Chapter 14

“Alright, here’s yer grub.”

A burger was placed in front of Lucas. For what it was, it looked like a regular Earth burger to me. Jendrak pointed to it, “did you want pickles on that?”

“I would love some, tha-”

“We don’t got any pickles. Here ya go, big guy.” She sat a bowl of greens and other veggies at Krazmundo’s place. Krazmundo seemed to have no problem with it, until he started picking out the olives.

“Got any dressing?” He said.

“Ranch and double ranch, which is yesterday’s ranch on top of today’s ranch.”

“I’ll have the double.”

“I like you, straight shooter. Here ya go, new guy. Catch.”

Before I could react my plate clattered to the table in front of me. It was fuzzy and small. A blue clump of hair sitting among a setting of sloppily drizzled sauce and lettuce that I think was supposed to make it look elegant. The hair parted to reveal two large eyes with iris’s so deep you could fall into them. A soft whimpering coo came from it. Holy shit. It was alive.

“Wh- what am I supposed to do with this?” I said. “There has to be some sort of mistake.”

Jendrak looked down at it, and at me with a sneering grin, “oh sorry. You’re right.”

“Thank goodness, because for a second there I thought you wanted me to-”

She stabbed a large kitchen knife between me and the plate, which caused the whole of the diner to jump in their seat. The little creature saw the knife and let out a warbling scream before it began to roll to the edge of the plate in an attempt to get away. Jendrak put her hand near it to stop it from falling off.

“You gonna kill that thing, or what?” She said.

“Y- you can’t be serious! Lucas, tell me she’s joking.”

“She isn’t, but this is a little much for your first day.” He reached over and scooped the fuzzball up, “if this is Eli’s idea of a joke, you can tell him to knock it off.”

Jendrak huffed, “yer blamin’ us?! Lissen, he ordered it! I’m just doing my job. Criminiy, you tell me to get somethin’ I’ll get it. Don’t want it, don’t order it.”

“You knew I had no idea what I was asking!” I said.

“Don’t get all uppity on me, pal! I ain’t even s’posed to be here! Damn job has got me reelin’ from PTSD every night and yer gonna just lump more on me, huh? The nerve of you people.”

“You people?” I said.

“Yeah, fukkin’ customers! Always changin’ their minds midway through.”

“Come on, just eat it.” Krazmundo said, mid salad bite. Lucas slapped his shoulder.

“What?! They serve Drex all the time on Kantur. They’re native! Really, it’s kind of amazing there are any here on Critwell.” He took the thing from Cass and gave it a little pat. It rolled into his palm, nuzzling at the spaces between his bony plates. “Awh who’s a little ball of nutrients? You are! Yes you are!” Then he tossed it in the air lightly and moved his hands out of the way so it could fall to the floor. “Oops.”

The Drex landed beneath the table and I could hear it make a small surprised gasp. Jendrak ducked under to try and snatch it. Her tail bumped into the tabletop and swiped about, knocking over both Lucas and Krazmundo’s meals. I hiked my legs up when I felt her claws scratch at my pants and did my best to climb up and out of the chair. The others got up too, just before the table fell over and left Jendrak hunched beneath it. She began to sniff around, cursing and grumbling beneath her breath. I saw the Drex scramble to get away. It made it about to the middle of the floor before Jendrak saw it and leapt for it. Lucas stomped on her tail, causing her to fall flat on her face and yowl.

She scrambled to get up, but Lucas dug in, “alright, enough playing restaurant. We need Eli.”

The two aliens in the corner, who up until now were minding their own business, rose and each took a gun from their jackets. They aimed at us, point blank. I shot my hands up in surrender, which Lucas immediately lowered. He answered them with his own gun. Krazmundo already had his rifle out. Each of them were trained on the other, while Jendrak was sprawled out between them. From the corner of my eye I saw the Drex roll into the kitchen, hopefully safe from harm.

“Come on guys, we don’t need all this, do we?” Lucas said, “how come it always takes a gunfight to get things moving with you? You know us! Gus, we were at your birthday party just last month!”

“You didn’t bring me a gift.” The larger of the two creatures said.

“Well I thought about it, and really isn’t that what counts?”

“Shoot them! Now!” Jendrak cried.

My gaze darted between the four of them, their itchy fingers played at the triggers. I swallowed some spit, and dared to speak. “A-all this over a little fuzzball?”

“Now now, you ordered that fuzzball.” A deep whiskey drenched voice said from the kitchen. The sound of boots hitting the floor called everyone’s attention to the doorway. Each step jingled with the sound of spurs, as another large lizard stepped through. Leather clad fingers held the Drex between pointed claws and copper-green slit eyes watched us from beneath a wide brim hat that was decorated with a skull shaped bola. The green lizard licked his lips and brought the Drex up to his face, “come on now, you don’t really think something like this oughta go to waste, do ya Cass?”

I guessed this was Eli, partly because of how freely he was addressing us, but also because of the strange smell that seemed to emanate from him. It was pungent, sweet, almost peppery even. The scent drifted with Eli as he approached the center of the room, dangling the Drex like it was a keychain.

He regarded Jendrak, “really though, this could have gone on without you touching my staff.”

“Seems that’s the only way to get your attention.” Lucas said, “you’re a sucker for the dramatic.”

“The meal was on the house, and I believe Krazmundo mentioned how rare these suckers are. I don’t think we’re being too dramatic, are we?”

“I told them Eli!” Jendrak cried from the floor, “these guys don’t got any manners! They remind me of Aunt Shel, you remember her, right? Every time we go out she’s so mean to the waiters I-”

“Shut the Hell up, Jendrak, yer scarin’ the Drex.” Eli said. He raised the creature up high and hung it above his open mouth. His tongue curled out from his teeth and rose to meet the shivering creature, licking the tips of its fur.

“D-don’t do that!” I shouted. He stopped, and directed his gaze to me.

“Matthew!” He said, like he was greeting an old friend, “my my my, you look different than I imagined you. So small. So… weird.” He pointed between me and Lucas, “y’all sure you’re the same species?”

“Weirdly enough, yes.” Lucas said.

“How do you know my name?” I said.

“I’m sure Cass has explained the bounty to ya.”

“Right… yeah.”

“We were wanting some information.” Lucas said, “anything you can tell us about the bounty. Things that are off the record.”

“I don’t know what you think I know that the media doesn’t.” Eli said. He raised the Drex back up to his mouth. It started to squeal, and I seriously thought I was about to see this thing get eaten alive.

“Put it down, Eli.” Krazmundo said dryly. “Now.”

He was pointing his rifle square at Jendrak. Shit, I didn’t want her to die too. Eli laughed, coarse and sharp, “Jee-hee-eez pal, you drive a hard bargain. Alright. Alright.”

He dropped the Drex which squealed as it fell to the ground with a plop. At the same time, Lucas lifted his foot from Jendrak, who bolted toward Eli as fast as possible, dizzying the Drex. It took a look up at them, and then at us, and with a squeaky gibbering sort of sound it scuttled beneath one of the tables.

Jendrak wrapped herself around Eli’s legs, “thanks Uncle Eli. I told them ya-”

“Can it, ya squirrely lil- I told ya to mind yer manners up front didn’t I?! Now look at what ya gone and done! Rilin’ up my customers and-” he looked up as though he just noticed we were standing in the room and chuckled, “f-forgive my lil’ partner here. She’s pretty new to the game.” He turned to the two aliens who were still aiming at us and slapped their guns away. “Drop them things! Don’t you know how to treat a guest with respect?! Honestly, we’re runnin’ a business here not a shootin’ gallery!”

Lucas and Krazmundo relaxed their own weapons. With a huff, Eli straightened out his jacket and walked over to Lucas. Krazmundo seemed to step back and cover his nose for the smell, I joined him.

Eli snickered,“Well look here. We got ourselves a new guest an’ he’s already pickin’ up bad habits.”

“Sorry. Uh-” I lowered my hand and let the strange smell waft through me. I wanted to leave, but it was beckoning me to stay.

“Cassandra dear, it’s been too long.” Eli said and went to take his hand. Lucas pulled it out of reach.

“Not long enough.” Lucas said. “But I guess that was enough time for you to get new help.” He gestured to Jendrak.

“Help comes and goes. I’m watchin’ this ragamuffin fer my cousin. Seems she done and got herself in trouble back home, needed a good example to keep her straight.”

“And- and you’re a good example?” I said.

“Well of course I am!” Eli smiled, “there ain’t a better example of a good doin’ citizen like yours truly. Who else is gonna serve you a good meal and good information all in the same room? Now, ignoring the Drex you so rudely declined, haven’t I been a hospitable host so far?”

“Sure. Sure.” Lucas said, “All the guise of southern hospitality without the subtlety. You want something from us too.”

“My dear you are ever so observant.” Eli said, “s’pose that’s what I get when I talk to the best.”

“Out with it,” Krazmundo said, “is it money you want?”

“I got plenty of other dealings with money that are being handled as we speak.” Eli said, “I simply need you to assist me in a little job, that’s all. It’s nothing really, far below your usual pay grade.”

“I guess quid pro quo isn’t out of the question.” Lucas said, “but the last time I made a deal with you it ended with a back alley game of 4D chess and a missing hand.”

Eli held his wrist, “It grew back. All’s forgiven.”

“And what’s in it for us?” Krazmundo said.

“The information you seek, of course.” Eli said, “you’re right about one thing: there’s a lot more to this hit than they are willing to disclose. It don’t make sense, does it? A governing body that receives millions of death threats a day, a few I’ve penned in fact, suddenly decides to zero in on one that isn’t even in their sphere of influence? It smells worse than I do.”

“You don’t smell that bad, actually.” I said. Lucas looked back to me with a weird grin.

“Why thank you!” Eli said, “I knew I would like you!”

“Alright enough flirting.” Lucas said, “what’s the job?”

Eli grinned. He reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a small metal sphere. It had designs on it that seemed to mark places where it could twist, and a keypad at its front that was unmarked. “I simply need you to deliver this. There is a rendezvous that has been set up at the local club, the Accident.”

“The Accident?” I said, “Why is it called the Accident?”

“Because that’s where those things happen.” Eli said, “marketing, ya know.”

“Awh babe, that’s where we had our third date!” Lucas said and laid a hand on Krazmundo’s lower left arm, “you remember don’t you? That was the first time I did that thing you like with the tweezers.”

“We don’t need to talk about that.” Krazmundo said.

“Y’all do this for me, come back an’ I’ll tell ya everythin’ you need ta know about the bounty….” He looked at me, and his tongue tasted the air once more, “and about you.”

Lucas snatched the sphere from his hand. “So how are we gonna know who we’re looking for?”

“You like music, right?” Eli sneered. He brought a tiny flash drive from his pocket and came over to me, “Now this doesn’t sound anythin’ like the classics, but you’re not really the one who’s going to be listening fer it.”

I didn’t know why, but I suddenly felt like listening to whatever he wanted me to. I nodded, “It’s fine, really. I’m sure I’ll like it.”

“Good! Get the DJ to play the track stored on this drive. You’ll see your mark, or they’ll see you.”

He dropped the drive and I realized too late that he was expecting me to catch it. It clattered to the ground as I fumbled. I quickly took it up like nothing had happened.

“Pfft, you ain’t got no style kid.” Eli said. Jendrak tittered. I shuffled my shoes and did my best to sink back closer to Krazmundo.

“Aw it’s alright.” Lucas said, “What you lack in style you make up for in charm right?”

“W-well I don’t know about that” I said, “I mean really I’m not that charming. I haven’t even been able to shower today I-”

I took a step toward Eli, and Cass grabbed my hand, “okay there pal. I think you’ve had enough. Let’s get you out to the club, huh? A little drink will do you good.”

She started to pull me out, but for some reason I wanted to stay. I gave her some resistance, but in the end Krazmundo yanked me over to him and we were heading out the door. As the diner bell rang Eli called out, “y’all come back now, ya hear?”