Autumn shielded her eyes from the prickling light of radiant flora as the riverboat of bone cut almost soundless through the lackadaisical waters. Beyond the arch of wonder glowed all kinds of bioluminescent plant life, from grand willow trees that grew luminous orbs like fruit to towering mushrooms with sparking spores and hanging curtains of silken lights. And as the adventurers grew accustomed to the new brightness, they could finally take in the vibrant colors of the Fae Realm.

A colossal cavern sprawled out before their eyes, dominated by the gemstone corpse of an earth elemental. Out of a dense jungle, it rose like a mountain range with a spine that towered into the clouded sky like the spires of a sparkling citadel. Mines and quarries littered the length of the ancient creature of crystal and rock like ticks or fleas on a beast’s hide.

While she was gazing in awe at the obscured peaks, Autumn glimpsed a squadron of luminous giant manta rays curling around the glittering spires as they swam through the clouds. Near invisible sylphs danced in the coiling wake their wings left behind. 

Slowly, the party made their way deeper into the cavern on the river’s lazy currents under the guidance of Nethlia and her long pole-hammer — her powerful strength pushing them away from rocks and roots. The river broke ahead of them into many twisting fingers as it swept around towering trees and crumbling ruins. Fungal flowers and creeping vines had swallowed up a thousand civilizations of lost temples and broken cities over the eons or perhaps only seconds.

And as they drifted closer to the jungle, a wave of heat and humidity washed over them. Almost instantly, Autumn and the others were soaked in sweat. 

A growing cacophony of cheeps, caws, buzzes, and roars emerged from the jungle behind the heat. Bioluminescent fauna — insects and amphibians, birds and bees, reptiles and rodents, and even larger creatures eternally fought amongst the choking vegetation for dominance. An apex roar bellowed out occasionally to shake and shudder the twisting trees.

“Which way?” Liddie asked Autumn, gesturing to the multiple river paths that split to wind their way into the jungle’s depths. 

Autumn glanced over at each waterway. Some were simple streams, trickles that their craft would never sail up, while others were wider than 8-lane highways, but bore within them herds of kelpies who folicked and played violently in the deep waters. 

“They said to take the waters to the left foot, then sail up past the ankle,” Autumn said, gesturing towards the gemstone range towering off in the distance to their right.

Nelva winced. “That looks pretty far away — it’ll take us some time to get there, provided we can find the way. Do we have enough rations to make it there? Will we need to forage?”

“Well~,” Autumn cautiously said, “that’s…complicated.”

“How so?” Nethlia asked, pushing them now towards the mountain.

Autumn nervously licked her lips. “Distance and time are a little loose in the Feywild.”

“Loose?” Edwyn raised an eyebrow. “Whatcha sayin’, lassie?”

“Ok, try not to get mad, but everything in the Feywild is wibbly-wobbly. No, don’t interrupt, just let me finish.” Autumn cut the others’ comments off. “Time here is fluid — it can move faster or slower. A second could be day, a day a month, a month a year, so on and so forth. Not only that, but I think it can go the other way as well — a day could be a sec, etc. Distance is…harder and easier. I’ve not read much about it, but emotions, seasons, anything really can alter how far you need to travel.”

Everyone took a moment to process that. 

“Well, ain’t that a pile of dragon shite,” Edwyn grumbled. “How are we meant tae get anywhere?”

“That’s not even the worst of it,” Autumn said with a weary sigh, gathering everyone’s attention again. “Not only is it difficult to find where to come out, but when as well.”

“Stop dancing around it,” Liddie snapped, “give it to us straight.” 

“Alright, alright,” Autumn said to calm the irate pirate down. “So, when we return to the mortal plane, it could be at any time — in a day since we left, a year, a century, or even more. There is also the possibility that we return before we left.”

“My head hurts,” Eme whimpered. 

“You’re not the only one,” Nethlia said, gently patting the catgirl on the head. She turned to Autumn questioningly. “Is there anything we can do to mitigate that? To make us return at the time we should?” 

Autumn shrugged. “Other than bargaining with an archfey? No clue.”

“Can we do that?” Pyre asked. “You bargained well enough with those fairies.”

“No way!” Autumn hastily denied. “I was reasonably confident that the pixies weren’t too malicious — they’d make us get lost at most. However, archfey are on a whole other level, and the only ones I know about or their names are the rulers of the courts of spring, summer, and winter. However, bothering them is a good way to be turned into a pig and eaten or something.”

Eme tilted her head. “Does the court of autumn have a ruler?” she asked curiously. 

Autumn jolted at hearing her name. “Umm, I don’t know? Maybe? Again, I’ll stress that I’d only read a little about the fair realm, as I never thought I’d actually end up here.”

“Better than the rest of us,” Nethlia said with a shrug. “I’ve only heard some horror stories that older adventurers tell of running into some fey-beast in the wilds. Nothing like this,” she gestured towards the glowing plant life and towering mountain range.

“Right, but which way do we go?” Liddie asked as she stared out over all the twisting riverways. 

Autumn shrugged. “Does it really matter? Let’s just pick one that feels right and is heading vaguely in the right direction.”

“That one, then!” Liddie pointed to a river twice the width of their sleigh-boat. “I’ve a good feeling about that one!”

“If you’re sure,” Nethlia said as she pushed them off the bank that they’d drifted towards. Under her power, they cut across the slow currents of the major river and caught onto the faster flow of the smaller one Liddie had pointed out and entered under the canopy of jungle trees. 

A singular, baleful eye watched them depart before slinking off into the jungle. 

All along the lazy river drifted the bright lantern fruits, bobbing in time with the tide as they softly bounced off their boat’s hull. Bright noxious flowers and sharp jagged thorns of twisting vines choked the banks as they curled and coiled between the towering trees that hung over the water’s edge. Through this overgrowth, they spied those ancient ruins of long forgotten cities and the not-so-forgotten cities of the flighty pixies. Tiny homes and villages dotted the canopy, filled with the buzzing of wings and wild melodies.

Autumn marveled at it all as they drifted along. 

Spying the fruits littering the water, she remembered Nelva’s earlier question and turned to face her. “It’s not a good idea to eat anything in the Feywild, as it’s not meant for us or belongs to some fae. Even wild berries or game isn’t safe to take and you’ll end up owing someone a debt you can’t pay. Fortunately, we have enough meat and mushrooms to last us a few weeks, if we’re careful.”

"While advisable, thy knowledge is not wholly true. Some Feywild fare mortals can partake, that of those traded for or freely given. At which hour that situation arises, I shalt advise thee, as per the nature of our accord," the banshee whispered. “However, still be wise to the guile of those offering.”

‘Right. Your help would be much appreciated.’ Autumn replied in her mind. 

“Guidance is what I did promise,” the banshee said before going silent once more.

The sands of time turned.

Grinning skulls of giants and titans loomed along the banks of the river, enshrouded by nature as the party advanced towards the gemstone mountain. Without a sun or moon to guide them, they had no clue how long they’d traveled. It was far worse here in the bright luminescence as opposed to the perpetual dark of before, as at least then they could trick their brains into thinking it was night and thus gain a modicum of sleep.

Autumn groaned into Eme’s side as the glow stung her eyes. How the catgirl could sleep in this constant light was a mystery only known to herself and cats. Yawning, the witch tiredly sat up to look around while idly playing with an onyx tail — Eme kicked in her sleep at the touch.

“Are we there yet?” Autumn called out tiredly.

Boredom, the bane of all heroic adventures, had struck with a vengeance and with half the group resting, Autumn had little else to do other than to watch the changeless jungle roll on by.

Liddie scowled at her. “For the last time, no!”

Pouting, Autumn turned to look ahead at the snaking river. Led by only calm currents, the river-boat gradually approached another bend in the river. And as they rounded it, a shocking sight befell Autumn’s boredom-mired mind. A gathering of naked human women of unparalleled beauty and elegance lounged idly upon the rocks of the riverbank. They were nymphs — from the watery naiads they’d encountered not too long ago to woodland dryads, breezy aurae, and strong oreads. And they were just as shocked to see the party as Autumn was to see them.

“Hey, wake up!” Autumn roused the others.

Nethlia bolted upright as she grabbed for her pole-hammer. “What’s wrong? Is there more danger?”

“Possibly, those water maids are back,” Autumn said, pointing to the gathering that was curiously peeking at them. The naiads adopted a sour look as they spotted Autumn. “Let’s just pass them by without trouble.”

“Now hold on!” Liddie interrupted, unable to tear her eyes off the women ahead. “We should at least ask for directions.”

Autumn gave the pirate an unimpressed look. “They literally tried to drown us not that long ago.”

“Hah! It’s not the first time someone beautiful has tried and I won’t hold it against them. I’m a big enough demoness to let the little things like that slide,” she said as she waved flirtatiously to the nymphs, getting a mixture of coy and shy waves back. “Didn’t you say we were meant to be hospitable?”

Autumn sighed, as the pirate had a point. “Fine, but don’t do anything stupid — these are literal personifications of beauty and nature, so they don’t have the same morality as we do, hence the drowning.”

“Any advice?” Nethlia asked, leaning on her pole-hammer as her eyes flicked over the nymphs. 

“Too much, and not enough,” Autumn said with a shrug. “Don’t threaten them, be nice, etc. Also, nymphs favor beauty, so try to look nice too.” She was thankful she’d kept up her habit of cleansing the group with her spells, as while they looked rugged, they were at least clean. “Oh, and don’t look too closely at them — I read that their beauty can blind you.”

Autumn covered Eme’s eyes, causing the blushing catgirl to complain. 

“It’s too late for I am smitten already~” Liddie sighed as she smoothed out her clothes and tucked her hair behind her horns. Behind her, Edwyn was meticulously grooming their beard while Eme freed herself from Autumn to lick down her hair. 

“I meant that literally.” 

By now, the sleigh-boat had drifted close to the shore, allowing Nethlia to hook her pole-hammer onto a rock and anchor them at a safe distance from the gathered nymphs. And as they docked, the party got a better look at the different nymphs. 

While they were all beautiful in their own way, a select few that looked like budding human maidens possessed an otherworldly allure. Autumn found it almost impossible to look away, but somehow she managed it and turned to take in the other nymphs.

It was easy enough for Autumn to recognise which were the naiads, as they were the trio lounging in the river and giving her mean looks. Now that she wasn’t being thrown around by the rapids, she could get a proper look at them. They had pale blue skin that blended seamlessly with the hues of the river, layered hair of a deep green like river algae, and large eyes that sparkled like polished river stones.

The dryads too were easy enough to distinguish from the rest. Standing at the edge of the jungle, a pair stared down at the adventurers with far more wariness than the other nymphs, paying special attention to the flames of Pyre’s hair. Both had lithe bodies the color and texture of soft wood and hair of cascading leaves that were dotted with bright blooming flowers. Curiously enough, the dryads both bore horns of wood that were familiar in form to an Inferni’s.

Shaking off her distracting thoughts, Autumn turned her attention to the next trio of nymphs. While not a hundred percent confident, she thought they might be mountain nymphs — oreads — judging by their muscular forms that had more similarity to Nethlia than the other delicate-looking nymphs. Their skin was of a rich brown like that of the earth, while their eyes shone with the colors of cut gemstones, and their hair flowed down their shoulders, back, and over their breasts like an avalanche of purest snow. 

Currently, the three were eyeing Nethlia with interest and interestingly glaring at Edwyn. 

The last type was a singular nymph — an aura. Bronze-toned skin lay beneath dark hair that fluttered like the mercurial wind, while eyes the color of a clear sky stared at the adventurers with annoyed disinterest.

And while Autumn and the others had been ogling them, the nymphs had been ogling the adventurers back. This was feeling like highschool all over again for the poor witch.

“They’re a bit ragged looking, aren’t they?” one nymph sniffed. 

“Hmm~ aren’t they?” an oread said, pleased. “I think it gives them some warrior charm, but points off for the tattered gear, and is that corpse-iron I spy? What, did they rob a necromancer? Definitely points off for wearing that.”

“I smell a legend to it though,” a grumpy naiad reluctantly admitted. “Along with the smell of treasure.”

“Still, would it kill them to wear something nicer? Them wearing nothing would be better than staining my eyesight with its filth,” a nymph said with a dainty snort.

A dryad hummed. “They could do with a bit more flowers and fewer clothes.”

“Agreed.” All of them nodded. 

“I kinda like the witch, too bad about the deep black bags under her eyes and those horrible split ends in those otherwise nicely groomed raven locks. She could use a new hat that’s not so horrible to look at and some robes that don't look like it’ll fall apart with a rough tug. Tsk, and did you see her hand? Her symmetry is all ruined!” another nymph muttered.

“At least she’s using dragon bone and magic rather than metal like that last lot,” the other oread said. “And did you see that cute Felis? Squee, she looks so intoxicating with that mysterious sword and dragon bone arm~ Too bad she doesn’t have another sword she can sheathe in me~”

“I can fix that,” a dryad reassured the oread. 

Fuck, Autumn swore to herself, it was just like highschool.

“What are they saying?” Liddie whispered to her nervously, unable to understand the tongue of the fae. 

Autumn gave her a dead look, thoroughly disillusioned. “They’re critiquing us.”

“What? What are they saying about me?” Liddie asked like she was a virgin with her first crush. 

“Anyone keen for the pirate?” a naiad asked. “I wonder how long she can hold her breath?” 

A nymph glanced over at Liddie disdainfully. “Her horns are too small while being too lopsided to be cute and all those scars? Bleh. Some are nice, but it doesn’t fit her lackluster frame — I’d rather go after the bigger demoness. Her stare makes me shiver down below~”

“You don’t want to know,” Autumn said sullenly to the pirate.

Turning to the tittering group of nymphs who’d moved on to verbally dissecting all of Nelva’s, Pyre’s, and Edwyn’s flaws, Autumn cleared her throat. “You know, I can understand you.”

The group of nymphs turned to Autumn in surprise and a red-headed nymph blinked at her, before saying, “oh? Good. Now, we need to do something about your weight! You’re far too skinny to last even a night with me — not that you qualify.” 

Autumn cast her gaze to the ceiling, lamenting her life. ‘Why me?’

“Luck, one supposes. Furthermore, doth I needeth to advise thee on how to properly woo a nymph? The favor of one can be rather beneficial, just as their ire is catastrophic.” The banshee whispered in Autumn’s ear. 

‘Why me?!?!”

wasteawar

Oh Noes! Whatever will happen next~ no seriously, this is far more dangerous that it first looks. See - any Greek myth.