I'm underground.

Several stories underground.

Holy shit, this place is a literal example of a medieval dungeon. My room was dark and spooky with magic lights on the wall, but this is just flat out creepy.

Seriously, why the fuck would anyone need this many cells? 

The door for each cell is pretty simple. A solid door made of what appears to be metal, with a set of bars to serve as a window. I peek into one of the windows, but the cell is empty. Yeah, this seems like a waste of money.

Also, I'm probably going to die if I'm not careful.

There are a shit ton of people patrolling around. Maybe not around me, but mana sensing is telling me that I have a lot more than twenty people in the base.

I lost count of the number of people.

I was hoping I was still in the warehouse, but they must have brought me to a main base. Actually, why would they leave me in the warehouse? Of course they would move me somewhere more secure...

Also somewhere with more potential money to be gained.

High risk, high reward.

I can escape from this place, rob this place, or kill everyone in this place.

Choices, choices.

I'll go with a combination of all three.

Alright, let's take a look at my good ol' list from Frank. It's a good thing it was in my item storage. Maybe I can figure out where the fuck I am using the list.

Right, let's see here...

Okay, I know where I am. Apparently, these fuckers own a mansion. How the fuck did they enter high society? Money can't give them class.

Actually, if money can get me class, I better start robbing more.

If this is their largest base, then they must have a lot of their stuff here. So, this must be where most of the money is.

They saved me the trouble of me bringing myself here.

However, this place is also where most of the trouble is at. They'll probably have the really strong guys around here.

Fuck.

I'll need to be smart about this.

Status.

Name:	Simon Harmes	Vitality	208	Mana Capacity	266
Race:	Human	Strength	208	Intellect	226
Age:	16	Agility	217	Wisdom	226
Level:	28	Constitution	208	Perception	245
Titles:			Affinities:
Blessed By God (L)			Water
Hated By An Archangel (U)			Light
Automaton's Friend (R)			Darkness
Enemy of Silver Leaf (S)			Poison
A**hole (C)			Lightning
			Space-Time

 

Skills: Level: The Chaos of a Joker (U) NA Language Comprehension (R)  NA Presence Erasure (R)  1 Dagger Wielding (S) 8 Electricity Resistance (S) 2 Stealing (S) 4 Dissection (S) 1 Cooking (C) 8 Poison Resistance (C) 5 Short Sword Technique (C) 4 Dashing (C) 2 Dual Wielding (C) 2

Magic: Level: Instant Cast (U)  NA Taint Magic (U) 1 Item Storage (R)  MAX Attribute Fusion (R) 7 Lightning Magic (S) 9 Non-Attributed Magic (S) 9 Water Magic (S) 7 Darkness Magic (S) 3 Mana Scanning (S) 3 Body Strengthening (S) 2 Shine Magic (C) 9 Appraisal (C) 5

 

...

Yeah, I'm not talking about my new title. Other than the fact that my menu doesn't like cursing. Funny. I'll have to find a way to fix that.

So, poison magic is now tainting magic.

Tainting. Magic.

Magic of the taint.

I'm not talking about that one either. Why did my status have to suddenly get worse?

Or better, if you find this funny.

Luckily, I find this funny. 

As I giggled to myself, I tried to work out a plan. There are a couple of routes for this. I could try disguising as one of the people here, or I could try to stealthily move without being seen.

Or I could enter massacre mode. But dying is not an option. Well, it is an option, but not something I want to happen. Dying is not a likable option.

I think I'll go with the Metal Gear route route rather than the Hitman route. 

I activate my presence erasure skill. This skill is so cool. Unless I make myself known obviously, I can get away with a lot of shit. 

I start walking down the hall, keeping an eye out for others. And an ear out. And whatever the fuck organ lets me sense mana.

Walking through the dungeon slash basement, I came across a couple of groups doing shit. They seemed pretty weak, so I just snuck up and did some murders. No magic experiments today, I've learned my lesson. For now. I'll probably forget about it after today.

After waltzing around the basement, I manage to overhear something quite fabulous. There's a vault. A big vault. 

There will be nothing more satisfying to me than to break into a vault. That's the dream of a thief. I've only been a thief for a little while, but I still feel that dream. Payday is coming, just you wait. 

So, color me surprised when instead of some huge looking door with a wheel, I find a wall safe with a combination lock.

This world just loves to smash my hopes and dreams.

Opening it up (I say open, but I mean ripping off the door using body strengthening) makes me a happy man. They left me all kinds of gems and gold. Retirement, here I come.

I begin to leave after robbing the safe, only to find that the guards are much more vigilant now.

Much more.

Very much more.

Yeah, I ain't sneaking past these guys.

THEY'RE ON TO ME.

Maybe it was the corpses. I think that might put me a bit on edge. From now on, I'll hide the bodies.

Except there's no where to hide them around here.

Shit.

I'm just going to be leaving corpses everywhere now. 

Well, even if those assholes were acting vigilant, suddenly getting paralyzed from water vapors ain't easily noticed.

They most certainly did not notice that.

So, time to try a magic experiment. 

Wait, there's something I'm forgetting...

Eh, it's probably not important.

Time for the stupidest idea I've ever had.

So, I can fuse attributes. It's nice. However...

Can I layer attributes further?

Now, this might seem stupid to say, as it doesn't make sense from a non-magic standpoint. But, I have an idea.

I don't think it would work for something like using a singular attribute, like using one part lightning and one part lightning. My idea is different from that.

What if I were to use one part lightning and two parts poison? Or one part light and two parts water? I think that it may be interesting to try.

So. I start off with two parts poison and one part lightning.

HOLY SHIT.

NOPE.

SO MUCH NOPE.

THAT'S FUCKING BAD, FUCK.

Two words.

Acid. Lightning.

Two parts poison makes acid.

I try just using two parts poison without the lightning. I'm not sure how the fuck that works, but I've got a dissolving corpse on my hands. 

...

I just figured out how to hide the bodies.

I'm a genius.

Magic experiments solve all my problems.

More importantly...

I can fuse the same attribute!? Such power!

Onto the next one.

Fusing one part light and two parts water.

And, I've just got a big ball of water.

Fuck.

Light magic is so fucking useless.

Two parts light and one part lightning?

Wow.

It's just lightning. But white.

Way to go, me.

Goddamnit.

Fuck light magic, it's literally the most garbage magic I have. I don't know what kind of shit the "hero of light" does with this trashy magic, but it's fucking worthless. 

I need to come up with some way to use it.

Two parts light? Maybe? GIVE ME SOMETHING!

And, I've made a flashlight.

Huh.

Surprisingly useful yet completely useless right now.

Fuck me.

Wait a sec.

Three parts light?

OW, FUCK, WHY!?

Spots flash in my vision.

Flash bang is now an option. Without the bang. Perhaps I can remedy that later.

I knew you could do it light magic! You had some use after all! 

"--out for anything suspicious. Most likely has high level concealment. Be wary."

Oh shit, someone's coming. It's a good thing I started dissolving the corpses.

And that means they're just going to see some partly dissolved bodies.

That won't seem terrifying at all.

Definitely not.

RUN AWAY!

I sprint as quietly as I can away. Please don't mind me. I'm just a friendly hero in pursuit of justice. Don't mind the pile of dead comrades. It's all an illusion.

Wait. 

Holy shit.

That could work.

Not now though, after I finish the running away. Then, science. If I can get away. 

I keep running through the halls and quickly lose them. Good. Now, it's time to experiment.

I try using light magic in a new way. This will probably be very difficult, but it should be possible. Probably.

First, I think about light as what it is. It's the way we see everything. Why do I always make bright lights? They're useless. It has a much greater use.

I look at the wall carefully and slowly begin to construct something out of light.

A brick.

I made a brick out of light. I mean that it's not a brick made out of bright light, but that I've made a hologram of a brick. Or, an illusion. 

Fuck, it looks nothing like it!

This. This has high potential. Combined with stealth, this would be a whole new level of bullshittery. But it's hard as hell to make and concentrate on. 

I'll need to work out the kinks later, but I've changed my mind. Light magic is the best kind of magic now.

Anyways, I'm lost.

Yeah.

Still haven't figured out how to go up a floor, and I was too busy wandering around and looting to figure it out. I didn't even try to interrogate anyone. Guess I'll have to work on that.

Or I could solve my problems the usual way.

Violence.

* * *

Yup, it was true.

Violence is always the answer.

Violence can pretty much solve all your problems. 

In history, when Alexander the Great was given Gordian knot, he didn't untie it.

He took out his sword and cut right through it.

While it is always nice to try and do things in a peaceful manner, there is something so satisfying about destroying everything with your fists. Which is exactly what I did. I smashed everything with my fists. Not metaphorically.

Silly me!

Why search for an exit when you can make one?

So, I figured out how to do the body strengthening again. I wrapped myself in magic, and smashed the ceiling apart. That took a lot of effort, but it probably looked cool as hell. I felt like a superhuman. From now on, fuck magic, I'm using this shit. Even though it's technically magic.

The patrols did not like finding holes everywhere. Not that I cared what they liked.Yes, I may have smashed some walls for good measure. I was away from the holes by the time they got there. I just kept smashing shit.

So it was no surprise to me that I began to see more and more groups running around in a panic as I destroyed more. What was hilarious though was their inability to notice me. Dumbasses. They've been in this world for how long and they can't figure this shit out? I know I'm a cheat, but you've had your entire life to get strong. What the fuck. Train a little. 

Well, those that did notice me became slightly beaten up, and by slightly, I mean very, and by beaten up, I mean dead. 

Anyways, after breaking a few walls and floors and people, I've made it to what appears to be the ground floor. Also, they have an alarm ringing now. Guess someone was smart enough to let them know they should be in full blown panic mode. Not that it'll save them.

So, now that I'm out of the basement, I have to say that this is one swanky place. Everything is fancy as fuck. Europe in the 17th century kind of fancy. Whoever owns this place probably spent a lot of money on it.

It's a real shame for them. About the fire. 

All it takes is shooting some curtains and furniture with a little bit of lightning and soon everything is burning. Let's add pyromania as one of my new bad habits. 

After burning quite a few rooms, I started to hear one guy shout really loud. Like, really loud. Deafening shout.

"BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!" Was what I could make out. He sounds upset with someone. I wonder who that could be.

I kept wondering that as I heard repetitive booming noises. Repeatedly getting louder. And closer to me. 

Oh no.

It's the final boss. 

Finally, a wall to my right explodes and a tall, muscled, scarred man is standing in the rubble. He's huge. I believe the term is musclebound? He ain't carrying weapons, but let me tell you, I don't think he needs them. 

Scary.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Damn, this is scary. "You think you can mess with my boys, and get away with it! You've got another thing coming! I'll smash your fucking head open, you son of a--!"

"Catch!" 

Why was I worried? It's the king of the land of small fries. Only small fries and cannon fodder talk like that. He got cut a little short as he was forced to dodge the daggers I started throwing at him. Unfortunately, not literally. Like hell I'm going to listen to this idiot monologuing. It's cliche. I'd rather kill first, and ask questions later. 

"Pile, DRIVER!!!" He calls out some dramatic name, and his hands start to glow. He sounds like more of a protagonist than me right now.

He rushes in from the front, extending his fist.

I wrap my hand in magic power, and I catch the fist with my hand.

"Huh?" He's confused by this development.

Wait a second.

I just caught that with one hand.

Aren't I just as scary as him?

Well, he's fucked.

I break his hand in my grip.

"FUUUUUUU--" He's back to shouting again, so I gave him a gift. He was kind enough to do the same to me. I punched him in the face. He stumbled back a few steps before I punched him again.

Stay down, fucker. 

He's not learning his lesson.

"You... Who are you?" Yes, the dramatic question you expect to hear when doing epic shit. Time to use an equally dramatic answer.

"Jim." Fake names, for the win.

"YOUR APPRAISAL SAYS SIMON!" 

"Then why did you ask?" I punch him again as punishment for a dumb question.

"I meant--" I cut him off with another punch. Just shut the fuck up there, sonny. We don't want too many cliches to happen at once. 

I keep beating him up and then some. His face has increased in size from the bruises.

Huh. It's getting kind of hot in here.

I turn around.

Oh, shit.

I forgot about the fire. 

Time to get the hell out of here.

Status.

Name:	Simon Harmes	Vitality	226	Mana Capacity	286
Race:	Human	Strength	226	Intellect	245
Age:	16	Agility	235	Wisdom	245
Level:	30	Constitution	226	Perception	265
Titles:			Affinities:
Blessed By God (L)			Water
Hated By An Archangel (U)			Light
Automaton's Friend (R)			Darkness
Archenemy of Silver Leaf (R)			Poison
B****** (S)			Lightning
			Space-Time

 

Skills: Level: The Chaos of a Joker (U) NA Language Comprehension (R)  NA Presence Erasure (R)  4 Dagger Mastery (R) 2 Electricity Resistance (S) 2 Stealing (S) 4 Dissection (S) 2 Short Sword Skill (S) 2 Cooking (C) 8 Poison Resistance (C) 5 Dashing (C) 5 Dual Wielding (C) 2 Unarmed Fighting (C) 1

Magic: Level: Instant Cast (U)  NA Taint Magic (U) 2 Item Storage (R)  MAX Attribute Fusion (R) MAX Magnetism Magic (R) 2 Non-Attributed Magic (S) 9 Water Magic (S) 7 Darkness Magic (S) 5 Mana Scanning (S) 5 Body Strengthening (S) 5 Light Magic (S) 3 Appraisal (C) 5

I love my new titles. I'm glad the world knows exactly the kind of person I am. 

Fuck, why am I focusing on this!?

GOTTA RUN!