Me and Otto got caught.

I couldn't fight, Otto had a spear pointed at him, and the world decided, right at that moment, that two guards that were coming back from a break would wind up behind us.

Yeah. 

This was another one of those not very well thought out plans. 

So, after a lot of shouting between me and the guards, close calls of them almost killing Otto once they saw he was an automaton (I really don't want to get into it, it was a huge fucking hassle), with me saying that he's harmless (mostly), and a lot, and I mean a lot of swearing on both sides, Otto and I have been brought into the guards post to sit in an interrogation room.

I say sit, but I'm lying on the floor, and Otto is the only one sitting. The guards in the room took the other chairs. Fuck.

Otto is still doing the silent treatment, so there's no point to me lying on the floor, as I'm the only one who'll talk, but I think the guards are just getting a kick out of it. 

Funny. I would be laughing my ass off right now if I wasn't sure that it would be painful.

Still not recovered. I don't get why I don't get a miraculous recovery like other heroes. 

Right, I need to find a healer girl for the party. Not sure if she'll be able to help Otto, but Otto is fucking invincible enough already. I don't think anyone would be able to kill him unless they smashed him apart, and considering he's made of metal, that's going to be really fucking tough.

So, first getting out of the guard house, and then finding a healer girl. Maybe. Honestly, I don't fucking know how I'm going to get out of here, but I'm hoping that I'll somehow recover enough to escape.

Actually, my mana has almost fully recovered. I'm not entirely sure why, but it's been pretty fast, considering how much I used. 

But then I decided to use mana scanning on myself.

And wow.

There is something seriously wrong with my body.

My body is slowly absorbing mana from around me. Before, my mana would slowly regenerate from within, but now my body is naturally drawing on the mana from around me. Looking around, the guards here don't do the same thing. 

That does not bode well for me. 

I've come to the conclusion to never try drawing mana into my body from around me again if I want to not die or turn into a horrific monster. Otherwise, I get the feeling that ??? percentage is going to soar. It might already be rising if my body is just drawing in mana. 

I hope not.

Maybe I'll lose my sanity or something. That sounds like an edgy isekai protagonist, losing his mind and his body, trying and save the world, while avenging his loved ones--

And, I'm off topic again.

Back to the guards. 

One word for these fellas.

Assholes.

Unless you want to make it into ass holes, but I like counting it as one word. Swearing is an art, and I'll be damned if I don't do my motherfucking art justice. 

There are three in the room. One by the door, and two at the table. The one by the door is standing, arms folded, looking like a cool bastard. The other two are pretty casual, and they're the ones actually doing the talking. 

The guy at the door, I think his name is Brofstag. Last name, I hope. The other two, I already forgot. They're probably not important anyways. Brofstag is fucking cool enough that I'll remember his name, so it's all good.

"Right. So, let me get this straight." Said a guard, one of two sitting in front of Otto. I've already answered a bunch of his questions to give him a rough idea of the story, so I guess he's trying to summarize it. "You wandered into the city with a monster, got into a fight with him, and then tried to sneak out of the city after causing a public disturbance."

"Pretty much." Like hell I'm going to tell him all the shit I've done. 

"Where were you staying while you were in Evergreen?"

Shit. 

"Trick question?" 

"Knock it off. Just answer the question."

"No, I meant it as in I have no fucking clue. You think someone like me manages to not get beaten up and wake up somewhere they don't know in the morning?"

"... I have no clue."

"That's not normal." The other guard at the table chimed in.

"Do I look like a normal person to you?" I say from my spot on the floor.

"Look, you haven't given us any real information."

"Look. I pissed a guy off. A lot of guys. So I got my ass kicked, and woke up in someone's basement, and escaped before they could beat me up more. That wasn't fun." I don't lie. I never lie.

Okay, I'm just realizing I need to be more smart. Think smart. I realized it after my last little encounter with the guards, but they're actually really fucking strong. Not like the bandits. But, it makes sense that the guards would be strong, as they would need to be stronger than everyone else to enforce public order.

So, I was thinking that this world may have more unexpected shit. I thought of what would be the worst thing for me to deal with.

Lie detection. Guilt detection.

That would be fucking annoying if it exists, and I'm not taking a fucking chance. The guards would be the exact kind of person you would expect to have those skills too.

From now on, I shall, by technicalities, tell no more lies. I will be a pillar of honesty within the community.

"So, would you happen to know how the fire in the noble district started?"

Ha. Haha.

Scheisse.

"I don't really know how the fire spread, but I imagine someone's gardener's are going to be fired. Bad choice of words, laid off."

"So, what do you know about how the fire started."

Time for a story. 

"As for how the fire started, I can guess some idiot did it. Maybe they were crazy, or maybe they did it with purpose. I saw the fire spreading when I was in the neighborhood, and it looked like the gardens extreme greenery worked as a kind of... bridge for the fire. Seriously, the gardeners should be blamed for the fire spreading that much." 

Technically, no lies. Lack of information, sure, but no lies.

Honestly, maybe I should be willing to lie more. After all, what I'm saying is pretty suspicious.

"What you're saying is, you don't know how the fire started, and the spread of the fire was due to gardens?"

"That is what I'm trying to say, yes."

Not a lie. I'm trying to say that without lying. Trying. That's the key thing here.

"... Clever guy." The guard standing by the door said.

"What?" Uh oh. 

"He knows we have lie detection, so he's not answering anything directly. Not giving yes or not answers. Cleverly giving information that is true but suggests something else." He points at the two at the table. "You two are a little wet behind the ears, so I can get you not really knowing how to use the skill properly. Next time, be more direct, and ask for more specific answers, like yes or no, before moving on."

Oh my god, I got it right.

Oh my god, he got it right.

Oh my god, I may be screwed.

"But you know what tipped me off?" He smiled. "There wasn't one lie. You told way too many truths. You try to sound hesitant, but you stayed honest the entire time, even when you're as shady as you are."

I was right.

I am screwed.

"Anyways," The guard looks over to me on the floor. Hi. "Did you, or did you not, cause the fire in the noble district."

"... It wasn't supposed to do this much." I admitted. "The goal was to burn one room, not a fuck ton of mansions. Yes, I was the cause, but I wasn't lying when I said the gardeners must have conspired or something. A fire shouldn't spread that easily between mansions."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "You did cause this?"

"Probably. I lit a room on fire when trying to flee from SilverLeaf, and then the fire spread."

"SilverLeaf?" Oh yeah, I forgot to mention them.

"Yeah, they were the guys who I pissed off. They beat me up, dragged me to some place in the noble district, and I broke out."

There was a pause in the room.

One of the two at the table said, "Yeah, we'll need the captain for this one." before standing up from where he was sitting. He walked over to the guard by the door, who let him pass, and was gone.

"... Uhhhhhh..." I think I stepped into something important. 

Well, I don't know, Simon. Do you think that a drug cartel with bases all over a city is a bit important? No? Do you have shit for brains?

Fair enough, Simon. 

"...  I did something important?" I asked, like it wasn't fucking obvious.

"Do you think that being caught by the largest crime organization on this side of the country is important?" 

"I meant the question as a 'how did I do something important.'"

"You destroyed the one of the bases of SilverLeaf, and at the same time, burned down multiple mansions. I... I honestly have no idea what to do about you."

"Well..." It barely takes a second for me to think of it. "You could put me in a chair instead of leaving me on the floor."

The guard by the door sits down in the available chair. "Sorry, it's occupied. You just missed your timing."

See what I mean?

Assholes.

Everyone I meet is an asshole.

Everywhere I look, all I can find are assholes.

Even Otto can be an asshole. 

So, I've decided.

I'm just going to lay here on the ground and sleep like a rock.

And if the assholes have anything to say about it?

Fuck em.

* * *

The door slammed open and I'm jolted awake by the noise. I was having a dream. A good dream. Or not. I have no fucking clue what the fuck was up with the dream. There was ice and fire and wind and stone and--

FuCk ThE wHaT? I think my brain's been a little scrambled. My tongue tastes like... Actually, I don't have a fucking clue what it is. Tastes like somewhere between uncooked noodles and charcoal but with something else. Leaves? Bleh. 

"So, is what I'm hearing true? You destroyed a SilverLead base?" A new voice is calling out to me, but I'm too busy adjusting to the world to listen to him. Gimme a damn second, buddy.

"Yeah." Was all I could respond with from the floor.

Then, as I tried to roll over to face this new voice, I felt the kick to my stomach.

Ow. My already in intense pain--

Oh wait, I'm mostly better now. Except for the kick to the stomach.

Wait, why was I kicked?

"Ughhh..." Was the elegant response I gave to that.

Otto stood up from his chair, and I heard the shwing sound of swords being drawn. 

I can hear the immortal words of Admiral Ackbar going off in my head. These are not normal guards.

"Now, I've gotten a little bit of information on you. You hit, how many of our bases in one night? Eight or nine? It was impressive." I look up to see the guard's face.

He's blond, handsome, and is sneering down at me.

I want to punch him. I really want to punch him. Not for kicking me, he just has such a good looking face that it would make you want to hit the guy. The sneer doesn't help that feeling.

After kicking me, I won't be satisfied with just a punch. This guy needs an ass kicking.

If only I could get off the fucking floor.

"Because of this mess, I'm in dire straits. How could I let so many enemies get into the city without noticing anything? My position is on the line, thanks to you and whoever you're working with." He kicked me again. 

Blerg.

Okay. He's working for SilverLeaf. So's everyone else in the room. 

Which means...

The guards in this city are scum.

Goddamnit.

Where there's one, there's bound to be more.

"We'll be able to tell if you're lying. So," The blond man pauses before lifting me up by the neck.

"Who do you work for?"

I feel something pressing on my mind. Something compelling me to answer. Words with power.

But it fails.

"Your mom." I manage to get out. Ayy, that's pretty lame. I couldn't think of anything better to say in the moment. 

The blond man smiles. Or, captain, maybe. I think he's the captain. Unless they actually used that as an excuse to leave.

"Oh, good. I was hoping that wouldn't work on you. This means we can use the other method."

Great. The other method.

"What the fuck is the other method?" I got a good punch to the face as a reward.

"Language. You'll see soon." He dropped me on the floor.

I hate that smirk more than his grimace. Don't act like a B grade villain and just tell me what you're going to do.

Wait, revealing the plan is exactly what a B grade villain does. So he's doing the right thing.

But he's just a guard captain. That seems pretty B grade to me. 

Hmmmm...

I'll just slap him with a B grade rating until I have something definite.

Soon, someone else entered the room. Someone stepped in afterwards, but I was too busy paying attention to the first to give them a second of notice.

It's the crazy one.

Agatha.

"Hello beautiful!" I greet her energetically. Piece of shit.

She responded by walking over and giving me a kick to the face.

Ow.

I'm getting kicked a lot today.

She looked down on me with a scary looking smile.

"It's him. Get the slave collar." 

Oh shit.