My distorted reflection stared back at me from the murky glass of the bottle. I watched myself blink a few times in rapid succession, taking in the request for what it was. Something else that nobody knew about me? Would any of the few boring facts I could draw upon about myself be enough to satisfy her curiosity? It wasn’t like I was going to be winning a record for being the world’s most interesting man any time soon.
I pushed my toes against the leg of the coffee table, finding it difficult to not slide around in socks on the varnish. Serena mirrored what I was doing, but I could tell it was out of impatience rather than any deeper meaning. That would probably be a lot to ask for someone of her standing, after all. Nicole and Aubrey studied me cautiously, as though I was about to go off the deep-end any second. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate how they were looking out for me, yet it felt like it was overkill right now. I just figured I had been doing much better ever since getting past my stage of totally freaking out over physical touch. Did they assume that this was going to be another trigger because I trailed off when explaining why my dad hid his occasional drinking?
“Ah…” I mumbled out loud, assuming that would meet the requirement. It wasn’t interesting, it wasn’t fun to remember, but it was something that I felt like I should share–something that had been a long time coming. I took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds, and released it a heave.
“So, obviously you know that I wasn’t the biggest fan of being touched.” The others nodded, and I smiled softly, knowing that would never be enough to express my gratefulness to them. “Right, well, I have my mom to thank for that. She used to drink and would go through… episodes of sorts.”
There was a brief pause that was broken up by the unsightly snorts coming from Bugsy as she forced her nose into the palm of my open hand. Why she was doing that, I had no clue. There was no way doing that could have been comfortable for her, and my palm itself was slick with sweat.
“What do you mean by episodes?” Serena asked,
“She’s schizophrenic, the type that would hear voices in her head. My dad told me it didn’t used to be so bad and that she would manage the symptoms with medicine. Eventually, though, I guess she stopped going to the doctor and turned to drinking to drown out what she could.”
“That must have been awful,” Aubrey whispered, slapping a hand over her mouth when everyone turned to look at her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that.”
“No, you’re right.” I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat.
This had been much easier in my mind to explain and get through. Talking about it like this was bringing back all kinds of memories I would have preferred to leave buried. Thoughts and feelings were also emerging from the depths of my heart that I believed I had gotten over long ago. Apparently, the past wasn’t so easy to move on from; the weight of it bore down on me, and it was all I could do to squeeze my dog tighter to my chest. She whined quietly and licked my face, while her stubby legs struggled to find purchase on my forearm.
Nicole twirled a strand of her raven locks around her finger. “Then, that’s why your dad goes out of his way to hide it?”
“Why don’t we change the subject?” Aubrey asked.
“It’s ok. I was the one who chose the truth, and it wasn’t like any of you held a gun to my head and forced me to talk about this stuff. I wanted all of you to know.” I laughed, and I assumed it was a little morbid considering what I was about to say next. “Besides, it wasn’t like I made any effort to cover anything up.”
Pulling down the collar of my t-shirt, I ran my fingertip over the long, jagged across my collarbone she had given me when she went on a real tirade. It was a faded pink, and probably difficult to see under the dim lighting, but everyone’s eyes were glued to the uncovered part of my chest.
Aubrey gasped. “I thought those were from the fight you had gotten in.”
Nicole tapped on the tabletop. “I did too.”
“Same deal,” Serena said quietly.
I released my grip on the shirt, and the collar snapped back into place. “There’s more, but I’m sure you’ve already seen your fair share at the pool. No real point in showing off everything that she did.”
My heart was hammering in my chest, yet the pounding in my ears was worse. The constant ringing amplified the silence consuming the living room, the like of which the club room had never seen. Little else could, or needed to be, put into words. What did you say to a mood killer like that anyway? I should have known that Nicole would have figured differently.
“Your dad doesn’t know.”
She said it casually, yet there was a certain edge to her tone that screamed disapproval.
“You’re right. He has no clue.”
Serena leaned across the table to stare at me. “But how didn’t he realize? And why haven’t you told him by now?”
“He worked the night shifts back then, so she had free reign when he left. It was easy enough for her to manipulate a child into staying silent and covering up what she did. But as for why I never told him… I don’t see the point. Why do I want to drag up something that’s done and over with? It will just make him feel like a piece of shit for not realizing and will make me continue to feel like shit.” I shuddered involuntarily, grunting at Bugsy when she went on attack again at licking my face all over. “Maybe that’s a fucked-up attitude to have towards this, but I’m probably a little warped too. I just need to get this off my chest to someone who isn’t him and move on with my life like I have been. I can’t stand being the victim anymore.”
“M-my bad. That wasn’t my place to say anything.”
“Not like you meant any harm.” I tapped her on the nose to show there were no hard feelings. “I do think it’s my turn to ask you something, though.”
Her grin was weak and even that was being played up, but she nonetheless sat down across from me. “I’m starting to think you don’t have any clue how this game works, but I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.”
“Generous of you. Now, truth or dare?”
“I pick–”
Whatever choice she intended to make was interrupted on account of my girlfriends slamming into either side of me. They glommed on, sandwiching Bugsy and me between them. Of course, that set her off and she determined that they would be better off if she began to paw at them. I chuckled as she wiggled between us, deciding to lick at Nicole and Aubrey’s faces. Their warm embrace eased the sinking feeling in my chest while I watched Nicole squirm in blatant disgust and pull back to allow Aubrey to become the sole target of Bugsy’s affection.
“Alright, alright,” I said, gently shifting away from them and wrapping an arm around my dog so she wouldn’t fall. “Don’t smother Bugsy to death.”
Nicole wiped the dog slobber from her cheek, grimacing when her hand came away wet. “Ugh, if anyone’s trying to kill someone, it’s going to be her.”
I covered her little floppy ears with my hands, aware of how sad her little beady eyes were. “I hope you’re happy, insinuating that my sweet baby would do something like that. And here I thought you were a bona fide dog person.”
“I do like dogs. This one just seems to have picked up a lot of bad habits from her owner.”
Aubrey laughed and ruffled Bugsy’s fur. “Aw, don’t be that way, Nicole. She just loves you so much!”
“Well, she can love me from over there,” Nicole said, pointing to the other side of the room.
We all chuckled at her over-the-top disgusted reaction. Although she was feigning being annoyed, I could tell she was happy enough to provide a distraction for me. That begged the question though, was it really a distraction if I was aware of it? I suppose it was since I was now more worried about how obvious someone could be than anything else.
“If you’re all done, I’d like to go with dare,” Serena said, her eyes flashing a hint of regret before it was concealed away.
I smirked, having a singular great dare prepared for this. “Great, I dare you to…”
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