When people say heaven is beautiful, don't trust them, because all I see is white…….. I bet 99.9999% of religious people would be pissed if they saw what heaven really is but since no one else is here I guess I shall only have you readers for company.
My name is Noir Crane, before my death I lived a pretty short and boring life as a “normal” high schooler, just saying the word “normal” puts a bad taste in my mouth……. Wait, do I have a mouth? Do souls have mouths? I look down at my body and low and behold I see nothing.
Normally I would be freaking out at this point but for some reason, I don't feel a thing, no hate no envy, not even horny, just calm. But where was I? Oh yeah! I was just about to tell you how I died.
It was a regular rainy Friday night after baseball practice, I was just walking home when all of a sudden, BAM! I was shot in the knee, I looked to see where the person with the happy trigger finger shot me till my eyes landed on a woman wearing all black, and I'm not meaning a black shirt and pants, I literally mean she was wearing ALL black, she looked like a spy and a ninja had a baby and rolled in the shit that makes super villains because good christ the evil smile on this woman would make yuno gasai blush.
I could make out a hint of silver hair underneath her black beanie. I tried to speak but the only things that came out of my mouth were incoherent mumbling and grunts in pain. “Oh don't worry honey~” she spoke with a soothing voice which didn't help the amount of fear coursing through my body. “I'm not going to kill you, love~” the moment she said love her whole demeanor changed from that of a ninja assassin spy thing to that of a teenage girl asking out her crush. At first, I was confused but fear ultimately ruled out my confusion, like who wouldn’t be scared after being shot in the knee? I tried to move but the knee that was shot gave out from underneath me, giving me a chance to make out with the cold concrete of the sidewalk beneath me.
Before making out with the sweet sweet ground, the woman caught me in her soft hands? Wait, I thought assassin hands were supposed to be rough and calloused? “I can't have you running away from me again~” she said with a thick and husky voice, her words dumbfounding me as I don't think I've ever met this woman before, let alone running from her!! “No matter how many times you reincarnate I will always find you my love~” before my brain could comprehend what she just said, her arms pulled me into a bear hug.
If I wasn't in pain from the bullet hole in my knee, I would totally be bricked up because the knockers on this woman were out of this world……..wait these melons feel familiar…..I tilted my head up to get a better look at my attacker's face, her eyes looking at me with pure unadulterated lust. Am I hallucinating or are her pupils the shapes of hearts……..WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT NO NO NO NO!!!!! I KNOW THAT LOOK!!!! I knew her face and rack were familiar, she’s Ms.Callister, my algebra teacher!
I first met Ms.Callister when I was in my last year of middle school. She was a nice teacher and had an even nicer rack, me and my friends would usually oogle her during math lectures. It sucked leaving middle school with the thought of never seeing her again, but my prayers were answered when I found out that she decided to start teaching 9th-grade algebra.
And that's where things took a turn for the worst because every day she would wear very provocative outfits like tight jeans and a crop top or a schoolgirl shirt and a mini skirt, and that wasn't even the worst part! Any time a student asked a question, she would lean over their desk so that her ass was on full display, and curse my pervert luck because any time she would do this it would ALWAYS be next to my desk! Do you know how hard it is to study when you're constantly bricked up? That's why my grades are so shitty in her class and any time I got an F on an assignment she would make me stay after school to redo the assignment.
After 9th grade, I thought I was finally free from her clutches but low and behold, she started teaching 10th grade algebra! At first, I thought it was a coincidence but that proved me wrong at the start of 11th grade this year, and as you would suspect I was in her class. When I realized this I went to my counselor and requested for a class swap and was denied no matter how much I pleaded the counselor never budged on his decision.
At first, I thought this year would be the last couple of years, but boy could I be any more wrong because Mcallister has been getting more touchy. Let me explain, when I asked a question she would come up to my desk and start touching while I asked a question, sometimes it would be her grabbing my arm or leg, and other times she would push her chest up against my back or shoulder.
Now here she was, holding me in her arms with an evil grin and hearts in her eyes. I know this look all too well, and I knew that I had to get out of that situation FAST. I quickly surveyed my surroundings to find an escape route. First It was 9:39 at night so there were no cars passing by to call out for help. Second, that shot to the knee disabled my ability to run. This only meant I had one choice, and that was to fight my way out.
Just then I saw the glint from the metal of the pistol grip sticking out of the waistline of her pants. I then used all of my strength to grab hold of the gun and push her off of me. I tumble backwards onto the road with the gun in hand, I was then able to get off of the asphalt and stand with my one good leg with the gun pointed at the surprised Ms.Callister
“Why are you doing this Ms.Callister?!?” I yelled, my voice filled with pain and confusion as I clutched my knee with my free hand and my other training the pistol on Ms.Callister’s form, she then regained her footing and tried to take a step towards me with a seductive smile on her face. “I know that you won't shoot me~ Now put the gun down and come with me honey~” She said with a soothing voice but I wasn't going to have it, so before she took another step I shot the pavement in front of her as a warning shot before pointing it back at her.
“Stay the fuck away from–” but before I could finish my sentence, I was hit 2 tons of steel, killing me before I could blink.
Pretty ironic to be hit by the one and only truck-kun, but thats my fault for standing in the middle of the street.
