HaremFantasies

Greetings! Once again I caught a bug. This time, a xianxia bug! This story is inspired by the Xianxia Comedy story - I am a cultivation bigshot and it's related copycats. This will read very similarly, but naturally, I'm writing it with smut :P The smut will come later as we get to ball rolling.

 

Power Ranks as follows : 

Mortal,

Martial Initiate, Martial Warrior, Martial Expert, Martial General, Martial King, Martial Emperor, Martial Saint. (The Martial realms)

Martial Deity, Deity Altar, Deity King, Deity Emperor, Pinnacle Deity (The Deity Realms)

Divine Realms (To be updated)

Yuan Shen had a bugged system. He swore it was bugged, because all he did was work in so many different things in all those weird magical realms. It was all mundane stuff. Drawing, painting, music, writing, carpentry, crafting, making herbal medicines, cooking, and all that. All mortal stuff. He didn't know how long he was in there. It felt like a million years. It probably was a million years because he could do each of the assigned arts like the back of his hand. 

It was such a bugged system, even if had a domineering name.

[Primordial Divinity Seeks Mortality (Primordial Divine Tier System)]

All it did was teach him mundane stuff. He mastered the five thousand mundane arts, and finally, he was released from the small realm, then found himself in a strange old building. 

[Ongoing Mission : Live in the Old Mansion. You may not leave the mansion or the city of Windy Vein for more than ten days.]

[Ongoing Reward : A healthy life. As long as you fulfill the mission, you will never fall sick]

[Penalty : Pain]

[Checkpoint reward : 3 years : One modern facility of your choice]

The old mansion was located in Windy Vein City, a small city that was home to about 100,000 people. There was no one in there, and it was clearly abandoned. In fact, when he cleaned up the entire place, a strange ownership certificate dropped from the sky, and it had his name on it.

Yuan Shen, Owner of the Yuan Mansion of Windy Vein City. 

He felt proud, even if it was a strange, old place. If he was not wrong, it was much bigger inside than outside, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. So, he didn't really care. He liked how it had a lot of land for him to plant crops, maintain a garden, and plenty of empty rooms. 

Once he finished cleaning, he then explored Windy Vein City. Windy Vein City itself was really nothing much. It is a small regional town, in the wider continental region of Dragon's Fist.  Windy Vein City was not home to a sect, but there were a few powerful city-level sects nearby that fought for dominance in Windy Vein City, such as the Grand Dragon Sect and the Fierce Tiger Sect. For Yuan Shen, who appeared like mortal and unnoticed, no one paid him any mind. 

Windy Vein City's most prosperous streets was the mortal market, which sold foods and all mortal goods, and also the two cultivator-goods streets, which sold goods used by cultivators. 

Out of curiosity, he naturally ventured into the cultivation street, only to be chased away by two fierce looking guards who were in the Martial Warrior Realm. 

"Mortal, the cultivation street isn't meant for you. If you don't turn away, don't blame us for being rough." The guards taunted.

"Oh sure, sure. I was just curious, but it is fine if I'm not welcome."  Yuan Shen laughed and turned away. Yuan Shen wasn't a troublesome person. In fact, after what felt like millions of years filled with intense training and meditation, all his earlier bloodlust and ambition were tempered. Gone was the hot-headed young boy, but instead, he was just a calm young man looking to make a simple living. 

So, he headed to the mortal markets and admired all the types of goods on display. After his long imprisonment, even simple things like beans and potatoes made him feel excited. He walked, and loved how there were so many types of simple goods. Knives, swords, meats, beans, vegetables, flowers and so on.

[New Ongoing Mission : A Mortal Profession! As an incredible being living as a mortal, it is important to contribute to society as a mortal! Open a stall in the mortal market once a week! Possible stores : Potato Seller (will require planting potatoes). Herb Seller (will require visits to the nearby herbal forest). Brush Maker (will require fur and hair from the mortal market)]

[Ongoing Reward : A working beautiful bathroom in your Yuan Mansion, and some spending money]

Yuan Shen laughed. A working, beautiful bathroom?! That's naturally a necessity! How do mortals in this world live without warm, clean water anyway?! 

He naturally had skills in all the three stores, but ultimately, decided to just be a brush maker. 

So, months passed, and Yuan Shen enjoyed his new life. It was extremely wonderful to have a beautiful bathroom!

"Mister Yuan!" The fur seller, Fur Seller Hong, came by and dropped another small pile of fur and hair. "Your month's delivery!"

"Thank you." 

Yuan Shen made brushes, for mortal use, out of thread, bamboo or a light type of wood, and bristles. After the first month, many other mortal workers came back to by his brushes, because they were very high quality and durable. Naturally, he may be a mortal, but his skills in the mundane crafts were very high! He was so confident that he didn't even need to test his brushes. 

In the small Windy Vein City, most people made their own brushes, but naturally, this wasn't very good. Imported brushes that came from other cities with dedicated brushmakers? Those were really expensive!

Brushes were easy to make, hard to make well, and harder still to make them durable and well. Yuan Shen had a special method to work with the brushes, because the [system] gave him godly hands, and he massaged the raw bristles to the exact hardness it needed to be. In short, when it came to mundane things, Yuan Shen is the primordial God, and the bristle was whatever he wanted it to be. If he wanted it to be soft, his fingers would knead the rough bristles until it was soft. If he wanted it to be hard, it would turn hard from his touch. 

And so, his writing brushes flew off the shelves as soon as he made them. Every officer, every administrative task found that they worked better with it. They spent less time fixing stupid brushes, and more time doing work. They worked faster. 

Life, though simple, was good!

***

"Master Yuan! I've got a gift for you! My son passed his examinations for Mortal Officers! My son will be an Officer of the Crown!" An old lady beamed as she walked over. She bought some brushes for her son when she heard how good his brushes were. "He couldn't stop beaming how good your brushes were, he even claims he thinks with much more clarity when he holds your brush!"

Yuan Shen chuckled. "It's just a brush. It's really just your son's own efforts!"

"Rubbish!" The old lady laughed. "But here. These are seeds for the beautiful lotus plants! And all these writing papers that my son no longer needs! I bought too much paper for him, I thought he'd need to use a lot."

Yuan Shen smiled and accepted the box of papers and the seeds of the lotus plants. He thought about how the little pond in his Yuan Mansion seemed to lack flowers and vegetation. It would be nice to grow some beautiful flowers as decoration. "Well, thank you for your generosity, Madam."

"It is nothing!" The old lady chuckled.

***

Yuan Shen returned home to his mansion. It really was quite empty and bare. There were no paintings, no ornaments. Just plain, empty rooms and an equally barren garden. 

He'd have to slowly decorate his home. As it is, even his main hall didn't deserve to receive guests with it's current sorry state! Could he even invite a woman to this place?

Yuan Shen laughed at his own thoughts. Woman. Ah yes. He's been looking at some of the young women in Windy Vein City, and wondered what it'll be like to have a woman in his arms again-

[System Warning : Sexual activities are currently suspended. Attempt to engage, trigger, or cause sexual activity will result in punishment. Host must attempt to avoid sexual encounters and sexual advances from others unless permitted.]

"What. Come on!" Yuan Shen protested. "I can't be a monk! I'm a man with needs and desires too! What about a harem?"

[Intimacy Tickets can be acquired if sufficient conditions are met. Intimacy tickets will also include the possibility of taking wives. To construct a harem, intimacy tickets and special mission completion will be required.]

"Oh." Yuan Shen paused. Now he got it. The system locked intimacy and nighttime activities behind a wall, and can only be accessed through completing the system's stupid conditions. "Fine, fine." 

He'd rather kill himself if he was going to die a virgin in this world. At least the system wasn't that stupid. 

"So- how do I earn these Intimacy Tickets?"

[Currently not available. Please continue to live and make brushes. Quests to earn Intimacy Tickets will be offered at a later date]

"Oh damn."

***

Another year passed, and Yuan Shen was now properly settled down in Windy Vein City. He was well known as the Yuan Shen the Brushmaker, and his brushes, made from mundane parts were legendary. 

But, he only made a few every day, and spent the rest of him time at home, tending to his blooming garden, and his beautiful artwork. His home was simple, but in a year, he had made it a calming, pleasant place for himself. 

He even made friends with the nearby uncles and aunties! 

One such friend was the really chatty Uncle Hong. "Eh, Mister Yuan, your living room could use some decoration. And your mansion needs a plaque at the door."

Yuan Shen shrugged as he welcomed Uncle Hong to his home. Uncle Hong was a retired man, he claimed to be a man who used to spend his life fighting, but now wanted to get away from it all. Somehow, he saw a kindred spirit in Yuan Shen, and came frequently to drink tea with him.  "What do people normally put in their living rooms?"

"A painting, or something to ward away bad luck." Uncle Hong countered. 

"Ah! That sounds like a great idea." Yuan Shen took out a set of old papers that had been pressed, and pre-painted with a light brown base paint. 

Uncle Hong watched, curious. "What do you intend to paint, Mister Yuan?"

"I'm thinking the turbulent seas. What do you think?"

"Mister Yuan, that sounds like a great idea." Uncle Hong laughed, and watched Yuan Shen took out one of his handmade brushes and started to make ink. 

Yuan Shen was quite confident in painting, after all, the system made him overpowered at stupid mundane shit like that, so he painted a beautiful painting of the seas with his water-based black ink. All while Uncle Hong watched, fingers trembling and his eyes looked like they were about to pop out.

"Ah. Do you think this will work? I just whipped it out in a jiffy." It honestly looked quite pretty, but then, he didn't know what the tastes of the humans of this world were like.

Uncle Hong laughed. "Haha. This old man is but a frog in a well, how can this old man dare comment on the beauty of a master's work?"

Yuan Shen chuckled. "I guess so. Let me just frame it up and hang it on this wall."

The young man moved quickly and within minutes the painting dried, framed and hung on the wall. It was a long piece, depicting the turbulent seas and the waves. In the painting, there was a small boat with a man on a hat, trying to survive the gigantic waves. There were serpents and fishes in the water, churned by the waves.

Uncle Hong just nodded. "This old man does not deserve to enjoy such greatness."

Yuan Shen laughed. "Everyone deserves to see some art. Even mortals deserve beauty in their life. I will call you again when I start making the paintings for my house's plaque." 

Uncle Hong clasped his hand and bowed. "That would be great. For now, this Old Hong must take his leave."

"Come, let me send you out." Yuan Shen smiled and led the old man out.

***

"Mister Yuan." A young boy walked over when Mister Yuan sat alone in the mortal market. The boy was the fourteen, and the son of a wonderful couple that sold dumplings down the mortal market street. They frequently gave him dumplings, as thanks for teaching their young boy words.

"Ah yes, little Zhong Ke, what can I do for you?" Yuan Shen was alone, and no one in the mortal market bothered him. He only had two more brushes to sell for the day, anyway. 

"Can you teach me how to write the word "sword"?"

"Didn't I teach it to you last week?"

"I forgot. I kept staring at it and then I didn't know why the paper just tore after I read it."

Yuan Shen laughed. "Alright, alright."

Zhong Ke took two pieces of paper, and they were the crumpled paper that the boy picked up and thrown aside by administration office. Yuan Shen picked up his brush, and wrote the same words, twice, on both papers.

Zhong Ke grinned. "You're the best, Mister Yuan. I love your words. They always seem to tell stories."

Yuan Shen laughed. He wondered whether that was because the words themselves were pictorial. "Well, enjoy yourself.

***

Zhong Ke walked away, and held the two crumpled pieces of paper in his hand. He walked away to a quiet area, right off the cultivation market, and sat down to study the words.

He took out one of the pieces of paper, and immediately felt himself sucked into the word. The word itself contained a world, where he was treated with the scenes of blades flying everywhere. Of war. Of blood. Of honor. Of protecting those who were others. Within the word, he saw a tale of a great hero who wielded a blade to protect his family from enemies. 

He smiled. He loved it. No one else's writing could do that. 

It was around this time, that two female cultivators from the Grand Dragon Sect emerged from the cultivation street, and frowned. "Nothing." The female cultivator, Shi Heyun, was in the Mortal Expert realm was one of the great beauties of the Grand Dragon Sect, and was the Sect Master's personal disciple. The one next to her, a younger, inner disciple of the Grand Dragon Sect that went by the name Shu Hanxian, was also a beauty in her own way. "There's nothing that can help the master in such a short time frame."

The Grand Dragon Sect's rivalry with the Fierce Tiger Sect was legendary. The two sects fought for power for years, with hardly any change over the centuries. Sometimes the Grand Dragon won, sometimes the Fierce Tiger Sect. But this time, it appeared the Fierce Tiger Sect finally made a decisive gain. 

But as they exited, they stumbled across the young Zhong Ke reading the crumpled piece of paper.

Instantly, both of them froze, as they too, were sucked into the world of swords within the crumpled piece of paper. It felt like minutes. It felt like hours. It felt like days. They stood there, staring at the piece of paper.

Until Zhong Ke himself snapped out of it. "Ah. That was beautiful!"

Both Shi Heyun and Shu Hanxian immediately walked over. "Young man. No, young master. What- what is that piece of paper?"

Zhong Ke turned to see two beautiful ladies talking to him. "Oh! Wow. Hello, elder sisters! It's just Mister Yuan's writings. He's teaching me how to write, but, it's awesome!" 

Zhong Ke took out the two crumpled pieces of paper, and showed to them. The immense aura of the hidden world emerged, and they were both instantly overwhelmed by it. "Young master, may we purchase these two pieces of paper from you?"

"Uh-" Zhong Ke hesitated. 

"We will not mistreat you. No, we will even offer you special treatment in the Grand Dragon Sect." Shi Heyun immediately offered, she looked at the pieces of paper greedily. 

The younger girl looked at the older girl. "Senior Sister- can we do that-?"

"Please? May we have these two papers?" Shi Heyun immediately took out two spirit stones. 

Zhong Ke stared at the spirit stones. That was more money than he had ever seen. No. If he took that, he definitely would get robbed. "Senior Sister, uh, are you two from the Grand Dragon Sect?"

"Yes. Yes we are."

"Can I join your sect?" 

Shi Heyun nodded. "Yes. I will definitely vouch for you to the elder."

"Then you can have it. I just want to join the sect."

***

The two immediately rushed back to the Grand Dragon Sect. The two sects were located outside of Windy Vein City, each on their own mountain not far from the city. 

For Shi Heyun, she didn't hesitate at all, and just ran up to the Sect Master. There was a disciple outside guarding the door. "Senior Sister, please don't go in. Master is cultivating!"

"No. I must see the Sect Master now. I have something that could help him." Shi Heyun immediately knelt outside the door. "Master! Please let me in."

After a while, the door opened. Heyun walked in and knelt before the Sect Master of the Grand Dragon Sect, Patriarch Bailong.

"Heyun, why did you come and bother me? You know that I am in deep meditation, and the battle with the Fierce Tiger's Sect Master is next week!"

"I have something that will definitely help you, master."

"-really? Then out with it. But if you've wasted my time, you will be punished."

Heyun immediately took out the two crumpled pieces of paper, clearly torn from administrator's books. 

"Is this a joke, Heyun?"

"No. Not at all. Look!"

Sect Master Bailong stared at the two pieces of paper, and the word written on them. He was instantly sucked into it, and his entire body trembled. 

Heyun didn't speak. She didn't dare to interrupt her master's moment of inspiration. 

For Patriarch Bailong, it was as if he was transported into the world of blades. War. Battles. Stories. All in a single word. The martial intent of the word 'Sword' was so intense, that he didn't even know how it was possible. 

"Who-whoever wrote this must be in the Deity Realm." 

Heyun's eyes popped out. Of course it has to be the Deity realm. Words of those in the Martial realm could never contain such martial  ntent!

The second later, Patriarch Bailong's body swirled and exploded with energy. "Hah! Old Heihu! You think you're the only one in the Martial King realm?!" 

At that second, Patriarch Bailong broke through from the peak of Martial General to the third stage of Martial King. In a single moment, a breakthrough and three minor realms! 

"Fantastic!" Patriarch Bailong chuckled. "Well done, my disciple Heyun. You've given us a fighting chance! Tell me, where did you find such divine treasure."

"I got it from a boy. I promised him that we will admit him to the sect. I- I don't remember the name, but I remember how he looks like. I think I can still find him in the markets."

The Patriarch laughed. "Then the boy has saved us all. Let us go see him."

HaremFantasies

I really love the hidden oblivious master trope. This will be a bit of a comedy, and we'll see some pretty ridiculous over the top lewd shit. :P

(Because why not)