'I'm tired...'
The girl thought as she was welcomed inside the demon queen's castle, tattered clothes with cuts and tears everywhere, sadly she hadn't died just yet, if it was that easy, she would've killed herself a while ago. After all, only the demon lord can kill the hero and vice-versa.
'Were they expecting me? Some sort of divination magic? Well, I guess it doesn't matter at this point.'
"Demon Lord, I have come to take your head!" She yelled. An empty threat, her cheap sword the church so graciously provided to her was broken in her first month in the demon continent, she couldn't even cut her own neck, much less the Demon Lord's.
"Hm, is that so?" said an enticing voice from nowhere and everywhere at once "You seem to be quite underprepared for such a mission."
'it's finally time, I can meet you again... Mother...' Ignoring the voice's comments, she coated her hands with holy magic, preparing herself for her last battle, but suddenly... "!?"
"You have no killing intent, little one, why don't you calm down first so we can talk?" a charming woman taller than the girl by at least 2 heads, with long white hair reaching down to her waist and deep, crimson eyes that seemingly could look in the deepest depths of your soul suddenly teleported behind her putting the palm of her hand on the girls head.
"What..is..this..?" she suddenly felt sleepy, like all her fatigue that built up from the past two years of constant training suddenly caught up to her all at once. And then, there was darkness.
I was surprised when Melania said the hero was coming to my doorstep, after all, according to the spies I have in the human continent, she was only just discovered two years ago on her thirteenth birthday, and as far as I could tell she was just an ordinary girl before she became the hero.
But there she was, spouting something about killing me, this child no one would assume to be the greatest threat to demon-kind, with short black hair coming down to her neck and light brown eyes, with no weapons and with tattered clothes that could barely be considered armor, not to mention all the grime from what could have only been a long journey here. I know I told everyone to lead her to my castle, but I don't doubt the seemingly harmless girl could simply ask the guards outside to see me and be let in.
More importantly, the girl looked like she would fall over from exhaustion at any moment, and she didn't have any killing intent either, even when she coated her hands with a frankly absurd amount of holy magic, enough to disintegrate even high-ranking demons, I still couldn't feel any.
'For now, I'll figure out what she's doing here first' She thought, using a «teleport» spell to appear behind the girl and then simply casting a simple «sleep», normally people would have armor enchanted to resist such effects, but it seems like the church didn't even bother with that much with their hero.
"Melania."
"Yes, your majesty?" Said her spymistress, who suddenly appeared standing beside her.
"Put her in one of the guest rooms, and tell me when it seems like she might wake up." She then thought a bit more "And give her a proper bath first and get her a clean set of clothes, will you?"
"Of course." She said, disappearing just as fast as she came.
'Sigh, what a mess. What were the humans thinking?'
"Lily! You can go play outside, but come back for lunch, okay?"
"Alright, mom!"
'This dream again?' she thought. There hasn't been a single night since she found out about her mother's death and she hasn't had it. The day when her normal life was taken from her.
The dream kept going, with the little girl walking down the stairs excitedly before running to the door, but when she opened it...
"?"
A priest and a knight were outside, seemingly about to knock on the door right before she opened it.
"What are you doing here, misters?"
"Greetings, is your mother inside, little one?"
"Mom, there's some guys from the church here to see you!"
"What?!" her mother said, running from the kitchen, with her flowing long black hair and hazel eyes, fixing up her apron, she asked.
"Is there something you need from me?"
"Yes, you could say that. You see, we have come to notify you that your daughter has been chosen to become the next hero."
"..What?" she asked, disbelief written on her face
"I know it must be confusing, but your daughter is to become the next hero to fight for humanity against the demon lord."
"No way!" She yelled, "Lily is just thirteen! You can't expect her to-" Suddenly the knight, who until now had been standing still like a statue behind the priest, moved forward.
"Let's just get this over with." he said, picking up the girl like a sack of potatoes, she protested
"Let me go! Mom help!"
"LILY!"
She suddenly bolted up on her bed, gasping for air
...Her bed?
Throwing off her blanket, she analyzed her surroundings, suddenly remembering everything. She was on top of a luxurious-looking bed, big enough for her to roll over twice before she could even worry about falling. Around her was an actually luxurious room, on her left was a closet and a standing mirror next to the curtained window, in front was a wooden dresser with a smaller mirror and a magic lamp, and on her right next to the bed was a chair and a small table, and the door further back.
'I messed up, I didn't expect the demon queen to not kill me immediately after using so much holy power inside her castle' She suddenly felt something weird around her neck 'An... anti-magic collar? Right, they can't exactly have the hero go on a rampage right after waking up...'
"!!" She felt a fluctuation in space, exceedingly obvious now that she wasn't so worried about not tripping over her own feet.
"Are you awake now, little one?" Said the demon queen, who suddenly appeared out of a crack in space sitting right on top of the chair, before an ornamented tea kettle and two cups appeared on the table.
"...Are you here to interrogate me?"
"Hoh, very sharp, indeed, but I'm just curious about your... circumstances."
"If I answer your questions, will you make it painless?"
"Pardon?"
"I said, if I answer you, will you make my death painless?"
"Ah"
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Mc backstory (would be mostly from her 2 years of training as a hero and a little about her mom) Votes: 0 0.0%
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Mc interaction with the demon queen (what's intended for the story to begin with) Votes: 21 95.5%
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Demon Queen backstory (wow i have no idea what to do if this gets chosen) Votes: 1 4.5%
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Other (comment) Votes: 0 0.0%
Was it too edgy? Should i have made the main character slightly less suicidal? Maybe make it slightly less obvious that she wants to die for the twist at the end? Im curious to see if anyone will read this, its just a test run to see if i can write a story or not
Sounds like a great Yuri setting!
You're right, but sadly for all the yuri lovers i don't have any romance planned for this story
@Nory Then start planning
I'm hoping for the titular abandoned heroine to be turned into a powerful demon by the Demon Queen sooner or later and become her right hand
@Venusaur26 Maybe...
As for you question about whether or not it was to edgy. It’s not, this is your story for you to decide. But about the suicidal part. I think it will be wonderful idea for you to try. Also make sure that you make the heroine Properly Op.
The Demon Lord and the Hero are the top 2 strongest in the world, to get you an idea, they could both wipe out a small army by themselves.
That's sort of why the demon queen never bothered to try to make any indirect defenses against the mc, since it would be just a waste of resources really.
One obvious thing you did wrong was the amount of detail you put into it. You didn’t mention the main character features, settings of the room, described her cut. Describe what she felt as she stood in front of the person who’s supposed to kill her. I want you to redo this with more effort. Dont be discouraged by the flaws and go into a cycle of rewriting the story. You can do this.
You're right, i sort of made this on a whim and don't really know how to properly describe my characters, but if i do decide to continue i'll probably add some more details to this chapter to give you guys an idea of how it looks, but for the world itself its quite generic, and i planned for this to be a character centered story for the most part.
An interesting start, I am more curious about the journey at this point than where she ends up. I am guessing something went wrong after her selection and if the priest or knight killed her mother.
This can be really good. I’m looking forward to seeing more