So you're still here... I'm genuinely impressed by your determination to continue reading my poor story, My Successor. After all, the System Library has countless far more exciting stories. Hmm... It's interesting, to say the least... You didn't know that this place had such a name... It's indeed both astonishing and completely normal. After all, this place is connected to you, even if you are unaware of it.

 

How can I predict your reactions? It's pretty simple. I know how you work and how you think. But I have yet to learn what you believe or think about me. After all, I don't know who you are. I just see the kind of person you are. You must have a particular personality to come to a place like this and read my Memoirs. You must be the kind of person I'm looking for.

 

Someone who might follow the same path or choose a different ending from mine. In any case, the ending is bound to be satisfying because any ending deserves to be told, whether it's seen as good or horrible by most people. So, I really wonder which ending you'll choose... Of course, I ask myself this question about my ending. What would have happened if I had succeeded in my original thought? Would I have had a better ending?

 

The truth is, I still need to reach my end as I write this. But I have no illusions about my final fate... Yes, unfortunately... As such a subject is unhappy, I'll stop talking about my inevitable end. Just one last clarification: I have absolutely no regrets about my back. If I could start this life again, I'd aim for the same Ideal.

 

After all, whatever life I lead, my Desire and Identity never change. The only difference is that I've been more or less aware of my Identity and Desire in different lifetimes. This is undoubtedly one of the lives where I've been most aware of my purpose as Void, even if I could never be sure. Oops! I've divulged information I shouldn't have. You can forget about it… or not, since you won't anyway.

 

After all, you're one of those who will scrutinize every word in detail for any hidden meaning or inconsistency. How do I know? I'm the same and proud of it. This trait is valuable when you have to learn old books written in such cryptic language that you wonder if the writer did it on purpose out of sheer sadism.

 

Sorry, but I just have to vent some of my frustrations about a few runic magic books written by writers of more than dubious skill. Not that I would have done any better, but when you want to impart knowledge to people, it would be nice to make it at least a little accessible.

 

It's a good thing you're incapable of sensing the anger in my voice. Otherwise, you could turn away from me with a horrified look and a disgusted expression towards my person. There's no need to object. After all, most people have had this kind of reaction just from seeing me all their lives. Indeed, they could already know that I was a monster deep inside, that my desires were too far removed from most people, and that I was a hopeless case.

 

Come to think of it, given my Desire, such an ending was predictable. Yet, I can't change my Identity or my Desire. The path I was on was inevitable, and my fate was sealed. Not that I hate my end. I'm simply disgusted by my existence for having been aware of the selfishness of my Desire without doing anything to change it.

 

In fact, that's probably why nobody but one of you stayed with me until the end. Although she ended up leaving me, she was the only one who remained faithful to me until the end. The only one I bitterly regret having killed because of my selfishness. The only honest regret I ever had was her death. After all, an ending where I had realized my Desire and thus embraced my whole Identity and stayed with her simultaneously would indeed have been desirable.

 

Even if staying with her appeared somehow contradictory to one part of my Desire itself and in keeping with another part, I would have fervently wished for such an ending. My failure to reconcile the different parts of my Desire and Identity was undoubtedly the most significant obstacle to fulfilling my Desire and the blossoming of my Identity.

 

After all, at the time of my encounter with the System, I was perfectly aware of my inability to reconcile the different parts of my being. I've also never been able to diverge from my Desire. Not that I ever wanted to. Although my memory is indeed confused about some, or undoubtedly many, events in my life. In fact, I only remember a tiny fraction of my journey.

 

That's why I need to see my life one last time to understand myself. Don't worry about me, though. I'm okay with this amnesia. What's more, my current amnesia, unfortunately, has a very different origin than when I first woke up. In fact, I have suspicions about the reason for this loss of access to my memories. In fact, I'm a little afraid of discovering this Truth...

 

In fact, I'm most afraid of when my memories have wholly disappeared, mainly in the second half of my life, except at the very end, when my memory remains surprisingly accurate, much to my chagrin. I should probably abandon my viewing. Of course, that might be cruel to you, My Successor, since you've wasted your time reading me without knowing the conclusion.

 

Nevertheless, don't worry. I won't stop this viewing. Not yet, anyway, although I hope I never will. At least I still have enough Will to compel me to stay here despite myself and the ever-more-palpable fear in my Void. After all, I'm just mentioning a possibility that had crossed my mind, neither more nor less.

 

However, I'm no longer as cheerful and enterprising as I was at the start of the show, as you must have realized by now. I wanted to impress you back then, My Successor. Although when I'm forced to relive certain scenes from my past, the Truth about me gradually comes to light. I hope discovering my true nature won't repulse you too much, although I have no illusions about that score.

 

However, I'm curious to know your opinion of me. I know it's still too early to judge me, but I'm intrigued to see what you think of me, My Successor. After all, it's always important to know how you reflect yourself in someone else's eyes, even if it's terrifying... Well, enough about me! Let's talk about you, shall we?

 

Why did you come to this vast library, My Successor? Why did you open this book? Of course, I must have you read my Memoirs for various reasons... But why are you immersing yourself in such a seemingly uninteresting story? What do you hope to learn here? Are you even trying to know anything at all?

 

All these questions can be summed up in two sentences. What is your Desire? What is your Identity? I realize that these questions are useless for my story, so let's stop with my unhealthy curiosity and get on with it! Hmm... However, where should I pick it up? When I was still stuck in the Academy, or when I had taken shelter in the Refuge.

 

Either way, I'd be showing how my sister and I left the Academy when she couldn't move a muscle, so the choice really comes down to the appropriateness of the scene. What do you think, My Successor? That's right, I forgot that you couldn't choose for a moment. I don't even know why I suggested it, actually. I'm probably exhausted contemplating all these memories. There's no doubt about it. This is definitely it!

 

Hmm... But yes! It's obvious! I'll start with that! Just one last clarification before viewing it again: My trip to the Academy took place in -850. I still find it hard to believe that only fifty years had elapsed between my awakening and the fiasco of my first Academy expedition. The scene I'm about to show you takes place later, although I won't reveal the precise date under any circumstances. You can guess it yourself later. Right, it's time to get started!

 

A smell of iron filled the atmosphere while my apostle's body was impregnated with viscous substances. A texture and smell all too familiar to us. I don't need to tell you what that liquid was because you've already guessed. If those beings were still around, they'd surely have guessed it. However, they hadn't had time to understand anything, only to contemplate their inner Void.

 

What had they seen? I didn't even want to know. Ironic, isn't it? I was the cause of this tragedy, yet I was unaware of the effect of my actual presence on their Souls. Or was it the Void's authentic appearance? While it was confirmed that I had doubted the relationship between myself and my Void many times before, doubt had never been so present in my mind.

 

Once again, I had witnessed a strange connection between my Void and "Me". Once again, I couldn't grasp this simple question. Was the Void "Me"? Was "Me" the Void? Or were we both illusions of a third entity we couldn't perceive? Would I ever be able to answer these uncertainties that constantly consumed my mind?

 

I looked at the ground again, a smile appearing on my etheric face. Was it a smile of relief? Contentment? Ecstasy? Sadness? Unfortunately, I'd never know. It didn't matter anyway since these Academicians were my enemies. That was all I needed to know about them. All their lives meant to me. So, I had nothing to think about or sympathize with about their fateful end.

 

Still, it was odd. Even though I knew their deaths had to happen for me to be safe, I didn't feel entirely at ease. However, to my great relief, this absurd emotion became less and less present as I cleared my obstacles. One day, I'd be able to get rid of these unpleasant feelings, I convinced myself. I had to; otherwise, I couldn't continue my journey.

 

In any case, at the moment, this feeling was piercing through my mind, so much so that I felt nauseous. Why did I think such an elusive feeling? Why, at the same time, did I feel completely empty, as if all the essence of my being had been withdrawn? Why did only this stomach-churning emotion remain in this emptiness that was slowly consuming me?

 

Was I even sure that these feelings were mine? Not my apostle's or Nalys'? After all, I found it laborious to distinguish my feelings from theirs. I was beginning to think that my curiosity, like my sister's and Nalys' feelings, was a bad idea. However, this confusion was less pervasive than it was for my Void, whose separation I doubted more and more.

 

No doubt I was the Void. Something was comforting in this thought, which made me both serene and sad. I wonder if corpses have answers. That's right, I'd forgotten, those corpses had never existed. The Void had enjoined them to join it long before they could become reality.

 

Worst of all, all my victims had responded frantically to the Void's call as if it were the destiny of every Soul. Could I then consider myself the Void's embodiment? Or was this idea simply the expression of my unadmitted fantasies? I could never be sure, no matter how much time I devoted to the search for this Truth.

 

The only certainty I had was the universal aversion that beings manifested towards me. But even that wasn't entirely true. For the moment, two beings had apparently placed their trust in me. Weren't they afraid of me? In fact, I'd asked them that question before... and I didn't quite understand their answer.

 

After all, how could they not instinctively dislike me, even if they had confessed to feeling perplexity in my presence and a certain amount of danger? Such an answer provoked a feeling in me that I could neither name nor understand but only feel. A bitter expression appeared on my etheric face while my body shuddered with excitement, and tears gently rolled down my cheeks.

 

In any case, apart from these two exceptions, every being in this World seemed to be outraged by my mere existence. What had I done to deserve such hatred? I couldn't tell myself that this indignation at my existence was legitimate. In fact, I wondered whether it was wise for me to exist. After all, I had yet to find any use for my existence in this World and society.

 

I was an outsider in a World I wasn't allowed to leave because of the laws of the System. A nervous laugh unconsciously broke out as my tears rushed ever faster to get out of the prison that was my eyes, my being, and even my entire existence. I suddenly thought of Ælyana again. I felt she had something to do with recent events.

 

I was convinced that her aim was to get me to confront him sooner. Yet hadn't she said last time that she didn't intervene so directly so as not to be spotted by a mysterious person? I hoped her manipulation of events would remain discreet enough that the person Ælyana feared wouldn't notice. Besides, I didn't feel ready to confront him yet.

 

I was far too far from his level. However... I watched the doorway in the distance, where footsteps sounded louder and louder, while I frowned, unsure of the outcome of our next fight. Now that I thought about it, I'd been wrong before, for it wasn't just two people who didn't seem to hate my existence, but three. However, in Ælyana's case, I thought such a reaction was typical.

 

In fact, I was convinced that we had something primordial in common... But what? No matter how many hours I thought about it, I could never figure it out. My only unshakeable certainty at the moment was that I felt no remorse for the murders. However, even that was no longer a reliable Truth in my eyes. It was strange, in fact, because I'd felt so ecstatic just before suppressing my enemies, whereas now only emptiness lay within me.

 

It made me think I'd lied when I said the Void had consumed my enemies before becoming corpses. After all, the bodies of my apostle and Nalys were covered in blood. They were the only people my Void hadn't killed. The one person who absolutely had to die otherwise. His corpse still lay a few meters away from us, his neck and all his limbs twisted, while an expression of pure agony crossed his face.

 

Looking at his battered body made me feel satisfied with the carnage I'd caused. But the worst thing here wasn't the staggering death toll, but the very fact that I'd had the choice to spare them if I'd wanted to... and if I wasn't a monster.

 

How had I become like this? My eyes squinted as old memories resurfaced, while the approaching footsteps became increasingly inaudible.

 

Yes, it had all started from the moment I'd obtained my Class. The moment I had been able to officially enter the Academy...

 

The moment when I was forced to interact daily with this World and this crazy society...

 

For better... and especially for worse.