"Fury, pure and silver,

You grip it tight inside.

Like a knife, it glints in your eye,

It’s why I’ve arrived, your sex god here to take you where

You need to go, where the dark remembers you."

"I just don't understand it! I thought you hated each other?"

It's one of Elliot's rare conversations with Anna post-breakup. She's his ex-girlfriend, his first love, and at one point, his best friend. She's dialed him out of the blue which he's shocked by, considering he'd been certain after several emotional calls from him she'd blocked his ass. They hadn't dated for more than a month their senior year of high school because he was a needy bastard who ruined it, causing their friends to grouch (especially Kai) that he shouldn't be so torn up about something so short-lived. But he couldn't help it-- Elliot and really, really liked her and couldn't help but feel incredibly wounded that she moved on to Nico the very next week.

"He hates Kai, not me. And all the other guys paired up already, you know that."

"It's just weird!"

"Weirder than Kai and Jasper picking random roommates?"

"You know what I mean, Elliot! I was just wondering if something was up. Like, are you buddy-buddy now? Because I wouldn't mind it, you actually have a lot in common."

And oh, something was very, very up.

"He j-just doesn't want to be stuck with someone he doesn't know," he says, hoping that's believable enough. But his stutter is making an appearance, a dead giveaway that he's anxious.

"Ugh! Just don't come crying to me when it doesn't work out," she snaps. Elliot winces, and as though Anna can see, she adds, "Sorry for that. I'm PMSing and stressed out about leaving my mom."

"You and m-me both. Not the period part, or the mom part... you know what I mean. But I've gotta go. I have some bullshit to take care of, p-p-packing w-wise." Another lie. His packing's all done, has been since yesterday.

"I'll be by in the afternoon. Nico and I are trying out a restaurant nearby that Molly recommends. You can join us, if you want."

Fuck no. "No thanks. Bye, Anna."

"Hmph! Okay, see ya later!"

As soon as he hangs up, Nico re-enters the room. He'd sentenced him out into the hall for the duration of the call, but he must've been eavesdropping because as soon as Anna has said goodbye he's opened his bedroom door.

"How is she?" he asks, padding over in his mismatched socks and skinny jeans to sit beside him on the bed. His shirt is off and so are Elliot's pants--there's no air-conditioning in his house, plus he loved the feeling of bare skin against bare skin, and supposes Nico does, too. 

He refuses to take off his shirt. He has breasts underneath that he loathes, and he doesn't know if Nico is aware of them. He likes to think he passes fairly well, and hasn't had to explain the whole trans thing since transitioning his freshman year of high school. But the fact he won't take off his shirt in a burning hot house is enough to clock him if Nico weren't a little stupid, which he is. Regardless, Elliot refuses to broach the topic, and he packs so there is a dick-shaped lump in his boxers he hoped was believable.

"You saw her yesterday, you w-would know."

"Menstruating and extra bitchy?"

"Basically."

Nico breathes out his nose in a weak laugh. "Sooo, where were we?" He places a slender hand on Elliot's bare thigh. He's been trying to fuck him all day and Elliot has nearly let him several times, but to be honest, he's a virgin and Nico is very much not. So, not only is he feeling guilty for betraying one of his friends (if he can even call her that), but he's also worried that he'll do something dumb and Nico will laugh-- or worse, realize he's a loser and walk out on him. Because as much as the whole situation wracked him with guilt and how much he feared Anna's wrath, losing the only person to ever want him sexually is the worst of the two fates.

"Making out," he says. His pussy throbs in his underwear in protest.

Nico licks his lips with a forked tongue. He split it himself in middle school like an absolute lunatic, telling everyone he wanted to be that much closer to a snake. "I thought we were building up to something," he admits. "I don't wanna be a dick and pressure you, though." He pulls his long legs up onto the bed and wraps his arms around them, pressing his sharp chin onto his knees as he looks at Elliot in a way that makes him shiver. It wasn't loving, far from it, but different than any way he's been looked at before.

"We can try something new," Elliot offers. "I just don't want you to fuck me up the ass."

Nico smirks. "Something else, huh?"  He pauses for a moment in thought. "I'll give you two ideas, okay? I can give you a handjob to take care of your tiny boner, or you can suck my dick with that pretty mouth of yours."

"It's a good size," Elliot spits out, defensive. "And I don't think I'd be very good at blowing you. I don't exactly have experience in the area."

"The key to oral is to be enthusiastic," he explains. "Which you're very good at, much more so than Anna."

"Really?" Elliot can't help but have a tinge of hopefulness slip into his tone. He knew he shouldn't like being told he's better than her, that it was wrong, but that didn't stop from it feeling good.

"Uh huh." Nico unfastens his belt, causing Elliot's heart to flutter. His ass was still sore from yesterday when Nico had whipped him through his boxers. Nico had laughed cruelly and called him a "pain slut" as he moaned and fell apart-- it was honestly the hottest event of his life. Not like he'd admit that, though.

"I'll be gentle," he says, tossing his belt to the ground and sliding off his pants.

"Don't," blurts Elliot.

Nico cracks a toothy grin. "If you say so. Now get on your knees, bitch."

Elliot blushes and obeys. He'll do anything Nico ever asked. When he pulls out his cock, he can feel the heat in his face grow even hotter. Curious, he licks a stripe up Nico's dick, causing the other man to grip him by the hair.

"Open," he orders.

Elliot widens his mouth, sticking his tongue out. Nico guides him to his cock and slides it down his throat not too gently and Elliot coughs.

"Just fall back or tap me if you feel like puking."

He thrusts shallowly a couple times, causing Elliot to choke and splutter even though it wasn't all the way in yet. Once the cock is completely down his throat, he feels his eyes start to water which he knows will only make Nico thrust faster and rougher, using Elliot's hair to bob his head. Elliot doesn't move himself, just lets himself be manipulated to Nico's liking. When his hand gravitates down to his boxers, Nico pulls out and slaps him across the face.

"Did I say you could do that?" he snaps.

"No, Sir. I'm sorry."

Nico stands up to fetch his belt from the floor. "I don't trust you," he says. "Hands behind your back."

Elliot does as he's told. Nico is kind enough to slip a finger in, making sure it won't cut off his circulation. Then, when Elliot widens his mouth again obediently, he says, "Next time I should lock you up so you can't get hard."

Elliot gasps a little, body tensing in what he can't differentiate is fear or even more arousal. Probably a combination of both because honestly, Nico is mean when they fool around and he loves it.

"Wider."

Elliot widens his mouth until his jaw aches.

"Good." He then proceeds to stick in his damp cock and fuck Elliot's mouth, spearing his throat and making him nauseous but there's no way he's going to fall back, no way. Not when he has a hot boy moaning above him, taking what he wants. Because as much as Elliot yearns to be cherished, he absolutely adores abuse.

Nico finally cums with a groan, pressing his cock so deep that Elliot's chin touches his balls. The dick is too deep down his throat to taste anything but Elliot is still disgusted. As soon as he's out, Elliot spits at the ground aggressively. "Bluh! Bleh! You should've warned me, idiot!"

Nico just laughs at him. "Don't tell me you didn't love it," he says, leaning over so he can wipe at one of Elliot's tears.

Elliot can't help but shiver. Nico is so mean to him that any act of what can be interpreted as kindness catches him off guard.

"Do you want me to touch you?" he asks. "Fuck you with my hand until you shoot?"

"Please," he whines. Later he'd wonder how they'd even do that when his "cock" is secretly a pair of socks.

"Too bad." He pulls up his jeans, then unties Elliot's hands. "You can cum tonight after I fuck Anna. Every time I cum twice, you cum once. Remember?"

Elliot gives a sad nod, and knows without checking his cunt is soaked with juices.

"Good." He pulls his yellow tee back on. He helps Elliot to his feet and surprises him with a kiss, probably tasting himself on his lips. "I'll meet you at the dorm tonight," he murmurs, grabs his backpack, and departs. "It's Woolf Hall, second floor, room 222."

Elliot stays standing there for a few minutes, feeling numb as the door shuts and he hears Nico's car rev up in the driveway through his open window. They had a routine where he'd flip him off from inside the house and he'd give him the finger back-- but his heart wasn't in it today.

It was good--he had fun, but his heart yearned for more. To be held and loved, not just used for pleasure in secret. He doesn't realize he's crying silently until he tastes salt on his upper lip. He pushes his glasses up and wipes at his eyes, smearing the eyeliner there onto his palms.

"Fuck. Fuck!"

He takes out his phone, texts things like, i can't do this anymore and it's over, this isn't fair to Anna before tossing his phone across the room and falling to his knees, legs hitting the wooden floor hard enough to bruise.

Will shit always be this way?