Y’know, you think the worst part about being a Mercenary would be the “nearly dying every day for money,”. There’s an old saying that War is 99% boredom and 1% sheer terror, and Jenny Jones was definitely starting to feel it.

“God, I am so damn bored right now!” The blonde woman, Jenny complained, hands placed firmly in the pockets of her red varsity jacket as she sat on a dusty old couch, her youthful face scrunching up in anger.

“You’ve been lettin’ me know that for about 5 minutes now,” Sally Anderson, Jenny’s Texan teammate, cheekily grumbled, she was tinkering with some machine in the corner. Sally’s blonde hair was tied into a bun in order to keep it safe from the flying sparks, her brown overalls were covered in oil and dirt. “Why don’tcha go look for someone else? They could have a job for ya,”

Jenny wanted to object, but. “Not a terrible idea Overalls,” She said as she left the living room for… wherever else in the base she could go to find something to do.

She rushed down the hallway of the base, encountering a place she was pretty sure would yield decent results.

“Fuisce’s room, she’s probably got beer or somethin’ to get me through this,” Jenny thought as she rushed through the door.

Within the room was: burn marks, antique beer bottles, non antique beer bottles and the stumbling body of a Fuisce O. MacBauma, the slightly overweight ginger woman Jenny was looking for, she was wearing a pink tank top and shorts.

“Aye, watch where yer goin ya Skinny Malink, looking for me for a way to skive off?”

“I dunno what that means, Rummy, but I came ‘ere to get a drink ‘offa ya,”

“Aye, why didn’t ye just say so? Here, have a gargle, Lassie,” Fuisce tossed a bottle of cheap whisky at the New Yorker, who caught it with incredible speed.

“Thanks pal, try to keep ya liver today, capice?” Jenny teased as she ran out of the room.

“No promi-” Fuisce instantly blacked out.

“Welp, I got beer now. Got nothing to do, but I do got beer; I’m so poetic,” Jenny boasted to herself as she continued on her quest to find something to do.

“Hi Jenny, lovely day we’re having, eh?” Another teammate, this one a muscular Canadian male with a big bushy ginger beard and long hair, he dressed himself in a red and black flannel shirt.

“Heya Louie, would you have anythin’ for me to do today?” Jenny asked, stopping in front of Luis Bucheron, the large, lumberjack esque man.

“Oooh, sorry, nothin’ that you’d be interested aboot anyway,” A small frown was visible on Luis’ face

“Fair enough, see ya big fella,” Jenny rushed off.

“Goodbye Jenny, try not to trip on anything, eh?”

“I won’t!” she waved goodbye.

Jenny ran down the tall again, now getting just a little disheartened at how she was getting little to no results.

“Y’know, I should probably try to-”

“Attention maggot!” Jenny jumped as she heard the authoritative voice of John Johnson, dressed in his usual WW2 era American Soldier uniform complete with a bucket helmet. “What in the name of liberty are you doing at this moment?”

“What’s it look like Bucketbrain? We ain’t had a job in weeks and I’m lookin’ for somethin’ to do,”

“It does feel like an eternity since the explosive forces of liberty have reigned down upon the unpatriotic scum that dares to oppose us!”

“Yeah, yeah, non pay-tree-its are bad and stuff; why don’tcha go salute the flag for an hour or somethin?”

“Great Uncle Sam! I forgot my daily flag saluting!” Johnson sounded panicked as he ran away to his room.

“Well, that was easier than expected,” Jenny mumbled as she continued to walk. “I should probably head to the bar, maybe there could be somethin’ fun to do there,”

So Jenny headed to the in base bar, which was less of an actual bar, and more of a room with a bunch of tables, chairs and a cooler filled with beer in the middle.

Jenny sat at one of these tables with the beer she had borrowed from Fuisce in her hand.

“Hey pretty lady,” The grating Italian accented voice of Jimmy Calzone: a fat, balding former Mafia Underboss greeted Jenny as he straightened the tie of his dirty purple suit.

“Whaddaya want Mario, can’t ya see that I’m tryin’ to drink over ‘ere?”

“These cataracts haven’t gotten that bad yet, kid,” Jimmy joked a joke that only he laughed at. “What you’re drinkin’ seems real expensive, ya get it from Foosie?”

“Yeah I got it from Rummy, whaddaya want with it?”

“You know what I want, kid,” Jimmy smirked.

Jenny angrily threw the bottle into Jimmy’s hands. “Take it lardfat,” She grumbled as she stormed off.

“Whew, free beer!” Jimmy cheered, unaware that the beer in the cooler was also free.

“Stupid Mob Dude, stealin’ the stupid expensive beer that I didn’t even know was stupidly expensive,” Jenny grumbled under her breath, unaware of her surroundings.

“Hello Baseball!” Was the greeting the small, pale, red eyed girl with white, pigtailed hair played through her tape recorder. This greeting made Jenny jump back in fear.

“Jesus Christ, Fives, I didn’t see ya there,”

“That was a mistake,”

“Jeez, it’s like you’re tryin’ to scare the shit outta people, ya murderous, mute freak,”

“Offense- not taken- please try again,”

“Ya made ya point mush-mouth,” Jenny grumbled as she and Five walked in opposite directions.

Eventually, Jenny decided to plop herself back down on the couch in the living room.

“Heya slim, find anythin’ interestin’ to do?” Sally, who was also sitting on the couch now greeted.

“What’s it look like, hardhat?” Jenny snided. “No one’s got a thing for me to do,”

“Not too surprised on that front, Stringbean,” Sally chuckled. “Probably shoulda told you to find your own thing to do while you wait for the Boss to get us new contracts. Sorry for dissapointin’ ya Pal,”

“It ain’t too bad, just a little annoying,” She grumbled as she turned on the TV to some random channel, it didn’t matter which one.

“Olá Recon,” The absolute last person that Jenny wanted to see right now approached her from behind. “I hope my sudden appearance hasn’t interrupted your mindless rotting of the brain,”

Lisboa, her real name unknown “greeted” her blonde teammate.

“Whaddaya want Lizzo? Here to talk about bein’ ladylike? The sixties called, they want trophy wife back!” Jenny mocked the tanned woman.

Lisboa’s face scrunched up a little “No, in fact, though I will comment on your abysmal taste in clothing,” She smirked as she straightened the green tie of her black suit jacket, which she wore alongside a black dress, and brown stockings. “Have you been wearing those since high school?” She pointed out Jenny’s far more common clothing, consisting of a red varsity jacket, a white undershirt, black trackpants, red running shoes and an old red baseball cap.

“Have you been wearin’ that dress since the 50s? You gotta be like 100 years old by now!” Jenny chuckled.

“Slim, Prissypants, let’s calm down for now,” Sally inerjected. “Why don’tcha just tell us what you’re here for?”

“Ugh, fine,” Jenny mumbled.

“As you wish, Labourer,” Lisboa cleared her throat. “The Captain, Ms. Vitra wants you to come the briefing room about… right now,”

“Really?” Jenny had a look of excitement in her eyes.

“Not just you, my babyfaced colleague. She’s calling all of us to brief us on a mission,”

“Aww…” Jenny looked down. “Wait, a new mission?!” Jenny immediately got up and bolted to the briefing room

“I… she is very excited to kill today, isn’t she?” Lisboa snickered to herself.

“I think we’ve all gone a bit stir crazy, Stabby,” Sally pointed out as she walked over to Vitra’s office.

Jenny got to the room within mere seconds and threw herself onto one of the 10 chairs all facing the front of the room.

“Oh, hey Recon, you got here fast,” Said Janet Vitra, who was dressed in a magenta button up shirt and a black skirt.

“I’m always fast for you, Ms. Vitra!” Jenny finger gunned at Janet, who rolled her eyes and pushed up her glasses as a response.

“It’s literally your main job to go fast, Recon,”

“Y-Yeah I know uhh… nevermind,” Jenny blushed, and stumbled as she shrunk into her seat.

The other Mercs entered the room one at a time, including the two other members of the team: Susan Goldon, the team’s Medic/Doctor, a woman with messy brown hair who donned dorky circular glasses, a white labcoat with a blue shirt and skirt, and Chirag Qanaas; the dark skinned Sharpshooter of the team; he had greying hair and a bushy grey beard; he elected to wear a brown duster with a grey undershirt.

“Alright, we’re all here… at least physically,” Janet’s eyes glossed over to the obviously drunk Fuisce, who was now wearing an explosion proof chestplate and a green, plaid skirt.

“As you may have heard, we got a new contract recently, and it’s a big one,” Vitra made jazz hands to emphasise just how big of a job this was. “We’ve been hired to invade and take over the base of another Mercenary Company, Washington Enforcement LLC,”

“Ain’t those the feckers who beat us in Mercenary Volleyball?” Fuisce angrily asked, causing the rest of the Mercs to angrily discuss how they had been robbed of that victory so many months ago.

“Yes, yes they are,” The conversations stopped as Vitra continued to talk. “This has nothing to do with that, buuuuuuut if one of you could also steal the Mercenary Volleyball trophy from them I’d really appreciate it, also you’ll get a raise,”

“You’d… appreciate it?” Jenny asked with a spark in her eyes.

“Yeah, I just said that,”

“I-I know, I know, just wanted to know for sure,” Jenny tried (and failed) to play it off.

“Alright, we leave for the mission in about 10 minutes, be ready,” Janet calmly ordered as she walked out of the briefing room.

Jenny formulated a plan in her mind as she sprinted out of the base. The plan to get the trophy that was stolen from her team, and make Janet Vitra appreciate her.

“This is gonna be so fricken’ sweet, that trophy ain’t gonna be hard to find,”

Once all ten Mercs were outside, they loaded into the van that Janet was driving.

“Alright team, put your earpieces in and get comfy,” Janet said as she prepared for the long drive to the enemy base.

---

“Alright, we’re here, you know the plan, I’ll help you out where I can from here, go in on my command,” Janet instructed as she ushered everyone out of the car.

“I will interfere with the base’s security,” Lisboa walked away from the group to find a way to sneak in to the base.

“Man, this is gonna be easy!” Jenny boasted, earning an eyeroll from Janet, and most of her team.

“The tiny woman is right!” Johnson declared, earning an angered “Hey!” from Jenny. “This base will fall in the name of liberty, democracy and freedom!”

“Let’s try not to get too hurt okay?” Susan had a look of both annoyance and concern on her face. “Oy vey, I do not wanna have to replace any more pancreases for at least a couple months!”

“Alright, quit screwing around everyone,” Janet ordered. “Lisboa, you in?”

“Sim sim, I am in the base, I will disable all the security measures when you get in,”

“Great, alright team, killem dead,”

The entire team cheered as they rushed towards the gate of the medium sized base, the only one to stay behind was Chirag, who elected to hide in a nearby bush.

---

“Who the fuck are-” Was the last words of the two guards standing watch at the front of the base as their heads were promptly blown off, this caused a near instant alarm to be sounded.

“They know we’re here now, get ready to do some heavy lifting!” Janet warned as the thunderous footsteps of Washington Enforcement Mercs could be heard from within the building. The mercs prepared to enter the building, knowing that the enemy would have the defensive advantage.

Luis lumbered over to the front of the door with a large, red axe in hand.

“Are we ready, eh?”

Various terms of affirmation came from the team.

“Alright, here we go fellers,” Luis tore down the door with his axe, being met with a hail of gunfire as he entered, all of which he blocked with his battleaxe.

Luis rushed headfirst into the Washingtons, who had already set up barricades to use as cover, blocking their gunfire with his axe, cheering and occasionally apologising as he tore down their cover and dozens of the soldiers with his weapon, the rest of the Mercs set up ad hoc cover using nearby tables and chairs.

Jimmy Calzone laid down covering fire for Luis while Sally set up Sentry Guns.

“I’ll need a bit of space to set these up, help me out here y’all!” Sally ordered as gunfire rained just above her head.

“No problem Texas!” Johnson saluted and then threw a grenade at the back of his feet which launched him directly into a group of the Washingtons; he pulled out a shovel and sliced directly through the first man with a trench shovel, the three other terrified men were put down with Johnson’s swift shotgun fire, which blew the enemy Mercs into pieces.

“Take that you Commie scum!”

“Yeah, gettem Private, you’re doing this team and your country a service!” Janet cheered in mock Jingoism to encourage The Patriot.

“I sure as hell am Captain!”

“Hey don’t hog all the fun to yourself!” Jenny chuckled as she bolted into the action, whizzing past the gunfire that was now focused on her, she elected to run towards the group that Luis was fighting. She pulled out her baseball bat, jumped into the air over the and then hit it end first to launch herself over the barricades and directly into the skull of one of the soldiers in the back.

“Hey dummies, have ya tried hittin’ me?” She mocked as she pulled out two pistols and shot a hail of bullets into the first group of soldiers as she ran circles around them to avoid their bullets.

“Recon, don’t be too arrogant,” Janet grumpily warned, earning some grumbling from Jenny.

Fuisce charged headfirst into the group Johnson was fighting, reinforcements had poured in from a room to the west of the entry room, she threw a pipe bomb than instantly blew a group of soldiers into bloody chunks.

“Aye, that’s what ye get fer… fer… I forgot what these little shets did,” She drunkenly mumbled as she continued to fire grenades to cover Johnson’s charge. “Eh, who cares? Work is work!” A devilish smirk formed on her face as she threw the powerful and Geneva convention violating explosives into the crowd, causing the wall to the room that the reinforcements had come from to crumble and block off that entrance.

“Thank you, Demo, you are a credit to this unit!” Johnson proudly declared as he saluted.

“Aye, yer makin’ me blush Laddie, I’ll give ye some of me best whisky after this one!” She wrapped an arm around the Patriotic soldier as she took a swig of a hip flask.

“That would make the Founding Fathers cry tears of American joy!”

Chirag chipped in by occasionally taking out individual, heavily armoured troops with rounds from his anti material rifle.

“Thanks for clearin’ the wave fellas, Sentries are up and runnin!” Sally cheered as her two Sentry Guns (which were pretty much just assault rifles mounted on tripods) began to mow down the Washingtons.

“Retreat into the vault room, set up reinforcements there!” One of the Washingtons dressed in a snazzier uniform ordered, the enemy Washingtons tactically ran away into a room behind the barricade they had set up, raining down suppressing fire, most of which was inaccurate and avoidable, except for a couple bullets that hit Jimmy square in the chest.

“Ow fuck! Medic!” The Former Mobster yelled out, which made Susan (who up to this point had been hiding behind a table) stand up and go to the large man.

She injected him with morphine and then proceeded to dig her gloved hands into the bullet holes.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine, the bullets didn’t hit anything too important, just a kidney,”

“Ah, neat,” Jimmy turned his head towards his fellow Mercs. “Grab me’s a kidney on your way out, capice? I really enjoy pissin’ normally,”

“No problem, Spaghetti Man,” Johnson began to stuff the kidneys of the dead enemies into his pockets.

“Hey shouldn’t one of youse stay here to keep me safe? What if the enemies come from behind?” Sue looked up from the bullet pulling and bandaging she was doing.

“Don’t worry about a thing Doc, these here Sentries will keep you safe, ain’t that right Sally Jr?” She patted the top of the gun, to which the gun made a low beeping sound.

“Dude you named it?” Jenny mocked, which made the sentry gun point at her. “Woah, woah, I didn’t mean anything by it man!” She said as she put her hands up.

“Hey Team, Vitra here,” Janet interrupted the Mercs. “Fantastic job on beating them back, the vault should be just up ahead; try not to have any more bullet related accidents,”

---

“You heard the boss, eh? Let’s head in,” Luis said as he rushed into the second room with his axe in hand; the other Mercs followed closely behind: Jenny flanked the far smaller group that had retreated into the vault room while Johnson and Fuisce rained death from above by using their respective explosives to launch themselves in the air.

“Hey, Lisboa, hack into the vault,” Vitra ordered.

“Already on it, hold off the enemies while I open it up,” Lisboa reassured as she quickly ran into the hallway in front of the security room

Three guards spotted her, one of which was bigger and more muscular than the others. She rolled into a room to her west, when the three guards entered the dark room they found… nothing?

At least they thought until Lisboa appeared from the shadows, and stabbed a razor sharp obsidian dagger into the neck of one of the skinnier guards, she then quickly drew her revolver on the second skinny guard and shot him in the head.

The buff guard rushed towards her, and punched her directly in the chest, sending the petit woman careening into the wall behind her, she quickly got up and ran towards the buff guard; as he went in for another swipe she slid between his legs and slashed him twice in the back, before using her knife to climb up the mans back, launch herself into the air and send the knife directly through his neck. She dusted herself off, quietly complained about the blood that had gotten on her dress and entered the security room proper, she opened up the vault door by simply slicing the wire that gave the door power.

---

“The vault door’s open, don’t let them take the trophy!” The Washington Commander angrily ordered as more reinforcements poured into the vault room.

“They just keep comin’ anyone got any ideas?” Sally, who had set up a sentry gun in the vault room now asked.

“I have an idea. The door,” Five communicated through her tape recorder, pointing to Luis.

“What are you? Oooooohh, I get it,” Sally nodded along with Five. “Woody, after we handle this wave, block the door,”

Woody, who was tearing through more troops and using his axe to deflect bullets turned around. “Alrighty then, the wave should be thinning out eh?”

As he said that, the wave began to thin out and Five waddled towards the door that Woody was holding closed, She had this odd looking yellow grenade clasped in her hand.

“Open- Lumberjack,”

When he opened the door, Five threw the grenade in and used her surprisingly strong body to block the door. Violent coughing, and eventually violent banging was heard from the other side of the door, the sounds eventually stopped and Five stepped away from the door.

“Jeez Five, I expected somethin’ brutal but not that,” Sally gulped.

“The problem has been dealt with,” Five Shrugged.

“I’ll take your word on it, Pal,”

“Real World War 1 of you Five, get it cause they used gas in that war?… and pretty every other war after- nevermind. Good job team, grab the trophy and let’s get out of here,” Janet ordered.

Jenny bolted towards the trophy and quickly snatched it from its pedestal.

“Job well done fellas, let’s get goin’” Sally cheered.

“George Washington would be proud of how we dealt with those who bastardised his name!”

“Let’s skip straight to the hangover when we get back to base, laddies!”

“God, Ms. Vitra is gonna think I’m so cool once I bring this back to her,” Jenny thought as she ogled the trophy. “And then I’m gonna ask her out, and then it’s all gonna be sick!”

The Mercs all squeezed back into the van, most let out annoyed remarks, or complaints as they stuffed themselves in.

“Good job everyone, you’ll all be paid by tomorrow,” Janet reassured as she drove the team back to base.

After the team had returned back to base, most of them decided to go rest up in their rooms or celebrate at their bar. Except Jenny, she was walking towards Janet’s office, trophy in hand; she excitedly knocked on the door with a smile on her face.

“Come in,” Jenny walked into the office, Janet was hunched over her computer. “Oh, hey Recon, what did you wanna see me for?”

“Well uhhh, I just wanted to give you the Mercenary Volleyball Championship Trophy,” Jenny explained as she held the trophy out.

“Oh, thanks Recon,” Janet said as she placed the trophy next to her and turned around to continue whatever she was doing.

“Uh, hey, Boss, could I uh… could I ask ya somethin?”

“Hm? Yeah sure, what is it?” Janet turned around again.

“Well uh… I was wonderin’ uhh…” Jenny blushed and felt a lump form in her throat. “If you’re free on the weekends, if you’d be up to… like, hang out or somethin?”

“Oh, sorry Recon, I’m gonna be pretty busy for awhile, burying bodies and all,” Janet explained, a look of disappointment on her face. “But hey, I’ll let you know if I remember to let you know that I’m free,”

“Oh…” Jenny mumbled. “Sounds er… good, good luck with it I guess, see ya,” Jenny gloomily walked out of the office.

“Bye Recon,” Janet turned around to continue doing whatever she was doing on her computer.

Jenny sighed as she moped her way to her room.

“Well, it wasn’t a ‘no’” Jenny tried to cheer herself up. “But it ain’t a yes either,”

She flopped down on her bed the moment she entered her room, the mission had left her feeling pretty tired, anyway.