Chapter 12

CASS

When Matt and I were little we used to play starship on the school playground. It was a lot of fun. We worked together to solve various made up stories about visiting other planets and helping aliens with whatever problems they had. We toppled dictators, rescued babies, and solved at least three hunger crises. Everything was neat and tied up in a solid half hour bow, ripe for the emmy’s. We could have won at least one. In real life though, well, this space adventure was going about as well as putting a fish on dry land and telling it to walk. It would have been easier if Kraz hadn’t immediately decided to get on Matt’s bad side. I marched over to him and snatched his bottle away before he could take another drink.

“Hey! What are you-”

I poured the bottle straight down my mouth. It wasn’t even my preferred beer, but dammit I drank whatever was left of it and threw the bottle on the floor, shattering it. All while not breaking eye contact. Kraz sat up, “Oh you’re not just pissed are you?”

“Way past pissed!” I said, “when I left I told you he was going be here and he was going to have trouble adjusting, didn’t I? How many times did I tell you he- he’s not as- as-”

“Open-minded?”

“Confident as I am. Dammit hon, how am I supposed to make this easy for him if you talk to him like that, huh?”

“I’m not the one who should be apologizing here.” He said, “That little flealich keeps insulting you. I can’t have that on my ship, not with you!”

I jumped up onto my chair. “I can handle myself. You don’t need to play hero for me.”

“I still can’t believe you used to be friends with that jerk.”

“You haven’t even gotten to know him.”

“I don’t need to. People like him, you can see what they’re all about just by looking at them. He’s a bum, Cass, and I don’t like that we’re helping him. What are you getting out of this? It’s not like Rupture is going to just give you the reward money, he hates you remember?”

“You don’t understand.” I keyed up the Ledo deck view on the monitor. Sure enough, there Matt was, sitting at one of the old food court tables gazing absent-mindedly. “It just… hurts to see him like this. He isn’t the same, Kraz, he and I we used to have this… chemistry and now it’s just gone.”

“So?” Kraz said, “he had just as much a chance to make something out of his life as you did.”

“I wish I could believe that….” For a moment I was quiet, staring out at him. He seemed so lost out there. I knew I needed to bring him back, and I couldn’t do it just moping around.

Okay Cass, get it together.

I gave my cheeks a good slap and shook all of the little worries out of my head. I hopped over to Kraz and crawled up on his lap. He looked away as I wrapped my arms on his neck, knowing exactly what I was doing. It was cute, honestly. I loved that he still got embarrassed when I did stuff like this. I couldn’t stay mad, he was just trying to help me. So I gave him a way he could. “Can you just promise me that you will at least try to be nicer to him? Please?”

He made a little grumbly sound, then flexed his fingers on all four hands. Finally his body relaxed, “I can’t promise I can be nice.” He muttered, finally looking down at me.  “But I won’t chase him away.”

I planted a kiss on his lips. He returned it, opening his mouth just enough for me to lick against his long teeth. “Thanks hon.” I said, “now about that tooth file-”

“Ugh I know, they need sharpening. But I can’t find the damn thing.”

“Relax, I'm about to go find it.” I went for the elevator, “And when I do you owe me ten bucks.”

“Well what am I supposed to do?!”

“Set our course for Critwell. Clock’s ticking, bud!”

Okay, round two. I needed to find some way to get Matt to loosen up, have some fun. I did some light stretches in the elevator, psyching myself up to be the loosest person in the whole fucking universe. When the elevator stopped I took a moment to breathe in the space. I adored the way the Ledo deck felt. Everything was perfectly frozen, a moment of pure liminality that I drank in every time I came down. But something was missing. The walls were still lit with neon purple lights, the ads were still up with just the right amount of fade to be cool, and my music was still pumping through the crackling tin speakers I hooked up just for the feel of it. Then, as the ship pushed into lightspeed I remembered: We had just made this baby a convertible!

I ran over to a switch I had installed and flicked it. At once, the heavy armor plating above the deck started to peel away slowly. Matt noticed from his seat and looked up just in time to see the fantastic light show that was happening all around us. Beautiful streaks of orange and white that drowned every other color in the room. And for the first time since seven years ago he looked genuinely amazed. I took my opportunity to walk in.

“Heya!” I said, and he jumped back to his seat, like I had just caught him doing something naughty. “Do you like it? I made this space my own little project.”

“I thought you said you needed the plating for armor or something.”

“Yeah, but I missed the view. So we worked out a way to make it retract.”

“It’s… weird.” He said, “but kind of cool. I guess.”

Cool. Okay, he said something was cool. Cool cool cool, I’m glad it was cool. Shit, he was looking at me. I needed to, you know, actually respond. “Cool.”

“I found this neat little knife though.” He said, giving it a little twirl.

“Yeah that’s not a knife, it’s Kraz’s tooth file.”

He dropped it and jumped back like it was going to stab him, but it just clattered to the table. I stifled a laugh and took it, placing it in a holster on my belt. “Come on, you must be tired. Let me show you to your room! I think you’re gonna love it!”

I took his hand and dragged him back for the elevator. He slapped me off just as we got there, “I can walk myself, you know.”

“And isn’t that just so tsundere of you?” I said and pressed the button.

“Don’t you think your- what is he your boyfriend- wouldn’t like seeing you pulling me around like this?”

“Kraz is just cranky because he doesn’t have his tooth file, which I’ll be sure to tell him you found.” He didn’t seem all that convinced, so I decided to try a different angle, “Hey relax, if nothing else this is like a vacation for you! And you just happen to be on the greatest cruise ship in the Five Galaxies! Let yourself go, man.”

He wasn’t exactly loose by the time we got down the hall to his room, but at least he was following me. I fished through my belt pouches, “You’re gonna love this Matt. A room like this was considered a luxury when this ship was up and running, and you get it for free! I know I have it here somewhere. Let’s see, uh- snack bar, gym, library, cat room- Ah! Here we go!” I took the keycard and gave it to him. Opening your own room was always the best part of hotels, at least how I remembered it. He hesitated at first, but put the card in the slot no problem. The light on the door went green and opened up to- “Surprise! It’s an exact replica of your old high school bedroom!”

I pulled him in, absolutely giddy to show off all of my hard work. “I cobbled this together the best I could with old pictures I had, but I think it turned out great! Look, here’s your desk with your old shitty laptop.” I opened it and clicked on the spacebar, “already set to private browsing mode, huh? Huh?”

“Lucas… this-”

“Is amazing? I know! Look at the bed!” I jumped onto it, light and bouncy as ever, “the same gray bed sheets AND look under the bed.”

He sighed, “how did-”

“Come on, look under the bed! Look under the bed!”

He dipped below for a second and came back up with the same dull expression he went under with. “Chewing gum.”

“Chewing gum! Your whole collection! And there’s more in the bedside table if you want to add to it. Oh! And that’s not even the best part!”

I went to the dresser in the corner where a TV sat precariously on a bad leg, by design, and switched it on. I had already pre-loaded the game and was grabbing two wireless controllers from the top drawer, “ta da! Fighters’ Mix-Up!” I rejoined him on the bed and passed him one. “This is gonna be so rad, man! Let’s play!” I pressed start and picked my character, but Matt didn’t. Instead he kept swapping between two of them until the time ran out and made him pick one. We played a match, but he wasn’t even trying. It was weird, I had never seen him so quiet.

Finally, after losing on purpose, he said “And how did you do this exactly?”

“With this!” I pulled a remote from my pocket and gave it to him, “This room has all of the props in place to make tactical feedback possible. All this remote does is add a holographic layer to-”

He pressed the power button. It all shut down in a millisecond, leaving behind a simple and clean vacation room. Sterile walls. Floral print bedsheet. Basic ass bathroom sink in the corner. I didn’t know what to say. That took me weeks to edit and he had just wiped it all away like it was nothing. He was staring at me so coldly I was at a complete loss. He walked me to the door, and with little more than a requisite, “Thanks,” I was locked out.

I stayed outside his room for a moment. Maybe I was waiting for him to open the door again and say sorry. I mean, pfft, that would have been the polite thing to do right? After some pacing, I thought I heard the sound of furniture moving from inside. I wanted to open the door and see what he was doing, but even when I just raised my fist to knock I faltered. I had already forced myself back into his life once. Did I really need to do it again?

I hugged myself and started toward my own bedroom. It had been a pretty taxing few days, after all, so maybe we both just needed some sleep. My room was a full two floors above where his was. I figured he wouldn’t mind the distance, and honestly I didn’t either. It felt necessary for the time being. I flashed my key and the door opened and at once a wall of peace hit me. If nothing else, this place was still comfort.

I’m sure that if Matt saw my room he would groan. It was the same theme as everything else I did these days. Pink. Purple. Neon. Chill. When you live your whole life with your identity smothered by what people assume you are, you wind up making sure that no aspect of you could ever be smothered again. That is the rule for everything I ever do. From the clothes I wear, to the room I sleep in, it was all the theme I wanted, the world I deserved. And as I leapt into the pink pillows of my large four post bed I let the sheets cover me in exactly that feeling.

Without raising my head I clapped my hands and the room darkened. The PC on the desk opposite my bed switched on and began to play calming music. I kicked my shoes off, uncaring where the flung, and wiggled up to the headboard. Twisting around, I took my belt off and slung it over my bedside table where my gun holster clattered dangerously against its wooden surface. I pulled the sheets over my face and tried to focus on the hum of the music, letting it drown everything out.

I don’t how long I was there before the door opened. I let my quilt shield me from the light before it closed off once more. Heavy footfalls signaled Kraz approaching the bed, and soon his weight sagged the mattress over to his side. I didn’t look up, I knew his routine so well I could see it in my head. He was taking his boots off, scratching his back, and letting the ammo belt slide off of his shoulders until it hit the floor. Pretty soon his two left arms were around me, and I pressed them harder into my chest. He kissed my neck, “so… do I owe you ten bucks?”

I lazily pointed to the table where my belt was, and the file could be seen in the dim light. He chuckled, “damn. Maybe there’s another way I can pay…” He kissed my neck more, sending little sparks with each one.

“Pay me later,” I whispered, “right now I just want this.”

“We have three hours.” He said, “enough time for-”

“A nap.” I said pointedly, “Matt should be asleep by now too.”

“And how did all of that go?”

I didn’t say anything, just pushed my body further against his. He took the message, and before long both of us were snoring way too loudly.