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It is fast paced and here is why ( Reason in the comments) Votes: 2 40.0%
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It is not fast paced but there are other problems with this novel ( feedback in comments) Votes: 3 60.0%
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There are more pressing issues with the novel apart from the pacing ( feedback in the comments) Votes: 0 0.0%
March 22, Year 853. Within the confines of Duskwood Manor, nestled in the capital of the Aurelian Empire, a young lady slumbered peacefully until a maid unceremoniously poured a bucket of cold water over her head, jolting her awake. This routine disturbance had become a common occurrence, and she had grown accustomed to the unwelcome morning ritual. Undeterred, Lillian swiftly adapted, knowing she couldn't afford to waste time. Breakfast awaited, and she had been expressly ordered to attend.
With urgency propelling her, Lillian hurried to the restroom, only to discover a basin filled with freezing cold water.
"What happened? Aren't you going to throw a tantrum like you always do?" the maid inquired, a teasing grin adorning her face.
Aware of the ticking clock and the consequences of tardiness, Lillian, with a resigned determination, chose to endure the cold water and forgo any protest.
As the maid received no vocal response, irritation began to surface. In a fit of frustration, she hurled the very bucket that had served as Lillian's unwelcome wake-up call.
In the quiet dawn of the morning draped in anticipation, Lillian prepared to get ready with the hope of rekindling familial ties long neglected. Months had passed since she last shared breakfast with her father, and nearly a year had slipped away like elusive shadows since she laid eyes on her estranged elder brother.
Determined to make this occasion special, Lillian coerced the reluctant maid into adorning her in the most exquisite attire within their modest abode. Each delicate movement, as the fabric embraced her, was a silent plea for acceptance.
With the grace of a fleeting dream, she hastened to the dining hall, where the aroma of the first meal of the day lingered. However, upon arrival, the scene that greeted her was not one of familial warmth but rather an icy tableau of neglect. Her father and elder brother, Domnick Duskwood, sat in stony silence, their connection fractured and fragile.
Domnick, the prodigal son, regarded Lillian with a disdain that cut through the air. Squinting his eyes, he questioned her very presence with an arrogance that stung. "Why is she here, Father? Don't you realize she's a harbinger of misfortune? I've just returned from the academy, seeking respite from the recent scandal, and now I can't even enjoy a peaceful breakfast?" His words, laced with irritation, echoed in the opulent hall, a stark contrast to the hopeful symphony Lillian had envisioned.
Despite the hurtful remarks that still lingered in the air, Lillian couldn't suppress the spark of joy at the prospect of seeing her long-lost brother. This, however, was a bitter triumph, for she had grown accustomed to the label of misfortune that clung to her like a shadow.
Running towards the table, her heart raced with a blend of excitement and trepidation. Yet, the sting of her brother's words had cut deep, leaving her emotionally wounded but resilient. This wasn't the first time she bore the weight of being called unlucky, and she knew it wouldn't be the last.
Summoning all the strength she could muster, Lillian approached the table with a facade of indifference. Her emotions, tightly controlled, were concealed behind a mask of neutrality. It was a skill honed through years of stringent upbringing, where displaying vulnerability was a luxury she couldn't afford.
Seated now among the elaborate setting, she wore a blank expression that betrayed none of the turmoil within. Today marked one of the rare instances when she could engage with her father and brother. The stakes were high, for any deviation from the expected composure would be met with consequences—a harsh reminder of the consequences she faced four months ago, the memory still lingering like a ghostly specter.
Duke Victor Duskwood's voice cut through the tension like a clarion call, his authoritative tone bringing a momentary hush to the swirling emotions. "That's enough, Domnick. She is now engaged to His Highness Crown Prince Silvanus. Any open insult would be tantamount to disrespecting royalty," he declared, his words carrying the weight of both command and consequence.
Domnick, however, remained unswayed, his bitterness unabated. "Still doesn't change the fact that she killed Mom. I just hope she won't tarnish our name with His Highness," he asserted, his resentment casting a dark shadow over the familial conversation.
In response, Victor's gaze bore into Domnick, a steely determination in his eyes. "Which is precisely why I summoned you here today. In a few months, Lillian will be joining the academy alongside His Highness. As her elder brother and a year ahead of her in the academy, you are entrusted with monitoring and assisting her," the Duke commanded, his words imbued with a sense of duty and expectation.
Domnick's response resonated with a hint of reluctant agreement. "All right, I will keep an eye on her. But if she stirs up trouble, I won't simply stand by and let her escape the consequences," he asserted, his commitment edged with a touch of lingering animosity.
Victor, undeterred by the undercurrents of tension, refocused the conversation on a pivotal matter. "The crucial element here is her engagement to His Highness Silvanus. Ensure that we maintain good relations and that the path to marriage remains unobstructed after the academy graduation," he commanded, his words carrying the weight of familial expectations and the intricate dance of alliances. The future of the Duskwood name rested on this engagement.
Lillian just sat there listening to their interaction and decision on her future. She never had a choice in the matter. The future was laid out for her and she had to do her part. Perhaps this is her punishment for killing her mother or so she thought. If only she weren't born as such a monster.
Once the breakfast was over, Lillian rushed back to her room. Her etiquette and high society interaction classes would start soon. She was to master them soon if she stood any chance of existing on top of the aristocratic society.
In my opinion the story is not fast paced (or at least I expect this pacing before MC starts working on the frontier.
What ticks me off is the amount of chapters with the happenings on other parts of the kingdom.
I find them necessary to thread the story but so many chapters like this disconnect me the from MC when we are still getting to know him amd the extent of the affectarion in hia newfound memories.
Maybe do some kind of flashback or background explanation when the new character is relevant... Because so far there are a lot of them that I now knownthat they exists and have some iaaues but I meed to feel the holes to know how will they impact the story and see adterwards if it's like this...
At the moment I only foumd meaningfull Hestia and the empress ones as characters involved in the current state of affairs
I understand. While this might seem off, this is character introduction. Adrian, Hailey, Lillian and Emily will have roles to play around chapters 70+ since academy starts in only 4 months. As for the sterlings whitewoods and demontforts they will have immediate roles to play. The only person who was introduced that won't be relevant atleast for the next 200+ chapters is Celestia. You will get periodic updates on her once in a while.
@lxng10 I think that can lead to problems to. If you introduce everyone with a chapter now and then they only become relevant 50 chapters later, I feel like they would need an introduction again.
The way you introduced Adrian and Hailey(assuming she does not get her own chapter) works pretty good. The MCs brother got a quick introduction, his counterpart got mentioned with a little background from mcs family's perspective. Give her a more detailed intro when she becomes more important to the immediate story
I agree.
I understand that they may be important in the story and maybe to give context you need to give some light on to them... but if they are not close to the main story you either need a lot of chapters making a parallel story (GoT style with Daenerys) until they merge or it can be a kind of interlude with several PoV all in one to give perspective about happenings in the kingdom.
Thats my opinion and once the story starts to roll out I'm sure it will work... just I find too many info to keep track and a lot of details of some characters will be lost for me when they appear again if they don't have anything for 50+ chapters
Seems a bit soon to worry about pacing. You're still introducing the cast of the story, doing a great job of that btw. Would like to see more from the main characters pov though but again it's far too early to judge anything.
Posso dizer que este é um dos melhores romances que tive o prazer de ler nos últimos tempos. O único problema é a introdução excessiva de tantos personagens. Outros leitores já explicaram por que isso é um problema. O que sinto é que o MC que deveria ter um papel central é apenas um personagem secundário na história. Entendo que a introdução desses personagens seja necessária para o contexto da história, mas faça isso aos poucos.
As previously mentioned, the number of parallel chapters affects our connection with the main character, but they also create another problem with the order of events.
Because many chapters happen simultaneously, it is difficult to know which one happened first or if they are happening at the same time in different locations.
One suggestion is to add something that says the day (morning, afternoon is night), month and year that the event is happening and where it is happening.
Sorry for the handwriting errors, English is not the language spoken in my country.
I have been writing it in order to avoid this confusion. Everything you read except chapter 1 happens in order. I did this specifically to avoid flashbacks.
I think it just feels extremely fast paced because you overwhelm the reader with new characters. Of the current 23 chapters only 3 or so are directly from the mcs perspective. If you take each chapter for itself they are not very fast, sometimes very little happens in them.
Currently it feels the same as a movie where the first 40 minutes are used to describe the world. It can easily become exhausting to read.
Understood. I've heard your feedback. I will hold off from introduction any other characters and will layout the introduction of new characters later down the line right before they become important.
Too little dialogue. Write what you felt. Who are these people and why we should care about them.
Understood. I am still in the character introduction phase.. I guess I should have introduced them gradually.