Upon waking up, I find out that despite my lack of... assets, I still have enough to suffocate Cirro.

...I don't know how to feel about this.

One half of my brain is telling me to get rid of them entirely so I don't hurt Cirro, while the other half is insisting that I make them larger so she can rest her head on them and feel comfortable.

I-

I think I'll go with the latter. Seems like it would be nice.

...Am I forgetting something?

"MMMMPHHH!"

Oh, right!

*gasp* "Big sis, that hurt!"

"...I'm sorry."

How long have I been asleep?

Approximately 5.2 hours.

Well that's convenient.

******

"So, Schelgan. Are you ready to get the hell outta here?"

"While I don't approve of your word choice, yes I am."

At least he's not trying to correct me.

"Alright then. Lead the way old man. Cirro, are you sure you don't want me to carry you?"

She is still a child after all.

"Big sis, I can fly!"

"Oh. I totally didn't forget that."

I think I'm forgetting something else though.

"...Where's Dabor?"

"He left earlier, most likely so he can satisfy his alcohol addiction without getting on your nerves."

"Wow. Gotta hand it to him, that kind of alcoholism takes dedication."

Speaking of alcoholism, am I capable of getting drunk? I'd hate to find out that my race makes me inherently immune to poisoning and that extends to alcohol.

User is not immune to inebriation.

HELL YEAH!

"My lady, why do you look so happy all of a sudden?"

"You don't need to know that."

******

"How big is this damned forest!? We've been walking for, what? Two hours?"

"Well my lady, this forest is quite large."

Actually-

"...Say, what's stopping me from just warping us to the exit?"

"..."

"..."

...

Oh, fuck off.

"One second."

I guess it's time to attempt telepathy.

'Ephiro, can you hear this?'

'Ohh, that's neat!'

I'll take that as a yes.

'So, how would you feel about a forest sized crater?'

'Please don't. I know we both hate spiders, but destroying that forest would blow up the planet.'

'...what about destroying a bunch of trees to clear a path out of the forest?'

'Oh, that's fine!'

'Okay. Talk to ya later.'

"Old man, which way is the exit?"

"Uh, north? Why though?"

"Well, Ephiro just approved of my new MO¹Modus Operandi, and it's effective immediately. You might want to move."

"I don't like the sound of this."

******

{One Entirely Necessary Void Sign Later}

"My lady, would you be so kind as to never do that again?"

"I refuse! Besides, now we have a clear path! I will never have to suffer through getting to our house ever again!"

My work here is done.

"Big sis! Can you teach me that!?"

Nevermind. I guess I'll have to figure out how to use Satellite Oblivion the legit way.

"Someday, Cirro. Someday."

Alright then, time for more questioning.

"Old man, what's this city called anyway?"

"Rosenkreut."²Rosenkreut = Rose-colored

...

"WHY IS IT IN GERMAN!?"

"Umm... I don't know what 'german' means, but that's just what the city is named."

"Fuck it. For all I care, it's called Rhododendron."³Rhodon = Rose, Dendron = Tree, Rhododendron = Rose Tree. The flowers of most rhododendrons don't actually look like roses, but you get what it means now.

"Oh, that's the name of the kingdom that Rosenkreut is a part of."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

******

...Okay. I've calmed down now, and we've reached the exit.

"My lady, are you alright now?"

"Yeah. I think so."

I didn't expect that I'd be so agitated by logical inconsistencies.

"I really don't know what came over me there. Now how do we get out of this shithole? There's still the invisible wall, and while I could just break it down, I doubt anyone would appreciate it."

"Well, you simply tap it very lightly five times, waiting two seconds between each tap. Hitting it too hard won't work."

"Huh. What if there was some super deadly monster that's the size of a small insect, which is incapable of hitting physically hard, and it just so happens to impact in that pattern?"

"...I really didn't think of that."

By the way, Cirro, despite saying that she didn't want me to carry her, is currently asleep in my arms. Children are funny like that.

"Now, let us get the hell out of here. If I see one more damn spider, I'm going to actually start a crusade."

"I'll get to it then."

While the old man is doing his thing, I proceed to do what I said I would and make my chest bigger. Gradually this time, so I don't break my spine. And not too big.

Wait a minute. Does this mean I'm going to be called a shortstack by someone? This does not bode well.

...meh, I don't care about that. Whoever says it is going to be eviscerated anyways.

Okay, I don't think anyone noticed.

"My lady, I have comple- Wait, are your..."

*glare* "Are you certain you want to finish that sentence?"

"...I said nothing."

"Let's get moving."

******

...Why is there a massive castle?

"Hey, old man, would Rosenkreut happen to be the capital city?"

"Why, yes it is. I forgot to mention that."

Well shit. I'm the last(?) of my race, I have connections to god himself, and I was living in the Godforsaken Forest. I'm guaranteed to be stuck dealing with royalty at some point. Just wait. I know how this works.

"While I won't ask you to prevent it from happening, since I know it's inevitable, I will request that you at least attempt to hold off the oncoming meetings with any big shots."

"...I understand completely, my lady. It is quite aggravating to deal with people who are higher ranked than you despite being able to flick them out of existence. Fortunately, most of them are pretty good people, so it won't be too difficult."

"Aren't you the [Archmage] or something like that? I think it'd be quite easy to just refuse. I get the feeling you don't particularly want your job anyway."

"Well, other than the paperwork, I actually like my job. Unfortunately, most of it ends up being me sifting through the inane requests from the few bad apples of the nobility to find the things I actually need to do."

"Pfft!"

"What? Did I say something amusing?"

"No, it wouldn't be funny to anyone other than me."

"...Okay then. Well, it seems we've arrived at the gate."

Wait a minute. Is that...

(Guard) "Stop right there criminal scum! You've violated the law! Pay the fine or serve your sentence. All of your stolen goods are forfeit."

Oh god. Even in another world, Oblivion is eternal!