"Is there anything in particular you would like to know before I start?"

"Aye. Wha' exactly are ye', lass?"

That was quick... not.

"According to my Status, I am a 'Spiritfolk'. I know not what that means in the grand scheme of things, nor do I care."

"That's surprising!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, most of your kind disappeared a few years ago it seems."

What.

"What tha' FUCK do ye mean they DISAPPEARED, ye right fuckin' TWAT!?"¹This is Arika, not Dabor.

"Hey lass, you can't jus' copy me accen' like tha'."

"Ahem, I apologize for that outburst. When I get overly agitated, I slip into talking like that."

"'s fine."

"Okay, just... explain what you mean by 'disappeared'. I assume I would know better than most how absurdly hard to kill we are."

"That's the thing. We don't know! It's like they were never there in the first place!"

...I- I can't...

"Haa... You know what? I honestly couldn't care less about them."

"Huh?"

"The only person I love that I can still talk to is Cirro."

"...Are ye' alright, lass?"

"No. I'm not alright. No matter how much I love Cirro, it'll never change the fact that I can never see my parents again. Never laugh at my dad's stupid antics. Never share the stories I read with my mom. Never talk with my friends. Every second, I contemplate ending it all, just so I can have the slightest chance to see them again. But I can't even do that. Because if I do that, and they aren't there... I would be truly alone. Haaa... Why am I even talking about this?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I... I suppose we don't need to actually continue with the interrogation. I think it's clear you're just an old man, if a bit eccentric. This conclusion may or may not have been influenced by the fact that you haven't looked away from me once despite Cirro over there doing a handstand in... a... dress... CIRRO!"

******

"Now that I've dealt with that, any questions?"

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen. Actually, may I ask what the date is?"

"December 4th, my lady."

Oh. Yet another thing that damn god didn't change. More importantly though...

*chuckles* "So I finally become an adult tomorrow. Maybe I should bake a cake or something."

"Oh! Congratulations!"

"Thanks. Now then, next question?"

"Lass, where did ye' get tha' staff from?"

"Oh, this? I made it shortly before I encountered you two. I call it the Staff of Unfulfilled Desires. It's modeled after a staff from a... story, I once read."

I can't exactly tell them it's from a video game, now can I?

"Th-that can't be!"

"What is it Dabor?"

"That staff, it has no deformations, what-so-e'er! 's perfect! It may not be tha' best designed weapon-"

"You want to say that again, old man?"

"-but 's as if it came into existence already made!"

"Indeed. That is due to my skill. Do either of you have [Analysis]?"

"I do, my lady."

"I would like for you to use it on me and my... strange skill, so that I don't have to explain it."

******

Oh dear. It would seem that the realization of my true abilities has absolutely- and literally- floored Schelgan.

"I- I can't believe this. Dabor, look! If she deemed us a threat, not even god could save us!"

"Schel. I think ye' need to calm yer arse. I don' think tha' lass is goin' to kill ye'."

"Technically speaking, I wouldn't be killing you. I would be negating your existence. But I don't think that's going to help his mental state. While he’s recovering, could ask some questions about you two?”

*sigh* “Sure ye’ can.”

“What exactly do you do?”

“Well, as I’m sure ye’ figured out already, I’m a [Master Artisan]. I make whatevah tha’ client asks fer. Though, jus’ between you and me, I prefer making pottery over swords. Schel over here is tha’ [Archmage], an’ while that may soun’ cool, it really jus’ leaves ’im with mountains of paperwork an’ a bent spine.”

“Heh. So, I have a request of you. Could we come with you two? I haven’t been able to find a way out of this damned forest, and while I’d love for Cirro to grow up in a humid forest without any contact with society, I don’t think that’s a great plan.”

“Ah, I suppose tha’s fine. SCHEL! Are ye’ about done with ye’ existential crisis!?”

“Yes yes, I have come to terms with the fact that my life can be ended on accident.”

“Actually, no, that’s not true. Due to me being completely aware of everything around me, it’s pretty much impossible for me to accidentally do things. Any mistakes are caused solely by my emotions which are, to be frank, quite volatile.”

“…that’s what I meant, my lady.”

“Oh, in that case, continue on.”

“Is there anything we should know to prevent these… mistakes?”

“There are only two things that can cause me to overreact, and I suppose I should tell you what they are for your safety. First, anything related to my family’s safety. Secondly….” *mumbling*

“Could you repeat that?”

*blushing* “Spiders!”

“…really?”

“It’s not my fault that god decided to release the spawn of hell upon the Earth!”

******

{Ephiro POV}

Finally, someone who agrees with me!

And I’m sorry Arika, I honestly have no idea where they came from. No matter how many times I get rid of them, they just keep coming back!

I can’t believe some people think those… things, are cool! They’re disgusting!

******

“Speaking of those disgusting creatures, I suppose now’s as good a time as any to tell you that I have a second title, and how it may be more or less dangerous depending on how you look at things.”

*sigh* “What is it?”

“[Running Hell]. I got it because of my magic affinities and the fact that I broke the sound barrier while trying to escape a spider. This spider in particular is the first of the two creatures I have killed.”

“…I’m almost too afraid to ask, but what is its effect?”

“It allows me to generate a trail of fire or ice when reach my top speed. I have no idea how significant this effect is, considering I haven’t been in a situation where I would need to run since acquiring the title.”

“Haaa… you do realize how dangerous you sound?”

“Yes, I do. But, to be honest, I think I’m the best person to have this skill. I barely ever use it for anything besides making sure Cirro doesn’t get herself in trouble, which is one of the few things I care about. So you won’t have to worry about me attacking anyone that doesn’t do anything stupid. Speaking of Cirro, did you know that Dabor is now questioning the meaning of the word ‘beard’ because of her? She hasn’t even been providing information to confuse him. Simply by asking questions, she has caused him to question everything he knows about facial hair.”

“…what?”