What kind of nonsense am I saying?
Jason reprimanded himself for spouting such nonsense. There’s no such thing as a goblin in real life yet the person or whatever creature in front of him was rather similar to the appearance of a goblin. Bald headed. Dark greenish skin. Pointed nose and ears. Child-like stature and a revolting stench.
He wanted to deny it but all of those features were exactly shown by this murderous creature. Jason was sweating buckets as he stared at the illogical scene. The so-called goblin stared at him while its jaw was munching down on the intestines of its prey.
Run, damn it.
He cursed at himself for standing motionless. He wanted to run but he couldn’t, he simply couldn’t. Jason was the type of guy who constantly berated those characters in horror movies. He would always mock them for being stupid since they would only stand still waiting for their killer to come and hack them into pieces. Yet here he was now, in a similar situation like those stupid characters. Frozen like a statue.
In the end, the hand of the woman dropped as her eyes turned lifeless. Even in her last moment, she was still hoping to be rescued. Jason didn’t even notice the death of the woman as he was battling against the fear of encountering this creature. The goblin stood up walking slowly towards Jason.
Jason was getting anxious seeing the action of the goblin. He even heard the goblin cackled as if this creature was laughing at him. As time ticked by the goblin came closer to Jason. He still couldn’t move and he didn’t know why. But then.
CLANG
The sound of a trash can lid dropping on the ground echoed within the alleyway. A stray cat came running out of the alleyway catching the attention of the goblin. It turned its head around to the opposite direction. In that split moment, Jason's whole body relaxed and ran to the open street. His own body knew that he had a chance and he didn’t let his own body down. He ran like his life depended on it.
Jason didn’t even take the chance to glance back as his thought was none other than to just flee. His breath was becoming ragged over time. His sweater was drenched in his own sweat. His legs were becoming weary and his flank started to hurt. Jason wasn’t the running type, more of a couch potato. Considering his body state, he ran pretty far without collapsing. Yet as his strides started to slow down, he heard a creepy noise approaching from the back.
“Ki ki ki ki...”
Jason didn’t want to look but out of reflex he glanced behind him and what he saw shocked him. He took a deep breath and rushed once more, running for his life. Again a haunting memory just burned inside his brain. A figure of an ugly creature chasing him with blood dripping from its jaw. He even saw a part of an intestine within the grasp of the goblin. He didn’t want to imagine what would happen if that creature happens to catch him. He was puffing for his breath and saw something.
The apartment.
At the end of his sight stood the old apartment that he had hated for the last six months. But now in this dire moment, he came to long for it as his life was in peril. But life would always have a twist in the end. Before Jason can even smile, something hit him on the head. In an instant, he fell unconscious not knowing what had just happened.
“Ugh,” Jason groaned as he started to regain his conscience.
Where am I?
His head was aching and the first thing he saw was the night sky. Yet his view always shifted as if he was moving but his legs weren’t moving. He felt pain over his back like something scratching over the back of his skin. He looked around and saw the bare back of a person. His sight was still hazy as he could barely see a blur but as his vision recovered by time, he noticed who this person was.
The goblin.
He was frightened out of his mind. He thought he was dreaming from before but now he knew it was all real. He remembered everything that just happened and that thought alone made his whole body shivered. The goblin was dragging him by the side of the street. He knew where he was, it was the direction towards the dark alleyway from before. He didn’t know why the goblin didn’t just kill him on the spot.
But whatever the case is, the ending wouldn’t be so sweet for the likes of Jason. His eyes turned frantic as he looked around hoping for help from a pedestrian. But to his dismay, the street was empty and not a soul in sight.
Shit, where the heck is everybody? Shouldn’t the street of New York be filled with people?
His opinion was far from the fact and the fact itself was making him despair. Jason started regretting over his foolish heroic attempt, in the end, it all came biting him from the back. The pain from being dragged was torturing him but he kept his mouth shut knowing that things would only worsen if he let this bastard goblin knew he had turned conscious.
Soon they reached the alleyway and the goblin dragged him inside. Jason’s eyes didn’t stop wandering as he knew this was the only chance that he got. With the goblin having its back at him, it was the only opportunity that he had.
Found it.
He spotted something on the ground as his hands grabbed it. A broken glass bottle with a sharp pointed end. Jason silently took a deep breath preparing for what’s about to happen.
You got this Jason, you can do it. It’s do or die.
It was time. He put his strength over his unattended left leg and kicked the goblin right on its butt. The goblin stumbled surprised by the sudden force from behind. Its grip over Jason’s right ankle went loose and it was enough for him to take back his own leg. Jason didn’t stop and stood tall as he rushed at the startled goblin.
He stabbed the goblin right at the back with a craze look within his eyes. It was all in the name of survival. But the goblin was quick in its reaction. It turned trying to avoid the sharp end of a broken glass bottle. Alas, it was too late even for the goblin. The sharp end pierced right to the side of the goblin’s chest.
“Kiiii,” a piercing shriek coming from the goblin echoed in the dark alleyway.
Jason felt the resistance of the goblin’s flesh over his hand. He knew it wasn’t the time to hesitate. He felt nauseated just thinking about it. He had never stabbed someone before but he knew he had to do it. He regained his mental fortitude and pushed it deeper into the goblin. The shriek of the goblin was becoming louder as the pain was unbearable even for a creature like it. Like a cornered animal, the goblin retaliated.
“Argh,” Jason winced in pain as the goblin bite him by the shoulder.
Jason glanced and saw blood came gushing out of the jaw of this goblin and at the moment he saw the ferocious glint within the eyes of this creature. Its stare was like a madden rabid dog. Jason was scared seeing such eyes but he buckled up and shouted.
“Die.”
He was pushed to the edge as he stabbed the goblin deeper. Both sides were not giving up as both were fighting for their lives.
Shit.
He cursed as he was being pushed back by the goblin. Jason knew he was losing strength. For a creature known to be the weakest within the fantasy realm, Jason was astonished by the strength of it. The goblin started to claw at Jason as they were both closed at each other. Pain spread all over Jason’s body as he endured. He couldn’t give up, not at this point in time. Jason took his chance and opened his mouth wide. He was taller than the goblin and that was enough to allow him to bite it by the ears. He clenched his jaw tight as he tore the goblin’s ear apart. He spat out the flesh of the goblin’s ear as a rather revolting after taste lingered in his mouth.
As if he just ate a pile of shit. In an instant, he puked out those burgers he just ate and vomited over the goblin’s face. The goblin was in intense pain as it ignored the puke covering its head and cried out of pain. Blood came gushing out of it’s bitten ear and Jason didn’t stop. He ignored his weaken state after vomiting as his hands reached out towards the goblin’s neck.
“Die, damn it,” Jason shouted like a madman.
Both of his hands gripped tightly over the goblin’s neck as he forced his entire weight at the small stature goblin. Both fell on the asphalt ground as Jason didn’t let go of his hand. The goblin started squirming on the ground as it clawed at Jason’s arms while trying to reach for Jason’s head. But sadly, its reach was far too short.
In the end, the goblin stopped moving as its arms fell lifeless on the ground. Jason didn’t move an inch from where he was. His hands still strangulating the dead corpse of the goblin. His eyes were staring at the lifeless face of the goblin. His breath was ragged and blood was dripping over his left shoulder. Pain riddled his body but the coursing adrenaline within his body numbed those pain. He didn’t move until something appeared within his sight.
EXP gained |
User is registered into the system as Jason Park. |
Jason’s level increased to level 1 |
Jason is the first user to kill a monster |
Jason obtained a new title, The First Killer |
Calculating new entry point... |
Jason’s hands loosened over the goblin’s neck. He rubbed his eyes hoping to stop from being delusion yet those blue windows were still floating right in front of him.
What the...
Yet before he could question what he was seeing, a familiar sound entered his ears. He stood up and dragged his feet going deeper into the alleyway. His legs stopped as he saw something. Something unbelievable. A crack on the empty air. A crack similar to a mirror being cracked and what made his eyes quivered were those things sitting in front of the cracked air.
“More of them?” he didn’t believe it but the fact was in front of him.
Goblins numbered up to five were sleeping on the asphalt floor. They were smaller and younger than the one that Jason had just killed. Simple to say there were goblin babies. He gulped down a mouthful of his saliva as he felt the terror of going against the lone goblin. Just seeing these sleeping goblin babies made his skin crawled.
He spotted something in the corner of his eyes. He dragged his feet and picked up the broken wooden plank lying next to a garbage dumpster. Jason came closer to these sleeping goblin babies. He raised the wooden plank in his hand. The glint in his eyes showed no hesitation. Gritting his teeth he slammed down the wooden plank at them.
Unique trait; Rapid Growth acquired |
Jason didn’t even notice the new announcement as he kept slamming down the wooden plank. He was ignoring everything as his sole intention was to eliminate these creatures of danger. Even the small shrieks coming from these babies were left ignored by the man driven by rage. It ended as the wooden plank dropped on the ground.
Jason’s level increased to level 2 |
Jason dragged his feet leaving the alleyway ignoring the new announcement. He didn’t even glance at the crack anomaly on the air as he just left. He noticed his phone not far from the corpse of the woman. He picked it up and kept it inside his pocket. He left the alleyway behind not caring about what had just happened. He was just too tired.
Jason walked on the side of the empty street heading back to his apartment. His mind was too fatigued to even think about a good solution. At the moment, he wanted only one thing.
My bed.
Goblin Slayer Strikes again
Lmao, this motherf*cker Just bit off this guys ear off and then proceeded to throw up on him, that‘s f*cking amazing.
The only thing the first killer goblin slayer is My Bed!
Thanks
This is really good so far
Thanks for the chapter.
This needs to be re-edited.
I see potential so I won't bring this up in a review and potentially hinder it's growth, but it needs to be said so I'll say it here.
I hope this is taking constructively since it is meant to be so.
I'll use 2 paragraphs to show the two types of editing I think this needs.
First one covers flow and structure mostly.
"His head was aching and the first thing he saw was the night sky. Yet his view always shifted as if he was moving but his legs weren’t moving. He felt pain over his back like something scratching over the back of his skin. He looked around and saw the bare back of a person. His sight was still hazy as he could barely see a blur but as his vision recovered by time, he noticed who this person was."
- His head was aching as he opened his eyes and saw the night sky.
You don't need to tell us specifically that this is the first thing Jason sees, coming up to this paragraph we know he was knocked unconscious and just regained his consciousness. So just tell us what he sees, say he opened his eyes like you did and we know it's the first thing he is seeing. In that sentence you are repeating yourself, though it isn't egregious... given what was said before it is still true.
- His view was shifting as if he were moving without his legs.
When you say 'always' instead of 'was' it makes us seem detached from Jason and what's going on. He just woke up and as no idea what is yet going on. Bring us in, engage the reader more. Little things like this help keep interest more as the reader just fell closer to the events and characters. Not saying inky do this but in a case like this the word always pulls you out. At least it did for me.
- He then felt a wave of pain rake across his back as he quickly looked around and saw the outline of a person.
I combined the next 2 sentence because both were just short blurbs to give information. The abruptness combined with how short each on was took me out of it. In the first sentence you again repeated yourself, so I think just cutting it out and combining the two makes it more concise and makes it flow much better.
Also by saying the outline of a person instead of the back of a person flows better. Before you said the word back 3 times withing a couple seconds of each other in reading time. Its awkward. Plus using the word outline hints that his vision hasn't fully returned. Previously it sounded like he could see fine until he couldn't. This way those two thoughts flow together better.
- His vision was a blur, it wasn't until he willed his eyes into focus that he realized what exactly it was he saw.
This again drags the reader in more, or so I feel. It also doesn't use two different words for the same thing in the same sentence ie. Sight & Vision. Just one of those small things that gives a person pause if they are reading carefully and engaged.
Also using realized instead of notice just seems more intense. He just came to, to find himself being dragged away by a murderous goblin. Add some gravitas. There are real stakes here... or so we should be lead to believe.
"His head was aching as he opened his eyes and saw the night sky. His view was shifting as if he were moving without his legs. He then felt a wave of pain rake across his back as he quickly looked around and saw the outline of a person. His vision was a blur, it wasn't until he willed his eyes into focus that he realized what exactly it was he saw."
This is my take and fixing the flow and structure of this paragraph to help keep the reader more deeply engaged. I obviously feel this is a better way of going about it while still hitting all the points you hit in your own paragraph.
2nd paragraph in my comment to this.
No paragraph. Late here.
Essentially make sure you are using the proper tense of a word. For example 'know' instead of 'knew'.
I saw these mistakes in tense several times.
Interesting.
very interesting
Bro didn’t even try to call the police or the medics for the woman, also ain’t no way your tried after all that adrenaline unless you lose a lot of blood even then you should call the medic. But whatever came here for the litrpg
sadly she died.
I like it