Ever since I woke up, I had this nagging feeling that something was amiss. I haven’t move from the bed the whole day and I couldn’t even sneak out because a maid/nurse was there literally the whole time to watch me.

“You should not move just yet Lady Hazel, you are still weak, it is dangerous”

She’s been calling me ‘Lady Hazel’ the whole time I’ve been here. It’s flattering, I guess, but weird. Something is definitely not right with this place. I have still to hear anything from Mom and Melissa and I’m seriously starting to freak out.

“Umm… Sophie, right?” She nodded. “Can you tell me where I am please?”

She seemed genuinely confused and worried for me. Sophie got up from her chair and came closer.

“My Lady are you okay?”

“Yeah! Of course! It’s just that I don’t really recognize anything in this room and it doesn’t look like a hospital so… I was just wondering where I am.” I was rambling. This was definitely starting to stress me out.

Sophie looked at me like I had at least 4 heads. I could see that she hesitated before calmly answering my question.

“Well, we are in the dukedom of Zahar and you are currently in your quarters in the Vedar household.”

Dukedom? Zahar? That was not in America that’s for sure.

“Which country are we in?”

“The Holy Empire of Prath of course”

I’ve never heard of this country. I didn’t even know empires still existed in the 21^st century. I felt like I was going crazy. I needed to see Melissa and Mom.

“Umm… Have you called my mom? Does she know that I’m here? Can I see her?” I bombarded her with question. She looked unsure what to do, almost uncomfortable.

“Young miss, I am not sure…” she stopped herself when she saw the panicked look on my face. “I will see what I can do. You should stay in the bed and rest, I will be back right away.” She stood up and left the room after sending me one last worried look.

Now that I was alone, I could explore and maybe find a hidden exit. I got out of the bed, not without struggling though. I felt light-headed and didn’t have much strength in my legs but what made it worse was the fact that the floor seemed closer than I remembered. It wasn’t just a feeling, I was shorter!

I approached the mirror in a corner of the room and was met with a face I did not recognize. Who is this? The girl in front of me had long jet-black hair, pale almost sickly skin and deep scarlet eyes. She looks like she was 8 or 9 years old. I lifted my hand to my face and seeing that my action was reflected in the mirror, I jumped and fell on my butt.

What kind of sorcery is this? Did I undergo plastic surgery without my knowledge? This is ridiculous! I must be losing my mind. Maybe I really did die and went to hell. My heart was beating so fast and loud I could hear it directly in my ear, my breaths were shorter and shallower, I was hyperventilating.

I tried to get up but my legs gave out under me. I was burning again, my whole body felt like it was on fire but this time it didn’t hurt. I looked at the rug under me, it was melting wherever it came in contact with my skin, similarly, my dress was in tatters, what was left of it was falling from my body in shreds. What is happening to me? The tears falling from my eyes didn’t even have the time to reach my cheeks before evaporating.

I was having a full-on panic attack now, naked, on the floor, suffocating and on the verge of fainting.

I don’t want to die again…please.

Ever since I woke up again, I’ve been staring at my hands and body in utter disbelief. How have I not seen it sooner? I’m so small, like a child. I touched my hair and face, I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, but nothing changed. As I was deep in my thought, Sophie spoke:

“Are you feeling better Lady Hazel?”

No, I’m not. I’m not better. I’m supposed to be dead but here I am, in someone else’s body and I’m a child. Feeling myself starting to hyperventilate again, I tried to relax, taking deep breath and focusing my gaze on Sophie’s eyes. She had deep green eyes, almost the color of moss, they beautifully complimented her short light brown hair. She was really cute.

“I’m okay… I’m just tired.” She looked at me like she feared I might die at any time. “Is my mother coming soon?”

Maybe if I see her, I can make sense of this situation. What I’m seeing now is probably the effect of a drug, probably morphine. That’s right, I’m hallucinating. Of course I am! It all makes sense now. I almost died but Melissa and mom brought me to the hospital. Everything I’m seeing now is most likely due to the drugs that are still in my system: the room, the maid outfits and my appearance. I was reassured by that thought, I didn’t even mind the fact that I was probably going to be grounded for the rest of my life as soon as mom gets here.

“Umm… The Duchess is unable to attend to you for the moment.” Sophie interrupted my train of thoughts.

“Okay I guess…” I didn’t know what she wanted me to do with that information. She has yet to answer my question though. “But what about my mom? Did you call her?”

Her face was the definition of confused: “The Duchess is your mother, Lady Hazel.”

I didn’t insist further, the drugs were making everything weird and confusing. I just have to wait for it to wear off and I’ll feel better.

I’ve waited like this for almost 3 weeks now, and nothing changed. Everything I see and hear is still nonsensical. I stopped talking to Sophie, every time she says something weird, it makes the situation feel more real and it’s frightening.

The drug should have worn off by now. In fact, it should have worn off days ago but I still wasn’t ready to admit this was real. I pinched and slapped myself so hard it actually made me tear up, but nothing changed. Every time I went to sleep, I prayed that the next day I’ll wake up in a hospital room, but it never happened. I still avoided the mirror, I didn’t want to reiterate the shock to felt when I first saw my reflection, especially since I still didn’t fully remember what exactly happened that day.

I still had no news of Mom and Melissa. I stopped asking for them on the 4^th day because I suspected that I was kidnapped. I theorized that some evil person abducted me from my room at the hospital to use me in some nefarious plan. I even thought that they were keeping me drugged by poisoning my food and water. I took me 3 days to come to my senses and realize how delusional I sounded. I wasn’t the sharpest crayon in the box but still, even I (although it took me some time) could see how unlikely that scenario was.

However, it didn’t stop my brain from constructing other ridiculous scenarios. Maybe I was adopted by a super wealthy family after Melissa and mom passed away from grief after thinking they lost me. Maybe my mom discovered was a Duchess from a far-away land when I almost died and now, we’re living in a castle. Maybe I was reincarnated in a different dimension after I died. None of it made sense.

I had to find answers one way or another, but I didn’t get to go outside of my quarters yet and the only people that came to my room and spoke to me were Sophie, another maid named Angela and the doctor. All three of them also started to suspect that something was not quite right with me. Strangely enough, it was my reactions and not my changed appearance that elicited their curious stares.

The best way to get answers is to pretend you don’t know anything. In my case, it wouldn’t be much of a problem since I really did know nothing, which would make it easy for me to pretend I lost my memories. The problem, however, was to find a way to bring it up without looking even more suspicious. I decided to wait for the next doctor’s visit in a few days, getting his diagnostic will make my amnesia more believable.

My plan worked somehow. They all believed me when I said I lost my memories. Well, given that I was supposed to be dead, it’s easy to believe that the whole experience didn’t leave me unscathed. After I admitted that I also ‘forgot’ who I was, Sophie and Angela proceeded to catch me up on my own identity.

Although I still couldn’t believe this was happening, I at least got a few answers. According to Sophie, my name is Hazel Vedar, I am 8 years-old and the sole daughter of the Duke Elias Vedar.

Hazel Vedar… It couldn’t be a coincidence that my new name was exactly the same as the name of Lovely Goddess’ main antagonist. Now that I thought about it, everything else was the same as in the game: the name of the Empire, the name of the dukedom, and above all, my appearance was identical to the villainess.

Perhaps I was given a second chance at life, reincarnated in another universe that just so happen to look exactly like the world depicted in Lovely Goddess, I was reincarnated as Hazel Vedar because we had the same name and I already knew of her. Maybe there was a God, and he took pity of me who died too young. As I was thinking that God was merciful, I remembered something highly unpleasant. Hazel is supposed to die at 17 too. In every route, in all the scenarios of Lovely Goddess, she dies horribly.

Lovely Goddess was the story of Riannon Brecht, the daughter of a poor countryside count who came to the capital to attend the Imperial Magical Academy. There, she discovered that she was the reincarnation of the Goddess of life and creation through her interaction with both the 4 capture targets and the villainess.

The first capture target was Hazel’s fiancé, the Crown prince of the Prath Empire, Darin Praetor. In the good end of his route, he broke off his engagement with Hazel before welcoming Riannon as the Crown princess. Enraged, jealous and humiliated, Hazel plotted Riannon’s assassination thinking that it would enable her to regain her position in high society and be by the prince’s side once again. However, her plan failed and she was publicly executed for attempting to harm the royal family. The bad end of that route didn’t mean she was off the hook: Hazel managed to kill Riannon but was immediately murdered by the prince for killing his beloved.

The second route wasn’t any better; the capture target, Hazel’s brother Haron Vedar celebrated his engagement with Riannon by petitioning his father to remove Hazel’s title and chase her away from the household. It was a way to repay her for the ill treatment and persecution she made Riannon go through at the Academy. Unable to survive without her privileges, Hazel died on the streets in less than a month, beaten to death by bandits. In the bad end, Hazel managed to prevent their engagement and through her schemes made sure that her brother was partnered with one of her minions. Driven mad by despair, Haron slaughtered the whole Vedar household, starting with Hazel, before killing himself.

The last two routes were less gruesome since they didn’t outright show Hazel’s death, but they still implied her demise and subsequent end. Both the third capture target, Azac Sentry, as well as the fourth capture target, Alen Norcrest, denounced Hazel’s misdeed in front of the King on graduation day, causing her position in high society to crumble, her engagement with the crown prince to be broken off and her family to abandon her. In this route as well she died as a beggar on the streets. Even in the bad end of both of these last two routes, Riannon was recognized as the reincarnation of the Goddess of life and creation and those who mistreated her, which included Hazel, were imprisoned for their sacrilegious behavior.

As I thought of all these scenarios, I couldn’t help but shudder in fear. When I played it, Lovely Goddess seemed like a cute, cheerful and lighthearted game. I didn’t even give the villainess’ fate a second thought, but now that her fate was also mine, I realized how needlessly morbid and gruesome that game was. And also, what the fuck is wrong with these capture targets? Sure, I was sleep-deprived but how have I not noticed that half of them were total psychos?

Even if this is purgatory and I’m put in this body just to suffer, I don’t want to die again, the first time was painful and traumatizing enough. But if the story unfolds, I don’t see any exit for me and there is no one to help me. I’m stuck.

Ugh!! I’d rather just lie on this bed for the rest of my life if that’s how it’s gonna be. At least by staying here I’ll have a small chance to survive. Well, unless Haron comes directly here to slit my throat. I almost laughed out loud at that thought which was not a good sign for the state of my sanity. It would probably be better for me not to get involved at all, I’ll just stay out of the story and live my best life as a side-character.

I’m still struggling to accept that this was real but if it is, I should at least try my best not to die so young. This is my second chance at life and I’m not going to let a bunch of lovesick teenagers ruin it.

Count me out of the drama.

Nidange

Bonjour, Bonjour! The second chapter is out.

This chapter serves as an overall exposition for the story. You get to know a little more about the other main characters and the Otome game.

While writing the first chapter and this one, I struggled with the pacing. I want to get to the story as soon as possible but at the same time, I also want to make sure Hazel's feelings and personality are still at the center of the story. She is the protagonist so the story is about her, a pretty normal person, dealing with the unbelievably unexpected situation that is waking up in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by unfamiliar people. I tried to channel my own feelings and ask myself: how would I react in the same situation?

I tried to make Hazel's reaction as realistic as possible. She's shocked, delusional, it's hard for her to accept, so much so that she refuses to do so for several weeks until she has no choice but to face the problem head on.

 

P.S. I'll try to upload 1 to 2 chapters a week, but the schedule is subject to changes depending on what's going on in my life (assignments, finals, internships...). I'll do my bestest to keep this schedule though.

P.P.S. Finding names for characters is hard!!!

Bisous  º3º