Finally, Grant reached the village. If his legs were aching after the maze and wobbly after the staircase, they were about ready to give out from under him now. He stopped to pause, digging his sword into the ground and doubling over it for support as he caught his breath. How was it possible for his legs to be on fire, jelly, numb, and spaghetti all at the same time?

"Thank God... well, thank Gigi that this world is so generic. There's gotta be some kind of inn or tavern here where I can spend the night and learn about the quest. They've always got one of those in the first town..."

He stood near the edge of the village, craning his head up - the walls guarding it on all sides were so tall that you couldn't even see the rooftops inside. The scars of constant damage and repair pocked the sides of the stone and wood structure. Ramshackle turrets and walkways ran along the top, lit by torches that glowed like dull embers against the dark night.

A single guard in mismatched armor stood inside a larger, seemingly sturdier turret that hung over the front gate. Detail was hard to make out in the dim conditions, but it was clear she was a tall woman, shoulder-length blonde curls spilling down from her metal-and-leather helm. Going off the slumped-against-the-rail stature and loud snores... girl was asleep on the job.

"Hello?" Grant called up to her, raising his voice. "Hello!"

Her heavy-lidded eyes flickered open for a second, then fluttered shut just as fast.

"Zmmsmmszzz.... whuhs that noise?..." she wiped drool off her chin. "Zzzzzsmmmmhh..."

"Hey, down here! Hey!" Grant tried to raise his voice more, but his overworked lungs gave way to a spluttery exhausted cough. He doubled over again, hacking. That woke the guard up.

"A monster!?" she cried, rushing to grab a torch from its holder to assess the threat.

"N-no!" he shouted, struggling against his weak breath. The guard held out the torch down low, ostensibly to get a better view of him. "I'm a hero! Your Goddess summoned me here!"

Those words sent a visible jolt of shock coursing through the guard. They grew fifty times more frantic, eyes wide as plates.

"Flying hell, even worse!"

She dashed off, and Grant could hear her clambering down a ladder. Soon, he heard fifty stomping pairs of footsteps running to and fro, orders being barked out.

"Get in position, men! Bows at the ready!"

In short order soldiers in similar ragtag gear as the woman guard were lining up on the top of the wall. The composition of the town militia was as diverse as their armor: humans, elves, orcs, dwarves, animal-kins - a fantasy cliché smorgasbord. Each one held either a crossbow or longbow, loading in bolts or nocking arrows.

"Wait. Wait!" he held his hands up, making a point to drop his sword. It clattered to the ground with a loud noise, and he backed up from it. "We can talk about this, can't we!?"

"No words shall be traded with a self-proclaimed 'hero!'" shouted the general, a sturdy older dwarf with ripples of gray in his red beard.

"Self-proclaimed? Your fucking Goddess sent me, dipshit!"

Boos rang out at the mention of the deity.

"So, you are new here!" the general laughed, raising his arm. "Suffice to say we've had enough of her 'gifts.' All men, open fire!"

The first arrow flew at Grant, plunking into the ground near his boot. A foot closer and it would've skewered him.

He probably should've started running when the woman did.

Now, Grant was a writer who did his own thing, avoided clichés, and attempted to be more original and intelligent than 90% of the content on ScribbleHub. That meant a getting lot of bad first impressions from dipshit readers on his chapter ones, and usually that manifested in single-star reviews, angry comments, or just zeroes next to the view count.

Before, a bad first impression just spoiled his mood for an hour - now one was about to put an arrow through his skull.

As he took off, more and more arrows whistled through the sky, raining down like hail. From behind he heard a massive groaning of gears: the gates were opening. For a second, he thought that they had maybe decided to lay off and let him in. But when he turned his head back, he saw that they were actually wheeling out cannons.

Goddamn cannons.

"Holy shit!" he dove into the tall grass, crawling up behind a nearby tree to hide himself. He heard three arrows thunk into the wood. "This is overkill!"

For a while, he kept sneaking through the grass, slipping behind trees and boulders as he tried to escape into the night. The arrows grew less frequent, only flying when he popped up to jump behind a new hiding place. Only one cannon shot rang out, blowing apart a trunk of a tree he had left cover from only seconds earlier.

Just as it seemed he had successfully vanished in the eyes of the guards, a new threat emerged. He slid behind a boulder, but to his surprise, the boulder began to move.

Now, if you're unfamiliar with the concept of boulders or don't know what a boulder is, they're big rocks, and generally they don't move unless you try to move them. This boulder, however, was walking like a pro on squat legs made of tough stones, its long rocky arms knuckle-dragging on the ground like an ape. Five more like it were spilling out from the treeline around the field, along with a horde of shambling sword-wielding corpses - things that also generally didn't move - and walking skeletons armed with bows - yeah, you get the idea.

"Golems! Zombies! Skeletons!" he heard the general call out from behind. "Just our luck!"

Grant looked down at his hands, absent of any weapon - he had dropped his sword in the futile attempt to make piece.

"Tell me about it..."

Soldiers were running out from the gate now to engage the monsters. Crouched in the tall grass, Grant waited for a zombie to shamble by. When one did, he burst up behind it and grabbed it by the head. Unfortunately for him, snapping necks was a lot harder than it looked on TV, and he had put his fingers dangerously close to the undead thing's mouth.

He pulled back just in time to avoid a pinky getting gnawed off and tried for a punch to the jaw instead. The zombie fell back and dropped its dull golden blade, which Grant snatched up eagerly. It was in no shape to cut much of anything right now, so thinking fast, he decided to cash in a few Perk Points.

"Gimme that Blademaster thing!" he shouted, hoping the system would pick up on it. Of course, it wasn't that easy. As he easily hopped out of the way of awkward lunging zombie swings, he tried out more options. "Give Blademaster. Blademaster Perk, please?"

Two more zombies converged on him, making the high-stakes guessing game that much more frantic.

"Fuck! Blademaster Perk! Come on, give me the Blademaster Perk! Uh... Buy Blademaster? Purchase Blademaster?"

That did it. For once, he was happy to see a popup.

 

 

"Yes!" Grant cried, kicking away one of the zombies that got too close. He was breaking the rule he had made about 'no isekai bullshit,' but that was the last thing he was thinking about at the moment. "For the love of God, yes!"

[Good choice! Mr. Flincher, you are now the proud owner of the Blademaster Perk. Level 2 is now available.]

The golden blade went from cracked and blunt to stunningly shiny and sharp. With a single spinning slash, Grant decapitated all three zombies at once. Their mottled green heads gasped for air as they sailed off, the freshly decapitated bodies folding like a deck of cards.

"Bitchin'." he smiled, rushing off to take on more of the things. His golden sword cut through the undead warriors like butter, turning them from threats to mere jokes.

Man, Blademaster really should've costed more!

The town militia had not only been ill-equipped but outnumbered too, so the monsters were tearing them apart at the moment. Three soldiers had already fallen to skeleton arrows, and two had been bitten and become members of the undead horde. The unluckiest of all, however, had been the sole soldier to try and take on a golem alone: he was flung through the air like a ragdoll, crashing against the village wall hard enough to shatter every bone in his body.

Before she'd been half asleep, but now the blonde guardswoman was running at full capacity. She wielded a spear with wicked efficiency, shish-kebobing zombies like nobody's business. Beside her fought the general, who like a true dwarf had an oversized axe in his hands. The thing was broad enough to serve as a full-body shield when turned sideways, blocking arrows from the skeleton archers.

"Li!" he called out to his soldier as she swept a zombie to the ground and stabbed it in the throat. "Do you have eyes on hero boy?"

She scanned the horizon. "I believe he's over there, General Grogmerry... flying hell, look at him go!"

[Your Swordplay skill has gone up a level! Stay sharp!]

[Your Swordplay skill has gone up a level! Stay sharp!]

[Your Swordplay skill has gone up a level! Stay sharp!]

[Your Swordplay skill has gone up a level! Stay sharp!]

[Your Swordplay skill has gone up a level! Whoa, calm down a little or something!]

Grant cackled as he tore through a crowd of zombies, swiping left and right with his sword. Okay, maybe he was starting to get the appeal of those isekai power fantasies now! The notifications, which had been a hinderance before, turned into fuel for the human grinder as he slaughtered his way through the horde with glee.

"Fuck you! And you! And especially you!" blood began to accrue on his clothes, zombie guts flying onto him too. A loose intestine found its way around his neck, the world's most disgusting scarf.

[Your Swordplay skill has gone up a level! You officially need therapy!]

Grogmerry shook his head in awe. The other summoned ones were all incredibly powerful, and seeing one in action was really a sight. As the old books said, beings from the Mother Realm had inherent qualities that made them far stronger than any Daughter Realmer.

"Thank goodness he's on our side." said Li, grunting with effort as she twisted her spear and pulled it from the body of a zombie. Grogmerry pulled his mead orange eyes away from the carnage to give her a glare.

"For now, he is." he snorted. "Clueless child..."