“WAIT!”
Hearing the suddenly desperate tone in Sjöfn’s voice, Ganymede turned back around. The dragon was walking towards her again.
“Wait,” Sjöfn said again. “Please don’t leave yet.”
Despite saying this, all Sjöfn did was stand in front of Ganymede, staring at her with a strangely sad look in her eyes.
“What is it?” Ganymede asked. “I’ve made my mind up, no matter what you say.”
Sjöfn opened her mouth, then closed it. Then she opened it again.
“I am sorry,” she said. “This is difficult for me to say.”
Ganymede waited. The dragon kept staring, and Ganymede stared back. Ordinarily Ganymede wasn’t comfortable meeting people’s eyes like this, but she was able to do it with Sjöfn. Maybe because she reminded Ganymede so much of the moon.
After another minute, Sjöfn finally spoke again. “Wolf, I… I know who you are.”
Ganymede considered her, then crossed her arms. “What do you mean?”
“I mean… even before we met, I already knew you were called Ganymede. And I knew you were a member of the Lunites. And that you had been traveling with three companions.” The dragon swallowed. “And before that, you had been living in a small town far away, living with your mother and sister, and sometimes your father. That you had been trying to build an art center. And that, before that, you had done many, many other things in an attempt to reach the moon.”
Ganymede’s eyes gradually widened with every new thing the dragon said. “How did… why do you know all this?”
“Well… Those of us on the moon… we have the perception… the means necessary to view anything happening on earth, as it’s happening. We are not omniscient, mind you… it still takes conscious effort, and we can really only focus on one person and their surroundings at a time. But it is something we all have the ability to do.” She looked down. “Well. I lost this ability as soon as I left the moon. But regardless…”
“You’ve been watching me,” Ganymede said.
Sjöfn looked at her again. “In truth, I have… always felt a disconnect from the other spirits on the moon. A… sense I didn’t belong there. Most of the time, it didn’t matter much to me… but it did mean that I always preferred watching things happen on earth than actually living on the moon.”
“How long have you been watching me?” Ganymede asked, more sternly.
Sjöfn looked up at the night sky and gave a long, shuddering sigh. “Many, many years ago… when you were just a child, and so was I… you climbed a mountain with a rabbit in an effort to reach the moon.”
Ganymede brought her paws to her mouth.
“It was pure coincidence that I was watching,” Sjöfn went on. “I only stumbled across the scene, and I watched because I thought it was interesting. Two children, trying to reach the moon by climbing? How quaint.” She chuckled. “But then I watched you fall from the cliff, and… and you landed among the trees, and then…”
Sjöfn sighed again, and looked down at Ganymede. There were tears in her eyes now. “And then you looked right at me,” Sjöfn said, “and you started talking.”
Ganymede was speechless. She felt disconnected from her own body.
“You started talking about how you were lonely,” Sjöfn continued. “And about how you thought I must be lonely. And you were exactly right. I was.” Sjöfn sniffed. “And in spite of what had just happened to you, you seemed more concerned about me than you were about yourself. You had never even met me, but you were telling me you wanted to come visit me so that I wouldn’t be lonely anymore.”
Ganymede felt as though her soul was on fire.
Sjöfn shook her head. “I knew you weren’t actually talking to me. You specifically named the moon. But I… I let myself pretend you were talking about me, just for my own comfort. And I… I grew attached to you. And I started watching you more often.
“And no matter how many years I kept watching, you kept to your promise. You kept to it quite closely. Even though no one else understood you, even though you faced hardship for it, you kept to it. Because, as you said, you had made a promise. And you were still more concerned for this presence you’d never even met than you were concerned for yourself, or anyone at home. Because you didn’t know anyone else in your town who really needed your help. But you ‘knew’ the moon did. So you kept trying your best, and…” Sjöfn swallowed again, apparently struggling to find her voice. “And you told the moon you loved her, nearly every night.
“I kept watching you, and I kept pretending as if you were talking about me. How could I not? It wasn’t just comforting, it was enthralling. It made me feel special. And as you got older, I started… I started telling myself that maybe you could actually do it. Maybe you could actually make your way to the moon and find me, and we could finally talk to each other. Once I saw you start working on that building, I was…” Sjöfn sniffed. There were tears coming from her eyes now. “I was so excited. I started envisioning scenarios of you learning magic, flying up to me, becoming one with me, I…”
Sjöfn wiped her eyes. “Forgive me, wolf, I was selfish. I was so selfish. I had gotten so used to seeing you as my savior, that I had stopped thinking of what it actually meant for you. How your dedication had alienated you from everyone around you. When the guards attacked you and threw you in jail, I… I felt so guilty, I felt sicker than I’d ever felt before. And I was scared I’d never see you living the life you deserved to live. And I… I felt like it was my fault. Like I had done all the waiting for you, and I… I had never once considered coming to meet you, instead. Even though I had always known I had that power, and had always known that you never would.” She sobbed. “I just… I just wanted to see you come save me, like you promised…”
Sjöfn was openly weeping now, and Ganymede was at a complete loss for what to do. She could scarcely believe what she was hearing. All those years, she had made those promises to the moon–and even then, she was never sure she really believed the moon heard her, that was the whole point of meeting the moon in person, so she could let the moon know everything she’d been feeling. But that entire time, her voice had been heard after all–but not by the moon, not by her intended recipient, but by this dragon that she didn’t even know existed.
Sjöfn’s crying slowed enough that she was able to speak more clearly again. “I thought about coming down to earth right then, but it wasn’t a simple matter. It takes weeks to make the preparations necessary for it, and… and I still wasn’t sure it was what was best for you. You were rescued from jail soon afterwards, and the Lunites… the Lunites are disgusting, but I thought maybe there was some chance that you would be able to live a kind of life that you wanted. Besides, what did I really have to offer you?” She laughed. “I come down here and tell you that your lifelong dream is impossible to achieve? And expect you to appreciate it? What would you think of me? What do you think of me.” Sjöfn smiled sadly.
“But I did realize eventually,” Sjöfn continued. “You were already trapped living a life that would never make you happy. You were already getting caught up in the Lunites’ machinations, they were already telling you that you were going after the moon in the wrong way. Even though there isn’t a right way. Even though instead of grabbing after crystals and power, you had the desire and the means to help people actually be happy. You had already made me happy without ever even meeting me.
“But you were never going to be happy, you were aiming after a goal that was never going to be possible to achieve, and you were always going to let others make you feel as though it was your own fault, and it wasn’t. It never was. I knew I couldn’t let you live like that. And so… I decided to transform myself and come down to earth, to tell you all this.”
Sjöfn dipped her head. “I deeply regret that our first meeting has played out the way that it has. I would have been honest with you earlier, if I thought you would have believed me. I would have landed right next to you if I had had that much control over my flight path. I would have flown over to meet you if I didn’t need the time to recover from the landing, and to recover from generating a new body. But more than anything else, I regret that I didn’t come to meet you long, long ago. Before you had been put through as much as you have.”
Sjöfn looked her in the eyes once more. “I hope you can forgive me, wolf. And I hope you are willing to have me in your life in some way, now that I am here.”
Ganymede looked at her.
Ganymede looked up at the moon. It was still where it always was. Still alone in the sky.
Ganymede looked down at her own paws. She was still here. Still alone on the earth.
Ganymede spread her paws out. “So, what?” she asked. “What am I supposed to do, now?”
Sjöfn took in a small breath. “What do you mean, wolf?”
“I don’t even know who you are,” Ganymede said. “I spent all those years dedicated to reaching the moon. Not you, the moon.” Sjöfn winced. “It was the moon I was always able to rely on. It was the moon that would always watch over me and keep me comfort at night, or guide me when I was lost.”
“I know,” Sjöfn whispered. “It is my greatest sin that I did not come to you to provide that kind of comfort before now.”
“But it’s not even just that,” Ganymede said. “It’s not even just about the moon. I still don’t know how to connect with anyone. I haven’t gotten any better at that at all, and I have no idea how. Everything I try just makes everything worse and worse. It comes so easily to everyone else, and in spite of dedicating myself to figuring out how to do it, myself, I still haven’t gotten anywhere.”
“You connected to me,” Sjöfn said.
“I don’t even know who you are!” Ganymede repeated. “I just met you! I’ve spent years with other people, and I never got close to understanding anything about them. I never even figured out how to interact with any of them without upsetting them or hurting them, much less getting to that core of them that I… that I know I need to understand before I can really know them and help them be happy.”
“Wolf, I… You may not know me, I understand that. I have understood that for years.” Tears were still streaming from Sjöfn’s eyes. “But you do already understand me. You have already said so many words that strike at my core, whether you knew the effect those words had or not. You have already reached me. You have already connected with me.”
“How can you say that?” Ganymede said, her voice starting to fail her as much as her own words were.
“Do you still not understand? Do you need me to say it?” Sjöfn kept her gaze. “Wolf, I… I love you.”
Ganymede twitched.
“Your father and I love you, Mary, of course we do,” her mother had said. “But it would be so much easier for all of us if you just followed your sister’s example more often.”
“You were always disobeying me on purpose, I knew you were,” her mother had said. “All you cared was that you got a thrill from disobeying, you pervert, you freak.”
“Hey, if you ever feel lonely, just don’t forget I’m your friend and I love you, Ganymede,” Jess had said. “I may not always be around, but I’ll always be on your side, right?”
“I love you, Ganymede,” Jess had said. “But I can’t follow you down this path anymore.”
“Mm,” Dal-Sun said, hugging Ganymede close to her as she awoke. “Good evening, love. I think I could get used to this, couldn’t you?”
“Telling people you care about them? That takes power, too,” Dal-Sun had said. “I’d say it takes the power of self-delusion, but what do I know.” She scoffed. “But I see now that you’re just a confused idiot, just like everyone else.”
“WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU!?” Ganymede screamed.
Sjöfn took a step back. Ganymede had surprised her, maybe even frightened her.
“Do you even know what love means!?” Ganymede said. “Does anyone!? We don’t have a relationship, we’ve never even talked before today! You don’t know what it’s like to live with me, to share things with me!”
“But I want to know,” Sjöfn whimpered. “I want to try–”
“NO YOU DON’T!” Ganymede yelled. “What you want is a relationship with someone you made up in your own head! That’s all anyone has ever wanted with me!” For a brief moment, Ganymede wondered at what point she had started crying. “I thought the only problem was that I couldn’t reach the core of people, but that’s never what the real problem was, was it!? It’s because as soon as I manage to show anyone my core, they hate me for it! I make it so they can’t deny who I am anymore, and they hate that, so they hurt me and then they leave! And that’s all you’re going to do, too!”
“Wolf, no,” Sjöfn said, her voice a high whine now.
“I’ll prove it to you! I’m going to show you who I really am, right now!” Ganymede took in a deep breath. “I HATE YOU! You just came in and decided to tear my ENTIRE life away, and then talk to me like you’re doing me a FAVOR! You HURT me and then tell me you LOVE me, just like EVERYONE ELSE has done! You don’t CARE what I want, you only care about what YOU want and what YOU can TAKE from me!”
“No,” Sjöfn said, now starting to sob again. “No, that’s not what I want! I just want to be with you!”
“STOP LYING TO ME!” Ganymede gripped her ears with her paws. “You DON’T want to be with me, and I don’t want to be with YOU! I don’t want to TALK to you, I don’t want to SEE you, EVER AGAIN!”
Still holding her ears, Ganymede turned and ran away from the dragon. “DON’T FOLLOW ME!” she cried. “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”
As Ganymede ran, she did her best to shut the world out, but she feared the dragon might overtake her, or force her to come back in some other way. But she didn’t. Ganymede was able to keep running, unimpeded.
Not too long afterwards, though, Ganymede heard an awful, piercing, screeching moan filling the air, digging into her head with its vibrations. She could only assume the sound she was hearing was the wailing of a dragon, especially as the wind picked up around her and she heard the sound slowly fade away, disappearing far into the distance behind her.
