramble to a perch atop her knees.

Her legs had given out the moment she tried to squat, and Maggie blushed because it reminded her of how Negan always supported her with his arms when she had to do her business.

Feeling her legs trembling from the failed attempt, Maggie bit her lip in resentment.

He’s ruined me. I can’t even do somethin’ as simple as relieve myself without him.  

Maggie didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but in that moment she felt like doing a bit of both. Had it been a moment later she’d be sitting in a puddle of her own pee, and if that happened, she would definitely take it out on the poor man when he came back.

If Negan was here now, he’d no doubt be laughing up a storm at my expense. Probably come up with a perverted joke too as the cherry on top.   

With no other choice, Maggie could only grit her chattering teeth, putting a hand to the gnarled tree beside her for support before crouching slightly on wobbly legs.

A trickle turned to a pour despite the cold, and the woman sighed with relief as the pressure from her bladder faded away. Maggie’s relief was short-lived however when her ear picked up on a rumble that pierced the howling winds.  

Brows furrowed in consternation now, she looked to the direction where the sound came from.

Sanctuary…

It was slight, but her keen senses picked up on it. A second passed by, and then another before that distinct sound came again and her eyes darkened in dismay. Maggie couldn’t mistake that sound even if she wanted to. She just didn’t want to believe her ears until it rang out for a second and third time.

Gunshots. That could only mean…

Maggie hurriedly finished wiping herself clean before pulling up her pants and fixing her belt.

She turned to head to the car but stopped herself short when she remembered it was out of gas. For a moment she blanked, fear and adrenaline already coursing through her at the thought of Negan encountering danger.

Maggie turned her head to see the silhouette of Sanctuary in the near distance, the factory towering over the trees from where she stood. The winds were howling something fierce against her ear, the fall of snow slowly falling faster until not even the shadow of Sanctuary could be seen.

There was no time. No time at all to hesitate. Maggie did the only thing she could think of, and that was to run.

The woman broke into a sprint, chasing after the man who consumed her thoughts and heart. The image of his departing back, the kiss he gave before he left towards Sanctuary – pieces of memories from the beginning to now and their journey together flashed in her mind.

You promised me! You said you’d come home, return to me always!

Every couple steps she took ended with her crashing to her knees hard against the snow. The pain didn’t register as the thought of Negan occupied her mind, overtaking all else in her bid to get to him.

Maggie would stumble and crash, bruise her knees bloody every time her legs failed her. The woman got up without fail, breathing raggedly the scathing winter air into her lungs. It felt like thousands of freezing needles piercing at her insides.

It didn’t matter. None of it did so long as she made it to him. Pretending as she did – staying in the car to keep up appearances – she just couldn’t. Couldn’t wait and hope for the best. Not anymore, and not with him.

It can’t end like this. Not after everything, not with how I’m beginning to feel for the man. I can’t stand to break again, not when he’s given me hope.

It was the blank page where her fears could write themselves that she dreaded most, and no more sentence she feared than the one written being ‘What could have been.’

It was why she didn’t speak out or move when she could have. It was gradually becoming less of her original intentions to glean information and more so that she just didn’t want what she currently had with Negan to end.

He’d distance himself if he knew, take back all that he had given. The man was baring his heart to her little by little with every passing day and night, and so too was she to him. Even though he didn’t know it, even though she only now realized it herself.

I don’t want this to end. Please…

Coming to him as she was now might turn her fears into reality, ruin everything that was developing between the two, but him dead was the greatest fear of all for the woman.

Maggie felt her world spin as her foot got snared in a tree root hidden beneath the snow. She crashed and slid against landscape painted white.

She groaned from the pain, sucked in a sharp breath as she saw splotches of blood soak through her jeans where her knees were.

Maggie had lost track of how many times she had started to run only to fall in her endeavor to get to Sanctuary. Maggie couldn’t feel her legs nor her fingers as she got up. The warmth of her blood quickly cooled against the freezing cold, and for a moment the woman felt lost amidst the sea of white.

Everywhere she looked was shrouded in a veil of snow, with her not able to see what was in front of her until it stared her right in the face. The snowstorm threatened to bury her alive if she didn’t keep moving, but now Maggie found herself not knowing what direction Sanctuary was.

And then she heard it, a sound louder and greater than the howling storm she braved to find the man who consumed her. It shook the very earth she walked upon, and everything trembled for a brief moment before the winds swallowed the fading clap of thunder.   

That’s no gunshot. An explosion?!

Maggie turned to her left and continued on with renewed purpose, knowing once more where Sanctuary was thanks to the piercing sound.

I believe you. I trust you. Please, Negan. Don’t make me regret opening my heart to you. I can’t take the loss of you. I need you.

 

---

 

Amira smacked Kyle upside the head for what he said.

‘’Gregor got us this far, and I for one think he’s not about to fail us now. He brought us here for a reason, and pretty soon he’ll let us in on why he did. If push comes to shove, we can always do what old Roy here did and go fishing. Remember the lake we passed by a while back?’’

Kyle nodded, a bit more reassured. They could boil the snow outside for water and live off fish for a while if nothing else. Roy being the experienced fisherman, he would know how best to catch fish even in the worst of weather.

Well that’s what he’s always bragging about anyway, him and his fishing skills. I don’t think Roy would have a reason to lie about something like that. 

Kyle was broken out of his reverie when Amira got up with a yawn.

‘’I’m going to check up on the lover birds. Don’t wait up on me,’’ she said as she stretched her lithe body. The men who gathered about the fire and even Diane couldn’t resist checking her out through the corner of their eyes, with Kyle muttering beneath his breath: ‘’Are all former supermodels like this?’’

Amira winked at him playfully before turning to walk in the other direction, but then to Kyle’s confusion the tall beauty gasped, suddenly collapsing face-first onto the floor.

And then the young man heard it. A gunshot rang out leaving a ringing in his ears, but still Kyle couldn’t understand what was happening as the people around him screamed and scrambled to their feet.

‘’Gregor! Where’s Gregor?!’’ Someone called out.

Gunshots rang out twice more, the bodies of Roy and Joe falling over the railing and hitting the ground floor stupefying Kyle even more.

I don’t – what’s happening?!

It was only when he saw the blood quickly pooling onto the floor from Amira’s head that the realization of what was going on hit him.

‘’Diane!’’ Kyle moved to grab his sister who sat across him from the fire, but then the fourth gunshot rang out.

Kyle felt all the air in his lungs get squeezed out as a piecing pain erupted from his chest. He fell just as he got up. Diane rushed over to him, and from where he lay he could see the tears in her eyes as she held him in her arms.

Everything seemed to deafen as the young man felt his sister’s tears land on his face, and he desperately tried to raise his hand to wipe them away.

Kyle tried and failed, felt his strength leaving him as a sudden coldness began to seep into the marrow of his bones. A darkness was creeping up on his vision, but before it blinded him, he saw a man emerge from the shadows.

Frost and snow clung to the towering man’s beard and long hair, the gun in his hand smoking from the shots fired. Eyes blacker than coal looked the young man’s way, and Kyle saw the killing intent held within. 

Merciless and cruel. This man – this monster – he was going to kill them all. Diane looked over her shoulder and saw it too, and Kyle saw the rage overtake the fear in her.

‘’D-Diane don’t!’’ He tried to warn her not to fight and instead run away, but it was too late by the time he realized what she was doing. She took out the pistol hidden in his jacket, but the moment Diane did so the fifth gunshot rang out. It shook the young man to the core to hear it.  

Kyle could only watch in horror as his sister fell backward, falling on top of him with a hole in her head no different than the one in Amira.

‘’Di-‘’ Kyle could only get out the first two letters to her name before the blood from his sister’s skull poured over his face, suffocating him as he couldn’t even move. Her blood entered his mouth and nose, blocked him from breathing his last.

Negan aimed and shot the woman who moved to point her weapon at him. He didn’t even think, just acted off of instinct the moment he saw the gun in her hand.   

All dead on the second. Three remaining on the ground floor, thought Negan in his head coldly.  

Everything happened within a matter of seconds, with not even a full minute having passed by. The three that remained rushed to him moments after Negan fired the fifth bullet, tearing the gun away from his hands and moving to attack.  

Negan sneered as one of the three men swung at him with a baseball bat, the other who took away his gun pointing and waiting to pull the trigger the moment he had a clear shot.

End this before you tire out. Kill them all.

Negan dodged the coming bat, gutting the man’s stomach and spilling his insides with one stroke before stabbing the other who tried to tackle him onto the ground through the eye.

One left…

The repeatedly empty click of his taken handgun made Negan smirk darkly at the man who pointed it at him.

‘’Please! Don’t kill me!’’ The man tried to run away when he saw how quick his two friends got killed, but Negan was a step faster. He swung down with his knife, but to his surprise the other man was able to take a step back at the last moment. Instead of his throat being slashed, only a thin line of blood seeped through.  

Negan’s eyes narrowed as the other man threw the empty gun in distraction to sideline him, making for the exit outside of Sanctuary.

Negan flicked the knife in his hand upward and caught the tip of the blade between his fingers, throwing it with all his strength towards the man who had crossed to the other side of the factory floor.

His aim ran true. The heavy blade pierced the man square in the back, causing him to stumble and crash with a haunting gasp.

Negan sharply exhaled. The lust and excitement he first felt had tempered off into nothingness the more he killed. There was a hesitation in the beginning, but it just became easier and easier.

It felt like another hand was gripping his own, guiding him – easing him into what he was before the world fell, from before love warmed his cruel heart.  

Negan began to whistle despite himself as he approached the man who tried to escape. He was whimpering and crying, leaving a trail of blood as he desperately tried to crawl away with a knife lodged in his back.   

Negan moved to finish the man off with a dark smirk on his face, but his eyes widened in shock when he spotted something massive move in the corner of his eye. 

A hulking shadow had smashed into the man, knocking Negan off his feet and into the wall opposite. Negan groaned as his head hit the wall hard, leaving him seeing dark spots in his vision.

Negan cursed beneath his breath and kneed the man in the stomach, but the massive man didn’t let off for a second. The enemy grabbed hold of Negan’s throat before he could move away, unleashing a flurry of blows with his fist that cracked Negan in the face and ribs as he was held against the wall.

The former soldier and leader of the Saviors found his chance soon enough, kicking the other man’s kneecap in and forcing the enemy to take a step back. Negan threw a couple well-timed jabs and hooks, both men equally landing shots that staggered and bruised the other bloody.

For every devastating punch that the man managed to land, Negan countered with three of his own.

 Despite his thin frame due to malnutrition and fatigue from carrying Maggie and pushing the Suburban after it had run out of gas, Negan was able to hold his own through skill and experience. Years of combat began to shine through the rust, and yet…the precarious standstill couldn’t last.

In the end it was Negan who lowered his bloodied fists. He looked to the hulk of a man across him, his left eye tatted black with half of his face inked in the image of a sinister skull.

‘’So you must be Gregor. I got to say, you look pretty badass.’’

Negan wiped the blood that seeped from the corner of his mouth as he took a step to the side. He approached the man who still crawled, and with a forceful stomp of his foot broke the man’s neck before retrieving his knife drenched with blood. 

Gregor took out a knife of his own, hunching low and treading close with caution. His other eye not inked was bloodshot, looking to Negan with molten hatred.

‘’I’m going to scalp you first for killing all my men, then I’ll gouge out your eyes before feeding you to the Growlers!’’

Negan chuckled as he wrung out the crick in his neck. ‘’You call them Growlers? Haven’t heard that one before.’’  

Gregor lunged forward with a snarl, enraged at the sound of his laughter. Negan saw the glint of the blade as it sliced through the air towards his chest, but managed to catch Gregor’s wrist before he could get stabbed.

Negan groaned as Gregor’s biceps bulged, forcing Negan back step by step until he hit the wall behind him.

Not this shit again.

Gregor kept up the pressure, the dagger in his hand inching closer and closer. Negan knew he had to turn the tables fast, and so he swung down hard with his own knife, but Gregor caught the edge of the blade with his bare hand just as it kissed the skin of his throat.

Negan’s knife sliced into the fingers of Gregor, drawing blood, but it didn’t help the knife that began to pierce his own flesh.

Strained and panting from exhaustion, Negan chose the lesser of two evils in that moment. He redirected Gregor’s knife down from piercing his heart to instead stabbing the side of his waist.  

With a guttural roar from the pain, Negan leaned his head back before headbutting the man in the face. The sick crunch of Gregor’s nose sent the big man stumbling back, but before Negan could finish Gregor off once and for all, one of the men he thought he killed stumble onto his feet.

With a grenade in his hand, Roy yelled for Gregor to run as he pulled the pin and started towards Negan.

‘’You son of a bitch!’’ Negan yelled and dove to the gun held in Diane’s lifeless hand the moment he heard the pin being pulled.

Adrenaline and instinct moved him, and Negan fired off every bullet in the chamber in desperation. Some of the bullets grazed the old man in a near miss, but most tore through Roy’s chest and stomach, leaving gaping holes just as he started to run and Gregor began to get as far away as possible.

The barrage of bullets stopped Roy dead in his tracks but caused the grenade in his hand to fall and roll across the floor. With the spoon let go and the fuse ignited, Negan knew he only had mere seconds to act. Five at best, three at most.  

One…

Spittle and blood sprayed from Negan’s mouth as he scrambled onto his feet, the image of the hand grenade reflected in his eye. The cold hand of death gipped him then where it once rested on his shoulder. The man could run, but the shrapnel would overtake him.    

Two…

Negan took out the knife that stabbed him and dropped it limply to the floor, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts as he stumbled forward haggardly. The grenade was too close and there was no cover that could protect him from where he stood. Negan could see Gregor move in slow motion, the darkness and shadows hiding away a corpse’s limb that tripped the man in his desperation to get away.

Three…

Negan grit his teeth and grabbed the bodies closest to him, throwing them atop the grenade. His body screamed and groaned against the exertion, but through sheer will alone the man was able to push past his limit.

Four…

‘’This soldier will come home.’’ It was do or die, and Negan was determined on going home. He’d promised he’d return to her.

Five…

‘’Always,’’ he whispered softly.

Pain opened its arms to welcome the man in its embrace, and he couldn’t refuse it a moment longer. Negan only saw a flash of white before the darkness tided over. 

 

---

 

 

I think I hear something. It’s faint, but I think someone’s calling my name. A woman’s voice…

‘’Negan? Darlin,’ wake up.’’ 

Negan awoke with a start when he felt a hand nudge his shoulder gently. Bleary-eyed and dazed, his vision gradually sharpened to see a setting sun fall lazily across the horizon, rolling plains of wheat that swayed to a gentle breeze beneath a clear blue sky.

The man found himself sitting on a rocking chair, a ring on his finger he didn’t recognize with a black cowboy hat resting on his knee.

Her face came into frame before he could take in anything else, a woman Negan knew. She smiled so beautifully at him too. Emerald green like nothing he’d ever seen gazed at him softly with love, more alluring than the world before his reach.

She was divine, a goddess of a woman who stole his breath away.   

‘’You alright? Bad dream?’’ She took the black hat on his knee and wore it upon her head as she eased herself onto his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck before cupping his cheek.

He could only behold her beauty in silence, too distraught to speak into words what he felt at heart.

‘’Negan? You’re worryin’ me now. Say somethin’ will you?’’

Her brows creased in worry when a teardrop escaped him. She reached out to wipe it away, but Negan held her hand before she could do so.

‘’No.’’ Negan shook his head and clenched his jaw. ‘’No, no don’t you do this to me. Please…’’

He couldn’t. He’d break otherwise if he let her. If he let this be, let go from the pain and the suffering. If only for the illusion of her touch, the warmth of her love.   

‘’Negan, you’re scarin’ me. Tell me what’s wrong.’’

He looked her in the eyes, saw himself reflected within like he was the only thing that existed. All that she cared for. On her finger was a ring once held by another, a ring he knew by the word Smith etched onto it.

The heirloom…

‘’Husband?’’

If only…

Negan closed his eyes for a moment before sighing and looking up to her. He couldn’t resist putting a finger to those lips, and she smiled beneath his touch knowingly when he did.

‘’I need to go,’’ he said brokenly. ‘’I can’t stay.’’ More than anything he wished he could, but…’’I made a promise.’’

It’s agony, to dream like this. I know it’s not real. Can’t be. These things, none of it for me. I come from the night, and to the night I will return. Broken and empty, all that I am…He who takes shall suffer.  

She moved her leg to straddle him, her hand gripping his jaw with narrowed eyes. 

‘’You cheatin’ on me, Smith? I told you before I’d kill you if you betrayed me.’’

That floored the man. Negan opened his mouth to refute, even say he was only thinking of his promise to her, but the moment he tried she lowered her head to his and stole his voice with a kiss.

Negen winced as she bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, saw the playfulness and resentment in her eyes as she did so.

Once their lips parted after a long and deep kiss, she moved her lips close to his ear and whispered: ‘’You ain’t going nowhere unless you’re takin’ me with you, Negan Smith. And that’s final, you hear me?’’

He laughed then with more tears in his eyes, but nodded as he adjusted the hat atop her head.

‘’Loud and clear, babydoll.’’

The white light broke over the horizon, washing over all things in the far distance. Before it arrived to claim the man, Negan heard her voice call to him.

‘’Swear to me.’’ There was a fragileness to her voice, one that threatened to shatter should he falter for even a moment.    

Negan stood up and carried her in his arms, never once looking away from her as he walked down the porch steps and into the coming light that approached.

‘’I swear to you, Maggie. I’ll never forsake you.’’

‘’Always?’’  She rested her head against his chest and looked to him.

The tears fell freely, and he couldn’t stop crying. Maggie wiped away his tears with a knowing smile filled with love, and it broke his heart all the more.  

‘’Always,’’ replied Negan hoarsely.

 There was no hesitation as the end arrived. All that he had – everything that he was – he would give it all for the goddess in his arms.

For her, he would never falter.  

 

---

 

 

I made it, finally.

Maggie stepped foot outside of the tree line and into the outer perimeter of Sanctuary. Time was lost on the woman as she endured the onslaught of freezing winds and heavy snow, but Maggie knew she was on the brink of collapse.  

Parts of the skin on her hands were colored a dark blue, and Maggie knew without having to look that her feet were no better off. She had felt a burning sensation in the beginning where the cold lapped at her exposed skin, but the woman couldn’t feel much of anything now. The cold had numbed her, turned her joints stiff to the point where she struggled to even open and close her hands.  

Maggie knew it was beyond reckless to go out into this kind of weather without the proper clothing, and the woman knew she was barely beginning to pay the price for it too. There were too many unknowns at play, but it didn’t matter when there was only one option.

She might be walking into the lion’s den, sending herself to get killed. Maggie wasn’t even walking at this point but dragging her lifeless feet one leg at a time. The woman didn’t know if she could even reach for her gun in time should she get into a fight, much less be able to pull the trigger what with how her fingers barely moved.

There was a lot of things Maggie couldn’t hope to know, and she had no time to learn safely. Negan was at the heart of the storm, and where he was, she would be too. That’s all that mattered to her, all she cared for anymore.

I don’t have anything more to lose but him, and no one is taking him away from me. I’ll kill anyone who tries.

Maggie hurried herself against the outside wall of Sanctuary until she came upon a broken door barely hanging on its hinges.

Marked on the wall beside the door were the words ‘East Exit.’ She traced a finger against the scorch marks around the door and wall, but didn’t think them to be from the explosion she heard from earlier before.

Did Negan come through here?

Maggie reached for her gun ahead of time, her stiff fingers barely able to curl around the handle. She entered as quietly as she could, the billowing winds drowning out most of her footsteps.

I can’t see a damn thing.

Shadows lurked in every corner, and without light her eyes could barely adjust to see the outlining of the hall she walked through. Maggie picked up on the faint scent of blood and smoke, but it was quiet. Too quiet.

The only thing Maggie could hear now as she furthered along was the faint howling of the wind outside and the racing of her heart hammering away in her breast.   

She was fearing the worst now as she walked the darkness for what felt like forever. Every step she took dragging her feet was shorter than the last, and her vision had long started to blur.

In and out, in and out. It was getting harder to regain her focus every time her vision blurred and the world seemed to tilt a little before her eyes, but she wouldn’t stop – couldn’t – until she knew the truth.

And then she saw it, a faint orange hue seeping out from another room at the corner-end of the hall.

Fire.

Maggie picked up on the faint sound of voices as she got closer, but it was too soon to tell if one of them was Negan’s.

The inaudible voices gradually became clearer as the woman approached as best she could silently, held herself close to the walls until she peered around the corner to see a dim fire illuminating the figures of two men.  

Negan…

‘’That cigarette. Only soldiers smoke that kind, right? You must’ve been through some real shit to resort to smoking those. Red blend too, huh?’’ Negan looked to the large man who stood opposite the fire, sharpening his blade menacingly.

‘’Operation Phantom Fury. 3^rd Battalion, 5^th Marines,’’ spoke out Gregor after a moment of exhaling a cloud of red smoke from his cigarette.

Negan chuckled and sighed. ‘’Darkhorse Marine, no wonder it took so long for me to beat your ass. Fallujah, then. Good ‘ol Iraq.’’

Gregor growled at the insult. ‘’And you?’’ The cigarette, able to kill all of his people without so much as a scratch until he intervened, knowing the nickname of the battalion and understanding what war he took part in, only those who’d been through the thick of it could ever understand. 

Negan shrugged and grinned, displaying teeth stained dark with blood. ‘’Gym teacher, Elementary.’’ 

His blatant sarcasm earned the man a heavy fist across the jaw, but Gregor didn’t push the subject thereafter. The large man walked to the barrel lit with fire, holding his sharpened knife over the flickering flames.

Gregor looked to Negan as he heated up the blade, his tatted face and eye reflected within. ‘’I’ve been through some shit, yeah. Just like how you’re about to go through some pretty bad shit soon enough. For what you’ve done, I’ll make it long and slow.’’

Maggie looked to the open floor from where she peered, saw corpses strewn about with puddles of blood scattered across. Listening to their conversation, she almost couldn’t believe that Negan had done all this singlehandedly.

Men with their guts spilled across the floor, some with bullet holes in their heads with their eyes wide from the horror and shock. There were women too, killed just as mercilessly as the rest. Pieces were scattered everywhere, something the woman chalked up to the explosion she heard. All but one remained.

Just who are you, Negan?  

Maggie’s heart began to ache something fierce the moment she saw just how much blood-stained Negan’s clothes, but to her relief the man tied to the chair was only biding his time. From where she hid, Maggie could see the chains that bound his wrists behind his back were already loose, barely held together in his hand to keep up the appearance that he was still restrained.

She was relieved to see that Negan had everything in control after all, only waiting for the right moment to strike.

He hadn’t failed me after all. He was going to return to me just as he said he would. Sorry, but I just couldn’t wait. Not when I should’ve been with you by your side.

She could have stayed in the shadows, waiting until Negan was well and truly safe after killing this man across from him before stepping out into the light, but she thought better of it. Looking to Negan bound falsely to the chair, a thought came to Maggie’s mind.

He could have injured me back in Alexandria when I was caught up in my emotions, foolishly letting him out of his cell just so that I could see him in the light. He killed these people all by himself, and he could have done the same to me. But he never took action, not so much as lay a hand on me even when I put mine on him.  

Looking to the man pretending to be captive, she affirmed the assumption she had brewing in her mind ever since the fall of Alexandria. He escaped from his cell mere hours after she saw him, killed a band of Whisperers before taking her away.

Danger lurked everywhere, a sea of walkers flooding Alexandria with the enemy roaming about for stragglers. And yet still he carried her to safety with relative ease despite all odds stacked against the man – was able to gather supplies and hunt, keep them alive.

A dangerous man with far too many secrets, but…I can’t help the aching of my heart, the yearning I feel for what he gives. All that’s left is to see the truth of him, and me.  

Maggie looked to the leather jacket she wore and the red scarf against her neck. His promise to her when he gave her these things lingered in her mind every day without fail, and she needed to see the truth of it.

Is he truly willing to die at my hand? He might have been before, but is he really willing to let go of his regained freedom? Or will he turn against his word and fight me?

In her heart she believed him, but believing was different from seeing it with your own eyes.

Maggie picked up the baseball bat on the floor determined to know the truth, willing to resort to madness if it meant seeing the true face of the man who was slowly taking over her heart and mind – changing her nightmares into peaceful dreams filled with warmth and safety.

Negan lowered his head just as Gregor’s blade glowed red hot, seemingly awaiting his fate just as the other man took a step towards him.

Negan tensed, ready to break free and strike the moment Gregor passed the fire. He hung his head low and closed his eyes, sharpening his hearing to catch the footsteps when they approached…but they never did.

Gregor took his first and final step towards Negan before Maggie pulled the trigger on her revolver, firing three shots rapidly to bring the large man down and onto his knees. Gregor turned his head in confusion as pain swallowed him whole, his eyes widening in shock upon seeing the woman step out of the shadows with a smoking gun.

The man was shaken when Maggie stepped into the light of the fire, her image the spitting reflection of Negan all those years ago just as Gregor remembered the man to be.

Gregor couldn’t believe what he saw. He replaced her face with that of the monster that plagued his dreams, couldn’t help but utter in a frightened tone: ‘’Negan?’’

Maggie laughed like she had heard the funniest joke, but her face was full of anguish as she stepped closer. The woman approached like a predator would its prey, the wooden bat grasped in her quivering hand leaving a trail of red from the puddles of blood it was dragged through.

‘’He’s mine,’’ whispered Maggie faint enough to where only Gregor could hear.

Those two words uttered hoarsely were the last thing the man would ever hear before Maggie swung down on his head. A sickening crunch echoed from the blow. Blood splattered across her face as the man fell completely, her actions taking her back in time years ago.   

Memories flashed by with every swing she took, infuriating her all the more to keep going. The blood that spilled reminded her of the taunting and gloating of the monster that towered over them all. The sickening sounds caused by her own hands reminded her all too well of that night.

Maggie swung again and again, caving in Gregor’s skull beyond all recognition. It was only then that she finally looked up towards the man she did this for, stained her hands bloody to know the truth and ease her heart once and for all.   

Show me the man that you truly are, Negan.   

 

---

 

I move beneath the roar of thunder and fall of rain. Among monsters do I bleed, broken and torn. I come from the night…and to the night I will return.

Negan raised his head weakly, and with blurry eyes he made out the silhouette that emerged from the shadows.

The man didn’t want to believe it, but there she was. A storm raged in his heart as he couldn’t believe what his eyes were seeing, but he could not look away from the truth.

She wore a leather jacket, and adorned across her neck was a scarf the color of blood. Her eyes gleamed against the raging fire; the dancing flames reflected within as she looked only to him.

My jacket…my scarf…

A trail of blood and gore was left in her wake as she dragged a bloodied baseball bat, the sound of it echoed hauntingly across the factory floor. Negan wheezed out a short laugh as she approached, the image of her an imposing one – if not haunting.

The shadows danced across her fair skin splattered and stained crimson with blood, illuminating the color of her eyes all the more. In the bleak fall of winter, eyes blacker than coal met emerald green. The woman stopped just short of Negan, towering over the man who was tied and bound to a wooden chair in chains. 

Battered and bruised, a trail of blood ran down Negan’s unkept hair and onto his haggard face. Drops of blood trickled from the corner of his mouth and nose and onto his frayed beard, matting it a stark red against the greying white. Negan didn’t care for the pain, for how shitty he must have looked in that moment. For any of it. None of it mattered when soon enough he’d feel nothing at all.

So why. Why is she just standing there?

She only looked to him, never speaking once to Negan. Time seemed to stretch on for an eternity as she held his gaze, forced him to never break away.

It was the encroaching silence that broke him. The way she looked at him with those eyes of hers that tore him apart and bared him naked for her to see. To scrutinize until there was nothing left for the man to hide. It terrified Negan to no end, and he hated himself all the more for it. For feeling so vulnerable in front of her and being unable to hide it.

This was the moment he should have kept up appearances. Indifferent maybe, strong perhaps, but never this. Never should she have seen the broken man for what he truly was. 

Tears broke free against his will, and the man couldn’t stand the silence a second longer.

‘’Well what are you waiting for?’’ he asked brokenly. ‘’Do it.’’ Negan pleaded in a hushed tone, all but begged for it – but she didn’t move, didn’t say a damned thing in return.

‘’Put an end to this for us. You can finish it. Don’t you know the things I have done? Don’t I deserve to die?’’  

She only continued to look at him with those eyes of hers, like she could see him for all that he was. For all the pain he endured. The darkness that stained him and all the broken pieces ravaged and shattered, the brittle parts that refused to give in. 

It was too much. Those eyes of hers that captivated him became a dagger that pierced and cut away until his heart was bare for her to see. It was simply too much, and Negan could hold her gaze no longer because of it.

Don’t look at me!

He broke free from her colored eyes and lowered his head. The fear of her seeing the truth of him turned to anger. A bitter hatred for how everything turned out.

She wasn’t supposed to know! She wasn’t supposed to be awake…

The man snarled and tugged against the rusted chains held in his hand, felt pleasure in the pain of them cutting against his flesh. It was an age-old method, to use paint to drown out all else. He’d rather feel the pain than the remorse, the crushing weight. 

‘’Do it! Fucking kill me!’’ He screamed and roared, closed his eyes shut and waited for her to swing at him. Negan tensed in anticipation, couldn’t hold the madness of his racing heart and the cold grip of death that squeezed his lungs and made him gasp for life. 

Negan waited and waited, but death never came. Her vengeance, her justice, it never arrived. 

A cold hand fiercely gripped his jaw and forced him to look up, to open his eyes and look into those colored emerald green.

Negan couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but when did he ever truly understand the woman before him? What she wanted, what she needed. Her dreams and desires, what she felt. Negan didn’t know.

He never did, but the woman before him demanded all that he had, and he gave it. From the start of this twisted beginning to the very end…

‘’I gave you all I had, Maggie. I did…’’ There was a tiredness to his voice that he could no longer hide. The tension of his body eased, and Negan’s eyes glazed over as he held Maggie’s gaze.

The image he had of her and Judith smiling and waving, it burned to ash in his mind. The dream of her and him together, the love that would never warm his heart – all that could never come to pass. He knew, he always did.  

The man had hoped to see his promise to Maggie through, to see Judith one last time before going home, but he knew better. He always knew…

These things…none of it for me…

‘’Maggie, I –‘’

Maggie lowered her head to his just as he spoke. Her hand still gripping his jaw firmly, the woman met his lips with her own. She kissed him then, swallowed whatever he was going to say next before he could.  

Negan’s mind blanked from the sudden turn of events. He couldn’t think of anything at all as Maggie dropped the bloodied bat in her hand and straddled him. Couldn’t believe what was happening as she moved to ensnare her other hand not gripping his jaw into his hair.  

In the beginning it is deceptively gentle, Maggie’s kiss. The softest of touches of her lips to his own. Still enough to send the man reeling back, to make him hiss at the wave of pleasure that eased the pain he suffered from the battles endured for her sake.

Maggie showed her true self then, a dark possessiveness for the man she believed she almost lost. The fears she suffered as she made her way through the winter storm eased as she devoured Negan’s warmth greedily, renewed her need for the taste of him on her tongue.  

Negan clutched onto the chains still as he became lost in their shared kiss, not knowing Maggie knew he could have gotten out at any moment the man wanted. Maggie took full advantage too, though she was careful in lieu of his injuries not knowing how bad they might be.

Negan was crumbling beneath the weight of his desire for her, not knowing why or how any of this came to be. The man couldn’t try to understand neither when Maggie demanded all that he was, everything he could ever possibly give.

Negan gave it unhesitatingly, but when he tried to push for more, Maggie abruptly bit his lip hard enough to draw blood before pulling away completely. Negan saw the playfulness and resentment in her eyes as she did so.

Their kiss broken, Maggie moved her lips close to his ear and whispered hoarsely: ‘’You ain’t going nowhere unless you’re takin’ me with you, Negan. And that’s final, you hear me? Don’t ever leave me again.’’

Negan could only nod as he was too stunned to speak in that moment, but that alone wasn’t good enough for Maggie.

‘’Swear to me,’’ Maggie demanded. All but forced him to look her in those emerald green eyes of hers.

Negan thought of the dream he had when she spoke those words, those exact same words that he could never forget. Just as he was then in that dream, Negan looked to her and vowed all the same.    

‘’I swear to you, Maggie.’’

‘’Always?’’  She searched his eyes blacker than coal questioningly for anything that might say otherwise, but there was no lie for her to find.

‘’Always,’’ replied Negan hoarsely.

Finally reassured now that he had given his word, Maggie moved to rest her head atop his shoulder before closing her tired eyes.

The truth was cemented in her heart. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Negan would keep his promise when the time came.

Yes…You’ve long accepted that I’ll walk away, be it with your corpse at my back or to let you leave. But I’ve chosen neither. You won’t walk away from me. I won’t let you…because you’re mine.