Parker and I walked back to my house around midnight, since that’s when the manager told us we had to leave for money count. We had time to talk and relax in the silence, well the silence and the occasional door bell rings every time a customer entered the front doors. Eventually Parker played some Youtube videos for me. Some were funny, but others weren’t my kind of humor

It got colder outside, and I still was snuggled up in Parker’s leather jacket. It comforted me, and I wish I could keep it. I walked on his right side and closer this time. My arm every few steps would bump into his. Part of me really wanted to reach out in the darkness and grab hold of his hand. I withheld because of what he said to me. 

My life is so dangerous, I don’t want to hurt you with it… His voice repeated in my mind. What about his life is so dangerous that it would harm me? I felt so conflicted. One part of me loved the idea that he likes me, and he wants to date me, but the other half hurts because he can’t for some reason.

When we rounded into my neighborhood, it was darker than it was before. The only lights on were street lamps and the lights beside everyone’s front doors. My house was pitch black. My parents always turned off the door light, and it appeared that they were fast asleep. 

Parker followed me to my side gate. I climbed on the side and reached over to unlock the door and gently opened it. Gravel underneath the door scratched under the wooden planks, so I slowed down the pace of the door. I didn’t know how light of sleepers my parents were, except my dad, he could be out cold with drinking. 

We both walked in, leaving the gate open for Parker, and I headed over to my window. I reached up and pressed my hands on the glass and pushed it up as far as I could reach. Parker stood over me and finished pushing the window up with his tall stature. 

“Thanks,” I whispered and laid my arms over the window cill. I attempted to pull myself up but struggled as upper body strength wasn’t my specialty. 

“Here,” Parker said and lowered down. He wrapped his arms around my knees and lifted me up. I panicked as I began slipping through the window head first. I hadn’t done this before, it’s clear as day, or night… I landed on the carpet with my hands holding me up. Parker gently pushed my feet through the window and I toppled down as gently as I could. There were still some thunking noises but not loud enough. My heart pounded in my chest as I sat for a minute, listening to the upstairs for any movement from my parents. 

I got up slowly and turned to the window to see Parker crawling through. Panic rose faster than ever and my heart really pounded against my ribcage. He was quieter than I was, but that was only because of his height advantage. When he stood upright, he looked around the dark room as if he was able to see.

“Why did you come in?”

“Why not?” He said and I could sense the smirk on his face.

“I don’t want to get caught with you in here.”

“Looks like your parents are asleep, I wouldn’t worry.”

“Are you stalling going home?”

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“Well, I would invite you to sleep over, but you’re a guy my parents don’t approve of and it’s a school night,” I remarked sarcastically. I got a small chuckle out of Parker and I couldn’t help but smile.

I shuffled my feet over to my desk and turned on the tiny lamp I had thrifted from a store recently. The lightbulb was a low wattage, so it wasn’t awfully bright. I instantly regretted doing so as a soft snort came from Parker. 

“Pink?”

“It was my choice when I was a kid,” I moaned and sat down on my bed. 

“It’s cute,” he said and joined me on the foot of the bed. 

“Sure it is,” I rolled my eyes and sat criss crossed. 

“I mean, it’s more personality than my room. I just have a mattress, a dresser, and that’s about it.”

“Sounds boring.”

“It really is. When I move out and get my own place, I might get some posters and more decorative stuff. I don’t know,” he shrugged his broad shoulders. I liked his shoulders. It was a strange bodypart to feel attracted to, but I guess it’s better than liking feet…

“That would be good. When you turn eighteen you’re moving out instantly?”

“Yeah, getting as far away from my home as possible. I’ll settle for any job and find somewhere to go.”

“I’m sorry,” I frowned. I always felt bad hearing snippets of Parker’s home life, wondering what all was happening that was pushing him to be this way. I wish he could stay here with me for the night, but I couldn’t, even if my parents weren’t fighting, or approved of them.

My parents were somewhat classic, similar to Justin’s parents, except for the religious part. Again, no sleep overs on a school night, and no guys over for the night. Little did they know that I was Bisexual and liked girls. So, some of the girls that I liked and had spent the night would cuddle and kiss me, but that was it. Nothing too serious as I didn’t want to risk being caught in the act. Either way, Parker wouldn’t be allowed to stay for any reason.

“Alright, I guess I’ll head out so you can get some rest.”

“Wait,” I said and reached out. Parker stopped and turned to face me. I had drawn a blank mind, not knowing what exactly I wanted. I then slipped off his leather coat and handed it over to him. He smiled and gladly slipped it back onto himself. “Sorry.”

“Why are you so sorry tonight?” 

“I feel bad,” I whined and laid back onto my pillow. “I wish you didn’t have to go. I wish you could safely go home or stay here without getting in trouble. You’ve done a lot for me tonight and I can’t seem to return the favor…” I blurted it all out. I didn’t feel afraid or ashamed with it being just us and in a room alone together. I didn’t feel like my friends were lingering in the background judging me or my parents here to tell me what to do. 

“You don’t need to return any favor,” Parker said calmly and looked directly into my eyes. 

“I should…”

He leaned in and pressed his cool lips onto mine. It was out of nowhere. Butterflies emerged in my stomach and even down in my uterus, tickling me everywhere I could feel. It wasn’t just one peck either, he began to press the insides of his lips into mine. Warm and wet. Soft and smooth. I returned the favor, slipping my lower lip between his. He sucked on them, pulling all the blood towards them and it felt good. 

We kissed for a minute, maybe even longer. I had kissed many people before, Parker was now one of the few best kissers I’ve made out with. I enjoyed my time, both of us leaning back and forth into one another until he dominated me. I started to lay back under his stature. His hands came to me. His palms on my back and slowly rode up my spine. One hand on the back of my head while the other on my shoulder blades. He laid me down gently on my pillow and continued kissing at the same rate and pressure. 

I felt the butterflies drop dead as his right hand moved from my shoulder blades to the sides of my hips. I genuinely hadn’t been touched there, not like this. I clamped down on my lips and they hardened. He paused and backed up. His shortened breath deepened and he looked into my eyes. His eyebrows narrowed in on me. 

This was the moment I worried about. This was why the butterflies died. The horror stories of guys and not being able to stop, the horror stories of not being able to -

“You okay?” Parker asked.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Kissing?”

“Your hand,” I said and gently grabbed his wrist. He immediately lifted it up and set it back down by my head.

“What are you comfortable with?”

“What?” I suddenly blurt out. My heart pounded against my ribs and stern. I saw the confusion in Parker’s face slowly turn into a small smirk. “Why are you smirking?”

“Sounds like you haven’t had very good experiences before this,” he said and laid on his side. His warm weight lifted off of me, easing some of my racing heart. I turned and matched his angle and looked him in the eyes.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well, you were expecting something else to be said and done.”

“Yeah?”

“We can just kiss,” he shrugged his shoulders like it was truly nothing. 

I couldn’t help but glance down. I had to. And there it was, a small bump that wasn’t his jeans bubbling up weirdly like they do. He noticed and chuckled. 

“You think I want to continue forward,” Parker said.

“Don’t you want to?”

“Of course.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“You’re not comfortable with it. You panicked, you said something, I respect that.”

“But -”

“Kim, I don’t know who fucked you up, but it’s not gonna happen again.”

“No one fucked me up,” I muttered. 

“You sure?”

“I just hear horror stories about it.”

“In TV shows and movies.”

“Partially…” I sighed in embarrassment. 

“Well, to bust that myth, guys can stop.” He then gestured down to his crotch so boldly that I glanced without a thought. It was gone, just like that…

“I’m sorry…”

“Oh god Kim, stop apologizing so much.” Parker sat upright and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He glanced back. “You’re a good kisser.”

“Thanks, so are you,” I responded shyly and slowly sat up. 

“I’ll head on out. Let you get some rest and calm down. Didn’t mean to scare you like that.” Parker quietly stood up and walked over to the window. He opened it and crawled back out. Then, he turned around, shut the window quieter than I did, and he was off.