~~~13 Years Ago~~~

Back in ye old paste-eating days, do you remember that kid on the playground who always dressed in plain, muted shirts and khaki pants? The one that tried too hard in classes designed to be un-fail-able? The kid who avoided everything remotely enjoyable because it was recognized as a “sin” by mom and pop and whatever crackpot television preacher with a half-dozen embezzlement scandals their parents were obsessed with at the time?

Hi, the name’s Victor, nice to meet ya. I was that dork.

While all the kids ran about the schoolyard screaming and playing whatever chaotic mishmash of abstract rules they’d come up with on the fly, I was huddled in a corner, ignoring their revelry from a distance. Now, I wasn’t ostracising myself to be a brooding bump on a log. I wouldn’t develop the level of angst necessary for that until the ninth grade. No, I simply had bigger fish to fry, or in this case, bigger brooms to fly.

Yeah, wow, that turn of phrase really got away from me. I was reading a book about witches. Specifically, a book about a coven of witches that came together from a variety of backgrounds to take on an ultimate evil and save the world from mortal peril. You see, even back then I had an absolute fascination with the supernatural and a love for anything occult-y. A love that my parents repeatedly attempted to quash, forcing me to indulge my passion outside the range of their prying eyes. Luckily, my elementary school library had a robust collection of fantasy novels and nobody was too keen on bothering the weirdo that actually liked reading… Nobody except for Raven.

While slowly tracing my finger along a page of the book, excited for the impending climax of the hero's ultimate confrontation with the dark beast on the Jade Mountains, a shadow swept over my little slice of the school making the words on the page much harder to see. Forced to look up from my story, I saw Raven standing over me, draped in a large mass of fraying black fabric and a comically oversized witch’s hat. “Mortal! Your presence is required for a ritual!” The girl shouted as if I wasn’t a foot away from her and already annoyed by the interruption. Dropping my head back down to the story I’d so foolishly forsaken to look up, I continued to try to make out the words on the page without the benefit of sunlight. Raven wasn’t willing to give up, as she opted to swing her makeshift cloak over the pages I had planned on spending my lunch break with. “Why read about witches when you can be one!” She confidently declared, striking a pose she must have thought looked cool at the time. “Follow me!”

Turning on her heel, Raven whipped me in the face with her cloak while storming away to the far end of the playground. Now, most people would have let her go off on her own and continued with whatever they were doing previously… but even back then, I had to admit that the thought of getting to be a witch was enticing. Actually getting to perform magical spells and fight alongside my friends against monsters and evil organizations, what could be better than that? So, spurred on by curiosity and a flicker of hope, I followed Raven.

… and was immediately disappointed.

In the sandbox I’d been led to, there was a crudely drawn pentagram surrounded by random squiggles and lines the girl claimed were “totally real runes” that she’d seen on tv. After explaining that she wanted to summon a demon to make her wishes come true, she told me that the final piece of the ritual was for people to dance around her sketch while chanting. Without even granting me the courtesy of a second to process what I’d just been told, Raven started flailing around the sandbox wildly, performing a dance I’d later come to know as the “cabbage patch.” All the while yodeling “Spirits, demons, come to me… something something, summon thee!” No, that wasn’t a lapse in my memory there, she actually said “something something.”

After a pointed look, I realized I wasn’t getting away with not mirroring her actions. In for a penny, in for the whole damn thing. I took my place opposite her and started dancing and chanting the same nonsense, rolling my eyes all the while.

“Whatever are you kids doing?” A woman’s voice asked while chuckling at our ludicrous display. Raven and I ceased our “ritual'' and looked over at the woman sitting on a nearby bench. I’m pretty sure she was one of the ladies from the office of administration or something since I’d never seen her walking around the classrooms before. “Is this one of those memes I’ve heard so much about?”

“We’re summoning a demon!” Raven declared, not thinking for a moment that what came out of her mouth may be the wrong thing to admit to a figure of authority. At least her brazen honesty was met with amusement and a much heartier laugh instead of persecution. “It’s not funny. This is serious business!”

The woman in the red suit stood up, hands raised in surrender. “I apologize dear, I just wasn’t expecting to hear that. May I see your work?” Raven, still pouting, nodded. “Hmm, it’s not bad. There are a few lines that could be cleaner, and you left the circle around the star incomplete. It’s dangerous to do that since it lets whatever you call free to roam about and cause chaos.” The woman continued appraising Raven’s creation while the girl listened with rapt attention for possibly the first time in her life. “All in all, not bad, dear. A for effort, how about that?”

Raven smiled at the woman’s words for a second before degrading into a crestfallen expression. “But it didn’t do anything.”

The woman in red kneeled to face Raven on her level. “Dear, oftentimes we don’t see the full spoils of our efforts. But magic isn’t just flashy displays and instant gratification. There’s power in going after what you want and putting in consistent effort. Let’s make a deal. You keep trying, keep practicing, and keep learning, and I promise one day you’ll be able to do everything you want. Guaranteed.” Raven nearly tackled the woman in a tight hug that the lady in red returned with a warm smile. After a minute, the two separated, and the woman turned to face me. “Your turn, dear. What is it that you want?”

~~~Present Day~~~

My… head. Ugh. Why do people do this to themselves? I mean, yeah, parties are fun but holy shit. “I’m never drinking again,” I promise, for the seventeenth time. I consciously suppress the urge to wretch as I sit up to the creaks, cracks, and groans of every joint in my body protesting the act of waking up. Why the hell was I dreaming about stuff that happened over a decade ago? Nostalgia and a hangover aren’t exactly a winning combination, so I toss the memory back into the dusty recesses of my mind while rubbing my temples. “I need water,” I groan to myself, hoping that saying this out loud will somehow motivate my body to actually solve the dehydration crisis in a timely manner.

“Water sounds great… Can you get me some?” Another voice chimes in from right next to me.

… Another voice!?

Forcing my eyes open, I notice that the sun’s light hasn’t yet invaded my room, so I look to the right to figure out who has. Next to me is a darkened figure, lying in bed, and writhing in just as much pain as I’m feeling right now. “H-hello? Who’s there?”

“Who else?” The voice answers me, obviously trying and failing to sound playful despite the misery our shared hangover keeps piling onto every second of consciousness.

Slowly sliding towards the side of the bed, being careful not to shift the contents of my stomach too quickly during transit, I manage to mumble, “Fine, water and painkillers first, real answers after.” My feet finally find their way off of the mattress and gracefully plunge onto the plush softness of my hardwood floors. –Wait, that’s not right, either. I take a single step and trip over a nightstand that shouldn’t exist, landing face-first on a weirdly patterned rug. “Hey, person that hopefully knows what’s happening… what’s happening?”

“You ate shit.” Helpful. Super fucking helpful. “You okay, beautiful?”

Oh my, she’s just as delirious as I am. Accomplishing the herculean task of standing back up on legs less stable than radioactive elements, I pull back the blackout curtain I know for a fact I never put up.

Holy honking hell that’s bright!

After thoroughly searing my retinas, I take a brief spin and realize something a less incapacitated human would have concluded long ago. This isn’t my room. The walls are plastered with posters for various local dive bar acts. Every table, shelf, or raised surface is covered in candles, crystals, or tarot card boxes, even the rug I’m standing on has some kind of star chart printed on it. Yet despite the dramatic change in scenery, the most shocking thing I see is what I’m wearing as my eyes concentrate on the large, full-length mirror in front of me. “W- w-w- wait a goddamn minute. Am I–”

“Incredibly gorgeous?” Raven asks as she snakes her hands around me from behind and rests her chin on my shoulder. “Why, yes, you are.”

Actually, the question I was about to ask was: “Am I in a fucking dress?” Though now I’d like to amend that previous question to: “Am I in a fucking dress, in my ex’s room, being hugged by said ex, and being told that I’m beautiful?” If the answer is as definitive as it seems, I’m about ten million levels of confused right now. Mouth agape, and face quickly becoming red as a baboon’s behind, I take in the full sight of the stunning humiliating, yet familiar black garment I’ve obviously been tricked into wearing.

~~~3 Years Ago~~~

“Ugh… I hate this stupid thing, I look weird!” Raven yelled, adjusting the poofy frills of the neon pink dress her mom had picked out for her.

When I had opened the door and found Raven wearing such an… out of character ensemble, I’d nearly lost my composure and doubled over with laughter. Not because she didn’t look beautiful, lord knows she could wear literally anything and be breathtaking, but because the sight of her in pastels was downright shocking. I thought she was allergic to the color pink, yet here she was, looking ready to star in a John Hughes classic.

“Raven, you’re gorgeous, as always!” I tried to hug my girlfriend, but she pulled back, obviously uncomfortable and upset. “I’m sorry. I know this isn’t how you saw today going.”

“No. I’m sorry. I know it’s such a dumb thing to get hung up on, but this is humiliating. I look like Glinda the Good Witch’s depressed cousin.” With the juxtaposition of her mostly black makeup and bright ensemble, she wasn’t far off the mark. Not that I would ever say it out loud. “If I have to look like this, I don’t want to go at all.”

Junior prom, an event Raven and I constantly mocked during our early years of High School. Paying a mint to eat shitty food, dance to terrible music, and have your picture taken with some obnoxious banner declaring the elaborate yet inane theme of the entire evening. We couldn’t imagine a bigger waste of time and money… until we started dating late into Sophomore year. Yeah, we still made fun of the whole thing, but there was a subtle undercurrent of something akin to curiosity or even longing. A lifetime of being force-fed over-the-top expectations from television and movies had gotten under our skin and even though we still claimed that it would be fun to go to the dance ironically, it was obvious that it was something we both legitimately wanted to do.

To see Raven so deflated broke my heart… until a brilliant plan popped into my head.

“Hey, hun, you trust me, right?” I asked, hoping to salvage this night yet.

“Of course, but–”

“Cool!” I declared, realizing that if life was a cartoon, I would have just been labeled girlfriendus interruptus. “We just gotta make one quick stop first!” With that, I took Raven’s hand and ran to my car.

We pulled up to our school, which was an unsettling sight at night, with none of the usual hustle and bustle keeping things lively. I hopped out of the driver's seat and ushered Raven around to the back of our school’s theater. Being a drama nerd, I’d often been asked to lock up our prop and costume closet while helping with last-minute prep before a show… and nobody explicitly forbade me from making my own copy of said closet’s key... For totally official use of course (current situation withstanding.) So with a simple click of a lock, I opened the door to a veritable treasure trove of dresses and costumes to choose from.

Raven’s face lit up as she took in the sight and realized that her poofy prison term was just about over. My date nearly dove into the racks of dresses, flying through the options on the hunt for something uniquely her. Something I knew she’d find among the newest creations of our volunteers. Luckily, the next production on deck for us was The Addams Family and when Raven met Morticia’s dress, it was love at first sight. “This one,” she gasped as she hugged the dress close to her. “It has to be this one!” Ten minutes, and one long wait in the crisp night air later, Raven emerged looking fully like herself, and a bit like Morticia, which I’m sure she’d appreciate. “What do you think?” She asked, eyebrows hopping up and down expectantly.

Nearly speechless, all my teenage brain managed to sputter out was a simple yet honest, “Wow.”

“Damn right, wow!” She chuckled as she jumped into my arms and embraced me. “Plus…” she continued, positioning both of our arms next to one another, “Now we match!” she cheered, pleased that we were both dressed in her favorite color.

“How about I run in there and grab the understudy’s dress so we can really match,” I say, unable to resist going for a cheap laugh.

“Not a bad idea, I think you can pull it off.” Raven chuckled and so did I, but for some reason, beyond any reason, I had to ask:

“Really?"

~~~Present Day~~~

The compound shock of my current situation knocks the life back into me and despite the queasiness in the pit of my stomach begging me to be gentle, I flail away from Raven. “What the hell happened last night?” I ask, panicked and distraught. “Why am I dressed like this? Why am I here? Why am I with you?”

Sitting back on her bed, Raven smiles wryly. “Ouch. Fair questions all around, I guess, but still… What’s the last thing you remember?”

Straining against my alcohol-induced migraine, I come up with absolutely nothing. “I don’t know. I’m drawing a complete blank right now. We didn’t…”

“Of course not!” She snaps. “I was hammered, sure, but it was painfully obvious that you were even further down the rabbit hole. I would never!”

I know she’s not the type, but when you’re missing basically an entire day, it’s hard not to ask every single question that pops into your head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything. I just… I don’t know how I got here.” The corners of my eyes sting as my fear and confusion grow. “I didn’t do anything bad, right?”

Raven stands up to approach me but backs off at the last second, more than likely trying to not make me even more uncomfortable than I already am. “You didn’t do anything bad… but–” The woman in front of me rocks back and forth on her heels for a second, trying to pick her next words with care. “You did say a lot, though… and–”

Everything clicks in an instant. The dress, her calling me beautiful, all of these weird blasts from the past memories coming out to play… she’s punishing me for what happened in high school! That has to be it! She’s just as obsessed with witch stuff as I used to be and there could be entire libraries filled with stories of the old “vengeful witch” trope where an ironic punishment is doled out to whatever dumbass vexes someone versed with the arcane! “You! You did this!”

“What?”

“Was this all some heavy-handed trick to humiliate me?”

“You don’t know–”

“Oh, I know plenty! I might not remember yesterday, but I remember all the weird outlandish things you used to say to me! Of course, it’d be a dress! Trying to make me take the ultimate walk of shame right now? Fine! Congratulations! I’d rather sacrifice whatever dignity I have left after yesterday than stay here any longer.”

“Vicky, wait–”

“Don’t you dare call me that!” I roar, ignoring the pain and confusion on Raven’s face as I tear open the door.

~~~3 Years ago~~~

“Why Vicky?” Raven asked as she read the short story I wrote for our creative writing class. “I mean, the story’s cool and all, but that’s just… an odd choice.”

“I dunno,” I answered with a shrug. “You know I’m terrible at coming up with names for stuff. Thought it’d be weird to just name the main character after me, so… you know, added a ‘y’ for shits and giggles.”

“Are you sure that’s all?” She asked, reading the story again from the top. “It seems incredibly deliberate, especially–” Not wanting to continue the current conversation, I plucked the page from her fingers and tossed it back in my bag.

“Mhmm, sure you’re not just stalling so you don’t have to show me your story?”

With a mighty scoff, Raven’s chest puffed out with pride. “As if!”

~~~Present Day~~~

Stumbling out of Raven’s room, I barely manage to balance against a wall in the dorm hallway. The men’s dorm building is right across from the women's. I just have to make it out of here, and back to my room and I can forget today ever happened… and yesterday, for that matter.

Taking shaky steps down the hallway, I pray that nobody will be wandering around at this hour. Yet, as is my luck, the door right in front of me swings open and two women come out. Bracing myself for the intense humiliation this entire experience had been engineered to dispense, I wait for the pair to see me.

The first woman catches a glimpse of me, but rather than the laughter and mockery, she flashes me a cheerful smile and waves. “Hi, Vicky!”

Huh?

Her friend also smiles at me but notices my confusion and distress. “You alright, girl? You look like you’ve had a rough morning. Need some coffee or something? My treat.”

Girl? Vicky? Smiles and kindness instead of jokes? What kind of bizzaro world did I wake up in!? Flashing the pair an uneasy smile, I politely refuse the offer and thank them before rushing away.

~~~3 Years Ago~~~

Raven and I sat leaning against one another on her living room couch, watching anime. One of the characters, a guy, walked into his classroom wearing a fancy dress and makeup, obviously for comedic effect. “The way the faces are drawn in this show, you’d never know that was a guy. If it was real life, some dude showing up dressed like that would be so weird.”

“I don’t think it’d be weird,” Raven says, facing me. “If someone wants to wear stuff like that, more power to them.”

“Uh-huh, sure, if I showed up looking like that tomorrow, you’re honestly telling me that you wouldn’t have a problem with it?”

“Of course not, if it’s what you wanted, I’d be all for it. Besides, I’m sure you’d look wonderful.”

Sliding to the opposite side of the couch, I laughed in an obviously manufactured manner. “No, I wouldn’t! I’d look like a guy in a dress! How the hell would that be okay?”

“It would absolutely be okay.” My jaw clenches in response to Raven’s insane assertion. After a moment, she slid closer to lessen the gap I’d created between us. ”So if you didn’t look like a guy–”

“I do–”

“But if you didn’t, then you’d want to dress like that?”

Silence fell over the room as I tried to wrap my head around the question. There was an answer I wanted to give, an answer I thought I had to give, and about a billion other responses in between. “It doesn’t matter.” I finally said, feeling somehow, hollow. “Not like I could change if I wanted to, right? No sense thinking about this stuff anymore. Let’s shelve it.”

Raven looked like she wanted to say something, but bit her tongue and nodded. With my attention diminished, I wouldn’t remember how the episode ended, and from the way Raven kept glancing at me, I was pretty sure she wouldn’t either.

~~~Present Day~~~

This trend of passersby treating me like a woman persists all the way down to the lobby. How is she doing this? There’s no way Raven actually has magical powers, right!? She couldn’t possibly have gotten this many people to play along with her prank, right? That wouldn’t make sense. But if Raven is an actual Witch… an honest-to-goodness Witch… Am I a–

Stopping dead in my tracks, I look down at the dress hanging loosely from my shoulders. This… this can’t be reality, right? Situations like these just didn’t happen outside of fiction. This has to all be a setup to a vindictive punchline. 

But if it’s not… If this is my life from now on.

Elation fills every cell in my body, causing an electric current of excitement and joy that I wouldn’t have thought possible if I wasn’t experiencing it right now. Every hope, every dream, every unspoken wish on a birthday cake, all of it finally culminating in this perfect moment. 

“Victor!” a loud voice calls out to me shattering the illusion I’d embraced. “Holy shit, man. I thought my night ended wild, but obviously, you’ve got a much more interesting story to tell. What the fuck are you wearing, my dude?”

Chase, a friend of mine, snaps me out of my delusion. Of course, Raven doesn’t have powers. Of course, I’m not actually–

…

“Hello, Earth to Vick, anybody home?” Chase knocks on my head with his knuckles. “Dude, I think you really gotta get back to your room and keep sleeping whatever this is off. You look even worse than you usually do.”

Chuckling, not just at my friend’s horrid attempt at a joke, but at my own incredible stupidity, I nod. Overwhelmed by emptiness, I start shuffling past Chase and toward the sanctuary of my bed. “You’re right. I just have to get home and forget about all of this.”