I don’t know when it first began, but before I knew it, the only things that surrounded me were blood and corpses.
I can still remember how I used to look. I graduated last year, shiny-eyed with hope and ambition. I walked up to the stage in a suit of shiny new armor gifted to me by my lord. In turn, I gave him my sword for the rest of my days. It was a joyous occasion that my friends and I celebrated for days on end. The only regret I held was the inability to remain for a year longer.
Of course, I was happy to finally become a senior knight, but I’d heard rumors of a legendary squire poised to attend the academy. A squire so strong, she could even give seasoned veterans a run for their money in the dueling arena. I wanted to cross blades with that knight, to share our philosophies together, and perhaps even build a bond that would transcend my departure from Avalyne Academy. Alas, it was not to be.
I had enjoyed a somewhat idyllic lifestyle for a good few months in my lord’s territory. As the son of a marquis in the Castellia duchy, my lord granted us a stable and enjoyable lifestyle for a good while. The only disruption in our peaceful days were the routine patrols at the northern border where we were forced into sporadic encounters against Kaslavnan mercenaries from time to time over the few months of relative peace, but everything changed when the war began.
Kaslavna struck fiercely and without warning, driving deep into our territory before Duke Castellia could even respond. To make matters worse, the capital had been beset by a witch who emerged from seemingly out of nowhere, destroying my alma mater and whisking away the imperial princess. It was utter chaos to say the least.
From then on, I found myself diving into battle day after day. Every minute blended into the next, and time became nothing more than a twisted fantasy as I was forced to grow drunk on adrenaline or risk losing my humanity as my blade cut through soldier after soldier like they were nothing more than reeds of wheat ripe for the harvest. With each swing of my arm, I grew to question my purpose. Its once shining steel now dulled with blood, the droplets that it shed staining my precious armor.
Even now, I thrust myself into battle without pause. My lord had ordered it, and I was merely a tool that obeyed. That was the truth behind our relationship, but it wasn’t until now that I saw it. I know not whether he ever cared for me or not, but we were never intimate, nor could I even say we were friends. After all, He never even attended my graduation party.
“Forward!” A powerful roar shook the heavens. The clouds drew together at the sound, almost as if Aluvsha himself hid in fear of the one who raised her sword into the air, rallying all of us to her position as we drove an unstoppable wedge through the enemy formation.
Almost immediately, my mind became free of those dark, questioning thoughts as I dove forward on her command. Just a quick look at my allies told me that they felt the same exultation I did as we strove to obey her orders.
Yes... There was no greater joy than driving the enemy before us as our swords rose and fell to the rhythm of our great commander’s own. There was nothing and no one who could stop her shining blade that carved arcs of light into the air and through the enemy’s ranks. Several squads in the right flank pushed forward as well, crashing into the enemy’s defensive formation and pushing hard against them.
I surged forward, not even noticing the animalistic smile stretching across my face as I did so. Again and again, my sword drew blood, but this time I no longer hesitated. All I had to do was look at her billowing cape that gleamed in the distance, a lone ray of sunlight falling from the heavens to illuminate her majestic charge.
“...ice!”
I cut and cut, watering the ground with an endless stream of blood as a symphony of screams and pain devastated the air around me. My ears nearly bled from the sound, and I could scarcely tell whether those screams came from allies or enemies. But still, I cut.
“...anice!!!”
I winced as the tip of a spear pierced through a gap in my armor. An enemy soldier had gotten a lucky thrust in as I lost myself in the copious violence that I dished out, but it would not be enough to stop me. I would not allow even the greatest warrior to bar my way as I struggled to pursue the ideal knight who still continued to charge deep into enemy territory.
My eyes were wild as I thrust a gauntleted hand forward, wedging it into the hastily-formed shield wall before me. With a roar, I shoved the nearest soldier aside, ignoring the countless attacks that fell upon my armor. Most of them were simply deflected by its steel surface, but a few managed to slip through the gaps and draw blood. No matter. The pain granted me strength, using it to push forward, ramming my sword through the throat of the spearman who stabbed me earlier.
A rush of exhilaration filled my entire body as I exacted sweet revenge upon the one who had wounded me, giving me the motivation to continue charging forward. At this pace, it wouldn’t be long until I managed to reach our commander’s position, and when I did, I would finally be able to witness her glory up close.
“DAME JANICE!”
“W-Whuh!?” A powerful grip tore me from my adrenaline-fueled trance, forcing me to whirl around despite the enemies who still stood before me.
“What the hell are you doing!?”
“I’m pushing forward, you idiot!”
The person who had interrupted me was Sir Robert, a knight who had graduated in the same year as me in Avalyne Academy. Although we weren’t very familiar with one another, he wasn’t exactly a stranger either but he certainly had no business stopping me when I was about to drive deep into the enemy formation.
“Did you not hear the signal to fall back and regroup!? All knights must return to the center column!” Sir Robert said loudly, his voice straining against the sounds of combat erupting around us. Though he had pulled me away from the engagement line, soldiers surged past us from all directions, pushing against the Kaslavnan troops even without my presence.
“What!? Why!?” I snatched my arm away from him furiously, my gaze drifting naturally to the resplendent figure of our commander in the distance. “Dame Castellia is still leading the advance! She needs our help!”
Sir Robert snorted, soldiers parting to make way for us as he forcefully grasped my forearm and began dragging me away from the front lines yet again. “General Castellia doesn’t need anyone’s help. Have you forgotten how she destroyed Kaslavna’s greatest weapon in the previous war? I daresay she’ll do it again when they unleash yet another.”
“But she—”
“But nothing. This is why I was promoted and you weren’t, Dame Janice. With General Castellia acting as the speartip for our advance, the nobles have decided to reposition all other knights. That is why we are regrouping at the central column.”
“...So we’re being redeployed.” I murmured, my gaze still lingering on Dame Castellia’s poised back. Even from a distance, I could see the tornado of blood and bodies that whirled around her violently, annihilating countless Kaslavnan soldiers with mere swings of her blade. She rode atop her steed with supreme poise, warding away enemy attacks with a gleaming golden shield.
I simply couldn’t tear my gaze away from her sheer majesty, especially when I knew I would be redeployed to a different location on the battlefield against my wishes. If I were to cast my humanity away for the sake of the empire’s bloodbath, I wanted to at least do it in the name of a commander I could be proud of. A commander like Dame Castellia who wielded the legendary blade “Lex Talionis” and was championed as the “Hero of Avalyne.”
Eventually, Sir Robert and I returned to the center of our formation. The battlefield itself was an almost unfathomably vast affair that encompassed the whole of the empire’s northern border. An enormous stretch of land without comparison, there were at least twelve fronts that the empire’s massive army currently operated on, and I had just been lucky to serve under Dame Castellia even if only for a short while.
“Janice.”
“Lord Vincent.” I answered even before I turned to face him. After all, I’d gotten used to the particular ring of authority in his voice after the countless years we’d spent together.
“I hate to say this, but your continued tardiness is impacting the progress of the war,” Lord Vincent said. “Please do try to be more punctual later, else we may receive another reprimand from high command.”
I grit my teeth and nodded in assent, holding back my seething frustration. They threw us out onto the battlefield, forcing us to not only witness, but also create myriads of horrific scenes only to remind us that we were no more than mere pawns on the chessboard. I understood that doing battle was simply part of being a knight and that our job was not as glamorized as the public believed.
However, I never expected that I would be nothing more than just another piece for them to move as they pleased. I had fought proudly and struggled against great adversity during my time as a junior knight. Though I did not rank first, my lord and I managed to reach high into the top ten, and yet here I was... Nothing more than a cog in the wheel.
Just what the hell did I work so hard for? Just why the hell was I throwing myself into the front line again and again, striving to reach Dame Castellia’s heights? I bit my lip. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t think of a single reason why I had even pushed myself so hard on the front lines or why I admired Dame Castellia so much. Just the mere sound of her voice made my heart shake, and watching her descend into furious battle made me tremble all the more.
If my entire life was going to be devoted to fighting, then all I wanted in exchange was to fight by her side. Was that too much to ask?
“I don’t know what you’re thinking about, Janice, but focus.” Lord Vincent’s voice drew me back into reality and away from my fantasies of storming through enemy lines alongside the ideal knight. “We are about to receive our redeployment orders.”
I nodded, trying my best to hide my dissatisfaction. “Understood, my lord.”
It was ironic, really. We stood in organized and orderly ranks, forming a neat square in the center of the army’s rearmost lines while soldiers, war machines, and archers all rushed hurriedly around us as if desperate to join the battle that raged behind our pretty little formation. If you ask me, we would be much better served continuing to fight instead of waiting for some self-important tactician to come and tell us where to go.
I began to grow more and more agitated as minutes ticked by, and though I tried my best to hide it, my irritation clearly showed on my face. It wasn’t until Sir Robert nudged me in an attempt to calm me down that I noticed how annoyed I’d become. For a few seconds, I contemplated breaking out of the formation and rejoining the battle, but unfortunately for me, the tactician ended up arriving within that brief span of time.
After a lackluster speech, the tactician informed us that we would all be split up and redeployed to different fronts. Although a few knights were chosen to stay, it came as no surprise that I wasn’t one of them. Instead, I would be deployed to the third northeastern front where the casualty rate was second only to the main front. I had no doubt in my mind that this was supposed to be a punishment from high command for how much I’d held up each tactical meeting by continuing to fight regardless of a recall order.
Honestly, I envied those who were a part of Dame Castellia’s handpicked legion. They were immune to the whims of high command, wielding full autonomy subject only to the emperor’s command. They dove into the heart of the enemy’s forces and wreaked havoc without pause, losing themselves in battle without fear as they knew Dame Castellia’s clarion voice would free them from their blood-drunk rage when the time came.
“The transports are ready, Janice.” Lord Vincent said, placing a hand on my shoulder firmly. He knew how much I admired Dame Castellia, and he had allowed me to watch her glorious figure in the distance for a few moments. I suppose I had to thank him for at least permitting me that much.
“Yes, my lord. I’ll be—”
I could barely keep my balance. The ground beneath us shook violently, disrupting the entire battlefield as it quaked with unfathomable rage. The front lines of both Kaslavna and our own crumbled, retreating rapidly in the wake of this sudden seismic disaster. In the pandemonium that ensued, only she stayed steadfast and unmoving. A constant, unfluctuating stalwart champion of all knights on the continent.
Yes... Dame Castellia alone remained unshaken by the sudden earthquake, even taking advantage of it to push further into enemy lines and thin out their numbers mercilessly.
It was a sight so beautiful and exquisite that my chest tightened and my heart threatened to burst apart from its seams. I knew it was not love that I felt, but profound admiration. I could not fall in love with a woman like her. She was too perfect, too unreachable. Like a star in the sky that refused to fall even if Aluvsha himself should attempt to pluck it from his canvas.
I stabbed my sword into the ground, clutching it tightly as I struggled to maintain my balance. With my other hand, I grabbed onto my lord firmly, ensuring that he remained on his feet as well. Regardless of how much I wished to continue admiring Dame Castellia’s noble yet distant figure, my first responsibility as a knight was to protect my lord, and I would not allow myself to fail such a basic directive.
“W-What the hell is that!?” Sir Richard’s eyes widened in horror as he pointed toward the sky. Like me, he had thrust his sword into the ground, cradling his lady in his arms to ensure that she was protected from the earthquake. However, unlike my eyes that were glued to Dame Castellia’s magnificent silhouette, his were transfixed by a steadily rising object in the far distance.
“Isn’t that... where the capital is?” I could hardly believe my eyes. Of course, there was little that could wrench my gaze from Dame Castellia, but this was certainly a sight that managed to do so. I didn’t know what the hell it was, and I doubt anyone present knew either, but an enormous spire was rising in the distance. Based on its location, it probably sat in the center of the capital, and it was shooting skyward with alarming speed as if a lance designed to pierce Aluvsha himself.
A second later, the shaking ceased... And the horror began. We knew not what was happening, but it certainly did not bode well. What looked like a swarm of insects from a distance began pouring forth from the spire’s sides, falling to the ground ominously.
“...We’re so fucked.” One of the nearby knights said.
Took the words right out of my mouth, I thought. Although I had no idea what the spire was, I could tell that it was an unnatural formation and the sinister aura that it radiated meant it was probably imbued with some sort of dark magic. Were that truly the case, the swarm I saw earlier most likely consisted of dangerous creatures that would reach our position within days, trapping us between a deadly two-pronged attack. That wasn’t even considering the damage they’d do to their immediate surroundings and the territories that they would mercilessly plow through.
“W-What do we do now!?” Another knight shouted.
“H-Hurry to the transports! We have to evacuate!” The tactician commanded. “Leave this to—”
“Men and women of the Avalyne Empire!”
I shuddered at the mere sound of that voice, its mere timbre making my knees quake with pleasure. Its svelte yet powerful tone, the beautiful clarity of each syllable pronounced... I could recognize it anywhere. I whirled around to face Dame Castellia who had returned from the front lines with prodigious speed, her shining armor brilliant and untouched by even a droplet of blood. Though her blade dripped pools of crimson onto the ground, she alone remained pristine.
“The sky turns black today, and a deep rot besets us from the very heart of our country. But fear not, for I am here!” Dame Castellia thrust her blade in the air, casting off the blood that still dared to remain on its shimmering golden surface. “Make no mistake! Soon, we shall be assaulted from all sides and all shall be lost... But we need not go quietly. No, even as we are crushed, we shall tread upon their corpses and knead their bones into dust! We shall bathe in our own blood and that of our enemies!”
Despite the tactician’s pleas, he could not drown out Dame Castellia’s voice. All eyes naturally gravitated to her majestic form that far outstripped the untested tactician who knew not the rigors of battle.
“What say you, knights? Soldiers? The enemy approaches us from all directions, seeking to annihilate us in one decisive strike! Will you simply let them... Or will you wade with me into the river of death and cast them into its depths, knowing very well that you may suffer the same fate? I do not blame those who wish to flee, but for those who still grasp tightly onto their blades... Raise them with me, and tonight, we shall become as demons! Throw away your pride! Throw away your honor! Throw away your glory! My people, now is the time to fight!”
My eyes sparkled as each of Dame Castellia’s words struck a chord in my heart. Even though the men and women around us remained silent at her speech, I had already made my decision. My fingers tightened around the hilt of my blade. With her at my side, I need not pride. With her at my side, I need not honor. With her at my side, I need not glory.
“...What a preposterous idea. Let’s go, Janice.”
I released my lord, allowing him to stumble across the ground.
“...J-Janice?”
I thrust my sword high into the air and stepped toward Dame Castellia. I alone was the first to heed her call. I alone would follow her to the very depths of hell and back. I alone received her gaze at this very moment. My heart skipped a beat...
...And she smiled.
