The monster grinned at me, its eyes filled with terrifying glee. I couldn’t tell if it was my fear or the force of my collapsing to the floor that took my breath away, but either way, breathing felt almost impossible. I wanted to run away as fast as I could and pretend like this wasn’t my problem. Why couldn’t someone else have handled this? Why me?

The creature prepared to throw another knife, obviously relishing my terror as it decided which weapon to hurt me with. They were each a different length, and terrifyingly all seemed to be made of bone. It obviously didn’t see me as any sort of threat, as it still hadn’t made a decision by the time I was standing again. 

“Nat, what do I do?” I begged the demon within my mind for an answer. I had no way of fighting this thing without help, and I doubted my body could heal from it cutting me apart over and over. 

Nat was silent for less than a second, but it felt like a terrifyingly long time. Alright, imagine yourself in a combat form. That’ll make the rest of this more easy. 

What did she mean by a combat form? I barely threw myself out of the way of another knife as it clattered down the street. I didn’t have time to think about it.

I imagined myself protected and ready for a fight, but the image wasn’t clear in my mind. Why was I still thinking of my current form and not my real one? 

“Ah!” I shouted in pain as a knife dug itself in my shoulder while I was distracted. The pain was blinding, but I couldn’t stop. I had to fight this thing, and there was only one way Nat seemed to think I could. 

I imagined myself again, and this time didn’t worry about which form my imagination wanted to use. I saw myself wearing purple robes covered in a variety of glowing white runes, and on my head a golden crown with an amethyst gemstone in the center. The oddest part of what my imagination conjured was the changes to my body. My skin color changed to a red matching Nat’s, with shorter horns and small wings of my own sprouting through holes in the back of my robes. 

I felt myself thrust outside of my imagination and suddenly felt a surge of power. Everything looked different, felt different, like all of the weariness and pain my body had been through was washed away. I felt my tail (tail? That was new) swish around beneath my robes, and let my wings extend to their full length. It felt like I could have taken on the entire universe if I needed to. 

I stared at the small creature and smiled, revealing that both of my canines had significantly increased in length. I basked in the smell of fear emanating from it, feeling stronger and stronger the more afraid it got. 

Kid, don’t waste time. You should only hold this form for so long, so just summon some fire and end him. Nat’s voice brought me back to reality for long enough to realize just how terrifyingly much I had lost myself. 

I concentrated on my hand, feeling energy swarm into it as a rapidly growing flame appeared just over my palm. The monster in a panic threw all three of its remaining knives at me, only for them to bounce off of an invisible field harmlessly. I didn’t let myself enjoy its increasing terror. 

I sprinted towards the monster and was surprised at how fast I could move. Almost instantly I closed the distance between us and held the flame in front of the monster’s head. It didn’t even have time to react before my flame incinerated it, breaking it down into nothing but ash.

Good. Now release the form. Just imagine yourself as a human again and you’ll turn into one.

I knew I should have immediately listened to Nat, but I found myself hesitating as I looked over to Alyx and the Wastrel. They were still locked in a stalemate, but there was a chance just one attack from me could turn the tide. All I needed to do was ignite it once. I was fast enough to get one good hit in and turn back before whatever time limit we were on ended, right?

Natasha Orlin, don’t you dare. If you fuck that up, you might kill the human. Turn back, now. Nat’s tone seemed to shift to one similar to a strict mother’s, and that alone was enough to convince me. 

I imagined myself as a human again and almost immediately I felt the boons of the combat form fading. The knife was apparently still jammed in my shoulder, and I barely kept myself from falling unconscious through the massive wave of pain. Unfortunately I couldn’t keep my legs working as the exhaustion hit me. I barely managed to make sure the shoulder with a knife sticking out of it didn’t crash into the ground first.

Seconds passed before I felt someone turn me over, and I heard several voices shouting as the sounds of Alyx’s fight finally faded. “Alyx, who’s the girl? Is she okay?” -- “Time’s resetting, everyone hold hands!” -- “Adri, get that knife out of her!” 

The agony I felt as the knife was ripped out of my skin was finally too much to bear. I felt a pair of soft, loving arms envelop me as the world around me faded away.

 

----- 

 

Waking up was a slow process for me, not helped by the fact that it felt like I was under some amazingly comfy blankets. They felt so soft and good on my skin, I wanted to just melt inside of them and stay a puddle forever. 

And I might have, if I hadn’t heard footsteps rapidly approaching. I fought the overwhelming urge to pretend to be asleep so I could stay in the blankets and sat myself up. The timing was perfect, as a boy jumped up as soon as he saw me move. “Oh, you’re up! God, you scared me half to death there.” He chuckled but it came off as awkward when I didn’t smile back.

I looked around the unfamiliar room without saying anything, but didn’t feel too stressed by my surroundings. I didn’t know if it was Nat’s influence or me remembering what I’d heard before I passed out, but I knew I was somewhere relatively safe to be.

“You okay? Oh, oh shit are you nonverbal? Deaf? Alyx said you talked earlier, but you aren’t in that uniform anymore, so was that part of your powerset? Wait, why am I talking to you if you’re deaf, unless you can read lips. Can you read lips? Uh, if you can’t then I can just write things down, yeah. Unless, oh shit, do you know English? I kind of remember some Spanish from my abuela, but I haven’t seen her since I came out. Oh, man, I’m sorry, I’ll just start writing now. Maybe I’ll ask Abby for help.” The boy was speaking at a thousand words a second, not even stopping to take a breath. He quickly assumed more and more outlandish things until he was scrambling for a pen and paper. 

I was barely holding myself together as he jumped to conclusions, and by the end I was laughing uncontrollably. Oh gosh, was this my new laugh? It sounded so nice, it was kind of comforting to know that it came from my mouth. My laughing only became stronger once I caught his embarrassed expression. 

“You, uh, you can hear and speak English just fine, can’t you?” He sounded bashful when he spoke again, and I felt a little bad for laughing at him. Despite my guilt, it still took a second to get my laughter back under control, and all the while he was slowly putting away the pen and paper he’d taken out for me.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You just jumped to conclusions so quickly, it was really cute.” As soon as I was able to speak I gave an apology, and then shut my mouth as soon as I called him cute. What? Why would I do that? That wasn’t… Well he was, but I liked girls, I didn’t like guys like that. Guys weren’t supposed to find other guys cute, it was weird. Was my transformation messing with my brain? More questions for Nat, whenever she spoke up again.

“You think I’m... Uh, I’m going to go. Get the doc. I mean. Yeah. I’ll be back.” The mystery boy ran out of the room before I could take back what I’d said, leaving me alone to regret everything. What kind of an idiot was I? Whatever, at least I had the blankets to keep me company.

Ugh, my head is killing me. How’d ya sleep, kid? Nat’s exhausted voice appeared barely a minute into my isolation, making me wonder if she’d done that intentionally. 

“Just fine. Are you okay?” Speaking without speaking was offputting, but even more odd was the fact that the voice in my head matched the voice my current body had. Why didn’t my internal voice match the voice I had when I was a guy? Or, rather, when my body was male. I was still a guy, unless my mind was changing to match my body. Oh God, was that what was happening? That did explain why I had seemed to think the boy from earlier was so cute, or how comfortable I felt in this body. I needed to ask Nat about that as soon as possible.

Yeah, just didn’t sleep too much. Oh yeah! I could have sworn I heard someone’s fingers snap from inside of my mind for a moment before I heard her voice again. Don’t tell these people you’ve got a demon in your head. They are all Blessed, which means they’re probably all sworn to an angel or something equally powerful. That doesn’t mean they have voices in their heads, so neither do you. I’ll try my best to not talk to you when you’re with others, like with the boy you found cute. I could have sworn I heard a smirk in her voice, and glared at a wall as a way to hopefully show her my opinion on that.

“Speaking of, what’s happening to me? I didn’t used to like guys, or feel this… different. It’s almost like my mind is changing to match this body. Is there a way to stop that? Or maybe…” I was unable to say the rest of my question, but I didn’t understand why. It was like a pain would spike in my heart if I even thought about turning back. Was that also my new body trying to make me want to stay in it?

I expected an unsympathetic ‘no’, or some other form of flat-out rejection. Those would have been answers, at least. Instead all I got was a painfully long set of laughs from Nat. Her laughter filled my brain for at least a full minute; she had to have been laughing harder than I did in response to the mystery boy’s excitability. I didn’t get it, what was making her laugh so hard?

Oh my, kid, you are funny, Nat finally said after she got her breathing (did she breathe?) under control. My powers don’t change people’s souls, kid. And no, new ‘girl hormones’ won’t do it, either. You can go back to your old one whenever you want. You’ve got the powers of a greater demon, use them if you’re uncomfortable. Don’t worry about the clothes, either, think about what you want to wear and what you’re wearing will accommodate.

That didn’t make any sense. If I could just change back whenever, why didn’t my body just revert to my default self as soon as I passed out? She had to be lying or something, right?

If you don’t know how, I can take over for a minute and do it for you. I don’t mind.

“No!” I shouted out loud in a panic before immediately shutting up. I felt my heart rate increase and my breathing speed up for a moment, before they both calmed down. I couldn’t turn back in here, these people only knew of Natasha the girl. What would happen if they learned she was secretly a boy named Arthur? No, I couldn’t turn back until I was back at Dad’s. Then nobody would know the difference. 

No need to overreact, kid. If you want to stay like this awhile longer, feel free; I’ll never judge you for that. Just imagine yourself in the old body whenever you want, it should work just fine. Now if you don’t mind, people are coming. She was gone before I could ask another question, but at least the most important ones were out of the way. Wait, shit, what about the contract? What did I sign when we did our thing?

Evidently Nat was right when she mentioned the arrival of others, as the boy from earlier and a woman who looked like she was barely out of college arrived almost immediately after our conversation ended. The boy grabbed the same pencil and paper from earlier, inciting a short giggle from me, and the woman grabbed a chair I hadn’t noticed from in front of a vanity I also hadn’t noticed. I really should have paid more attention to the room when I’d woken up, but between the boy and Nat, paying attention to other things was hard.

The woman reminded me a lot of Aria. She had the same blonde hair, though hers was long enough to reach her shoulders while Aria never let hers grow out of a pixie cut. Their eyes were the same kind of blue, too, and it was hard to tell but even their faces overall looked similar. I would have thought they were sisters if Aria had ever mentioned any siblings. 

“Hello, Miss Natasha. I’m Doctor Watson, and I’m here to ask you just a few questions, if that’s all right.” She had such a soothing voice, like every word she spoke was a note in a lullaby. And the way she called me ‘Miss’ made me want to hold her and never let go. I knew I should have been ashamed of myself for feeling like that, but it didn’t change how I felt. “If anything gets too difficult to answer, feel free to refuse. Adrien and I are sworn to keep you safe before anything else, and we won’t judge you. Also, if you’d like only one of us to be present for certain questions just say so. That all sound good?”

Of course it sounded good, coming from her. Anything would have. I was about to answer when the boy, Adrien, spoke up. “Uh, ma’am, you’re still Singing. Unless you mean to, I mean. Ma’am. Sorry to, uh, interrupt.” Adrien was still as awkward and cute as ever, but he was like a flashlight when compared to the shining bonfire that was Dr. Watson.

Suddenly Dr. Watson’s beautiful face contorted and changed, she almost looked embarrassed. Why was she embarrassed? She didn’t deserve that, she should have… Wait, what was I thinking? I shook my head for a moment as the fuzz cleared out of it and looked between them. What happened to me? Was she manipulating my thoughts?

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I use that for interrogations but this isn’t that. Must have forgotten to shut it off after talking to one of our prisoners. Adri, can you remind me to apologize to Aurora later? No wonder she was so kind to me.” Dr. Watson’s voice was still beautiful, of that there was no doubt, but when hearing her I no longer felt the desire to do everything she said. Speaking of, why was he seemingly unaffected?

“You’re, uh, fine. And I’m okay with Adrien being here.” Wait, wasn’t Adri the name of the boy who pulled the knife out of my shoulder? I glared at him for a moment before stopping to turn back to the doctor. Adrien and I could discuss knives and things later.

“Good, good. So first thing’s first, what’s your name? Legal one please, we need to make sure you aren’t reported missing by your family.” Her smile and pleasant tone did little to limit the terror I felt in that moment. What did I even say, the truth? No, I didn’t want her to think I was some kind of freak for this. But what lie could I even say? 

I hesitated long enough for her and Adrien to share a look, but managed to come up with something. “It’s just Natasha. My dad won’t be reporting me missing.” I shouldn’t have even mentioned my dad, but hopefully the short statement could keep them off of my back. If they knew my last name, they might have tried to contact him, which would have ended incredibly poorly. 

I thought I was in the clear, but Dr. Watson sighed and suddenly I knew I was nowhere near done with the conversation. “Hey, I get it. Parents can sometimes be hard. But if we don’t get to the news before they report you missing, this can quickly spiral out of control. We’ve worked hard to protect people from monster attacks these last few years, and media circuses get in the way of our ability to do that.” 

Oh, it was going to be one of those requests. I didn’t actually have a choice in the matter, she just wanted me to think I did. Why did adults do that, why not just be straight to the point? Why let me get my hopes up that I didn’t have to share anything I didn’t want to if you were just going to make me do it anyway?

I took a deep breath and glared at her for a second. I needed time to psych myself up; for some reason my name didn’t feel right to say anymore. Maybe I could go as Ash once I went back to normal? That could be a cool nickname, and it even let me keep some connection to Natasha. “It’s Arthur Elvis Orlin,” I whispered, using my short burst of positive energy to let it out. Even at a whisper it felt almost impossible to say, like my throat was trying to strangle the words before they could escape. I felt tears burn at the edges of my eyes, but fought them down. I didn’t even know why tears needed to show up; this shouldn’t have mattered that much. It was three words used to describe me for sixteen years.

The look of pity on the doctor’s face only made me more upset, and I felt a tear fall down my cheek as I stared at her. “Ah. I’ll handle that personally. I’m sorry.” Yeah. Sorry. Why did I even care? It was my name, it wasn’t supposed to hurt to say. 

We rushed through other medical questions, most of which I had to stumble through without knowing the answers. I hadn’t even looked at myself in a mirror, let alone measured my height or weight. At least I didn’t have to worry about medical records or anything of the like, thanks to Dad’s ardent refusal to trust the medical industry. I was almost relieved when she moved on to questions about my powers. I at least had some semblance of answers for her. 

“I need complete honesty for these questions, okay? We send these records to the realm of whoever you’re contracted to make sure that they’re accurate. Can I trust you to tell the full truth?” How was I supposed to answer her? Lie and hope she didn’t notice? Tell the truth and brace for the consequences?

I nodded my head without giving a verbal answer. I was a terrible liar, and opening my mouth would probably prove that immediately. I needed an out, or at least a way to buy time. “Nat?” I asked, desperation in my voice.

I’ll handle it. I’m a very good liar. Can I take over? Why was she asking permission, couldn’t she just do it? 

“Yes,” I managed, and in an instant everything felt incredibly off. I felt floaty, like control of my body had been ripped away. Even more weird, I could perceive things as if I were looking at my body from the outside. Like I was standing just over my own shoulder, except behind me was a headboard and wall that should’ve stopped me. I could still look around, but it seemed I wasn’t able to move the majority of my body away from over my own shoulder.

“Alright. We’ll start with the most important question: who are you contracted to? This helps us gauge how strong you are. You don’t need to worry about telling us what you wanted in response; everyone here tends to keep that private.” I panicked for a moment, terrified of the fact that I completely lacked an answer. She was going to find us out, and then what?

“I… I think his name was Elundel,” Nat calmly told the doctor, though she sounded less than sure. I didn’t know if she was genuinely having trouble remembering his name or if it was part of her lie. It was incredibly hard to tell.

“You don’t remember?” Dr. Watson raised an eyebrow, and the panic I felt only increased in intensity.

“I, uh, I’m pretty sure it was. I was more, you know, thinking about what I wanted.” Nat sounded afraid as she responded, like I did when I was worried about being punished. 

I thought it was genuine, that Nat was just as afraid as I was, but Adrien caught the doctor’s attention before I knew how Nat actually felt. “Uh, ma’am, I’m sorry to make assumptions again, but she looks terrified. Maybe lighten up?”

Dr. Watson sighed and nodded her head, looking almost disappointed as she did. “You’re right, my mistake. This is a checkup, not an interrogation. Apologies, Natasha. Do you know what your abilities are as of yet? I’m told you can heal, but Alyx knew nothing beyond this.” If Doctor Watson meant a word of her apology she didn’t seem to. She rushed on to more questions without a moment’s hesitation, despite Adrien’s increasingly worried expression. 

“Fire and healing. Self healing, sorry. I was impaled through the stomach and was able to recover. It was agony.” Adrien’s eyes seemed to widen in terror as he looked at us, but Dr. Watson seemed entirely unfazed. What had she seen to leave her completely unaffected by such a comment? 

“Understood. That covers most of the major details. I assume you’ll be staying at our facility for the time being? I can’t imagine you intend to return home in your condition.” The doctor didn’t even bother waiting for a response; before Nat could even open our mouth, the woman was out the door, leaving us alone with Adrien again.

An instant later I felt myself back in control, and I was barely able to keep myself from yelping in surprise. We were lucky Adrien didn’t seem to notice anything going amiss. “Nat! Warning next time?”

Apologies, kiddo. Doing that is exhausting. I need a nap, I think. Oh man I’m so, so tired. Oh yeah, and it’s not Nat. It’s… She faded into the back of my mind before the last word was stated. I wanted to ask what she was going to say, but it was obvious that I wouldn’t receive a response. Another question for later.

I stopped focusing on my thoughts long enough to catch Adrien staring right at me. Fuck, how long was I distracted? Whatever, I just needed to act natural. “So, um, what’s up?” Perfect. I was a genius. 

Adrien laughed to himself for a moment before answering. “Sorry, I just had a crazy thought. I was just really out of it last night, I think. Do you want me to get someone new? I know you know Alyx, and I bet you probably went to school with our other newest recruit, she’s super cool. Do you know her? Her name’s Aria, she sort of has fire powers too. I think. She’s also got this sweet butch look going on, she’s super cool.” Right. Aria was here.

Oh shit, Aria was here. I felt a blush rise up my cheeks as I thought about her. She was notorious for her flirtatious habits when other girls were involved, and that was what I was. Or was pretending to be. Was Nat sure this body wasn’t affecting my mind? I kept needing to remind myself that I wasn’t really a girl, and I was becoming less and less enthusiastic with each passing reminder.

“Wait, are you her girlfriend? Oh, that makes so much sense! With how you’re blushing I’m surprised I didn’t see it sooner. You two are so cute together! Guess that makes the second team relationship, so I’m super happy for you!” Adrien’s theories spiraled out of control as he got more and more excited, and if my face was red before it was nothing compared to where it was as he finished speaking.

I had to put a stop to him as soon as he needed to take a break. “No, no, no. She’s just someone from my school. Not my… you know.” I was still incredibly red in the face when I finally got my point across. Was he this excitable and quick to make conclusions all the time? If so, staying near him was going to get unbelievably exhausting. 

“Oh, so you just like her, then? Cool! Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. I’m surprisingly good at keeping my mouth shut.” I raised an eyebrow in doubt, but didn’t offer a response to what had to be a bold-faced lie. Instead I let myself lay back down, leaving the world of Adrien behind. Sure I wasn’t tired, but Adrien and Dr. Watson had been exhausting to deal with. 

That wasn’t even mentioning the fact that I had no idea how to handle Aria. She was my best friend, so she was sure to understand, right? I didn’t want to think about what would happen if she didn’t. Mom was gone, Dad would probably throw me to his friends in the church if he knew, and I didn’t know anyone else I could turn to from school. All I had left was Aria. 

Could I really jeopardize our friendship by telling her I was possessed by a demon? Or that I was choosing to stay in a girl’s body? What if she hated me? What if she told the others, and they tried to take Nat out of me or turn me back?

And for that matter, why didn’t I want to turn back? I was supposed to be a guy. Sure, I’d crossdressed once, but I hated how I looked in that, and weren’t you supposed to enjoy how you looked in women’s clothing if you were transgender? And weren’t you supposed to know from childhood? Mom had asked more than once if I wanted to be a girl, and I only ever said yes the first time. Dad made sure I never made that mistake again.

Transgender people fought harder than that, they didn’t just give up at the first obstacle. Obviously this meant I wasn’t one, I was just some guy playing pretend. My body, or hormones, or something had to be changing my mind. There wasn’t another explanation that made any sense. Nat had admitted she was an excellent liar; what if she was lying for some reason? No, I had to be able to trust her. Maybe she didn’t know? That was the most likely answer. Hopefully someone else would have concrete answers along the way.