The next day, I arrived early in class and sat, waiting for everyone to join. XW15 was the first to follow and smiled at me as she entered the room. I didn't think we would ever become close friends, but it was a welcome improvement in our relationship.
"How was your night?" I asked.
"Agitated," she said, reaching her desk.
"Sorry about that."
"Oh, no, it's not you that kept me up. I can't stop thinking about who didn't make it out there..."
I was confident in my brothers' skills and believed it was most likely one of XW's squadron members who lost his life. As such, I didn't worry too much about it until I remembered: I should care about the whole outpost as much as I care about my squad.
"I'll be there if you need me," I said, offering support.
"Thanks. How did XX30 take it when you told her?"
"Uh, about that... She was sleeping, and I didn't want to wake her up. So, she doesn't know yet."
"Did you apologize, at least?" I shook my head, and XW15 sighed. "I'm already starting to regret feeling bad for you yesterday," she added.
"Give me a break! I'll do it! I only need to find the right time, okay?"
"I told you: you pretend to be strong, but when you need to find enough courage to open up and apologize, you're not so tough anymore."
"I apologized to you, didn't I?" I snapped back, pressure rising in me.
Fortunately, XX30 joined up and defused the situation. She sat between us as if nothing had happened. XW15 insistently stared at me to urge me to talk to XX30, but now was not the time. KS12 soon started today's new lesson on guns and ammo anyway.
I ignored the other carers and had difficulties focusing on class. I spent most of the day looking through the window, hoping to see our squad returning from Charlie station. KS12 noticed, of course, but didn't complain.
I thought the stress from pregnancy would eat me alive, but it didn't. I couldn't notice any difference from the previous day, so it was easy to forget about it. Of course, the thought occasionally crossed my mind, and I struggled to deal with it. But it was worse to witness how XX30 looked completely fine and even smiled at me despite what had happened. I couldn't smile back yet.
"Are you alright?" asked XX30 at lunch. "You barely said a word."
I shrugged in silence as I finished my third plate. If I lived in a safe and free society, I would open my heart and tell how much I wanted to share my life with her. I would apologize for having been selfish and careless. I would pair with her and make her my priority.
But this wasn't a free society. And XX30, XW02, and XW15 spent the past 30 minutes discussing who they wanted to pair with the most. XW02 mentioned XW27, XW15 wanted XW03, and XX30 said she thought XX07 was cute. Fucking XX07!
KS12's words echoed in me: maybe she wasn't worth fighting for... I couldn't change who I was, and I couldn't change the whole world. I had to adapt. It was hurting already, but I had to face it: I had to distance myself from her. Because the General asked us to, because maybe she didn't care as much as I did, and because I wasn't the one she needed anymore.
I left the cafeteria and went to the administrative wing on the upper floor, hoping to spot a group of headlights walking our way, in vain.
"Hey!" shouted a man. "I know you!"
I sighed and turned around.
"A guy in a skirt? You're the fucking pussy that ran away from me in the armory and broke my friend's nose!"
I stood tall and looked at him in the eyes, my arms crossed behind my back. I recognized him, too: the fighter with the scar on his upper lip that I fled just before getting caught and sent to jail by the General. That guy was slightly smaller than me now and not as buffed as I was. No doubt I could break his nose as well if he insisted. I remained silent.
"What are you looking at? Look down, pussy!"
Choose your fights, I thought, remembering KS12 and the General's warnings. Reluctantly, I lowered my head and looked down.
"Yeah, that's what I thought! You need someone to teach you good manners! You still owe me, remember? Now be a good bitch and take your bottoms off!"
Still looking down, I obeyed and dropped my skirt.
"No panties, heh? What the fuck is that?" he exclaimed, pointing at my cunt. My clit had grown some more, particularly the gland. It was now sticking out of my lips slightly.
"My dick," I said.
"Your dick?" he chuckled. "It's a pathetic one, then! I thought someone like you would have more meat down there! What a disappointment."
He walked closer and touched my crotch. Without even thinking about it, I grabbed him by the neck, turned around, and shoved him against the panoramic window. I could have crushed his larynx if I wanted to, and I wasn't that far from doing it. He coughed, his hands on my forearm, and I realized what I had done.
I immediately released him. "I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to do that." I stepped back and crossed my arms behind my back again.
The fighter's shoulders and head dropped. He slowly massaged his neck and the back of his head, taking time to recover.
When he stood back up straight, he grabbed me by the pussy. I felt an unknown amount of fingers push inside me and grip me tightly. I didn't fight back and only winced in protest. "You can't do that, sir!"
"Sir? That's an improvement! Guess what? You couldn't break my friend's nose or defend yourself either! Yet you did it anyway, so I'm taking some liberties too," he said, slowly but roughly moving his fingers in my vagina.
I don't think he realized I could have crushed him again if I wanted to, with or without the element of surprise. Lucky for us both, I didn't. I let him play with my pussy without flinching. The initial insertion felt rough, but my vagina quickly lubricated itself, making the unwanted penetration more tolerable. I didn't even look back at him.
"If I didn't have that cage, I swear I would have fucking ruined you right here, right now."
"Are you done?" I asked as I felt the urge to either cry or kill him rise in me. He didn't hurt me much, but I felt intensely uncomfortable and humiliated. It was so degrading! I thought of KS12 and what she must have felt when I first met her. If only I had known... But I also remembered: choose your fights, learn humility.
He released me and wiped his fingers on my bare torso. "Too bad you're not wearing panties, or I would have taken them as a consolation prize for my friend." His last act before leaving was to give me a violent slap on the pussy which startled me.
Putting my skirt back on, I noticed my crotch getting red from that slap. Minutes later, I could still feel a slight superficial pain lingering, but also a faint tightness in my clit. What a fucking failure. Except I wouldn't get punished by the General and didn't cry. Small victories, in a way.
That evening, XX30 wasn't there when I joined the dorm. She was probably sleeping with the XW squadron again. That was for the best: at least I didn't have to hold back, and I cried in bed. I didn't want her or anyone from the squadron to see me like this. I was their leader! They looked up to me. I had to be strong for them. Stronger than this. More resilient. But I had to face it, I became fucking weak. Useless for them. Except to be fucked like the cock warmer I was. Or rather, like the cock warmer I had to be.
When I was done crying, I felt relieved. I was ready to face tomorrow again, hopefully with the rest of my squad. I sat up, naked, and rotated to the edge of the bed. I was now facing the faint pilot lights of the hall coming through the door. I spread my legs until my labia finally parted ways and looked at my clitoris. The source of my misfortunes. "If only there was a single good thing about it!" I sighed.
I slapped my clit gently. And again. "Bad pussy," I eventually said as I hit harder and faster without hurting myself. Honestly, the feeling was surprisingly satisfying. My clit tensed and twitched uncontrollably for a few seconds when I stopped. I did it again, and it turned me on, making me wet too.
I realized it had been days since I last tried to masturbate. With that lack of sensitivity and the negative emotions overwhelming me, I got so used to being horny yet unable to do anything about it that I just accepted it. But now, I was in the right mood, and nothing could stop me.
I hid under the sheets, lying on my back, and reached for my crotch. My clit felt different than before: it felt stiffer than ever, nearly like I had a clit boner. That was a revelation. Was I getting a hard-on? Maybe that was a fight worth fighting for.
I slid two fingers into my vagina to get some lubricant and slowly massaged my clit. Pussy lube felt better than saliva. I still regularly had to return to my vagina for more, but it wasn't a problem.
I closed my eyes and thought of XX30, but I feared having conflicting emotions about her. Better forget her for getting off purposes. Instead, I remembered MD17 and her interactions with MF01. My clit felt nice, but nothing I had never felt before. My mind wandered off, thinking about MD17's getting fucked, or General HP07's face fucking XX30. Despite my best efforts, the tension in my clit faded, and it turned soft again.
"Fuck!" I said in a quiet scream. "Fuck MD17! Fuck XX30! Fuck the General! And Fuck me!"
There was no way I would sleep before having an orgasm tonight. No matter what! I took a second to think about what I did to get hard the first time. Oh, yes! I spread my legs and slapped my clit again, not too hard, but for 20 seconds at least. Only when I stopped did I realize that it worked, and soon, I was physically turned on again.
I decided to try something new. On top of rubbing with my fingers, I tried moving my hips simultaneously, as if I was fucking my fingers or something.
"Oh yeah!" I whispered out loud, getting back in business. I imagined I found a Men's bane syringe, shot the General with it, and turned him into a cuntboy. In that fantasy, he was now the one in jail with a pussy, and my clit had grown longer and thicker than his dick. I was the one about to fuck him now. "Hey, pussy! Ready to get rammed?" I whispered. I didn't start slow that time and gave everything I had. My hand was getting too fast for my hips to follow, but I settled for two rubs for one hip thrust. The distant warmth that took me ages to get to last time arrived soon and gave me a serious confidence boost. And with each hip thrust, I imagined I was penetrating the general's virgin hole, going as hard as when he fucked me.
Following my instincts, I rolled in my bed and lay on my belly. I continued rubbing and thrusting, but now as if I was fucking a cuntboy version of the General. I didn't think of XX30 or MD17 anymore. Only that bastard and how I was wrecking him. "Yeah, take that, pussy!" I randomly said out loud while roughly getting two fingers up my cunt for a lube refill. I had a feeling talking out loud was helping a lot.
"Oh, yeah, that's working," I said, as the best feeling I had ever felt was slowly growing in my groin. My breath, which had already intensified, was starting to get erratic. It was getting impossible for me to control my shaky legs and arms. "Oh, this is so fucking good!" I exclaimed, probably a little too loud. "Yes, more! A little more!"
A part of me wanted to turn around and get on my back, but I was afraid of spoiling something, so I didn't. "Oh fuck! That's so good! That's so fucking good!" I reached a point when I could tell I was manhandling my pussy: it was awesome!
"Something... Something's coming," I finally whispered just before exploding. I buckled my hips, and my whole body randomly shook. I totally lost control. An incredible bliss took over me. I let go and... peed? I didn't care. It felt way too good for me to hold anything back. When it was finally over, I collapsed on my bed, still facing down, lying in my pussy juices. That was definitely a fight worth fighting for! Maybe that cunt was a little less of a curse after that. I was so happy to know I at least had something to look forward to doing again! And if that's how XX30 felt with the General... Well, it explained a lot. It would make it way easier for me to get fucked if it was feeling that good, for sure. I still noticed that this orgasm didn't require any vaginal stimulation.
I stood up. My legs felt numb, and my crotch tingly. I looked at my pussy, pulling on my crotch skin to see further down. Damn! Good job, I thought, still feeling funny in my pelvic area. I then moved my sheets to have a look at the mattress. Despite the dim lighting, I spotted a wet stain on it. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought, but I probably had to sleep in someone else's bed tonight and hoped nobody would notice.
