??? Perspective

Yesterday

One of the long fluorescent bulbs hanging above my head flickers with a gentle and almost soothing tapping noise. Better to have it die of old age now than starve when the electricity gets cut off later this month as per the many “final notices” I’ve received from the power company. My eyes drift from the struggling light source, across the stained panels of the ceiling and down the walls obscured by mountains of incomplete paperwork and boxed up files that should be way more secured given the sensitive nature of the documents kept within. In all fairness, I really should be spending my final days with electricity shredding some of this bullshit I’ve collected over the course of an uninspiring career defined by apathy. Actually, on second thought, once the power goes out, I can probably use my old patient files as kindling for warmth.

“What do you think, Goldy?” I ask my decrepit and frankly disgusting fish tank. Don’t worry, the previous occupants have long since departed this mortal coil. I didn’t just let a bunch of fish suffer in a filthy septic tank. I did, however, toss some fish sticks into the water since I figured they’d be the lowest maintenance inhabitants possible that still qualified as fish.

Were the rotting remnants of once frozen and breaded cod idly drifting in a moldy tank still decorated with fixtures and rocks from its tenure housing living fish kinda Kafkaesque? Maybe. Do I understand the term “kafkaesque” enough to know for sure? Absolutely not.

While I ponder the meaningless questions of my own meaningless life, a bright flash nearly blinds me as a woman I’ve only ever seen depicted by a gaudy mural in my ex-wife’s bedroom steps into my office with a flourish that only a pompous ass could pull off. “Holy shit, either you’re real or I’m fucking drunk.”

The imposing woman, with vibrant red hair and golden armor, glances at the bottles strewn about my office for purely decorative reasons. “In this case, I’m guessing both.”

With a shrug and a well-timed belch I hope she finds repulsive, I respond with as much respect as I can muster before a being that’s supposedly divine. “Kindly get the fuck out of my office. I’m busy.”

“Eating cereal, drinking, and masturbating doesn’t exactly qualify you as… busy.”

“Have you tried it? It’s not as easy as it sounds. Tell you what, pull up a chair, watch the master in action, and you tell me if I could somehow fit anything else into my schedule.”

The genial expression she arrived with fades, replaced by an aggravated smirk. “Watch your mouth, mortal. I am a goddess.”

“Yeah, but you’re also a massive shithead who ruined my life.” The woman’s hair ignites into a furious blaze as the temperature of my office skyrockets. Wish she’d been here all the time. I could have saved a mint on heating. “Yeah, if you want to pull the whole intimidation tactic, best not to do it in front of someone who knows that you’re not allowed to physically harm people. So go ahead and tell me why you’re here. I’ll make a few more inappropriate jokes at your expense, and we’ll each go on our merry way.”

There’s a pause as Eleanora seems to consider what to say next.

“Your daughter is on her way.”

…

“What?” Every expletive I had loaded into the chamber fades away as the words I never thought I’d hear are presented to me. “My… daughter? You mean… she… and she’s coming here?”

Eleanora nods, my fear empowering her sadistic grin. “Oh yes. See, she found a letter of yours some time ago. The little rebel went through her mother’s things and figured out that you’re a lot less dead than everyone in the loop let on.”

“If… if she found the letter before, why is she only coming now… why are you, of all people, warning me?”

Eleanora leans in over me, her golden armor catching the flickering light overhead, causing her twisted smile to seem even more sinister than it would otherwise appear. “Tonight… she confronted me about the nature of the red lines. She’s going to figure out the truth about them sooner rather than later… but I can’t have this touching family reunion happening quite yet. You being reintroduced into the mix this early will really strain my plans. So I’m here to make sure you leave before she arrives.”

“You… have got to be the biggest idiot in all of creation,” I declare, cheerfully. “You want me to leave so badly… but why would I? You just admitted that just sitting here and waiting for my daughter to arrive is an incredible way to stick it to you.”

“I’m no fool, human. You’re going to leave because your pride won’t let you face your child like this.”

“That’s all you got? Really? Swing and a miss there, you sad Aphrodite knock off. Look at me. I don’t have a shred of pride left in me.”

The goddess takes a few steps away from me and shrugs. “I suppose you’re right. Nowadays, you live a pretty pathetic life, don’t you?” Fucking A! “But… do you really want this pathetic creature you’ve become replace the immaculate image your daughter has of you?” The confusion written all over my face draws out another chuckle from the cruel goddess. “Come on, she knew you in your prime. Young therapist, fresh in the field, already starting up his own practice. You were driven, ambitious, and in the moments where you offered her help in your area of expertise, you made a lasting impact on her life. Now… you’re this. You chose this pathetic, decrepit existence over spending years with her. You let her mother pollute her mind and crush her spirit… all for this. I know why you did it… but do you really think she’ll accept your reasons for leaving… for letting yourself be dead to her? She’ll despise you.”

Slowly, I look around the twisted, desiccated husk of an office I’ve lived in for so long. Every flaw that I’ve gradually learned to live with suddenly glowing red-hot as scorching indictments of my character. I stand and cross the room, studying my face in the mossy green reflection provided by my fish tank. She… wouldn’t even recognize me. At least I hope she wouldn’t.

“She’s almost here… what’s it going to be, Brent?”

***

E’s Perspective

~Present Day

My right ear pulses with pain as the screeching of my alarm clock grows louder and louder. I know it’s going to keep going until I do something to shut it up. Yet I lay here, motionless, allowing myself to be tormented by a timepiece.

Yesterday, hurt… a lot.

Sleeping is no longer an option, because all I see when I close my eyes are the people who’s lives I ruined. Every twisted lie I told them, every hopeless look, every tear shed, every curse screamed, every time I watched two people who could have been in love walk away from each other… because of me.

The worst part, is that some part of me knew all along that what I was doing was wrong. What good can come from hurting people the way we have? What kind of goddess would demand such suffering?

Wait, I can answer that one.

My arm slaps the top of the clock, finally killing the noise. Drawing every bit of remaining life in me, I sit up in my bed. As I rise, hold the shine, my eye is drawn to the line jutting out of my chest. Bright red, searing, stretching to who knows where and connected to who knows who. A mockery I now have the pleasure of carrying with me always, the desecrated corpse of my once greatest dream. “Goddamn lines,” I can’t help but grumble as I stagger out of bed and rest against the nearest wall.

“I just need to shower, then I’ll feel better,” I lie to myself, hoping that hearing the words will make me believe them long enough to get my day started. Walking slower than an encumbered character in a game with limited inventory weight, I trudge along to the bathroom. I toss a glance at the mirror, an action I usually try to avoid like the plague.

There are deep bags under my eyes, and my hair is wildly pointing out in every direction. The slight stubble on my face in an affront to everything good in this world and my usual boxy jawline makes me look like a real life thwomp from some game about a psilocybin obsessed plumber. I deliberately look away before undressing and pray to whatever benevolent deities may or may not exist in this fucked up world that the mirror is nice and fogged over by the time I get out of the shower.

Having been reminded of how I look, I resolve to not leave the house at all today. I haven’t indulged in delivery in a while. Might as well get something incredibly unhealthy brought directly to my door so I can avoid other people completely until this fresh wave of self-hatred expires.

Wouldn’t you like some divine intervention? I can even introduce you to the Goddess of beauty, giving you the appearance you’ve always dreamt of but never thought possible.

Trembling at the thought of the offer I had right in front of me, I sit on the couch and start scrolling through options for food.

Imagine the future you could have.

No. I can’t think about it. Thinking about it means it was real. If the offer was real, then…

My eyes find my reflection in the TV’s screen, and I quickly turn it on. A little white noise for the background. That’s just what I need. I settle on ordering something truly gourmet; a few burritos from Taco Barn guaranteed to become an intense regret later tonight. After all, I’m already in a pity-party mood, might as well make an entire day of it.