I've been in this fucking line for what feels like weeks. It wasn't even that long of a line, and we're already almost at the gate, but this has to have been the longest hour and a half of my life.
"My lady, this would have been much quicker if we had just gone through the guard entrance."
"Trust me Schel, something is telling me that going through there is going to end horribly, so I'm not going to step anywhere near it. You're free to go through it though, but you'd be leaving me to explain that I came out of the HELL FOREST. Wish me luck on that."
How would you even begin to explain that?
Oh, I guess we're at the gate now.
******
"The next time I need to get into this city, I'm going to jump over the wall."
"Please don't. You do realize that I'm the one who has to deal with the paperwork for incidents like that, right?"
"Really? They're having the Archmage deal with petty crimes? What the hell is up with this country?"
"I know, right?"
...wait a minute, where did Cirro go?
"Hey, Schel. Do you see Cirro anywhere? She's not on my back anymore."
"She would appear to be sleep- well, I would say sleepwalking but it's more like sleepfloating towards a food stall."
...Are we absolutely sure she isn't my actual sister somehow? Because I distinctly remember mom doing something similar to this.
*snore* “food~”
“…”
“At least she hasn’t frozen anything.”
“My lady, could you look up?”
“Hmm? Wh-“
…Is that… human-sized hail?
“…Maybe we should wake her up.”
“I concur.”
Ey, uhh... system thing? I'm getting tired of coming up with robot insults, so fuck it, I'll just call you Mitt. What exactly is going on here?
The individual known as Cirro Kokoro has subconsciously used magic after her body sensed some kind of danger.
...Danger?
What kind of danger are we talking about here? Kidnappers? Rapists? Pedophiles? Druglords? All of the above?
Insufficient information.
Fuck you too Mitt.
Fuck. You. Too.
******
{3rd Person POV}
Gazelle Plas Rationi was not having a good day. In fact, it was safe to say that she hadn't had a single good day for the last two years, but she would never admit that, since doing so would make her even more depressed than usual.
Ever since the previous king died (poisoned by a relative, what a shocker!), all of the ministers had very clearly given up on even pretending that they weren't the most self-indulgent hedonists that the world had ever seen. Well, all of them except her. As much as she would love to commit acts of treason that- given the current ruler actually gave a damn- would result in one of the most gruesome executions imaginable, she still valued her life quite a bit.
So here she was. Doing some of the most inane paperwork imaginable.
Usually she'd have the archmage here helping out, but he was off doing something involving the Godforsaken Forest- no doubt just a cover for him to just get drunk and cry himself to sleep over how much paperwork he has to do everyday, not that she blames him- and now she was literally the only person who was actually doing their job in this hellhole.
Now, what do you think she felt when hail the size of an adult human male starts falling from the sky, ready to destroy absolutely everything?
The last thing Gazelle thought before breaking down into tears- presumably of joy- was that maybe, just maybe she could get a day off from this. And perhaps one of them would hit the king in the head. Either one would be fine.
Of course, she eventually managed to drag herself out to avoid being obliterated by the oncoming storm. Permanently killing off a character who was just introduced is the ultimate disrespect after all!
******
Finally, we’ve made it to Schel’s hou-
Eh?
I’m getting a bad feeli- oh. That’s why.
“Hey, old man.”
“Hmm? Yes?”
“I’m pretty sure your ruler just got done in by the hail. Busted his head wide open.”
“…meh.”
“Really? ‘meh’? That’s all I’m gonna get outta you from Cirro- a five year old- committing regicide, even as accidental as it was?”
“No, that’s not what I meant by that. It’s simply because I never… particularly cared for the current king. He was kind of- pardon my language- an asshole. It was all but confirmed that he killed his predecessor, and now it’s come back to bite him.”
“I thought you said the nobles weren’t horrible here.”
“Well, compared to some of the ones I’ve dealt with, most of the nobles here aren’t too bad. At least they don’t start lording their status over someone who could kill them by looking at them. You eventually learn to not expect much from them.”
“…have you ever had someone tell you that ‘You are courting death!’”
“Why, yes actually. It’s funny, that particular person I hadn’t ever met before he had said that to me. No clue what he was on about.”
Wow. Schel has had to deal with cultivator brain. I do not envy him.
“Well, I guess I’ll have to deal with that issue… in a few hours.”
“Imma go teach Cirro some… things. Hope things on your end go well enough.”
“…may I ask what these ‘things’ are?”
“Just some family traditions, nothing bad.”
More paperwork for the Archmage...