The following morning, I left the dorm as quietly as I could. It felt great to have my brothers back, and I wanted to start the day with them, but they direly needed more sleep.
Despite the squad's return, XX30 wasn't talkative when I met her in the washroom. Instead, she looked sad, and I was surprised that the other XW carers weren't there with us. That's when I finally connected the dots: XW03's passing must have affected them more than it affected me.
Usually, we would then head to the cafeteria for breakfast, but not anymore. XX30 followed me to the central hub, and we stopped at the birth control center. I imagined it to be a busy place in the morning, with all six queues full of women waiting for their daily shots. But that morning, four rows were closed, and the two opened lines were empty.
We split up, and I walked to an ugly man waiting to give me my sterility shot, which would now become my new routine for the next few years. He raised an eyebrow when he saw me.
"Give me your arm," he said without properly greeting me.
"Good morning," I said in protest. "How are you today?" I added, extending my forearm and exposing my assignment mark. "Not very busy, is it?"
"Only a few carers need shots. Most women are pregnant already," he said, scanning my mark. Do you have a medical condition to report? Are you pregnant?"
"Hum..." I hesitated. "I don't know. What if I am? What difference does it make?"
"Then you'd be wasting a precious shot. Have you had a positive scan that attests to pregnancy?"
"Oh! Then, no, I haven't."
The man didn't waste time and injected me in my endo-epidermic catheter on my right pectoral, just under my collarbone.
"How long will it last, that sterility shot delivery?" I wondered.
The man froze like he bugged out. His gaze got lost in the void, and his mouth slightly opened.
"Are you alright?" I asked.
"Given all the current pregnancies, it will last about a year," he finally said, looking back at me. What a creep. "On your way, now!" he added, prompting me to leave.
"See you tomorrow," I whispered. "I can't wait..."
When I returned to the central hall, XX30 was already there, with XW02 trying to comfort XW15. XW15 was crying, looking devastated, her eyes and nose all red. The second I saw her, I could feel a part of her pain in my heart. I knew I was lucky not to be in her shoes right now. How would I have reacted if one of my brothers didn't return? Even losing XX07 would have hurt me.
I walked to XW15, unsure what to say. She stopped sniffing for a bit and looked at me.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," I told her. "I can only imagine how you feel, yet I'm already heartbroken. Let me know if I can do something for you."
She vaguely nodded at me, and I left the girls alone, going to class by myself that morning. The other carers never joined. KS12 said we were allowed half a day to recover from our first loss. I could have taken that half a day off but decided to stay with my teacher. She didn't mention it, but I could tell KS12 was also impacted, and now wasn't a good time to be alone for either of us.
We still split up for lunch, and I ate by myself, looking from afar at XW15, still affected by her loss. No matter how hard XX30 and XW02 tried, she was inconsolable. I wanted to join them but refrained, remembering XW15 mentioned she didn't feel safe around me and that I invaded women's safe spaces.
"Why do you look so sad?" asked XX02, touching my shoulder as he sat by me. I didn't see him arrive, but he was most welcome. I smiled at him, but the smile he returned to me expressed only a fraction of the enthusiasm he had before leaving, and it shocked me. He was accompanied by XX04, who sat in front of me.
"Ah! Guys! You found me?" I asked.
"That's easy!" said XX04. "You're the only giant walking around bare-footed, bare-chested, and with a tiny skirt barely long enough to hide your..." He paused, undecided about what word to use.
"Pussy?" I said.
"So, that's it? Can we openly talk about it?" asked XX02. "To be honest, a part of me was scared you'd return in denial while we were gone."
I confidently nodded. "Yeah, don't worry."
"You still don't have panties?" asked XX04.
"Yes," said XX02. I looked at him, and he was staring at my crotch.
"Oh, fuck off!" I exclaimed, pushing his shoulder and pulling down on my skirt. "Turns out I grew so much they don't have a top female uniform that fits me anymore. And despite how much I hate that skirt, I'm glad I can still wear it. I gave up trying not to expose myself occasionally, though."
"I saw that," said XX02 with a smug face.
"Anyway, it's great to have you here again! I feel already better! I have a million questions for you!" I said, forcing myself to be positive.
"Yeah, you have no idea how happy I am to be back home," said XX04. His smile didn't change, and I liked that.
"We've got questions as well," said XX02. "And I asked first. Why did you look so sad before we arrived?"
"Oh, it's about XW15..." I started. "We've had a complicated relationship, but I feel her pain."
"Yeah, XW03 mentioned her many times," said XX02. "They seemed to be close."
"I wonder what will happen the day one of you don't come back..." I whispered.
That comment killed the guys' mood. "You mentioned a complicated relationship. What did you mean?" asked XX02 to restart the conversation.
I hesitated. "She snitched on me to the General, which put Thirty and me in trouble. Long story. But I forgave her, and we're working on our relationship now."
"Hold on!" said XX04 between two full spoons of shrooms. "What did she tell him? What kind of trouble are you talking about?"
I sighed. "Alright, there's a lot to unpack, but... I've messed around with Thirty..."
"Heh, I bet..." said XX04. "I can't wait to mess with her too! She looks so pretty! And she's got a cute voice now! What?" he asked, noticing I was getting upset.
"You know One gets possessive with Thirty," said XX02.
"Well, then I hope he understands he'll have to share very soon!" said XX04.
"Shut up and let him speak!" said XX02, touching my arm to calm me down. "Go on, you've done things with Thirty?"
"It's complicated as well, but yeah, I gave her an orgasm, then-"
"While we were out in the fucking cold, you guys had orgasms here? Seriously?" complained XX04.
"We weren't supposed to, so if you don't mind keeping your voice down... Thirty did have one. I mean, two, and I've had one, but later. But, that's not the point-"
"You've got an orgasm? How was it?" asked XX04 with much excitement. It even piqued XX02's interest.
"It happened last night just before you arrived, and I'm still all turned upside down right now. That's how amazing it was! But if you keep interrupting me, I'll never get to finish my story!"
"Sorry, go ahead," said XX02, containing his excitement.
"After I gave her an orgasm, I asked her to return the favor. She refused because, you know, I've got a pussy. It frustrated both of us and-"
"Why were you frustrated?" interrupted XX04. "Couldn't you just get off by yourself?"
I sighed. "Long story short, the General asked MD17 to tweak my second injection, and she did but didn't follow orders. That explains why I'm looking like you-"
"That was my next question, by the way," interrupted XX04 again.
"... And while Thirty is super sensitive to sex, I'm not. I couldn't cum by myself and thought she could help me. But in the end, I managed to do it on my own. Can I proceed with my story?"
Both XX02 and XX04 nodded.
"So, Thirty and I became distant, and she mostly stayed with the XW squad carers. Fast forward, I took my virginity-"
"You what!?" exclaimed XX02 and XX04 together.
"Can I finish one sentence?" I asked, annoyed. They nodded and shut up, maybe fearing I wouldn't continue my story. "Good, so I took a dildo, which is like a plastic penis for training, took my virginity, and when Thirty returned to me later, I took hers as well. Ah!" I exclaimed, anticipating my friends' protests by raising my hand. "But XW15 told the General, and..."
"And?" asked XX04.
I wanted to tell them, and I wanted to look tough. I wanted them to see that, like them, I went through my troubles while keeping my head up. But my mouth went dry, my throat tightened, and I struggled to find the right words.
"The General, he caught us and fucked us both. And I thought he impregnated me until you came with the sterility shots, hopefully in time."
XX02 and XX04 looked at each other. "Well, here goes becoming the best of the squad to get the privilege of taking your virginities," said XX04, defeated. "Now you're telling me you've both been fucked by the General?"
I hated myself for being so emotional, but I assumed my friends didn't notice my momentary weakness, or they would have shown support. "Yup," I said, looking down. "The bastard fucked me twice, actually. But that's fine, I can take it. He's got a pathetically small cock as well."
"Well, it's like he fucked us all a little," chuckled XX04.
"How was it?" eagerly asked XX02.
"Pretty sure the General and Thirty loved it. I didn't. It was boring and degrading. Both times. I've seen MF01 fuck MD17 too, and they both seemed to have liked it. I guess I'm sort of an exception?"
"You've seen MF01?" asked XX02.
"With MD17?" added XX04.
"Yes, MD17's pair is MF01. And he'll be one of your teachers. Lucky you! He seems just as incredible as the story goes. Anyway, the General has his eye on me, and I can't mess up anymore or... Better not think about what would happen. No more kicking men's asses for me."
"Wait, what? You've been fighting men?" asked XX04.
"Of course, I fought men. I even broke a man's nose! But you would have as well if you were me. Oh, that reminds me! I met with the head of the outpost's security, RC25. He's a good man. He could get you guys out of trouble someday. I should introduce you to him! But I don't think he can do much more for me anymore. KS12 told me if men mess with me, I must shut up and take it..."
"Not if we're around," chuckled XX04. "Stick with us, and you'll be fine! You won't have to do anything. You have my word!" XX02 nodded in approval.
I smiled, happy to see my brothers didn't change that much.
"Phew... You didn't have time to get bored!" said XX04.
"On the contrary! Without you, I was bored most of the time. But I've had lots of time to investigate Alpha outpost!"
XX02 looked at me with big eyes, not expecting I would talk about this in front of XX04.
"Don't worry," I told him. "Four, we've been planning to leave this place and settle in Alpha outpost. It was abandoned long ago because the geyser below it wasn't giving enough power to sustain its population. But it might be enough for a smaller number of people. Are you in?"
A wide smile appeared on XX04's face. "Hell yeah!" he said, handing me his hand.
"KS12 also wants to join. I didn't tell her anything: she found out and told me she had given up on changing this place and wanted to leave. And I agree with her: we must be more than a few to succeed. I suggest bringing the whole squad. What do you guys think?"
"The squad, why not. But KS12? Really?" complained XX02.
"Bro, she knows a lot, alright?" I defended her case. "And she's a badass rebel! The haircutter told me she's been resisting the General for a long time. She can be an asset! She knows stuff about the outpost and about people. I even think she'd be a good leader."
"I don't know," said XX04. "You haven't been out there... I don't know if she can do this. She'll be a liability..."
"Maybe that should be her decision? And I'll be a liability as well. KS12 said bugs can smell women from much farther away than men, and our smell drives them crazy. She thinks that's why women aren't allowed outside."
"Fuck it! I don't care, I'm in!" said XX04. "But under one condition: I'm not leaving this place for good without paying the bastard a visit if you see what I mean..."
"Then you'll probably like that," I started. "I learned Men's bane syringes are stored in a freezer in the General's office."
"Guys, slow down!" exclaimed XX02. "Do you realize this is not something easy we can just improvise like that? We'll need time, planning, secrecy, organization. We need equipment, training, help, and all that without raising suspicions while you're already in the General's aim. Better not do anything rash!"
"Yes... And no," I said. "MD17 claimed bugs are up to something big, and the outpost is in danger... Maybe we shouldn't linger here too long and leave before the outpost is overrun?"
"And if Voraces wipe the outpost out, where would they go next?" asked XX02. "And I don't think you understand how hard getting to Alpha outpost would be. Maybe it's time we tell you what happened to us?"
"Sure, go ahead!"
"Ha! Remember the simulation?" asked XX04. I nodded. "Well, it's all bogus."
"Not everything," corrected XX02, rolling his eyes.
"KS12 said the simulation was a propaganda tool for kids," I said.
"No shit!" clamored XX04. "It's colder, darker, the deep snow is a pain to walk in, and bugs are way worse!"
"Worse?" I asked. "I thought you wouldn't even meet bugs?"
"Not meet bugs?" scoffed XX04.
"Remember what we were told?" asked XX02. "Voraces can't survive in the cold? So, you know, when you walk out there, everything looks so empty, so silent... Except Voraces are there, hiding under the snow, everywhere. They don't thrive in the cold and probably can't stay there for long, but they can dig anywhere there's geothermal activity. They make tunnels and branch out to the surface. I don't know if they sleep and wait, spread out everywhere, or if they can hear us walk. But they're constantly ambushing anyone crossing the wastes. You start to hear scratching, then it gets louder, and within seconds, dozens of bugs spring out of the snow around you."
"Is that how XW03...?" I asked.
"No, he was on patrol duty," said XX02. "I don't know how, but they know when we make camp. Every time we stopped, they attacked us. While you sleep, while you eat, while you take a shit-"
"Particularly when you take a shit!" complained XX04. "I bet they smell it or something! And on top of that, they're faster, stronger, and tougher than in the simulation. And they smell worse!"
"Come on," said XX02. "They don't smell worse."
"Maybe that's because, in the simulation, they're not fucking everywhere?" said XX04.
"Don't listen to him," said XX02. "They're not everywhere. But the bait strategy is necessary. The bugs attack from all directions after they spot someone, and at close range, the squad would cross-fire in all directions. Providing the bait is walking far enough, the bugs jump on him and get mashed by gun support. You should have seen it..."
"Dude," said XX04, "Veterans are incredible! They're so good they don't leave the bugs any chance!"
"What else can you tell me about veterans?" I asked, interested.
"They look like they don't care about anything," said XX02. "Like they're jaded by all the fighting and death around them."
"Hell no!" said XX04. "They're so funny! They keep talking about women and making jokes! They've been calling us 'never sheathed' because we're virgins. They taught us women have gashes! They even gave us sex advice! And, do you know what they call carers?" he asked enthusiastically.
XX02 kicked him in the shin under the table, which calmed XX04 down and made him realize I was there.
"Erm," he scratched his throat.
"Go ahead," I said, already pissed.
"Walking mattresses..." he said.
"That's what I am to you, now? Really, guys?"
"Come on," said XX04. "Don't take it like that. You know we respect you. It wasn't personal, just for fun. We really needed some fun."
"Fine... So, what was the work like?" I asked, my eyebrows still frowning.
"Walking all the time," said XX02. "Walking, watching the sleds, and being on the lookout for Voraces."
"And training," said XX04. "We've trained at shooting as well. Honestly, that was the easiest part. That's the only thing that didn't change much from the simulation."
"Guess who was the best shooter?" asked XX02 with a proud smile.
"You?" I guessed.
"Technically," said XX02, "XX07 had the highest kill score, but I was the most accurate! I was hoping to get the opportunity to be the best and take your virginity at the ceremony. If you know what I mean?" he added.
He slowly nodded at me, which I interpreted as it could be a way for me to skip that ceremony thing. I returned him a nod, glad he didn't forget his promise and had my interest still at heart. "What's that ceremony, exactly?" I asked.
"The two best fighters in each squad can be the first to fuck the carers in the next few days," said XX04, looking grumpy about it.
"Don't mind him," said XX02. "He just knows he won't make it in the top two."
"Wait until we train with swords, and I'll take that smug off your face," shouted XX04.
"Oh, now that I'm thinking about it, how were your leading skills?" I asked XX04. I could tell my question made them uneasy.
"You tell him, or I do?" asked XX02.
"Fine," said XX04, pissed. "I suck, alright? That's what you wanted to say, mister know-it-all? Go lead us, then, if it's that easy!"
"I think Four has an issue with authority," XX02 calmly told me.
"Oh, really?" I ironically said. "Don't worry: you still have time to learn. Anyway, weren't there at least a few cool stuff?"
XX02's face enlightened. "The sky is breathtaking, particularly at night. I thought of you many times, thinking you'd love it. And the shrooms' bioluminescent glow looks so much better for real!"
"You went into an oasis?" I asked. "Oh, yeah, to cross to Charlie outpost! I forgot."
"The oasis is worse than the wastes, to be honest," said XX04.
"Speak for yourself!" retorted XX02.
"Are you kidding me? There are boiling geysers, the heat and moisture are unbearable, you keep the shroom's smell with you for a day even after leaving the oasis, it's darker, and good luck finding your way there."
XX02 sighed. "It's more or less like in the simulation. And it's not that hot when you go higher up. The crossing is patrolled, so it paradoxically felt safer there. But I'm not looking forward to fighting in that dense jungle..."
A chill went through my spine. "And what about Charlie outpost?"
"It's an outpost like any other," said XX04, shrugging.
"We didn't stay long or had much time to visit," said XX02. "A night's sleep, a meal, and we were gone again."
I nodded, slowly taking in all that information. "If I understand correctly," I said, "we can expect Alpha outpost to look somewhat similar to here, except that getting there is going to be... very difficult?"
"I don't think we can make that move until we've been trained and have some experience surviving out there on our own as a squad," said XX02.
"And if we're not a full squad, it's probably suicide," added XX04.
"And if we remain here in Delta outpost that long, we might get wiped out before we even have a chance to try," I sighed. "Did the veterans say something? About the recent attacks?"
XX02 and XX04 looked at each other. Just as XX02 opened his mouth to talk, a loud alarm I had never heard sounded in the room. When I realized what was happening, XX02 and XX04 had already left, running, leaving me and their trays behind. I got up and tried to follow them, slowed down by my skirt that lifted constantly.
"XX01?" I heard KS12 from behind me between two loud beeps. I stopped and turned around. "Where are you going?" she asked me.
"I don't know! What's going on? What can I do?"
"It's a Voracian attack. If you already had your own squadron quarters, you'd go to your mission control station. But now, you can't do anything."
I didn't expect that. "What do I do, then?"
"Slow down, and don't stand in men's way. Now is not the time to cause trouble."
I nodded. "Can I go to the armory?"
She smiled. "As long as you don't bother anyone. But what will you do there?"
I shrugged and hurried to the armory wing, expecting XX02 and XX04 to have gone there too. I had no idea why I was going, though. But I wanted to be there if there was the slightest chance of being useful.
When I entered, I was surprised that no men were around. The few women still there were doing their thing, ignoring the loud siren. I headed to KS24's workshop, and she was there, sharpening a blade, undisturbed.
"You're XX01, aren't you?" she asked when she noticed me.
"You remember me?" I asked, surprised.
"I wouldn't have recognized you, but you're the only man wearing a skirt I've ever heard of. Not bad," she added in a shrug.
Did she call me a man? Not bad, indeed! Now that I saw her again, I realized the full extent of my transformation. When I first met her, she looked impressive. Now, she was smaller than me in all aspects except her breasts.
"Aren't you worried?" I asked her. "About the attack?"
She shrugged again.
"What if the bugs make it here?"
"Let them come," she said. "I know how I would welcome them. Do you?" she asked, throwing me that blade she had been sharpening.
I caught it by the handle and felt exactly like in the simulation. I contemplated its massive handle and the immense single-sided blade that slightly curved back. A pure marvel! I made a few basic moves, slicing through the air with ease. It was like my newly grown muscles were made for that blade. Or rather, the weapon was perfectly adapted to my strength. Becoming more confident, I tried a fancier move but tripped and clumsily tried not to break something around me.
KS24 smiled. "Good start," she said, extending her arm. I returned her the sword, and the beeps stopped. "Ah, see?" she said. "It's already over. Nothing to worry about."
"But, isn't that like the first alarm in years?"
"Oh, no!" she replied. "There are no alarms in the nursing wing. Why worry the kids? But this occasionally happens when bugs test our defenses."
"Thanks for everything," I said, seeing XX02 and XX04 from afar.
"See you around, kiddo," she said as I ran to them.
"What happened?" I asked them.
"It was over before we even dressed up," said XX02. "Don't worry, we're fine."
"For now..." I stated.
that was a really long chapter!
so sad i really wanted to see the end of this story but hiatus sucks :(
I'm working on making it an interactive story with an AI =)