Ezra
I’m awake by the time they return. I’m sitting outside on one of the concrete blocks, hands in my pockets. It’s gotten warmer. The sun is shining. But it’s still cold if I’m sitting still.
Tearoh’s happily skipping ahead of them. They didn’t even bring everybody. Noah, Riekah, Mira, Bone, Tearoh, Verona, five others. A small group.
One of the wielders, a woman named Leslie, told me where they’d gone. Since then I’ve been waiting. Not long. Maybe an hour.
“Hi, Ezra,” Tearoh calls and comes running towards me. Apparently, we’re friends now. She must’ve decided she likes me. In spite of everything. “You should’ve seen it. It was so cool. They had this huge line of cars and tanks coming along the street and we were waiting in a house entrance and then Noah told me to just walk out onto the street and they’d stop. And I did and they stopped! I felt so badass. And I didn’t even have to do anything. I just stood there, staring at them, and then Mira made the birds swarm so it got all dark and then Noah held the cars down with vines and Riekah got into a tank and they got all panicked. And then Elias made the trucks blow up in this huge explosion and my ears still kinda hurt from that, but it was sooooo cool!” She’s gesturing wildly to underline her words. The smile on my lips feels fake. She doesn’t seem to notice. My hands are shivering a little. “I don’t even think they saw anybody but me. They must’ve thought I did all of that to them.” Her eyes sparkle at the idea.
It’s wrong. Everything about this. Everything that led to her ending up here. A child, telling me how cool it was to butcher an entire convoy of soldier like a angry child trampling ants on the street.
Finally, Noah and the others arrive. It takes him only a single glance to see what’s up and he puts his hand on the girl’s shoulder.
“Tearoh, could take some of the others and go look for supplies? We’re running a little low.” He talks in a low voice, like it’s an important, secret mission.
Her face lights up even brighter. Noah flinches just barely and takes his hand off her.
“Yes, of course,” she beams and runs off with Bone and two of the wielders that’d been with them.
I barely wait until they’re out of earshot. “What. The. Fuck?”
Noah seems a little confused. “What seems to be the problem, my friend? I’m sorry we didn’t wake you if you wanted to come along, you looked like you were sleeping well for once, and I thought you wanted to avoid killing anyway.”
“Exactly!” I hiss. “How many people did you just kill? One hundred? Two hundred?”
He makes a vague gesture with his hand. “Roughly, yes. What’s your point?”
“They’re innocent!” I scream almost.
“How?” Riekah asks now from beside Noah. “They were active participants in a war. They would’ve attacked us, had they gotten the chance. They’d probably have killed at least some of us, had we let them get through and disperse across the city.”
I hate that he’s making a valid point. “They’re not Atlas,” I argue anyway. It’s my whole point. I know I shouldn’t care, because I’m here to kill a stupid large amount of people. But I do.
“Ezra, we didn’t have a choice. If we want to win this, we’ll have to be quick and decisive. It’s not enough to just win. Our victory has to be absolute. If just taking out a few of Atlas people would be enough, we wouldn’t need you. But we want to finish this once and for all.” He licks his lips. “We’re done running, Ezra. They will have to learn what it means to start a war with wielders because make no mistake, they started this. Just like you don’t have a choice if you want to live without your pain, we don’t have a choice if we want to live without prosecution.”
I brace myself. Push my chin forward. “Aren’t we supposed to be the good ones?”
I know that’s rich coming from me.
Riekah tenses at my words. I must’ve hit a sore spot.
“We are!” he says heatedly. “But look what we’re up against! The military! The guys that locked way too many of us up for years and managed to contain and torture us!” He seems breathless. Desperate, almost. “And if we don’t stop them, they’re going to do it again!”
Noah puts a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him a little. “Ezra, what are you asking right now?” He sounds reasonable. Like he’s actually going to listen. Seems to surprise Riekah just as much as me.
The problem is that I don’t really know myself. Because Riekah is right. We’re up against Atlas. The military. And how many are we? Twenty, by now? Maybe forty in a week? Fifty? Maybe more. I feel stupid suddenly. For questioning them when it isn’t even really my war.
I shrug helplessly. “At least keep civilians out of it. Don’t take the city hostage. Let them leave, if they want to. I’m on board with taking down Atlas, but….” I trail off and look up. Riekah looks horrified.
“Of course,” he whispers almost, like the thought already scares him. “We don’t want this war to go on eternally.”
“Anything else?” Noah asks with a gentle smile. “So far we’re on the same page, it looks like.”
I nod. “Yes. Don’t kill Hope. I’m serious. If anybody so much as touches her, I’m going to kill them. Make sure everybody knows.”
Riekah’s frowning again. “So what’re we supposed to do? Stand and let her kill us?”
Something in my stomach tightens. I step closer. Until we’re almost touching. I’m a little taller than him. “Hope. Doesn’t. Kill.”
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Noah
“They’re dead,” he says into the twilight of the abandoned storage room. “Didn’t even get off a single shot. We also tore up the streets. Nobody’s leaving, not by car anyway.”
He nods slowly, listening.
He’s alone in the empty storage room, sitting on an old stool. The only source of light is a sliver of moonlight falling through the barred window.
Most of the other wielders should be asleep by now, it’s late at night. And even if they’re awake, nobody’s going to hear him here. The doors are thick and made of heavy metal, constructed to keep fire from spreading. And there’s another door at the end of the corridor. Nobody’s going to hear him.
“Yeah. They did great,” he says now. “Tearoh did just as I asked and it worked perfectly.” He doesn’t look happy, though.
He creases his brow. “Of course I’m proud of her. She’s so brave and strong. If I had been like her back when-” he interrupts himself, listens. “No, it’s just that… she’s still a child.”
Again, he listens, and now he seems to slowly get frustrated. “I know I was too. But she doesn’t have to fight this war. We are doing it and we’re going to win. I know she wants to and I’m trying to keep her from killing, but it’s always going to stay with her. I-”
“…”
“What do you mean I’m not built for this?” he shouts suddenly. “Didn’t you see me do it? Didn’t you see me kill them? It was me! All of them! The soldiers, Zeus, White, all! And I’m going to finish this!”
He stops himself again. Listens, calms. “Yes, I know. But by now I shouldn’t have to prove my commitment anymore. Haven’t I shown to you that I’m done running?”
“…”
“Of course…. I know. Whatever it takes.”
“…”
He nods, his expression suddenly grim. “Yes. Whatever it takes.”
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Hope
We’re meeting in a different place, this time. The roof of an apartment building we could access because of the scaffolding along the wall. Ezra didn’t question it when I texted him the location. Through Telegram, this time, not WhatsApp. I did feel a little pretentious because of it because really, I know next to nothing about internet safety and hacking, but I wanted to make sure.
It’s to be really sure nobody can sneak up on us. It’s the highest building in close proximity and we’ll see anybody entering the roof, probably before they can see us. And the moment we know about them, Ezra can take them out if they’re a threat. I really hate the idea of Atlas people being within killing distance of Ezra. He is all the protection I need!
We meet at the foot of the building and start the climb together. He’s slow, so I take the lead and wait on each stage, just long enough to make sure he doesn’t fall behind.
Moving across the scaffolding in the silence of the night is uncomfortably noisy, each step echoing like shots through the dark. But I know they can’t see us because of the huge add-covers shielding the scaffolding from the street.
We don’t talk on our way up to the roof. There’s a silent understanding that we’ll only talk up there, not before. Like even hearing our greeting could give them too much information.
But then we’re up on the flat and empty roof and I spread the picnic blanket I brought as he stands by awkwardly. Then I sit and produce a thermos flask with hot tea alongside two cups from the same bag I also used to transport the blanket. I stole the cups from the hotel kitchen. I’m sure they mind, but I don’t care.
It’s a funny notion, sitting up on a roof, drinking hot tea from proper cups. It’s a vibe, I guess.
I fill up the first cup and hold it out so he can sniff it and decide whether he wants to drink it. He leans in, breathes in through his nose, then looks at me.
“What kind of tea is that?”
I smile. “Sage. From proper leaves and not a tea bag.” I’ve never really been one to like black tea, but herbal tea? For some reason, yes. I used to have a sage plant in the kitchen for that exact purpose and while the plant has died by now, Dad just left it there so I could still use the dried-up leaves for tea.
He chuckles ever so slightly. “Why am I not surprised that you of all people drink sage tea?”
I shrug. Thinking about it, it really is a funny coincidence. I don’t even know why I started drinking it in the first place. I don’t think I liked it when I was younger. But maybe I liked the name or it made me feel nicer about myself and then I just got used to it.
Finally, he nods slightly and takes the cup, holding it carefully by the rim so his fingers won’t get burned. He lifts it up close to his face, lightly touching the edge to his lower lip, inhaling the smell with every breath.
“It smells nice,” he whispers.
I’d been worried that he’d worry I might try to drug him through the tea – I made sure to leave right after having prepared the tea, so nobody would get any stupid ideas, and from here on out I’ll be using only the leaves I plucked myself, just to make sure – but the possibility doesn’t even seem to occur to him. It doesn’t take the tea long to cool in the nightly cold and he starts sipping it the moment he can get away with it without burning his mouth.
“So,” I say after a while. “The soldiers.” This is after all why we’re here. Even if I’d love to just sit here and enjoy his company, maybe talk about something of absolutely no importance whatsoever. But this is important. We need to stick together. I need to know if he changes. I need to make sure he stays the Ezra I know for as long as possible.
“They didn’t tell me,” he says in a low voice, sitting hunched around his cup of warmth.
Elsa told me what happened. They don’t know exactly what went down – most of the CCTV footage is blocked by swarming birds – but going by the amount of destruction, the bloody gashes on the bodies, the explosion, the vines, Ezra didn’t do it. I’m fairly confident he could just kill all of them. Would that already have been enough to saturate his powers? Probably not. The way I know my luck he’ll need thousands. If it’s possible at all.
“So what happened?”
He shrugs. “They saw that the soldiers were coming and ambushed them. Noah said they had to kill them before they got into the city. Not only to keep them from dispersing but also to make a power statement.”
I nod. That’s what Elsa said, too.
“And what do you make of that?”
“I hate it,” he says with a frown. “I get that it makes sense for them to… take them out. But…. It’s not even like I can say, oh well, wasn’t me, not my fault. Because I’m fighting with them, aren’t I? And I’m so much worse, anyway. So I guess it doesn’t matter.”
For a moment I feel the need to tell him that he doesn’t have to be worse. Press him once again to leave with me or… do anything but what he’s doing right now. But I know there’s no point. So I stay silent and sip my tea. Because telling him that he’s not worse in the way of probably killing more people than anybody else on Noah’s side… well, that would be just lying and we both know that.
“I went home this morning,” I say after a while. “Right after we talked, actually.”
He understands immediately, nods. He knows why. “Was he there?”
I nod. “Yeah. Asleep on the couch and for a moment I thought he was dead.” Normally, I’d probably chuckle at the memory. Maybe sometime in the future. “He’d thrown alcohol bottles against the wall so there were shards and alcohol everywhere. I cleaned a little and then fell asleep next to him and when I woke up, he was already done preparing breakfast for me. Like he used to… when Mum was still there.”
“Oh,” he says lamely, then perks a little. “But that’s good, isn’t it? Doesn’t that mean he’s trying?”
I nod again. “Yeah. He really did try. And I think we’re on the right way?” I shrug. Not like the chances are particularly high that I’ll ever find out. “He left the city today. Texted me earlier that he’s safe now. Tomorrow he’s going to admit himself to a clinic to fight his alcohol addiction.”
To be honest, I have no clue how bad it is. I never researched it, never asked, actively looked away so I wouldn’t know how much he drank. But since it’s been going for this long….
“That’s great,” he whispers, but his eyes won’t meet mine and I know exactly why. “I think you should leave, too,” he says then.
His words take a moment to register with me. “Why?”
He looks at me like I’m stupid. Or maybe like I’m being stubborn. Honestly, I’m definitely one of the two, probably both. At least I’m in good company with that.
“Because this is a war! And you don’t have powers to protect yourself. I told everybody to leave you alone and that I’d kill them if they don’t. And I will. But you could always get injured as collateral-”
I laugh at that. Loud and hard. Collateral. The story of my fucking life.
By the time I calm, Ezra’s frowning at me disapprovingly.
I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye. “Yeah, no. No way. Not without you.”
I put my cup away, it’s empty by now, and scoot forward until I’m sitting a little behind him. Then I lie back and hold my hand up so he can take it. It’s a clear invitation.
Lay with me.
Because who knows how many times more we’ll get to do this.
He understands, puts his cup away and scoots past me, then lies back so his head comes to rest roughly in line with my belt.
It’s warmer today. Five degrees, even at night. Together with the tea it’s almost comfortable. What little discomfort there is is easy enough to ignore.
If only the sky was clear now.
“Do you have an escape plan?” I ask suddenly, not moving my head. “For once you’ve… y’know, dealt with your pain. Or if you lose.” Guess they’ll come for him either way.
There’s the sound of shuffling next to me and his hand twitches a little in mine. “Yes, I-”
“Don’t tell me,” I interrupt him. “I can’t tell them what I don’t know.” But there’s one thing I still have to know. “Just tell me this. Are you going to be able to live? Like live, without having to look over your shoulder constantly.”
“Yes.”
“Do you-” I pause to swallow against the slight pull on my throat. “Do you think we’ll ever meet again after this?”
He takes his time replying. “Probably.”
“Do you think…” I trail off and start over. “After school, would you want to move in together? Y’know, as roomies, go to uni together or… work boring office jobs and… go to stupid parties and get home absolutely shit-faced only to continue drinking and fall asleep on the roof?” My voice gets all dreamy, talking about it, and a smile creeps onto my lips. I know it’s stupid, of course. They’ll watch me, probably until the end of time, if he manages to get away. Unless he manages to convince them that he’s dead with a hundred per cent certainty.
And all that, of course, only works under the assumption that we’ll survive.
“I would like that,” he whispers and his hand squeezes mine gently. “We’ll have to see.”
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I'm surprised he didn't take Ezra with him