Kurt, Remy, Scott, Piotr, and I all go towards a more homey lookin' place in the school, the Dorms. The girls go off to the left through a door and us guys are stuck outside, with Jean's thoughts going into the fuzzy static. I guess she can't really reach out while she's in her dorm. Scott clears his throat.
"Okay, Creed, the girl's dorms are off limits to us."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it. We're on the right?" I thumb towards the door and Kurt opens it, there's even more doors but everyone seems to get real quiet again when I get to the one at the end of the hall. Scott continues.
"We all have our own dorm rooms, the bathrooms are our own. Mr. Logan comes to give announcements at the end of the day, inspections are done by me so try not to be too messy." he paces up and down the hallway, glaring at Kurt, then at me.
"Okay, Full Metal Jacket, we get it. You think you're in the military." I growl, with Kurt giggling and Piotr snorting, Remy almost gawping at me.
Scott snaps to attention, marching up to me, his six three frame up to my chest, "You wanna run that by me again, Creed?"
"You're only at war when Mr. Logan and the Professor tell you t'be. That gives ya no excuse to treat me like a goddamn soldier." I snarl, leaning down and smelling the fear on him,
"Yer scared I'll rip you up, right? That's why you're posturin' and preenin' like a damn peacock."
Scott glares back, "I am. You show up out of nowhere and have Mr. Logan eating right out of your hand, not only that but Jean too? What makes you so special, huh? What makes you the best thing since sliced bread?"
I don't cross my arms, don't growl, but somethin' about this makes me wanna dare him, "Look, Summers, you're basically fiending over what you've heard about my Dad. Not what I can do."
Scott scoffs and walks away as the bigger man. I sigh and turn towards my door. Openin' it with the key Remy passed me. There's a single twin sized bed, a desk, a chair and a lamp. The overhead light's nice but I just sit on the bed. Never had a solid home before. Always moving.
That was my life.
Always moving before I could get too attached. Diggin' out the only thing I had, always. A picture of my Mama. Long black hair and blue eyes, smiling for the picture an' all.
I jam it into the mirror, lookin' at myself an' down at the picture, "Mama… I miss ya." I find a small box an' open it. A round badge sits there, an X in the middle, Yellow n' Black. Wolverine's colors other than the blue.
Pinnin' it to my bomber jacket, there's a soft knock at my door. My claws spring outta my fingers an' I almost wanna tear my door outta it's hinges, Dad'd knock the same way. An' gut me that way. He couldn't have gotten through my friends already!
Calmin' my breath, I clear my throat, "Whoever's out there, right now's a bad time, buddy!" But there's no one there, not a single person. What the hell? Was I just hearing things? I go back to the bed and lay down, staring at the ceiling.
I don't want to go back to runnin', ever.
Lookin' in the mirror, I just see my father. Except my eyes, that's Mama. Messy blonde hair that reaches the center of my back, Sharp nail-claws. The height's his, the muscles are his. The fangs n' everything're his.
Except the eyes, like bright blue stars burnin' in the sky. A Moonchild. The lead in guitars an' all. King Crimson. Remy'd let me borrow his records.
"Now now, mon ami, here's the biggin'." he flips out some Johnny Cash, a man with wavy dark hair dressed all in black cradling a guitar like a baby. An' comin' outta the speakers is a voice that's bassy and rich. I could hear him singin', the deeper workings an' all.
"Which one's this?"
"Ring of Fire,"
"Ah. Why'd he fall in it?"
"That's love, Vic. Y'fall in love. Like me an' Anna Marie." he smiles, "Or you an' Miss Jean Grey?"
"What?! Naw! Naw, me an' Jean? Come on, not in a million years!" Smellin' lies never was good. But hey, she's happy with Scott an' I'm barely a person. Why am I on the defense? Why am I just…
My cheeks heat up and I look away from him, "She's… just a friend." Remy perks up and grins with his voice rising.
"Aww, y'do love her!"
"I barely know her, LeBeau." I look out the window, seeing her outside drawin' something, "It's for the best, you know it is."
"C'est la vie." Remy answers, "Such is life."
"She's the sun, I'm the moon." I huff, "An' don't compare it to Romeo an' Juliet. It's more about two people who're fucked up an' can't be together."
"Well, one guy and one perfect golden girl."
Mr. Cash sings about bein' sad in Folsom Prison. I close my eyes and listen. Imagining the man himself singing to convicts. Felons. Bad people who did bad things or good men who weren't bad at all. Remy's hand lands on my shoulder an' my arm moves, grabbing his wrist before he could land it.
"Bad move." I snarl.
"Look, it don't take a psychic gal t'tell me that you're hurt on the inside. Y'can't trust nobody. Well, you can trust me." I sniff, grunt at the truth and let go. He grins and gets out a pack of cards.
"Ya know how to play King's Corners?"
"Fuck no."
He and I spent the afternoon playing card games. That night, I lay wide awake, softly humming Folsom again, tryin' to read more 'a Moby Dick for class. That's when I smell brimstone an' Kurt stands there.
"Kurt, what're ya…?"
"Can I… stay with you?" he asks, yellow eyes downcast and tail whipping softly through the air, "I… I had a nightmare. A bad one." he shivers and I pat the empty space near me. He smiles and clambers into bed, his three fingers n' toes not botherin' me at all.
"So, what brings ya to my room instead'a Piotr's or Remy's?" I ask, "Is it 'cause I'm bigger n' one of 'em and twice as mean as the other?"
Kurt shakes his head, "No it's just… I wanted someone who'd tell me stories!"
"Stories? Ain't much but blood n' guts." I sigh, "Why not go to Mr. Logan?"
"He ran out. But you? You must've seen so much up there!" he exclaims, "Well, ran out of stories of Canada anyway!"
"Why Canada? Wouldn't you want anywhere else?"
"Well no." Kurt shrugs, "Just… have you seen Niagara Falls?!"
"No. I didn't stick in bigger cities near the border because that's where my Dad'd get me. Plus they're loud and smell like shit. If you're talking about the actual falls… no."
"What did you do?" he bounces a little.
"I survived. Did all I could and now I'm here with no idea how I got to it." I sit with a smile on my face, "It was hell, running from place to place followin' nothing but my gut. Earned money with odd jobs, that arena too."
"Was it good money?"
"No. It wasn't." I look down at my hands, "I actually hurt people. Killed 'em. They… well. It wasn't like surviving." I close my eyes and smile.
"But I won't hurt you guys. That's a promise." I say, with Kurt nodding and listening to some more to the times I can tell him about without the bad memories. Maybe about how some guys called me Little Rambo?
But he's already startin' to nod off, "You're not as bad… haaah… as you think you are." he yawns, and I stand up, hoistin' him into my arms an' carrying him out of my room.
"Victor…?" he mumbles.
"Yeah?"
"Why'd you come back?"
I open his door, bumping it out of my way with my hip, "Dunno. Just felt like it." I lay him down and tuck him in. It's not that he minded, he asked me for stories and I figured he wanted some help gettin' to bed. His tail wiggles below him as he shifts to his stomach. I wait at the door.
"Kurt, have a good night."
"I will, thank you!" he exclaims. I smile and shut the door behind me with a soft click. As I move out to the common room to think, there's Summers. He's watching the Giants game and leanin' against the back of the couch.
"Football, huh?" I ask, sitting down next to him, "Never really sat down an' watched a game."
"Hmph." he grunts, still watching.
"The fuck's your damage, Summers?" I ask, "Ever since I showed up it's like you got a stick the size of a sequoia jammed up your asshole."
He looks at me from behind his glasses, red quartz lenses block his rays. So he's okay. He looks back at the screen.
"You're scared, aren'tcha?" I guess, "Scared that I'll end up outshinin' you?"
"Yes." he says, "You just show up and everyone's eating out of your hands."
"If you think I'm here as a mole you're stupid as hell, the only reason why I'm here is 'cause I don't wanna run anymore. I don't have a big family like you or had a stable life like Jean. So if you're scared a' me stealin' her…"
His visor whines, "I'm not scared of you, I'm scared of what you CAN do. You're unknown even to the Professor."
"Maybe that's for the best. I'm not showin' what hurts." I look at the screen, "I'm not here to steal Jean from you, that's up to her. An' whatever bullshit you got with me ain't with me, it's with you." his heart rate picks up and I rise.
"Well, goodnight Scott." I turn towards our rooms, "Don't worry about a thing,"
When I get into mine, I take off my jacket and my shirt, my ears picking up on everyone. Jean's thoughts gently seep into my head. Vague feelings, some lasting memories, it's like a mental highway. Mine go on the other end. Sleepless nights of wondering if I'm gonna die, thoughts of surviving swirl through my mind like a tornado. I can't sleep. There's somethin' still in me nagging the hell out of my brain. So I get outta bed an' wander out into the common room.
I can't ever sleep right when I've had a good day. I can't trust it. I'll never trust it. The silver light of the moon shines into the wide windows, the wider room filters in the moonlight and I take up the phone Remy had passed me earlier with the music I liked. Before I could, somethin' makes my ears prick up. Lookin' around, I can't be smellin the blood n' adamantium stink of my Dad, could I? Then it floods everything, the cold lash of the air whipping into my face.
Then the hot pain tears through my belly, blood flooding through me. Claws lash out, tearing into whoever was there in the darkness, but then… I snap awake. Jean's holding out her hand an' I'm floating in the air.
"Wha?" I mumble.
"You were having a nightmare." she says, there's a soft scent of blood in the air, and I notice a scrape from somethin' an' that my door was wide open. Did I try to run? Or did I…? I start after her.
"Jean, hey. I'm sorry."
"I know you are. But let's solve this." she huffs and sits in the chair across from me, gently grabbing my hands, my claws slide back, my grip tightens. My breath comes out short, but then… there's peace.
We're in a clearing, the stars shinin' down from the night like messengers. The moon shinin' down like daytime an' the night being as cool as all it can be. Her hair billows red an' orange like fire.
"Where are we?" she asks.
"This… well, this is my brain." I look around, "There's n'where to go."
I look at her, "I'm hurt. An' I hurt. I'm the one sacrifcin' and givin' away everythin' I ever had!" tears sting my eyes, "This life keeps taking n' taking!"
"It's only a matter a' time before I lose all y'all!" I roar, "You saw it! You saw it, back with the people I tore through, the bodies I piled!" the flames throw wild shadows around like scatterin' birds.
"Every part a' me… I'm scared. I'm so fuckin' scared." staring at her, past her, at a shadow. Jean scooches closer.
"You're safe."
"That's what scares me, Jean." my knees curl to my chest, "I dunno what the fuck I was born for."
Closing my eyes, "I don't… want to hurt people."
Jean lays her hand on my shoulder, and tears sting my eyes, the memories howl and run around us, like wolves and bears, hawks and eagles. All of them swirl and the shadow comes closer.
"I don't know why I hurt people."
"It's okay, Victor." she says, "I'm here. Everyone's here, and everything's okay." Tree branches snap, the cold deepens around us.
Blood fills my nostrils, he's coming. But also in the air I smell something deeper down than the blood and guts stink. Ash. Flame. Jean rises, her hair billowing around her face like fire. My father's beastly form crashes into the clearing as Jean looks at him almost like she's seen it all.
My claws extend, "Jean, run!" I snarl but as my image of Sabretooth closes in there's a moment where I hear a cry of something beyond everything I know.
Jean's at the center of it all. All that's spoken is her voice soft and crackling with the intensity of the fire 'round her.
"Fall." Her eyes glow with the light of blazing eternity, and Sabretooth is blasted so far away that my eyes can't even keep up. It made a ripping sound like tearing paper from a book the size of a planet. The flame leaves as quickly as it got here.
She lands, her hair settling and woozy as all hell falling into my arms. What in the hell was that? Her eyes flutter open and she smiles up at me.
"Nice catch, Victor." she says like she didn't just toss the whole blamed doll of my father across my entire brain!
"What the actual FUCK was that, Jean?!" I yell, "Holy god, what the fuck…?"
She gently reaches up, hands still a little hot from the weird firebird thing, "That's my real power, Victor. At least what I can do with it right now."
"So it's gone?"
"No, more like stopped for now."
When we come to, there's a feelin' in me I've never felt. It ain't peace, but… warmth. From inside. Not out, like a fire. But Jean fits just right in my arms, closin' her eyes and passin' out. I loop m'arms loose around her.
I don't move, the soft breathin' of my friend singing through my ears. At that I let my eyes close, I let it all go and finally I fall asleep. Letting my guard down was never easy. But there's nothing keepin' me up anymore. In the dark of sleep, the warmth of Jean's still pooled in my arms, the soft scent of her wafting through my senses. It's warm and thick, but has that sharp tinge of cosmic ash. But it feels like it's so far away.
Waking up was harder than usual. A'course there's always that idea that I shoulda never done it. In the mornin' light, Jean and I end up unfolding ourselves from each other. Cheeks hot an' tryin' hard not to talk.
So we don't, just acting normal. Everyone doesn't know about the whole nightmare thing, or the fact that there's this burning bird thing that Jean's got. At least as far as I know. Jean looks at me, just for a moment, and there's a slight thought between us that it's just something we agreed on.
Never tell anyone about that, or this. Ever.
