Aelfeva rolled over yet again in her bed, mind spinning too quickly to let her sleep. Another sparring session had helped her, and others, work off some energy, but it hadn’t really been enough. There just wasn’t enough to do here to keep her mind and body occupied, and that meant it was easy to start drowning in her own thoughts.

She knew what she had to choose.

But what if...?

No, she’d thought about that. She’d thought about all of that. She’d decided for good reason. She knew it was the right choice.

But what if...?

A very soft tap on her door made her jump. “I’m awake.”

She was also naked, she realized belatedly, but by then the door was opening. In the darkness, she could still recognize Josceran’s silhouette, even before he said in a near-whisper, “Just me.” He slipped in and closed the door behind him, and made his way over to sit on the edge of the bed. She sat up, gathering the lightweight blankets around her in some vague attempt at modesty; he’d pulled shirt and trousers back on before coming in search of her.

“Are you all right?” She kept her voice low; Richold was in the room next to hers, but she wasn’t sure how deeply he was sleeping. While he wouldn’t be horrified, she didn’t want to wake him.

“I’m... not not all right? Today was... it had parts that were hard... I know not only for me, but it stirred some things up. I can’t believe Ferrand spoke up like that, I’m hugely proud of him but it was completely unexpected. I don’t know. I just couldn’t stand laying there wide awake any longer. Sadrilde is good at helping with sleep, but she’s out prowling, so...”

“I wasn’t sleeping either. Which is a problem, since I’m supposed to be at the Cristovals’ house as early as possible. Lie down if you want.”

He took her up on it, staying on top of the blankets; she curled up on her side, facing him, though there was little to see.

“Same question right back at you,” Josceran said. “Are you all right?”

“Yes. No. Probably? I know what I have to do tomorrow to fix something I didn’t even know was wrong until it was right, and I only get one chance at this, but I’m still scared. How can I be so certain and so full of doubt at the same time?”

“Probably by being human.”

“Probably. And probably as soon as it’s over I’ll be fine and I’ll be glad I did it. I’m actually sure I will be. But there’s still that little voice that keeps asking me how sure I really am and what I’m basing that on.”

“You haven’t had much time, but you did get tossed into deep water immediately, no splashing around in the shallows. You said yourself earlier that you went, in three days, from just trying to keep your head and find Leo, to deciding that you don’t want the spell undone, but it was through some pretty reasonable steps as you adapted and the situation around you changed. Everything you’ve said to me about why you want to stay Aelfeva has made perfect sense and sounded like you meant it. Everything about the situation and your reactions and, well, all of it, have been unexpected but it’s all looked somehow natural, and you’ve said multiple times that it feels natural. It’s fast, but fast doesn’t mean making a mistake. So I think the doubts are just normal human fear of taking a step that has no way back.”

She groped for his hand, and laced her fingers into his. “Thanks. I’m not changing my mind, I’m going to do this, but... yeah. As for you... I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ferrand act like that, but I suppose with Guillen right there and both of you being free of him tomorrow, maybe he felt safe?”

“And maybe that was a lifetime of wanting to say something all coming to the surface at once. He’s always dealt with the mess at home by trying to keep his head down and stay out of sight and out of reach. I’m not good at that.”

“I know.” How much of the real reason for all the pranks was displaced lashing out when the real target was unavailable? She’d seen it in horses. Probably humans did it too. “He didn’t quite get as far as admitting to what you two lived through, but he got really close.”

“And you finished the rest of the distance.”

“I know it was hard for you to tell me, and you didn’t tell me I could tell anyone else. But that was festering and more people than just you two were being harmed. And I did need witnesses to make sure that my threat didn’t just sound like a tantrum.”

“I know. It’s all right.”

“And you broke that silence curse. I can’t believe we didn’t even notice.”

“She obviously had to link that to something else. It makes sense. It would be hard to talk about up north without talking about what my father’s really like, and there was a lot keeping me from wanting to talk about that. That doesn’t mean I want to spend much time even thinking about it, let alone talking. For the first time, my brother and I can both actually look at the world without his shadow over it and make our own decisions without having to always consider whether it will increase the odds of him being angry. Maybe someday, but... let me just enjoy being free for a while.”

She tightened her hand around his. “When you need me to listen, I’m here. Until then, we have a lot of much brighter things to spend that energy on.”

“I talked to Ximeno when I could catch him alone. He’s going to ban our father from the Fox entirely. He was going to talk to Vituccia about it anyway. If Ferrand is living there and helping around the place... I think he could handle it if he feels like he’s on safe ground, but why ruin his day?”

“Good. That man drinks too much anyway. That’s a good thought about the Fox. If Giefroi’s nowhere near Ferrand, there’s less of a chance I’ll have to chase him around Rosebridge waving a sword.”

Josceran chuckled. “That does create quite the image. He’s undervaluing the mill, y’know.”

“How so?”

“My grandfather built it with the intention of expanding it. He died before he needed to. But Rosebridge is growing, and with two pairs of stones we’re already pushing hard to meet the demand. My father never hesitated to turn people away who were bringing so little that the mill’s tax would be negligible and who couldn’t afford to pay in coin instead. I’d really rather change that policy and I know Ferrand agrees—allowing a little time that spares someone from having to grind flour by hand isn’t going to cost us all that much.”

“I’m all for that. I know my mother has found ways around that before, slipping someone a coin, or trading them a bit of her flour for their grain. But can you keep up?”

“We need to get a third pair of stones into play. Eventually that won’t be enough either, but it will take at least a few years, maybe more, it depends on how fast Rosebridge grows from being on a protected road. That’ll give us time to look at other options. How to add a second wheel farther upstream, maybe, although I’m guessing it was an enormous task to dig out and reinforce the millrace we have now, and expanding it will have to be done carefully so it doesn’t destroy the current system.”

“How much is a third pair of millstones going to cost us, and what will it take to install them? We’ll work on further expansion later. Once we have a home and a solid income.”

“The stones are there. We persuaded him to invest in an extra set so that there’d be less time wasted when the ones currently in use crack. Getting them’s expensive, the good ones come from a quarry almost a sennight west of here and hauling them is hard because they’re so heavy, although if you get them in the right season some of that drops because they can use the river for half the distance. You helped with installing the new runner on top last time one cracked, it’s hard and if you’re stupid it’s dangerous. There’s no gearing in place for a third set of stones, but the framework is constructed to allow for it, and Ferrand and I can probably put most of it together from the spare parts rattling around.”

‘Hard’ was an understatement. So was ‘dangerous’ even with all possible care: those stones weighed an enormous amount, and no matter how many hands were available to help, it wasn’t anyone’s idea of easy or fun. “No shortcuts, please. I don’t want anyone hurt because you improvised. I’d rather ask my parents to invest in the mill in return for a share of the profits until we pay it off, or something.”

“No shortcuts, and I’ll keep that in mind. We won’t know what we need until we have the chance to assess what we have, but I know we have at least some of it and some should be fairly straightforward carpentry we can get done locally. We’ll have to hire more hands to keep up with a third stream, but there’s always someone. Some jobs need a lot of sheer strength but some don’t, and I’m pretty sure I could persuade Ferrand to reverse the current policy on only hiring men.”

“Yes, please. Dara checked out the food in Blaecstan and Teoda looked at sewing and weaving stuff. Do you want to see if we can arrange to drop by a mill or two and see how things are done here? They’re feeding more than thirty times the population, so unless they have thirty mills, they must be doing something to keep up. Not tomorrow, but we’ll have a couple of days in the city still after that.”

“That... that could be useful, actually. We can talk to Ferrand. He comes up with the ideas. I just figure out practical ways to make them work.”

“Which makes you a good team.”

“You’re smiling. I can hear it.”

“I like you being enthusiastic and optimistic. It doesn’t happen very often. I hope it will a lot more now.”

“There’s a lot less now to prevent it.”

“Ferrand won’t mind us building across from the mill?”

“I already asked him. He’s fine with that. He’s staying at the inn with Guillen, who is technically almost certainly going to inherit the land the inn is sitting on. We can sort out a few details so he isn’t coming up short.”

“And I get that pasture directly across the river, which is going to have multiple uses for me. It needs a good fence and a shed and a way to water livestock, the river edge is too steep for them to drink directly, but that’s minor. I’m glad Rich thought of that.”

Josceran chuckled. “Siblings all looking out for each other.”

“The way it should be. And officially, we’re all about to be siblings to anyone we’re not married to, at most a step removed. You know we’re going to be constantly busy until the snow flies. Between the mill, our own house, the horses, helping my parents while we’re living with them...”

“I know.”

“Can we try to make sure that at least once in a while we can find a bit of time to sneak away and just, I don’t know, go for a swim, or go hunt game-birds, or something? I hate being bored but I’d like to see you occasionally outside of a meal or two and bedtime.”

“I think we can find a way to manage that. By asking the others for help now and then, if necessary, and doing the same for them. Although they don’t have house-building in the immediate future.”

“Good. Which means we just have to survive this ceremony tomorrow.”

“And then repeat it all in Rosebridge. A feast to end all feasts, since at least your parents and the Cristovals will want that to be big and fancy. A party for the whole town. Repeating vows in front of the community we’ll be living in, and signing the marriage contract. I absolutely refuse to try leading you anywhere if you’re on Dragon, he will not understand and isn’t likely to take kindly to it. Although it’s an outdated custom anyway and you’re a better rider than I am.”

“I think I can persuade him to carry us both. That might be a better representation anyway.”

“Maybe. We’ll need to make a decision about that, but not right now.”

“I don’t suppose we can skip the one in Rosebridge. It doesn’t legally matter anyway. All it takes is mutual intent and mutual consent and an unambiguous confirmation of that on both sides. People add extra words all the time about forever or honour or whatever, and a contract makes things unambiguous if there’s any later contest, but legally even the bare minimum is enough.”

“Hm. Well. I intend to marry you tomorrow. And I’m reasonably certain that you have the same intention.”

“Yes.”

“And despite everything with Herlinde and the bridge and all, I’d consent anyway.”

That was an unexpected thought, but it took only a couple of heartbeats to be sure of that answer. If, in some other way, she’d been changed into a woman, Josceran was absolutely the only man she’d consider marrying. “Me too.” Not quite sure why, she added, “And I take you for my husband. But I hope I will always be your best friend.”

With no humour at all in his voice, Josceran echoed, “I take you for my wife. And I will always have your back, no matter what.”

Just because it felt right, she freed her hand so she could use it to find him by touch, and leaned forward to kiss him, only to find that he already had the same thought.

Neither was in a hurry to break it.

“You’re insatiable,” he finally murmured in her ear, and the teasing tone was back.

“I’ve been... was I missing out on it if the opportunities were there but it didn’t feel like anything? I think that counts. I’ve been missing out on a lot and I need to catch up. You’re just going to have to put up with that.” It was all leading to growing curiosity about just what else they could do, without anything to stop them. She knew the essential mechanics, but there was clearly much more she’d been unable to fathom.

“Somehow I’ll try to endure it.”

“Teoda tells me we need to talk about ways to not get pregnant, which is the last thing we need right away with so much else to do and it is going to take me a lot longer than three days to figure out how I feel about that, but, um, as long as we’re careful, it’s all right to...” Her imagination overloaded, and her ability to verbalize failed immediately.

He didn’t tease her for that, at least. “That is definitely not a risk to take, for any number of reasons. It’s frustrating, but I’d rather wait until you’re safe. Which means I am staying dressed and on this side of the blankets for now.”

He did end up losing his shirt, though.

And they did fall asleep eventually, dozing off cuddled together in the tangled mess of her bed.

Aelfeva barely woke at all when a much smaller furry body snuggled in between them and purred herself to sleep.