Chapter 21

When I woke up I wished I was dead. Instead I was on the flat cold metal floor of the isolation cell.

I thought about actually feeling that searing sun ripping at my flesh, it would have been better than any of the pain I was putting myself through in real life. And so much of it was real. Too much. The darkness of the cold cell was almost welcome, if I was honest. In there, it didn’t matter who I was or what was happening outside. I could just lay there on the floor, let the steel stick to my skin and wait for the universe to decide what to do with me.

Lucas… Cass… me. The same cyclical thoughts that had been bothering me since I left Earth chased each other around. I wanted to open a door and let one of them out, end this, but for some reason I couldn’t turn the handle. My body needed the fight, but lord it didn’t want it anymore. Maybe I could open a crack, let some air in. So I took a deep breath and let it out on the ceiling.

“I’m… g… I like m… girls aren’t… I mean they are…” After a dream like that saying it out loud should have been easy, but it was no use. It stuck to my tongue, trying to hide. I shifted focus.

“Lu… Sh- they?”

I had heard about that. People using they as a pronoun. For some reason that was easier for me than either he or she. Which might have upset me, should have, but it actually made breathing easier. Okay. They.

“You’re turning out to be a rather difficult person to talk to, Matthew Coulson.”

It was a voice I hadn’t heard before. It vibrated along the walls of the cell and jackknifed into my skull. I sat up. There, sitting on what was supposed to be my bed, was a pale blue face in a crisp white military jacket. He wore gloves, thick and black, and boots so tight they were almost a part of his skin. He wasn’t looking at me, though, more lounging on the bed and studying a foldable knife which he let clip around his fingers. I scrambled to my feet, realizing he had walked in while I was asleep. At any moment he could have killed me if he wanted to. So why hadn’t he?

“Are you another bounty hunter or something?” I said. “K-kind of hard to turn me in when I’m already in a cell, don’t you think?”

“Silmon’s Proposition is a tricky thing to navigate isn’t it?” He said and pointed to the timer on my wrist, “just under thirty-eight hours, now. A shame, really. I was quite liking Earth”

“Where is Lucas?” I said.

“Ah, there’s that name. Lucas. You’re the only one who calls her that. I find that absolutely fascinating.”

“Y-you do?”

“Of course.” He stood up, and in the dim light I was able to get a better look at his face. His teeth were sharp and bone white, and he had dark streaks of skin-made hair flow nicely behind his head. Most striking were his eyes. Emerald and pointed, looking up at them made me feel twenty times smaller. He grinned, “in this world where everything seems so upside down, it’s refreshing to see someone with such a… unique take on everything.”

“I’m not really sure what you mean. Where I’m from I’m pretty bog standard.”

“If bog standard is what you are, I would love to see more.”

“Where is they?” Shit no. That isn’t how that goes.

“Both she and her boy toy are in similar cells to yours, don’t worry they are quite safe. For now, you and I are going to be spending some time with each other.”

“And who are you?”

He stepped back and made the best bow he could for how tight the room was, “I am General Rupture, leader of our finest Tangerian Military.”

“I’ve heard of you.” I said, “So you're in charge of all of this, was it you who put the bounty on my head?”

“Now that isn’t my fault. You were the one who sent the messages.”

“I didn’t send anything. I’m innocent!”

He rested a finger on my lips and sent through it a quiet “shhhh”. It made me stop, and suddenly his eyes were the only place I could look.

“I simply want to talk.” He said calmly and took my hand, rubbing his fingers between mine, a sensation that flowed up my arms like ice. “you must be yearning for such an opportunity to explain yourself, yes?”

“I-I don’t know anymore.” I said, surprising even myself, “All of this has been so confusing I just want to get it over with. I don’t even care if I lose anymore…”

“Then sit.” He led me to the bed and had me sit on the edge, “you have plenty of time.”

He took the seat next to me and brought his hand to my back. I winced, thinking maybe he was going to hit me, but instead he just… rubbed. Little pinpricks of contact were made through some of the holes in my shirt. It was strange, feeling this alien touch me so carefully. Part of me wanted to push him away, but more and more it fell to the other part of me that wanted- no, needed that touch. I let him rub for a moment more, my mind ebbed with his hand.

“When was the last time anyone treated you kindly, Matthew?”

The question made my spine snap up. “You don’t get to ask those types of questions.”

“Forgive me for being so forward, then. I didn’t intend to harm. I have simply noticed how like a gitechub you are. Thorny and cruel, but with a center so satisfying we dare to carve into it.”

I figured that was maybe some alien creature. “You’re going to eat me?”

“You are a funny one, you know that?” He tittered. Pointed noises that shrank me down. But still, his grin was unwavering. “How about some lunch? You must be hungry, and I’ll bet you have plenty of questions for me.”

He was right. My stomach was so empty it felt like it was going to start eating my insides. I nodded and he stepped out long enough to bring back two trays of food.

I didn’t know how hungry I was until the food was placed in my lap. It kind of looked like a chicken, though its color was off so maybe it was some other type of creature, maybe this gitechub,  but I didn’t care. I started cutting into it as soon as I could, stuffing the hardly-seasoned meal down my throat like it was the first thing I had ever eaten. I had forgotten Rupture was even in the room until he sat back down next to me, gleeful at how fevered my eating was. I stopped short of a bite and composed myself, swallowing the dry chunk I was working on. “I know what you’re doing.” I said.

He blithely cut into his own meal “Oh? Do you?”

“Trying to butter me up. Make me like you so I’ll be easier to turn in.”

“You’re implying it is easy to turn in a friend.”

That made me laugh, “a friend? I’m a friend to you? We’ve talked for five minutes.’

“Yet I feel I've known you for longer. It must be her… she has said so much about you and your planet it truly made me curious. To know such a man as Matthew Coulson is an honor.”

“Yeah well, doesn’t feel like much of an honor to me.”

“Maybe that is because you don’t quite know yourself.”

Tentacles were rubbing at my back again, when they had got there I couldn’t remember. I let them stay, the touch helped me focus, let me remember that I was in the here and now of the reality I never expected. The first touch like that I had ever known, and it was coming from an alien. “Well, you’re about to kill me anyway. So get to know me all you want.”

“You’re assuming that I don’t believe you, Matthew. On the contrary, I do.”

The clinks of his silverware filled the pause, “you do?”

“It doesn’t make much sense, does it? A seven year plan from two Earthlings to topple the governing body of a universe they are not even a part of? Flimsy, really. I don’t know how it’s been able to hold up for this bounty. More likely, it has something to do with this cult, uh, now what did we call them?”

“Those Who See?”

“Yes! Those Who See! Tenacious little fuckers, aren’t they?”

Hearing such a word from a voice that had been so formal caught me off guard. I choked on my food a little, and at once Rupture had a tentacle holding a napkin ready for me. I took it, and he continued amid my coughs, “Please understand, Matthew, our hostilities are not without some merit. A threat was made, we had to follow up on it. If nothing else, this has been a boon for our PR. How else are we supposed to keep five entire galaxies united if not to defend them at the slightest threat? Thus is the purpose of the Tangerian Military in our great machine.”

“So you're the police. Got it.”

“Police. Dignitaries. Ambassadors. We have served the Notice of Governance to over three thousand civilizations and counting. From there they accepted and the Council began the proper procedures to welcome them into our Republic. If it wasn’t for us, the Council wouldn’t exist.”

“And these civilizations accepted willingly?”

To that he smiled, “will yours?”

The watch on my wrist felt heavier. “If you believe me, why am I still here?”

“Because you may still be connected, and we can’t discount that possibility.”

“Then what do you want from me?”

“To take a shower.” He said, “you smell horrible.”

I pulled my shirt and gestured at all the dried viscera on it, “and you think that’s my fault?”

“Quiet now, Matthew.” A calm rage was dripping from the tentacle at my back. It slithered over my shoulder and massaged it. A feeling not unwelcome but certainly clashing with my instincts. He set his food down and bent low to me, eyes as arresting as the sky “you are the strangest tempered human I have ever seen. It can’t feel too good to let all of that rage stay inside you, control you, keep you from understanding your truest potential. What you need to understand is that everything out here is out of your control. So you can do nothing but let what’s going to happen happen. It will feel much easier in the long run, trust me.”

His breath was cool, his tone so careful, like he was talking to a puppy that might run away if he was too loud. “These sorts of things take time. So we must simply choose a place to begin and let everything that follows fall into place. We will begin with a shower, and after that I promise your questions will be answered.”

 He wasn’t wrong. My shirt was a mess, torn and stained from everything that had been happening, and my chin was covered in twenty-past-ten o’clock shadow, but a shower wasn’t what I needed. No, there was something else, something my body was itching for from the moment I woke up. But I couldn’t ask for that from him. So I took him up on his offer.

He led me out and down the halls of the station until we got to a wide shower room. I saw a Tangerian Officer pass with another detainee in cuffs. The Officer was forcing their head down as they walked past us. I was thankful that wasn’t happening to me, but wondered if they were doing that to Lucas. Then I realized, I wasn’t being treated like a normal prisoner at all.

“Why are you the one doing this? Isn’t this the type of work for someone beneath you?” I asked.

“Because we are on a schedule.” Rupture scowled, “Zwendel is tending to Krazmundo and C- actually the name Lucas certainly rolls off the tongue doesn’t it?”

I didn’t respond. We came to a door marked with a shower symbol and Rupture gestured me inside. “Strip down and give me your clothes.” He said.

“You mean here? In the hall?” I stammered, “What if someone sees me? I really don’t think anyone here wants an extra lesson on human anatomy.”

“Inside the shower.” He sneered, “honestly Matthew, I would have figured you would at least be smarter than your friend.”

“Okay but you’re staying out here,” I said, “I’ll give you my clothes from inside.” I grumbled and went in, but it still felt too open. It was a giant tiled room with shower heads mounted all around the perimeter, each with a little bar of soap and what seemed to be body wash next to it. There was also a small curtain next to each stall, not like that mattered. With how open everything was, it felt like anyone could barge in and see me at any second. Shaking the thought out, I started to take off my clothes.

My legs seemed to quake as the jeans were peeled off, unsteady and desperate for rest. My arms begged for cover as the sleeves pulled away. My core trembled as I pulled over the shirt, and new bruises made themselves known to me. It was like everything that had been happening up to that point was catching up, and my body was finally allowed to get comfortable with the pain.

Pain. That’s what was missing, the piece of the cycle I hadn’t yet resolved. Finally I could let the pain just happen. No running, yelling, arguing, just pure pain. I gripped my arm and imagined doing it so hard it would pop off like a doll’s. I trembled as I stepped out of my jeans and almost let myself fall so I could sit uselessly on the floor again. But I didn’t. Couldn’t. I could never take the pain as far as I needed it.

“Your clothes?”

Rupture’s voice pulled me out of my trance. He wasn’t inside, but a single tentacle floated in the doorway, a hanger waiting for its contents. I wadded everything up and gave them to him, “Sorry, I uh…”

“There is no need for apology, Matthew.” He receded, “Not for you. Now enjoy your shower.”

Was he going to stand out there the whole time? Listening as I turned the water on, waiting as it dripped down my back in steaming hot strands, and hoping that I forgot to close the shower curtain behind me?

No. No he wasn’t doing that. He was my warden, that was it. And as his prisoner, I decided I could take as long as I needed to in the shower, and so I did. I let the pain ripple.. The soap spread it thin across my body, giving every nerve a chance to feel it,.The steam cleared my sinuses, let my brain breathe, let my thoughts out. And for a moment I forgot that the last shower I took was a billion miles away in a tiny unimportant apartment building.

“Really now, you’re taking as long as she did.” Rupture said, his voice sounded closer than I liked.

“Are you talking about-?”

“Yes. When we first got her up here the first thing she did was take a shower. No one knew she was here, they weren’t supposed to, so it was in my private quarters. I waited just as long, if not longer.”

“What made you do it?” I said, “why did you agree to bring them up here and change them like that?”

“Captain Zwendel would be best to answer that. She is the one who practically begged me to let it happen. Fortunately, the request was something I had been looking into at the time. I had been experimenting with a species’ DNA which might have allowed such a transition to happen to a human body. I suppose then, the answer is luck.”

“They have alien DNA inside them?”

“They? No, just her. How else do you think we did it all so well?”

He paused a moment. The sound of footsteps came from behind the curtain. He was inside. Despite the curtain I instinctively covered myself up with my hands. “Do you really want to spend all of your time up here talking about this?” He asked, “there are much grander things for you here, Matthew, why not focus on them?”

“B-Because I’m trying to understand.” I said, “what would drive someone to go to these lengths?”

“I think maybe that is where you and I overlap.” He said, “I too have been trying to understand Lucas. Why would she leave Earth, why would she leave the Tangerians? And then it struck me one day. All she ever does is leave. It’s in her nature, you know. A sense of self preservation fueled only by her own desires, no thought over the greater good of things.”

Rupture’s voice was on the other side of the curtain, now. Too close. I backed up to the shower head, nearly slipping on the tile. I could see his shadow behind the curtain. Tall. Lithe. A single tentacle came up over the rail, a towel dangled from it.

“Here.” He said, “we really must be going.”

I turned the shower off, “Sorry I uh… I’ll finish up.”

I took the towel from him and started drying, all the while Rupture did not move. “What did they do to you?” I said.

Rupture craned his head like he was thinking on it. “He… was a fine soldier. Being human, enemies underestimated him. He was our secret weapon, a tool effective in surprise. Then… mutiny”

I made to throw the towel back over, expecting my clothes in return. My arm brushed the curtain’s seam and for a brief flash I saw Rupture’s eyes. I backed off, hoping he hadn’t just gotten an eyeful of naked Matt, but not sure. 

I cleared my throat, “my clothes please.”
“Of course.”

Another tentacle came over the rail, but he wasn’t carrying my clothes. I took the fabric and rubbed the latex material between my fingers, “what is this?” I said, holding it out.

“Your clothes are torn, stained. They simply won’t do for you anymore.”

It was some kind of jumpsuit. It looked similar to the ones I had seen other Tangerian Officers wear, but had some differences. The color was black. Soft blue highlights nearly clashed with it, but they were subtle enough to sink into the pattern. “I need my clothes back.” I said, “what else am I going to wear to work when I get back home?”

“Your wit is inspiring, Matthew. Do you really think your little job on Earth is the most important thing waiting for you there?”

“It’s all I have.” I said, stretching one of the legs out, “at least let me wear my jeans. I really don’t want anyone to see how tight this is on me.”

“Oh very well.” He said, and my jeans flopped over the rail onto the floor. They hadn’t even been washed, but at least they were mine. I struggled to wrangle the jumpsuit over my still damp body. It fit so oddly, I swore I was doing it wrong. As I twisted myself into it, Rupture went on. “It was Zwendel who first noticed the change in Cassandra’s attitude. He was getting irritable, started disobeying direct orders and slandering the very military, the very people, he was rescued by. Can you believe it? After all we had done for him, he was willing to throw it all away, and for what? Well, that was my question. So I approached him with it. What I found was… upsetting to say the least.”

Buttoning up my jeans was more difficult while wearing what was basically a giant glove. Still, I managed, and as I looked down I wondered if there was a mirror anywhere. “What was it?” I asked.

My answer came as the curtains were swiftly pulled back. Despite being clothed I still covered up, scared by the sudden move. The void which poured from Rupture’s eyes gazed into me. His mouth was a thin crack, widening with pointed teeth. “Betrayal.” He said simply, “He was giving our enemies information, working as a spy, and before anything could be done about it…” He reached a hand to his scarred eye, rubbing steam into it. I understood.

 “...and you have them now.”

“Now you’re understanding.” Rupture said, and motioned for me to exit the shower. “You see, in our missteps has come an opportunity. A chance to eliminate a mistake made seven years ago. If you help us uncover the truth behind your supposed crimes and bring the one responsible to justice we can help you.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s simple really.” His hand was at my back now, pushing me along to the exit, tracing the sores I could still feel. “We don’t want him up here anymore, and you want him back. We can arrange that.” 

I stopped short of the door. I held my arm before it could shake. 

Three things I can see…

“So what you’re saying, is there’s a way…”

The tiled floor…

“To… to…”

The burning bright lights…

“Change him back?”

Rupture’s tongue escaping beneath his lips.

He knelt and held my chin up to his face, “precisely.”