Insomniologist

If this chapter seems even more off-topic and wack than usual, that's because I was sick out of my mind while writing most of it. I get really sick two or three times a year (a day or two for each one), and during those times, I’m basically stuck in bed.

When I woke up the next day, I discovered an... interesting scene.

As it turns out, Cirro is a busy sleeper, to say the least. I don't quite understand how one is supposed to do a handstand up against the backboard whilst asleep, but she's done it.

In other news, I've been thinking about how I shrunk that frog while also changing its muscles into bone.

What's stopping me from changing my own bodily structure?

Uhh... nothing. I am surprisingly stupid.

I'm not going to change myself back into a guy. At least, not right now. I was never particularly attached to being one anyways, so it's not like I mind being a girl.

That also confuses me though, since I was vehemently denying that before I died.

...meh.

Anyways, I could see what it's like being the sex appeal character. I've always wondered how they stand up straight with those... extremities.

Before that though, I'm going to release some of my pent up referential energy.

...actually, maybe I should sit Cirro back down before she breaks her neck. She might not be able to die, but I doubt knowing that would be good for her mentality. Heck, I don't just doubt it, I KNOW it wouldn't be good, just look at me!

******

Y'know, of all the habits I could have inherited from my mother, her insatiable desire to make references is somehow the least weird.

"Love Sign! MAAASSSSTEEERR SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!"¹Due to Arika having absolute control over her domain and everything in it, she doesn’t actually have to learn how to do anything. She can just sort of will herself into having the required abilities. Obviously, all of these attacks are for show, since being known for simply deleting your opponents isn’t going to get people to stay calm around you.

*massive laser noises*

Okay, I may have gone a bit too far in a few places. This was embarrassing, even for me. Unfortunately, embarrassment won’t stop me from using the big laser.

Damn it, now I'm conscious of it. Haa... I guess I should come up with my own stupid attack names.

Oh, I've got it!

"Void Sign! SATELLITE OBLIVIOOON!"²Years before I started writing this, I made it a habit that every time I thought of a technique/attack name, I would write it down. This has been going on for three years. I’m basically required to use some of them in this.

*macrowave noises*³https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Nrxf2Iok6GE I couldn't find the original video, so you're going to have to settle for a YT Shorts reupload.

Mmmm, nice. And so the cycle of plagiarism is continued. Except instead of a weaksauce laser, I've created a matter destroying BEAM OF DARKNESS. Demolish the laws of physics with this one simple trick! Photons hate her!

...Now that I've let all that out, it's time for the inevitable.

******

It’s been five or so minutes since I increased my size, and…

Fuck, how do they live like this!

It's like I have weights strapped to my shoulders!

I'm going to make them smaller. Slightly larger than fist-sized should be fine.

Since I’ve dealt with that highly important issue, let’s get on to the next one. What should I arm Cirro with?

I’m honestly tempted to give her a massive sword, just to make a multi-layered joke bigger than my existence.

If she’s anything like the character she resembles, she might be able to kill people by giving them nicknames… that series was weird and, thankfully, not official.

*yawn*

Crap, is she up?

“Mmm… why’re you awake? And is your chest bigger?”

Why is she only observant now!?

“Sorry, I’m just used to getting up early.”

“Okaayyy… but you didn’t ansswer my queshton.”

“Umm… I plead the fifth?”

“What does that mean!? Just tell me!”

“…Fine, if you insist. I wanted to my make my chest bigger, so I did.”

“You can just do that?”

“Yeah.”

“…can you make me taller?”

“Cirro, I’m pretty sure you’re actually above average for your age. And let me tell you, being taller than everyone else around you sounds really awkward.”

“That sounds like something a short person would say!”

Why you little…

“Tell you what. When you reach my age, if you still aren’t satisfied with your height, I’ll make you taller.”

I’m not salty. You are.

“Fine…”

“Back to what I was going to ask you before, what kind of weapon do you want to use?”

“Uuuu… I don’t want anything sharp.”

Okay, no blades or spears.

“How about a staff?”

“Like a wizard?”

How do you know what a wizard is but not a house?

“Yeah. Like a wizard.”

“Great! Now I can whack those weirdos!”

“Who???”

“Uh, there were these guys I’ve seen walking around my lake sometimes, I got a bad feeling from ‘em.”

Am I just being paranoid, or… were they trying to catch her? Well, I suppose I have a new objective.

“What did they look like?”

“Well, there was a tall old dude, and a short old dude, and a weird lookin cat.”

What?

Based on prior observations, the individuals described by Cirro Kokoro are thought to be an elf, a dwarf, and a wolf.

And where would these, ‘prior observations’ happen to have been made, hmm?

Insufficient information.

Ooooh, would ye like tah say that again laddie?⁴ Really, the red hair had to come from somewhere, and convenient genetic mutations aren’t my style.

Insufficient information.

Hah… ye right fuckin’ twat.

“Did you hear them say anything?”

“Nope, but I get the feeling that they were slandering me!”

Hmm, this does not bode well… for them.

So, two old, suspicious looking men, are (presumably) stalking a five-year-old. I’ve always been taught that, regardless of race, you never trust the old men.

Even in another world, lolicons are still a problem.