Chapter 18. Marin
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There were few words to say once they got back. With the fifth realms dealt with, their focus would be to whittle down the natural spirit beast population.

That was a problem for tomorrow.

Tundra wanted to know the truth. What did his wife think about all of this? What did his wife like, what she didn’t like.

All he did so far was what he thinks they would like. There was a lack of communication between him and his wife. The two of them were so beholden to the old societal concepts. He as the husband, the father, and the leader of the family, while she kept to her societal expectations to be his wife, the mother of his children, and the quiet, unseen supporter of the family.

Elly didn’t resent her role, and so the issue never came to the forefront. But lately, Tundra realized there was more to it. He began to suspect Marin resented her role as a wife and a mother.

Again, that was his suspicion, but he would need to hear it from her. So, after his wives cleaned up, he quickly hauled Marin out of the room, and led her out of the town.

***

The two of them were now alone, and they were on the flying sword. He brought her to a quiet lake not far from the town.

“Why did you pick this lake?” Marin asked as they landed along the shores of a quiet lake. It was already late, they’ve spent hours fighting the spirit beasts. The moon was setting, and the sun would soon take its place.

There were some spirit fishes in the lake, but they wouldn’t bother them. Tundra chose the place because it looked peaceful, quiet, and there were some smooth rocks and boulders that they could sit on without being too uncomfortable.

So, they sat there, on different rocks, at an angle to each other.

“Marin.” Tundra said, and he felt his wife tense up briefly. She didn’t really look at him, instead, her eyes looked elsewhere.

“Yes.” She answered.

“Let us be honest with each other, Marin. I have sensed your apprehension all this while, and I’d like to state frankly, that I mean what I said. I wish to be a better husband, a better lover, a better father, and I wish to bring you with me in our life together.”

Marin trembled. The two were alone, but she sighed. This time, Marin momentarily looked into Tundra’s eyes. Their eyes met, and Tundra saw confusion in her eyes.

She sighed a second time, as if mustering the will to say what is in her heart. She repeated. “Do you really mean what you said?”

“Yes.” Tundra said. He wanted to bring his family along, and he wanted to start with his wife.

She sighed a third time, this time, she looked at him and shook her head. He wondered whether she knew the content of this conversation was coming. Maybe she already simulated the conversation in his mind. “No. Tundra. My husband.”

Tundra waited. She would elaborate. She took a deep breath, as she looked at the lake next to them. Seconds passed, but Tundra waited. Somehow, he didn’t think this would go all that well.

But if they could establish the truth, they can figure out where to go from there.

After those seconds, Marin looked back at him. Their eyes only met momentarily, and her eyes avoided direct eye contact afterwards. He waited for the elaboration, and she did.

“Do you remember how we got married, Tundra?”

Tundra actually didn’t remember it all that much. Especially now with all the later wives, and he felt embarrassed to admit it. At some point, some of these things just blend into each other. But he nodded. “A little.”

Marin had a small smirk. “For you, we are just one of your many wives, but for me, you were my only husband.”

Tundra felt that word sting a little. It was normal for powerful people to have many partners, and yet, it stung.

“But why? Why did I marry you? I married you entirely for politics. Because it gave my family power. For the implied protection of the Verdant Snow Sect. My family wants me to marry you, and as a filial daughter, I will obey their wishes.”

Yet, Tundra looked at his fifth wife, and heard the unspoken resentment. The way she struggled to say the words ‘obey’.

The Regressor nodded, and wondered whether his wives, those that married him due to such arrangements, actually resented it.

“Tundra. You are my husband. That is reality. I will do my duties as your wife. I will warm your bed if you desire my flesh. I will do my duties as a mother to the children we have together, and I will, to the extent I think is reasonable, support you and your family. I will even behave affectionately in public settings. So, I want you to know that I didn’t love you, and I don’t expect you to love me. Back then, my expectations for this marriage were simple. I expect that you treat me respectfully, fairly, and communicate your intentions and plans”

Tundra paused, as he digested Marin’s statement.

“I knew what I was getting into, when I agreed to be your wife. My father wanted this marriage to channel resources for my family, and so far, you have done as expected.”

“Would it change if I did more?” Tundra asked.

She paused, and their eyes met once more. “No.”

Once the words started leaving Marin’s lips, she found the courage to confess the truth.

“Tundra, I would not have married you if we were stronger. If I was stronger.” Marin said, and yet at that moment, Tundra looked at a woman that seemed so weak and frail. The events of the hunt opened her eyes to how much she lacked.

Those words hit Tundra like an avalanche. He expected the words. He partly suspected his wives would not have chosen him if they had a choice. Yet to hear it from his wife directly still hit him differently.

This time, he looked at the lake, and let out a long sigh.

A woman who was strong had a choice. Why would they suffer, and serve another man that they didn’t love?

“If I was in the 6th realm, like you, I would not have allowed my family to pressure me into marrying you.” Marin admitted. Tundra turned to look at her, and momentarily saw worry. He wondered whether this was the end of it. Maybe she feared that Tundra would expel her. Their marriage would be nullified.

Or maybe she feared the alliance between her family and the Verdant Snow Sect would crumble.

Tundra saw a weary woman. A woman that wanted to get her real feelings out.

This time, the two of them both looked at the lake. The moon slowly dipped beneath the horizon. Maybe this lake was the wrong place to go.

The words Marin said were a thick cloud in the air, and Tundra thought about what should be his response.

Marin continued her lament. She sounded tired. Exhausted. “But it is what it is. The weak suffer must they must. The weak will serve the strong. This is the world we are in.”

The regressor was familiar with the plight of those without talent. Trampled, and treated like trash. The strong could claim whatever they wanted. Take what they liked. The weak have very little recourse, other than to rise to the moment.

Tundra didn’t smile. How could he, after he was told his wife didn’t desire him. But he looked at the woman that was the mother of his two children, and he couldn’t bear to hurt her. He wasn’t malicious. He was always protective of his family, even if they didn’t like him very much.

“Will you be happier if I give you space? To treat you like a business partner, instead of a wife?” He wondered whether the right thing to do was to give her space, or try to pull her closer.

“A business partner. How appropriate.” Marin said, as she mulled the term. “Yes. Our relationship is a marriage of convenience, and we have a partnership founded on this mutually beneficial exchange of services and resources.”

The Sect Master nodded. In a way, Marin was just like a permanent, exclusive courtesan. A courtesan could fake intimacy and affection so that their customer would feel that she truly loved them, but the customer must always remember that it is a transaction. She would serve as she is expected to, but she expects payment. “Marin.”

Marin’s answer was immediate. There was lightness in her words, as if a weight was lifted “Yes?”

Yet. He felt what she said so far was incomplete. He still didn’t understand her. “Would you tell me, what do you actually want to do?”

“About our relationship as husband and wife?”

“Everything.” Tundra asked. “Your family. You. Do you have goals?”

“To have goals is the privilege of the strong. I have goals imposed on me.” Marin said, once again with the same bitter undercurrent.

“But you do have them.” Tundra said. Even mortals have hopes and dreams.

Marin looked at the lake. “You’re a greedy man. You want me to confess everything today?”

Tundra didn’t know why, but he found it funny. He nodded. “Might as well. If we are to be partners, I’d like to know what you want.”

Marin then looked at him. “Fine. I’ll tell you, but I want you to be honest with me. What is it that you want to do, then? Why are you trying to change your family?”

The regressor stretched. The stone was quite nice to sit on. He dug deep into himself, and looked at Marin. “Will you tell me the truth, and everything?”

His wife nodded. “I will tell you the truth if you tell me the truth.”

Tundra sighed, and then admitted. “It is because I feel guilty. I see what happened to my family, or what’s left of it in my dream, and realized I had a part to play. I left it that way, neglected it, and things spiraled out of control. Because I felt lonely, when I stood at the very top and realized that I only had my fellow elders and sect members as friends, and not a single member of my family that I could trust.”

His wife listened.

“So it is my sin. It is my crime, and now I want to try to stop it from happening. My dream is to set up a strong family, and also a strong sect, both at the same time. But if you dive down, the real reason is guilt. Why have a family if all I do is let them down?”

Marin turned, and they both shared a few moments of silence.

Then, it was Marin’s turn to talk, and Tundra’s turn to listen.

“I am angry, and frustrated by the duties I have to do. The expectations and double standards I face, when I see my parents and see them papering over faults with lies and schemes. I would’ve done better, but because I am the daughter, all I can do is smile and nod. If I was a man in this family, it would be me that would be the heir, not my brother. I am more talented, more capable, and more confident than my brother. But alas, I was born a woman, so I was sent away, traded like a prized cattle, to be your wife.”

Tundra sighed, and realized there was a lot to unpack there. The talent difference between Marin and her brother wasn’t big, either. Cultivation societies were largely patriarchal, despite the existence of certain matriarchal bubbles and nations.

“So, I realize that I want to be strong. I have a taste of strength, thanks to you, but this hunt made me realize how far behind I am. I may have gained some raw power, but I really lack the finesse and experience. Once I have that strength and experience, I’d like to roam the world, instead of living like a caged bird. I’d like to get far away from my family, and all the expectations, and duties.”

Tundra found that a little naive. Duty and expectations are everywhere, but he wasn’t going to correct her. It wasn’t the right time. He felt a little sad, but he already got lucky with Elly and Celestia. Marin would have to be the one that got away.

“You would want a divorce, one day?”

Marin paused. Divorces almost didn’t happen. In the cultivation society, people just drifted apart and that was it. She thought about it, and sighed. “I haven’t thought that far.”

He laughed. But the regressor knew what needed to be done. He would have to set Marin free one day, and let her fly free as a bird. The best he could do from now until then, is to help her gain the strength to fly back, if she ever wants to return to them. “Well, if you promise never to take up arms against me, or us, I am willing to help you get stronger.”

She stared at him. “You will? You won’t just- kick me out after all I just said?”

Tundra lived long enough to know that time can change a lot of things. Perspective, opinions, even love. He thought about the various enemies he made in his past life, only to reconcile during the final battle.

In the end, they were all insignificant. Not everyone will share the entire journey. Some will have to leave, and that is the way things are. Maybe all she needed was some time on her own.

“No. I won’t kick you out. But, I want you to meet me halfway, up till the 6th realm. You may not want to be a part of this family that I was to build, but you can help me with it. Help our children, guide them, and help my other wives be better mothers and wives. Are you willing to play the part?”

He did feel sad, but he wondered whether Marin would accept it.

She looked at him. “Are you able to promise me that I can reach the 6th realm?”

He shook his head. “I cannot. I can help you along the way, lay down a smooth path to the best I reasonably can, but the path to ascension is ultimately one where you must walk some of the steps yourself. You may falter, and so, I cannot guarantee it.”

She looked at him, and then back at the lake. “All I have to do is just be a better mother, a better wife, and a better co-wife. All the things I was forced to do by my parents.”

Tundra sighed. If she put it that way.

“I’ll do it.” Marin said. “I’ve endured this for decades. What’s a few decades more, if I can reach the 5th, or even the 6th, it is all worth it.”

Tundra wanted to tell her that the power itself doesn’t give life worth. He lived and ascended to the tenth realm only to find himself feeling hollow at the end.

He looked at his reluctant partner and nodded. “That’s good. We should get back.”

Marin looked at the lake. “Give me a bit more. I suddenly found this lake to be quite beautiful.”

As she stood there, he wanted to reach out and hold her. Hold her hands and enjoy the scenery. So he did, and held her hand. She looked at him, but didn’t push him away. Instead, she just turned back at the lake. Her hand felt cold.

Tundra couldn’t do all the lifting in a relationship. It wasn’t a formula that would provide happiness as a family. The best he could do is offer to meet them halfway. Even two-thirds of the way there. They have to show willingness on their side, to be part of the team, to be part of the family.

If their hearts were not willing, then it was not meant to be.

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