In the kitchen of Meridiana’s apartment, Sloane put on an apron and a chef’s hat that seemed way too big for her head. Meanwhile, Uriel, Glenda, and Gerbert were watching her from the sidelines. 

“Okay! Today, I am going to cook up some food for my big sister, Glenda!” Sloane said with a sleepy voice as she presented herself in a grandiose, almost theatrical manner. “Since Glenda cannot have sex right now, the only other way to make her feel better is by feeding her lots of delicious food. Thus, I shall be the one to prepare her with lots of delicious food to eat.”

“Aww, you’re willing to do that for me? That is so sweet of you!” Glenda cooed, her heart filled with gratitude. 

“Do you even know how to cook?” Uriel asked with a bit of skepticism. 

“Woof!” Gerbert barked as a follow-up, wagging his tail like the good boi that he was. 

“Hmph, don’t underestimate my power of cooking,” Sloane said proudly, hands on her hips. “I’ve played like thousands of hours of Overcooked and Overcooked 2.”

“That’s not quite the same thing as actual cooking experience though,” Uriel pointed out. 

“Whatever, it’s close enough,” Sloane said with a shrug.

Uriel then turned to Glenda. “Glenda, have you ever tried Sloane’s cooking?”

“Yeah, a couple of times,” Glenda replied.

“Oh yeah? And how was it?” Uriel asked.

“Umm…” Glenda started sweating nervously, seemingly hesitant to speak. “She cooks like the best little sister ever!” she answered with blatantly fake enthusiasm as she displayed two thumbs-up.

“Yay! Thank you for believing in me, big sister!” Sloane responded cheerily with a thumbs-up of her own. 

“No problem, little sister,” Glenda said, smiling a fake smile as a way to camouflage her true feelings of trepidation.

“Woof!” Gerbert barked, still being the bestest boi ever. 

Seeing Glenda’s reaction towards Sloane’s cooking skills did not fill Uriel with a lot of confidence. In fact, it gave him an immense sense of dread. This was not going to end well for him, was it?

And so, Sloane proceeded to cook up a meal for Glenda, the process of which was…less than great. Even calling it bad was considered an understatement. Uriel had seen paraplegic monkeys with better motor function than her in terms of cooking. Ingredients were clumsily chopped, condiments were haphazardly applied, and utensils were carelessly tossed around. At one point, she had even overcooked something to the point of burning, causing smoke to rise up and trigger the fire alarm.

By the time she was done, the kitchen was a complete utter mess. Gordon Ramsey she was not, that’s for sure. Needless to say, there likely won’t be any good-tasting food coming out of this Hell’s Kitchen. 

“Ta-da! I call it the Crazy-Lazy Sloane Special!” Sloane said as she winked while forming a peace sign with her hand in a cutesy kind of way. In front of her, she presented a plate of dubious-looking food that seemed far from appetizing. Appearance-wise, it could best be described as a purple blob of amorphous matter that bubbled and flowed like hot lava. Throughout the outer layer, you could see chunks of various inedible food scraps intermixed with the blob—things such as fish bones, banana peels, and candy wrappers. 

Uriel took one small whiff of the dish and was already feeling the urge to throw up. Even Gerbert, with his greater sense of smell due to being a dog, was already sensing trouble brewing and decided to scurry away from the kitchen. What Sloane had created here couldn’t even be legally classified as food; her creation was more akin to a biological weapon, one that kills with no mercy. 

“Go ahead, have a taste,” Sloane offered, her yearning for approval just barely hiding the fact that she might as well be feeding them poison at the moment. 

While Uriel was extremely hesitant to even be anywhere near that plate of food, Glenda boldly went in with her spoon and scooped a spoonful of it. 

“Okay, then. Bon appétit!” Glenda said before taking in a mouthful of that nasty-looking food, an action that made Uriel cringe just by looking at her. 

She slowly chewed the food inside her mouth, trying to figure out whether to swallow it or spit it back out. After a couple seconds of chewing, she swallowed it with a smile. 

“It is delicious!” Glenda commented with perhaps the fakest smile ever. 

Uriel was flabbergasted by her reaction. There was no way that plate of an abomination was good in any way, shape, or form. Either Glenda was an incredibly good sister and didn’t want to hurt Sloane’s feelings or she just had an iron stomach. Probably both, judging by how Glenda usually eats.

“Really?!” Sloane asked with sparkling eyes.

“Yes, really!” Glenda said while maintaining her fake smile, trying her best to hold back her disgust as much as possible. Afterwards, she scooped a spoonful of that purple slob and moved it towards Uriel’s mouth. “Here, Uriel. Now you give it a try.”

Uriel looked at that spoon with a dreadfully frightening expression. “Wait, what? You want me to try? Umm…nah, I’m good.”

“Come on, Uriel. Go on, give it a try,” Glenda urged with a fake smile. “Sloane had put all that effort into making it, after all.”

“Yeah, I usually don’t cook on the account of me being too lazy,” Sloane said with a frankly undeserved sense of pride. “What you’re about to taste is a once-in-a-lifetime treat. You should be grateful.”

“Yeah, Uriel. Give it a try at least. It’s seasoned with sisterly love. Surely, it has to taste good.”

I’m sorry, Glenda, Uriel thought in his head. But no amount of sisterly love can save this dish from being absolutely terrible.

Uriel could already feel shivers down his spine just by having that spoonful of awful-looking purple goop this close to his mouth. He couldn’t imagine surviving from taking even one single bite of it. And yet, Glenda insisted on it anyway. Usually, if your girlfriend asks you to do something, you are pretty much obligated to do it, no matter how unpleasant it may be. That’s just good boyfriend etiquette. There’s pretty much no talking his way out of this one.

And so, gathering all his courage and grit into this one single moment, he chomped down on that bite of food from Glenda’s spoon. 

Immediately upon taking that bite, Uriel felt his soul had yeeted out of his body. Just when he thought the smell of the food was already bad enough, the taste was so much worse! He had never eaten something so foul and horrid; it felt like eating raw sewage. Upon eating it, he immediately spat out the contents—spraying them up in the air—before collapsing to the ground.

“Uriel?!...Uriel!” Glenda cried out as she knelt down to hold Uriel around her arms. “Oh no! Hang in there, Uriel! Stay with me, Uriel! Uriel!”

“Gee, it wasn’t that bad, was it?” Sloane said, looking at the collapsed Uriel with a hint of anxious guilt.

“Glenda…I’m sorry…” Uriel grunted in between coughs, the corner of his mouth dripping with purple ooze as he spoke. “But…Sloane is a terrible cook…I’m gonna die now…”

“No, Uriel! You can’t leave me!” Glenda cried in a rather melodramatic way. “You hadn’t even given me your virginity yet! Please don’t leave me…”

Right as this was happening, Meridiana had just entered the apartment through the front door, carrying several bags of groceries. Upon entering, she saw the chaos that had unfolded in front of her: Glenda crying while holding onto a dying Uriel, Sloane donning a chef’s outfit inside a messy kitchen, Gerbert lying on one of the living room’s sofas and wagging his tail like a good boi. 

“What the fuck?” Meridiana muttered in absolute bafflement. 

---

After Sloane’s culinary disaster and the extensive cleanup of the kitchen, Glenda returned to her sexual shock treatments. During these past several days, in addition to receiving daily sexual therapy sessions from Uriel, Glenda would also soak herself in a tub full of a mysterious dark-red liquid inside the bathroom for about an hour each day to supplement the healing process. 

With Glenda and Meridiana’s permission, Uriel would occasionally be allowed to take a peek during one of these soaking sessions so long as he doesn’t cause any major disturbances. Even though it’s basically just watching Glenda sitting in a tub full of mysterious liquid while entering into a deep sleep—which might seem boring to most people—Uriel still couldn’t help but be captivated by her peaceful sleeping face, one that was as entrancingly beautiful to look at as ever. 

“Wow…so Glenda has to soak in this tub of liquid every day for the next week or so, huh?” Uriel asked leisurely as he sat on a stool next to the tub while staring at the sleeping Glenda. Meridiana was there beside them, regularly checking on Glenda’s vitals through the magical floating glyphs. “What even is this red liquid anyway?”

“Oh, it’s menstrual blood,” Meridiana replied nonchalantly.

Uriel had to take a moment to process that answer. “Heheh…you’re joking, right?”

“Nope, Glenda is soaking in a tub full of menstrual blood,” Meridiana stated matter-of-factly, as if it was no big deal to her. “Have been everyday ever since she came here.”

Realizing this, Uriel’s face suddenly contorted into an expression of disgust. “What?! Oh my God! That is gross! Is that what it really is?! Oh God…why?! Just…why?!”

“Menstrual blood have specific magical healing properties that were particularly effective towards succubi. Soaking in menstrual blood has been a common medical treatment for succubi for treating a wide variety of ailments. ”

“What?! Really?! Wow, that’s…interesting to know. Doesn’t make it any less gross though.”

“Trust me, it’s nowhere near as gross as some of the other things we demons use for medicinal purposes. Don’t worry, though. The blood had been magically sanitized, in case you’re wondering. Just because I’m a doctor for demons doesn’t mean I don’t follow human medical procedures as well. Besides, it’s not like supernatural entities like us are able to catch any human diseases anyway.”

“But still…menstrual blood? You’re soaking Glenda in menstrual blood for treatment? That just sounds wild! How the hell do you even gather this much blood anyway?”

Meridiana momentarily averted her gaze from Uriel, as though she wanted to avoid answering him with a direct answer. “I have my ways.”

Uriel scrunched up his face in an expression of suspicious revulsion. “You know what, on second thought, I’m not sure I even want to know. Feel free to keep that secret to yourself, doctor.” He then returned to staring at the sleeping Glenda longingly. “Man, looking back at it now, it’s crazy how I’ve got myself involved with all of this. I mean, I have a succubus as a girlfriend now. How many humans could honestly say that about themselves?”

“Intimate relationships between humans and supernatural entities are not exactly common, but they happen far more often than you think—especially before the establishment of the treaty,” Meridiana explained. “Back then, the presence of supernatural entities in the human world—entities such as angels and demons—were a more common occurrence, leading to all sorts of stories that were written about us.”

“Yeah, I can imagine. Especially the one between you and Gerbert of Aurilliac.”

Upon hearing that, Meridiana’s face immediately darkened. “What did you just say?”

“Oh, you know. The story between you and Gerbert of Aurillac, also known as Pope Sylvester II, the ruler of the Papal States between the 10th and 11th century,” Uriel said. “Come on, you named your dog Gerbert. The connection isn’t exactly subtle. I’ve heard your name mentioned in Walter Map’s work, ‘De Nugis Curialium’. Religious studies, remember? You’re the same Meridiana as the one from those stories, aren’t you?”

Meridiana leered at Uriel with narrow eyes before taking a seat on a nearby chair with her arms and legs crossed. “So you think you know everything about me simply because you read about me from one of these so-called ‘stories’? Hmph, how interesting. Tell me, what do these ‘stories’ tell you about me, hmm?”

“Well, according to the stories, back when Gerbert of Aurillac was a young man, he had the hots for the daughter of a university dean, feelings of which were not reciprocated,” Uriel said. “After being rejected, Gerbert eventually came across a succubus by the name of Meridiana. As the two get to know each other, they eventually fell in love. Wanting to make Gerbert happy, Meridiana then used her powers to make him rich and successful in exchange for his undying loyalty and devotion to her.

“However, as Gerbert became more and more successful—eventually becoming Pope—the daughter of the university dean soon returned back to him, hoping to seduce him. Gerbert unfortunately gave into the temptation, thus breaking Meridiana’s trust towards him. Feeling upset and betrayed, Meridiana soon left Gerbert for good. Gerbert then fell ill shortly afterwards and—upon his deathbed—confessed to everyone of his wrongdoing and begged for forgiveness for what he had done. And that is basically the story of Gerbert of Aurillac and Meridiana the succubus.”

Meridiana stared silently and intently as Uriel recited the story back to her. 

“You’re the same Meridiana as the one from that story, aren’t you?” Uriel asked softly, looking back at Meridiana. “The succubus who fell in love with a pope. The succubus who had her heart broken by that same pope. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Meridiana scoffed as she rolled her eyes. “Let me tell you something, religious nerd. No one likes a smartass.”

“Hey, I’m not a smartass,” Uriel protested. “I mean, I’m smart, but I’m not an ass. So, technically, I’m not a smartass.”

“Whatever, smartass,” Meridiana said dismissively before getting up from the chair and returning to monitoring Glenda’s status. “Anyway, whichever version of the story you were taught about me was only a simplified version of the whole truth—a version of which you should take with a grain of salt. I’m not going to bother listing out all the inaccuracies for you but, suffice to say, the truth is often much more complicated.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. I used to have a lot of misconceptions about succubi in general before I met Glenda.” Uriel then took a moment to consider before speaking again. “Wait, is that why you were so hostile towards me when we first met? It isn’t just because I’m a human who was somehow able to perform a magical ritual to contact you. It’s simply the fact that I am a human, isn’t it? You were romantically betrayed by a human before and now you have a distrust towards all humans in general because of that betrayal. Is that it?”

Meridiana didn’t answer the question. Instead, she simply kept her back turned to Uriel, keeping her facial expression hidden. “Promise me this, Uriel Angelo,” she suddenly said. “Promise me that you will make Glenda happy. Promise me that you will remain loyal and devoted to her for as long as you are alive.” She then turned her head slightly towards him, revealing her now flaming yellow eyes. As she spoke, her tone grew more hardened with severity and resolve. “Because I swear to Satan that if you dare hurt her, if you dare make her unhappy, I will make you suffer a fate worse than death, a hell worse than Hell itself. Promise me that.”

Uriel could sense how serious she was. There was no doubt in her mind that she cared deeply for Glenda, just as a loving mother would care for her own daughter. Because of her past experiences, she viewed Glenda’s relationship with Uriel with an unfavorable perception. It was understandable from her perspective; her heart was broken once before and she didn’t want it to happen again, especially not to those she cared about. It was up to Uriel to give her that reassurance.

“I promise,” Uriel said with the utmost sincerity and resolve. “I promise that I will do everything in my power to make Glenda happy. I promise that I will devote my entire heart into loving her. I promise that I will be loyal to her for as long as I live and breathe.”

Meridiana looked into his eyes but said nothing. If there was any hint of deception or wavering, she couldn’t find any. And so, she allowed herself to place her trust in Uriel's words, at least for now.